by Chele Cooke
Georgianna stared up at him. “Why did you even ask me to come here?”
He met her gaze. “I thought I could make you see sense. I thought maybe you’d agree to come back, that you could make a different choice.”
“Everything is different now. I can’t come back and you know it. I’ve dealt with my choice, Keiran. You should, too.”
Keiran sighed and nodded. Despite having avoided her gaze so often since arriving, now he seemed unable to look away from her face, memorising every inch. “I thought I loved you. But I guess it’s just one of the things that’s different, right?”
He turned away, rolled his shoulders back, straightened his collar. He yanked the door open, walking headlong into the storm.
Georgianna watched his shadow disappear through the window.
I thought I loved you, too.
She gathered up the blanket from the floor and placed it against the wall. She picked up the map, dislodging the stone. Since they’d been forced out from beneath the shield by the Colvohan, they’d been short on supplies. She’d search the house, see what else had been left behind by those Veniche the Cahlven had so easily displaced.
And then she’d return to her real home.
Georgianna trudged along the slim tunnel that used to lead in to the centre of the city. Most of the main lines had been blocked when they’d set off the Mykahnol, or were too damaged from the Adveni fire attacks when the Belsa had left Adlai at the end of the heat. But some of these smaller channels were still useable, up to where the shield had pierced through the earth.
She found the oil lamp where she had left it that morning. She lit it, and held it out in front of her, jogging the rest of the way. Her entire body ached, but the others would already be worried she had been gone too long. The sooner she got back, the better.
Georgianna rounded the corner, and stopped in her tracks at the sight of three guns aimed at her face, poking from the doorway of an old train car.
“It’s me,” she said. “I’m back.”
As she came closer, she could see Dhiren’s face smirking down at her as he tucked his gun away. Alec tossed both of his weapons aside and returned to his seat. Dhiren reached down, plucked the lamp from her hand and took hold of her wrist, helping her up into their makeshift home. The moment she was inside, he let go, and rubbed his hand against his shirt, leaving a wet smear.
Georgianna slipped the bag from her shoulder and shrugged off her coat, hanging it, dripping, from the edge of the doorway.
“What happened?” Alec said.
Georgianna slumped down onto her bed. “He’s wearing a Cahlven uniform now.”
“I’m sure it’s laundry day,” Dhiren said. “But I think Alec meant…” He waved a hand at Georgianna’s arm.
“Oh.” Georgianna shook her head. “I caught a tail in the Oprust. Swapped him for a new copaq in the Trade Inn, though.”
She tugged the weapon from the back of her trousers and tossed it over to Dhiren, who grinned as he gave it a cursory examination and added it to the pile.
“So…” Alec cast a sceptical eye over Georgianna’s arm. “You went, then?”
“Yeah. I told you he sent the message.”
Alec scratched his head.
Dhiren snorted. “Sneaky bastard.” He laughed. “Cahlven uniform, you say?”
“Beck’s still alive,” Georgianna said quickly, before they could get into a discussion about Keiran’s wardrobe. “Though the Cahlven are planning something. Ten days from now in the Rion District. He thinks Beck will be there.”
“He was able to tell you all that?” Alec said. “I thought Olless was watching his every move.”
“She is. Well, listening in, at least. I don’t know what they can see. They’ve fitted him with some kind of eavesdropping device. A condition of his place there.”
“Ah, so it was another lover’s quarrel, then?” Dhiren reached across the gap and snatched the bag from the bottom of her bed. He opened it up and peered inside, pulling out one of the Cahlven blankets with a grateful grin.
“Yeah.” Georgianna said. “I bet Olless loves hearing him blame me for what happened to Wrench.”
Dhiren glanced up from the contents of the bag and stared at her. Alec snatched the bag away and empty it onto the bed. He picked out the blankets and put them aside, then began rummaging. “What else did he say?”
Georgianna put on a sickly-sweet smile and leaned forwards, patting Alec’s knee. “He asked about you, darling. He worries I’m not looking after you both, keeping you out of trouble.” Her smile faded. “And about Maarqyn. I told him we hadn’t found him yet.”
Alec moved to the edge of the bed, solemn. “Are you sure he’s alright? They’re not onto him?”
Georgianna shook her head and sighed. She couldn’t go through this again. “Alec…”
“Hey, I’m not accusing, alright? You know Zanetti and I haven’t got the best history, but we all agreed that he was the most believable to stay.” He looked between them, narrowing his eyes. “I really was asking if he was alright.”
Georgianna pursed her lips and looked back at him. When his expression didn’t waver, she nodded. “He’s okay,” she said. “It’s hard, but he’s coping.”
“Yeah, look,” Dhiren said. “He even managed to score us dinner.” He pulled out a few foil-wrapped packets of food.
Georgianna laughed and got to her feet, smacking his knee as she passed. “I’ll go get Lacie and Jacob. They should be here before you devour the whole lot of it.”
“Can’t promise anything,” he called after her.
Georgianna jumped down from the train, and headed down the tunnel to the only other car they’d been able to salvage close by. One was far too cramped for five people. A lot of the time, it was too close for her comfort with just her, Dhiren, and Alec. She’d let Jacob and Lacie have the other car, knowing how close the two were, and how much they liked the quiet. Being around Dhiren and Alec all the time wasn’t peaceful, or quiet; the two were always planning something.
But as she walked down the tunnel, picking her way across the uneven ground in the dark, Georgianna wondered about Keiran’s return to the Cahlven ship. Had he been questioned about seeing her? Asked why she’d been under the shield in the first place? She wasn’t supposed to be able to get through; they had guards. It was only luck that they’d managed to find an unsecured section where the shield passed through one of the abandoned houses.
She wondered whether he was keeping himself safe, as he’d promised he would, or if he had been able to tell Beck what was happening and that Lacie was safe outside of the shield. Would it have been better if she’d told Lacie to stay, or that they didn’t want her here? No doubt Jacob would have stayed, as well. Two fewer mouths to feed out here would have made things easier, but she did like having them around, knowing how much danger they were all in.
Though Georgianna had told Alec and Dhiren that Keiran was coping, she wasn’t so sure. Nothing would loosen the knots in her stomach; he might be found out, and she wouldn’t see him again. She’d been trying to get used to it for two months, but she’d felt sick ever since they’d said goodbye.
Six, eight, ten.
Georgianna drew a line on the scrap of paper next to her thigh, dropping the pen beside her and counting out ten more copaq gel pellets. She dropped them into the bag with the rest, sifting through the box of bullets and pellets she’d emptied out of the weapons. It wasn’t fun work, but it did keep her mind busy, and it was better than sitting and staring at the walls while she waited for Dhiren and Alec to come back safely, if they came back at all.
She had only given up on voicing her worry, as she knew it would make no difference. If she pointed out her anxiety every time they left the relative safety of their little camp, they wouldn’t be able to eat, and she was sure that Dhiren would end up going stir crazy and shouting at the lot of them. He was bad enough to deal with after one day of being stuck underground. People weren’t meant to live in
tunnels, he claimed. They needed sky and space; all the things that had been missing from his time in Lyndbury Compound. Georgianna couldn’t blame him. Six weeks in that place had been more than enough for her. She couldn’t imagine being caged there for years.
And it wasn’t like any other situation would have been better. Before they had been banished from the Cahlven protection, Veniche had been expected to go on scouts with the Cahlven soldiers, showing them the lay of the land. The Cahlven uniforms were more likely to attract gunfire than anything, these days. Maybe Alec and Dhiren were safer, just the two of them.
It was lies, but she felt better for thinking them, especially when they were venturing into the Rion District with only a hint of an idea as to where Keiran had been pointing them to.
“What’s bothering you?”
Georgianna looked up, losing count of the pellets in her hand. “Sorry?”
Lacie stood with her back to the doorway, grasping the edge with both hands and pulling herself up to sit on the other side of the box of bullets. She ran her fingers through the pile. “You’re organising.”
“So?”
“So, you only do that when something’s bothering you.” Lacie glanced at her with a raised eyebrow. In that moment, she looked so much like her adoptive father, Beck, that Georgianna almost forgot that there was no blood between them.
“It needed doing,” she said, shrugging. “Where’s Jacob?”
Lacie began to pick out the smallest bullets, creating a small pile of them in one corner of the box.
“He went with Alec and Dhiren.”
Pellets bounced and rolled over the rocky floor outside the doorway. Georgianna stared at Lacie, mouth open.
“He what?”
“He went on the scout. Alec came by to say they were going, and Jake offered to go. They headed out—”
“I know when they headed out! Why… why would they take Jacob out with them?”
Lacie turned a bullet over and over in her slim fingers. “What’s the problem? Jacob’s been out on scouts with them before.”
“Not like this.”
“George. What’s wrong?”
Georgianna grimaced. “It’s just so dangerous. There are Adveni and Cahlven soldiers everywhere. I… I never… Suns, I never should have brought you two out here.”
“Why?”
“I wanted to keep you both safe, and thought this was best for that, but I was stupid. You should have stayed with the others.”
Lacie dropped the bullet back into the box and pushed it away, shifting closer to Georgianna. “That’s insane, George. You think we would have been safer with the Cahlven? Look at what they did to Beck.”
The girl watched the darkness with an intense concentration. She was barely a girl any more; she was a young woman. She had seen too much, been through too much, to be a child. She already looked years older than when they’d marched out from under the Cahlven shield, Lacie and Jacob hurrying behind them.
“Beck is still alive,” Georgianna said. “We will get him out of there, Lacie. I promise.”
Lacie nodded and gave a weak smile. She jumped down out of the doorway and picked up the lamp, crouching and gathering the pellets Georgianna had dropped. She paused and stared down at the ground. “Every time Jake goes out of the tunnels, I’m terrified he won’t come back, or that he will, but it’ll be too late to treat some injury. I find myself thinking of him being dragged away by Adveni, or by Cahlven. All the things I never said to him because I was too scared.”
Georgianna leaned forwards onto her knees and sighed. “Lacie…”
“It’s stupid. I mean, if I’m so scared of what happens when I don’t get to say these things, then I should just say them, right? I should tell him, because it’s like Beck. I didn’t get to tell him, and now I might not see him again. But then, Jacob comes back, and he’s fine, and I still don’t say things, because the fear of saying it is right there, and suddenly it’s the fear of not seeing him that feels stupid.”
“It’s not stupid.”
Lacie got to her feet, leaned over and dropped the pellets in the box. She propped her hands on her hips.
“But it’s part of being here. It’s part of being free. I can’t keep Jacob here. I wouldn’t. He deserves freedom, even if it’s the freedom to go somewhere dangerous.”
“It would be better if you were safe.”
“Yeah, it would, wouldn’t it?” Lacie laughed. “But I guess we don’t get that. Not unless we fight for it, right? And we want to fight. We want to help.”
“I know you do, but you shouldn’t have to. You and Jacob have been through enough.”
“And you haven’t? Alec hasn’t? Dhiren hasn’t?”
Lacie scowled. “That’s different.”
“No, it’s not. We chose to be here. We chose to fight just like you did. That’s what freedom is. Jacob and I… We lived under their fists. We had no choices, no actions that were all ours. Even after we got out, we still had to stay hidden away. It was like we weren’t even free. Everything had a place. Everyone had a place, and we had to fit. Now… well, I kind of like the chaos of it all. I can do anything, be anyone.”
Under the light of the oil lamp, Lacie glowed with the revelation of her freedom and what it meant to her. Her eyes were bright with ideas and possibilities. Georgianna wondered if she’d ever looked like that: so free and excited, despite the dangers.
“It’s like medicine,” Lacie said. “It’s chaotic and terrifying, but that’s why I love it. You have to change at a moment, and use whatever you can. Sure, there’s stuff you don’t know, and stuff you can’t fix, but you control the bits you know how to, and you do the best you can. It’s all anyone can do, right?”
Georgianna grinned at her. “When did you get so grown up, Lacie? You were this small, shy girl a minute ago. I was sure of it.”
Lacie shrugged. “Must have been all that time listening to Beck shouting at people, and giving reassuring talks to scared Belsa.”
Georgianna nodded. She reached out and pulled Lacie close, hugging her. There was a time when Lacie would have frozen and curled in on herself when anyone came close. Now, she returned the hug and held on to Georgianna, resting her forehead on her shoulder.
“We’ll get him back,” Georgianna said. “He can give us all a rousing speech and tell us we’re idiots.”
Lacie laughed and broke away. She climbed back up into the doorway, tugging the box of bullets back between them, and joined Georgianna with the organising.
Dhiren slid the knife in beneath the fur, sawing carefully back and forth as he moved along the body. Georgianna had seen her father do it many times before—skinning a rabbit, preparing it for eating.—but it was different watching Dhiren, knowing what else he could do with that knife. His quick and ruthless efficiency was formidable in a fight, but somehow creepy when it came to food.
Georgianna straightened her shirt and pulled the packets of herbs towards her, thumbing through them. The salve Dhiren had helped her apply to the nsiloq in her shoulder was doing its job, but it wouldn’t last long; it never did. She scratched at the top of her mark, sighed, and glanced over at the remaining packets of Adveni dried food Edtroka had packed for them. “He didn’t like those, did he?”
Dhiren glanced up just long enough to follow her gaze before returning to his work on the rabbit.
“Not particularly. But they weren’t made to be liked. They were made for an efficient delivery of necessary nutrients. Enough to keep a soldier going out in the wilderness.”
“How very scientific of them.”
“Did you expect anything less of a race who tell you what to do, who to be, who to screw?”
Georgianna rolled her eyes. “As romantic as ever, Dhiren.”
He grinned back. “I didn’t make the rules. I just… refused to follow them.”
Georgianna plucked out three herb packets from the selection. She opened each one in turn and pinched the powder into the small pot of bubbling
water. It wouldn’t be particularly good stew, but it would be enough to keep them out of those Adveni supplements for a day longer. They had been lucky that they’d caught the rabbit. Food was scarce, these days, and as they went further into the freeze, it would only get worse.
“How did you two—”
“Screw? You’re a medic, George, surely you know that bit.”
“Suns, no! I do not need to know about… Wow. No.”
Dhiren laughed as she shook her head, trying to get the image of Dhiren and Edtroka out of her head. They were both handsome men, but she didn’t need to know about their private life. Just like she was sure that Dhiren didn’t want to know about things she did with Keiran.
Of course, that was before Keiran had stayed with the Cahlven, and before Edtroka had sacrificed himself for them. Georgianna folded up the packets of spices, staring at them and willing herself not to look at Dhiren again.
“I was going to ask how you met. I mean, it can’t have been easy, admitting you liked each other. Deciding to go against those rules.”
He shrugged. “It wasn’t really a problem. After all, it’s not like either of us could get pregnant, so genetics wasn’t an issue for their rules.”
Despite herself, Georgianna chuckled. She stifled it.
Dhiren gave a yank on the fur, separating it from the meat. “It was a business arrangement at first. Like he made with Keiran. Only, the more time we spent together, the harder the rest was to deny.”
“Who made the first move?”
Georgianna grinned and glanced over at him. Both men were brave in the face of danger, but she had no idea how either would cope with the fear of rejection. She wished she’d known Edtroka better.
He paused for a long time, staring out past the ring of light created by their lamp and fire; out into the darkness, as if he was trying to look through memories. Georgianna returned to the search through their meagre supplies, looking for something that would turn the meal from rabbit water into some kind of stew.
“I don’t know,” he said at last. “It was a lot of little things. He grabbed my ass once. Said he tripped.” Dhiren smirked at the shadows before shaking off the memory. He carved through the meat down to the centre, cracking open the ribs. The breaking of small bones echoed off the walls and low ceiling. “Why do you ask?”
