by Judy Baer
“I spent some time with Eddie while you were busy this afternoon. Eddie tells me Sam is a big-time believer and that Sam’s faith is what makes him like he is. He told Eddie that until he was right with God inside, there was no use changing his looks or having surgery to repair what boxing did to him. And now that he is, he doesn’t feel the need to do more. Cool, huh?”
Cool, indeed.
Lord, you’ve gathered us all together for a purpose. Me, Pete, Eddie, Kristy, Maggie, the other contestants, Sam…and even Frank although I can’t imagine why. What is going on? I felt Your leading to accept this job and now I have no idea what to do with it. I’m on the underside of this weaving, Lord, and it just looks like a bunch of tangled knots to me.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“Did somebody die or did you just win the Kentucky Derby?” Pete stared at the bouquet on my kitchen table. It was a lavish mix of red, yellow, peach and white roses, extravagant lilies and lush greens. He picked up the card that I had propped on the cut-crystal vase. Thanks for listening. Jack.
He whistled through his teeth. “You must be quite a listener. Do you know how much roses are going for these days?”
“Been sending lots of roses yourself lately, have you, Pete?”
He flushed to the roots of his hair.
So he is trying to romance Kristy Bessett back into his life. Score one for me.
“No fair,” he whined.
“I’m glad. I like her. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because if I’m going to fall on my face I want to do it in private, thank you very much. And don’t change the subject. These are your flowers.”
“No, this is the subject. I want to hear about Kristy.”
Pete made a face at me and left.
I changed into pencil-thin leggings and a long flowing tunic, fluffed my hair and applied some lipstick. Then I picked up my briefcase and headed for the Harmon house.
Butterflies, they’re everywhere.
“Why are cocoons so ugly and butterflies so beautiful?” Ben asked as he stared at the colored photos I’d given him.
“We’ll cover that tomorrow. Tonight you can read up on butterflies in this book.”
“I’d rather you just told me.”
“I’m sure you would, but you wouldn’t learn everything you needed to know if I did that. Sometimes you have to struggle a little for something good to come out of it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Take the butterfly, for example. It struggles to make its way out of its cocoon, but when it does, see how lovely it is?”
“It would be just as pretty if we helped it out,” Ben maintained. “And I’d be just as smart if you told me the answers and I didn’t have to read them.”
“That’s not quite true. If someone ‘helps’ a butterfly by releasing it from its cocoon and doesn’t allow it to work its way out by itself, it might not be able to stretch out its wings properly to dry. Unless it does its own work, it is weak and misshapen and will die.”
Just like all of us, I mused, especially like Maggie, who wants quick answers to difficult questions.
Jack met me as I came out of Ben’s room. “I think you’re going to make him into a biologist yet.”
“I love your little boy, Jack. He is a bright spot in my day. Are you considering sending him back to school soon?”
“Neither of us wants you to quit coming to the house, Quinn. Ben told me that he thinks it would be ‘just great’ if you were his full-time teacher.”
“He needs the socialization. If he’s feeling well enough he should—”
Jack stopped in the middle of the hallway and looked down into my eyes, a very pleasant sensation for a tall woman. “Our lives are different since you started coming here.”
“I’m surprised you don’t want to get rid of me before I cause any more havoc.”
“I don’t think we’ll ever want to do that.”
Unexpectedly, Jack bent his head and tenderly brushed my lips with his.
We both froze, paralyzed by what had just happened.
“I’m sorry, Quinn. I didn’t plan to…I don’t know what came over me. I forgot myself for a moment.”
What he really meant to say, I realized, was that during the impulsive kiss, he had forgotten Emily.
I followed Jack into the kitchen to gather my things. Without speaking, I picked up my purse and sweater.
“Quinn, I don’t know what to say.”
Jack looked so worried that I burst out laughing. “You didn’t kick my crutches out from under me, you know? You did something wonderful.”
“Wonderful? You’re too kind. I’m a little out of practice.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “Sit down. I’d like to talk to you.”
“Jack, it’s fine. Like I said, it was nice. Sweet. Flattering.”
He raked his fingers through his hair. “Then what’s wrong with me? Why do I feel like I just betrayed my wife?”
“You know on one level that it is time to move on,” I offered gently, “but you’re not sure how to begin—or even if you want to.”
“Losing Emily was like losing a limb, Quinn. I’m plagued with phantom pain. Like the nerves in a severed foot that still send pain signals to the brain, my marriage still feels real.”
He stared at me as if willing me to understand. “Emily’s passing is like an amputation. I’ll never get over it and I’m reminded of what’s missing every day.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Life is growing more complex by the day.
Maggie is on a whirlwind tour of beauty consultants, plastic surgeons and cosmetic dentists with Frank, Sam Waters and a cameraman. Sam must be as nice a guy as Pete said because Maggie came home three days in a row quoting something Sam had said while they were together. I was beginning to like Sam more and more even though I wasn’t the one spending time with him. Maggie has also been sworn to secrecy by Frank, because I am supposed to pry the details of that out of her when she and I tape our interviews. Much to my relief she has quit mentioning Randy and her unrequited love for him. It’s as if he’s been erased from the chalkboard of her life.
Pete moons around like a lovesick calf because Kristy does not return his calls. I alternately tell him it serves him right for dumping her so unceremoniously and give him hints for trying to win her back. So far nothing has worked. Kristy is one determined woman. She’d be perfect for Pete. Too bad she can’t stand the ground he walks on.
Ben is doing fabulously and is ready to go back to school full-time. It’s just as well. I’ve been thinking about Jack and the kiss we shared far too much. When I told Pete and Maggie, they weren’t nearly as surprised about it as I thought they’d be.
“Sometimes the one involved is the last to know,” Pete said mysteriously as we brooded over a family-sized pizza and a pitcher of root beer in our favorite pizza joint. Maggie, in the name of dieting, had eaten only the toppings off her share, leaving the crusts for Pete to finish off.
“You should know,” Maggie commented dourly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Pete appeared indignant.
“What do you both mean?” I looked from Pete to Maggie and back again. “Am I the only one who doesn’t know what this conversation is about?”
“Clueless, clueless, clueless. You and Pete haven’t got a clue about your own love lives.” Maggie stole a piece of my Canadian bacon. “Pete, you are so in love with Kristy that it has turned you into a bowl of mush.”
“Has not.”
“Has too.” Maggie stole a piece of pineapple to go with her bacon. “And you! You don’t even realize it, but half the time when you’re talking about Pete or Eddie you are saying Jack’s name instead.”
“Am not!”
“Are too.”
“Aren’t you the psychologist today?” Pete grumped. He grabbed my toppingless crust before I even got a bite of it. “Physician heal thyself.”
“I am. That’s why I’m on Chrysalis. Besides, I’m so
over Randy.” Maggie flipped her hair away from her face and I saw a bit of the old Maggie, the carefree one. “He’s yesterday’s news. Last week’s news. Last year’s news!”
“You got yourself into this Chrysalis nonsense because you thought you weren’t pretty enough for Randy,” Pete said. “Now you can get off the show before Frank gets a chance to have someone carve you up and put you together backward for ratings.”
Then Pete made me the bug under his microscope. “And you are in some dreamy altered state most of the time because of Jack Harmon. He’s everything you want in a man—except available.”
“That’s ridiculous!”
“You are so preoccupied that you don’t even hear me talk sometimes.” Maggie eyed me speculatively. If that’s not a sign that you’re falling for Jack Harmon, I don’t know what is.”
“Jack will never have another relationship. No living woman can compete with the pedestal on which he’s put his former wife. In Jack’s mind, Emily is perfect and will be for infinity. Even if he were interested in me—and he’s not—I couldn’t live up to her memory.”
I felt a crushing heaviness on my chest and put my head in my hands. “You guys are messing with my mind. I’m so mixed up.”
“Join the crowd.” Pete swilled down the last of his soda. “Since it’s apparent to everyone else, I guess I’d better accept it. I am crazy about Kristy and I’m furious with myself. I’ve tried to make it up to her that I was a jerk, but she is completely unresponsive. It’s like trying to melt stone.” His voice softened. “A beautiful, mysterious, gentle, sweet, amazing stone.”
“If that’s not love I don’t know what is,” Maggie said smugly. “I told you guys you were clueless about your own feelings.”
“That’s the pot calling the kettle black.” Pete turned on her.
“I don’t know what you mean.” Maggie drew her shoulders back and looked at him haughtily. “I have simply put Randy behind me, that is all.”
“So who is it?” The words came out of my mouth unbidden.
“What makes you think that there has to be someone else on my radar in order for me to get over Randy?”
“It’s your modus operandi, Maggie. Have you ever quit obsessing about one guy until you’ve spotted another?”
“Am I so insecure that you think I can’t go it alone?”
Pete and I nodded vehemently and Maggie threw up her hands. “Okay, so I am insecure. I can’t hide that from anyone now that I was fool enough to become a contestant on Chrysalis.”
Pete and I both jumped on that. “Fool?” we chimed.
Maggie clamped her lips together like a vise. “I’m not saying another word. Frank would have my scalp if he knew I was talking to Quinn about this. Don’t ask me anymore.”
“But you didn’t promise anyone you wouldn’t talk about Randy or why you lost interest in him,” Pete pointed out. “Who is it, Mags? Who’s the new guy?”
She reddened to the roots of her hair. “I won’t say.”
“Why not?”
“Because it is crazy. I don’t understand the attraction myself and it won’t last.” Maggie looked truly baffled. “He’s no one I ever expected to care about.”
Much to my and Pete’s dismay, that’s the last she would say on the subject.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“Thanks for letting me come along. My boredom quotient is off the charts today.” Maggie tilted her seat back and Dash, in the backseat of my car, licked her forehead before poking his black gumdrop nose out the partially open car window again.
“No problem. I’ll just drop this workbook off with Ben Harmon and then we’ll have lunch.”
“So I’m finally going to meet this little boy you talk about…and his father.”
“Don’t get your hopes up. If they aren’t there, I’ll leave the book by the entry.”
“They’d better be there. I’ve got to meet this man…er…child for myself.”
Sometimes no comment is the wisest answer.
Maggie was in luck. Jack’s van was in the driveway. Ben had the door open and was digging through the cubbyhole on the passenger side. When we drove up and he saw it was me, his eyes lit and a delighted grin spread over his features.
As I got out of the car he threw his arms around my waist. “I didn’t know we had school today!”
“We don’t. It’s Saturday. I brought you that book I promised to you.”
Ben’s gaze moved to Maggie. “Hi, I’m Ben.”
“Hi, I’m Quinn’s friend, Maggie.”
He solemnly shook her hand as if it were the most important thing he’d ever done. “I’m glad to meet you, Maggie.”
I watched my friend begin to melt. Ben has that effect on people.
“Is your dad around?”
“He’s on the phone.” He wrinkled his nose. “He’s been on it all morning.”
Ben turned to Maggie and held out his hand. “Want to see my room?”
She looked at me nonplussed.
“Sure,” I answered for her. “I’ll go with you. You have to see Ben’s volcano.”
“I’ll blow it up for you, Maggie. It’s cool.”
We followed Ben to his room, a veritable museum of delights for ten-year-old boys. There was something new since I’d been here last. Paper butterflies drifted lazily from the ceiling.
“Dad got me a book of butterflies. I colored them and he hung them up. I like butterflies.” Ben took Maggie by the hand and pulled her toward his volcano. “Quinn helped us with this. Dad and I were making a big mess and…”
I heard Jack come up the stairs and slipped out of the room to meet him.
“Hi, did you bring the book?” he greeted me. His hair was tousled, his jeans and rumpled sweatshirt appeared to have spent the night on the bedroom floor and his feet were bare. On him, it’s a look I like.
“I left it on the table downstairs. Ben insisted Maggie see his room.”
“That might take a while. Come on. I’ve got coffee on.” He touched my elbow and steered me toward the kitchen.
There, he stared at me like a hungry man looking at an apple pie. “It’s been too long since I last saw you, Quinn.”
I stopped myself from saying it hadn’t been all that long. It was nice to have been missed.
There, Jack absently put some small lumps of dough on the table with a butter dish and some knives.
“The Food Channel failed me,” he said by way of apology. “I think if there are any left I’ll have enough hockey pucks to take me through the winter.”
I took one of the lumps and broke it open. “It’s not the Food Channel that failed you. It was the yeast. It must have been old.”
“Yeast gets old?” He sounded surprised. “Nobody on the Food Channel told me that.”
“Are we interrupting your plans for the morning?”
“No. Sometimes I lift weights or play basketball at the gym if Ben’s got something to do. Otherwise we just hang out.”
“You sound a little down in the mouth today.” I surprised myself with that bit of honesty. “Sad.”
He didn’t seem taken aback by my comment. “Sad? I don’t know. Regretful? Maybe. Angry? Sometimes.”
“It’s hard for you that Ben can’t share in physical activities with you.”
“Ironic, isn’t it? Sports have always been a huge part of my life. They’ve been my sanity, sometimes. Yet Ben will never experience it as I have.”
He looked pensive. “Even though he’s the one with the ‘condition’ he is, in many ways, healthier than the rest of us. Sometimes I wonder who is taking care of whom around here.”
Ben and Maggie entered the kitchen holding hands. Ben chattered happily but Maggie looked bewildered and perplexed, as if she’d just seen or heard something that had shaken her.
“Mags?”
“She really likes my room, Quinn. We talked about butterflies.” He pulled on Maggie’s hand. “Right?”
She nodded but still looked numb.
Oblivious, Ben turned to his father. “Maggie says that Quinn likes flea markets.”
“She does, does she?” Jack looked amused and reached to shake Maggie’s hand.
“And she goes to them on Saturdays.”
“And the point is?” Jack got up and poured Maggie some coffee.
“That you should take her.”
The room grew suddenly still.
“Ben, I don’t think it’s appropriate that you make plans for Quinn.”
“She’d like it.” Ben spun to face me. “Wouldn’t you?”
“I…ah…well…”
“See? She didn’t say no.”
Ben turned to me. The innocence in his expression pulled at my heart. “I can go to Nathan’s. Nathan’s mom says Dad needs to get out more. Will you take him out?”
He was looking out for his dad again.
“She’d love to.” We all turned to look at Maggie who’d roused herself from her daze long enough to join forces with Ben. “Pick her up at one.”
“What did you do that for?” I demanded when we were back in the car, away from Ben’s pleased gloat and Jack’s bemused expression. “You two set us up on a date without even asking!”
“You’ll never do it on your own. You wouldn’t ask him out and Jack’s obviously paralyzed by his own memories. Somebody has to set a fire under you. Otherwise you’ll never wake up and see that you’re falling in love with him.”
“Now your fantasies have gone too far.”
“Have they?” Maggie eyed me speculatively and I felt a strange burning blush working its way through my body.
“Did you plan this nonsense while you were examining Ben’s butterflies?”
“No. I just saw where Ben was going and jumped on board. That is one amazing little kid. He’s a lesson to the rest of us about how to approach life, that’s for sure.”
“What do you mean?”
Maggie frowned. “I’m not sure yet.”
After that odd answer she grew quiet and we drove the rest of the way home in silence.
At one o’clock I found myself staring out the window, wondering if Jack would actually show up. Jack and I had parted in a haze of embarrassment and I had no idea if he’d taken his son seriously. I’d be shocked if he came and disappointed if he didn’t.
