Lex softened his voice. “Thea-bear, what’s this really about?” Honey-colored eyes glistened with tears and the sweet little bottom lip quivered. “Come on, baby, tell me.” Mere inches separated them; Lex could damn near taste the salt in her tears. Catching one with his thumb, Lex leaned forward and kissed away each teardrop as they fell.
Releasing a stuttering breath, she began, “I’m never included in the decisions that matter,” she admitted, and he knew her words to be fact. Fitting her face in the crook of his neck, she sobbed, “You and Earl decide when I get to love, who it should be, and he’s deciding when I have to say good-bye to him.” And there it was. The true reason for the tears. Thea had indeed had decisions stolen from her with good intentions at heart—he and Earl both were responsible for this—but Earl’s death was something that no one on this earth could control.
“Oh, baby, if Earl could, he’d live for you.” Lex held her as her body shook. “But he can’t. It isn’t a choice he’s taken away from you. It’s a choice that is being taken away from him.”
Through sobs and tears she uttered, “I’m a selfish bitch.” Her wails grew louder. Lex understood how she felt. He, too, wanted Earl to fight, but in the end what was fair? Earl had fought, gave his best, and was now preparing for the worst. He didn’t want to travel out of the country for a drug that may or may not work and in the long run possibly bankrupt his granddaughter, he only wanted to spend the time he had left with the ones he loved.
Lex caressed Thea’s hair. “How can you say that? You stopped your life, damned near spent all your money, and you’re still here fighting, unwilling to give up. That’s not selfish, it’s selfless. Wanting him to fight, wanting him to live because you love him is what any person would want.” When Thea lifted her puffy, tear-stained face it called to his need to soothe her, to make everything all right again. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t keep Earl alive for her and it broke him.
“He has so many secrets and he’ll never share them all with us.” Wiping away her tears, she sighed. “You have them, too. I know he told you he’s not interested in any more treatments. That’s another reason why he called you here. To convince me to let go.”
Lex didn’t want to lie to Thea. He’d told her he wanted to create a life with her and that meant including honesty at all costs. He shifted on the bed to face her. “Earl doesn’t plan to talk to any more doctors about any treatments and he has money saved up for your future without him.” The confession fell from his lips. He couldn’t expect her to trust him if he treated her like a child and kept secrets from her.
Thea glanced to the ceiling and sighed. “Why didn’t he just say this? He didn’t need you here to tell me, Lex.”
“I’m not just here to tell you this …” Placing a hand over hers, he pulled it into his lap. “I’m here for the day we lay him to rest, and I am here for you. As much as you think you can do this alone, I want to be by your side.” He believed in her just as much as Earl did, he knew she would survive losing Earl, but a piece of her would leave this earth with him, and Lex wanted to be there to help fill that void. He’d loved her from the day he watched her take her vow to be seen as a woman to this very day and Lex wasn’t about to leave her side even if she told him to go. “I want to mourn and then heal with you, love you and grow with you from this pain.” Fat tears tracked down her cheeks. The gleam of sadness in her eyes spoke to him on so many levels. He was used to losing those he loved; he’d left Thea and Earl. And while some nights he would lay awake in bed, on a cot in the military or wherever life had taken him, with a hole in his gut so wide he felt he was incomplete, the second he locked eyes with Thea the night he broke into Earl’s, Lex knew he’d found home. The hole that had followed him for ten years slowly began to mend.
Pulling her feet up and under herself, Thea leaned into Lex, her warmth mingling with his.
She placed her chin on his shoulder. “And what if I want to move back to New York? What then? Is this rogue gonna follow me back to the big city with all the health nuts, yuppies, and Brooklynites?” She lightly bit his shoulder. “You think a country boy like you will fit well in the concrete jungle, or will you tire of it and want to come home?”
That was a damned good question, but Lex wondered if Thea actually wanted to go back to New York. If she did return, Lex would no doubt follow, but what he desired more than her presence in his life was her happiness. Once Earl passed away and she was left with the shattered remains of her life, he wanted to be there to help put the pieces back together again.
“How about this?” Lex took her hand in his and kissed each digit. “How about you and I go out tonight on a date.”
“A date? Why?”
He shrugged. “It’s been ten years, Thea. I don’t expect to come back into your life like no time has passed. I want to get to know you all over again.”
Thea chuckled and nodded. “I guess that could be arranged.”
Normally, after a long day in the ER and settling Earl down for the night, Thea would find herself in her most comfortable fat pants, an old T-shirt, and a pair of fuzzy socks in front of the TV binging on Grey’s Anatomy and snacking on frozen grapes. However, tonight Lex had guided her into Earl’s truck, gently kissed her cheek, and pointed the nose of the truck out of town. Thea stole quick little glances at Lex as he navigated the old dirt road. She’d never seen him in a suit, not even when Earl had forced him to church on Sundays. Well, he wasn’t in an actual suit, but a nice dark pair of jeans, a black collared button-up, a light grey, slim-fit button front vest, and a tie. He looked good enough to eat. So modern in his sexy semi-formal attire, but he didn’t look like her Lex. While she loved him dressed up, she couldn’t wait to see him in a dirty pair of jeans and cut off T-shirt. Thea spoke a silent thank you to God above that she packed a few of her nicer clothes when she made the move from New York. Of course, she sold a few designer items to help pay for Earl’s treatments, but she hadn't let go of a few of her favorite “treat yo’self” items, including her nude Givenchy wrap dress and her favorite Manolo heels.
It seemed liked it’d been so long since Thea had gone out for something other than to pick up a prescription from the pharmacy and she normally did that in a pair of well-worn jeans and a fitted tee. However, she still felt guilty leaving Earl behind with the nurse. In taking pleasure for herself while Earl suffered, Thea felt as if she were ignoring a part of her life that would soon be gone. Lex had tried to soothe her concerns as they showered together and readied for the date—his methods of soothing were toe curling and amazing, but Thea’s heart still wasn’t in it. This date felt like a smoke screen for the shit that was happening. Her stomach rolled at the thought of something happening to Earl while she was away.
Lifting his hand from the wheel, Lex placed it on her exposed knee. “What’s on your mind, beautiful?” His thumb gently moved back and forth, caressing the sensitive flesh there.
Thea closed her eyes, allowing the sensation of his touch to comfort her. “Nothing—” She started, but the lie tasted bitter on her tongue. Turning to him she said, “Actually, I feel guilty for leaving Earl with a nurse.”
“Sweetheart, you do it every day when you leave for work.”
Okay, touché. She did, and Thea worked long hours some weeks, but this wasn’t the same as needing to work to pay the bills. She’d left Earl for her own selfish needs.
Thea sighed. “But this is different.” Unwilling to look at him, she turned and watched the night sky as they left Blackwater for the night. Stars twinkled above them and the moon peeked out from behind darkened clouds, casting a milky haze over farms as they passed.
“How so?” His tone was deceptively low and she knew she’d upset him. This date was important to Lex as well as to her, but Thea couldn’t get over the idea that she’d given in too easily. Perhaps she should have thought on it more. And then there were the secrets Earl had been keeping from them. While she was excited for their date, Thea couldn’t stop thinking abo
ut Earl and the favor he’d called in.
“There is just so much going on, Lex. We don’t have time for a dinner date.” The stars above blurred as the truck picked up speed.
“How long are you going to do this?” he asked, resignation so clear in his tone Thea thought he was going to pull a U-turn and take them home.
Confused, Thea turned to him. “Do what?”
Lex’s lips thinned. Removing his hand from her knee, Lex swiped a hand over his face.
“Be a martyr when you don’t have to be.” Gripping the steering wheel, Lex slowed and moved the truck to the shoulder of the dirt road.
“I’m sorry?” The accusation caused an ache in her stomach. “I did not want this. I didn’t want to give up my life in New York no matter how unfulfilling it was, and I—”
“Wait, what?” The shock in his voice made her pause.
“What?” She threw her hands up in the air. “Ugh, let’s just go before we start fussing.”
“Unfulfilling.” The word hung in the air between them for a few moments before Thea realized what she’d revealed. “You said ‘no matter how unfulfilling it was’.” When he scooted closer to her, Thea could smell the sweet scent of Lex’s beard oil. “What about your life was unfulfilling?”
“I don’t know. I …” Licking her lips, Thea squeezed her eyes shut. “I was successful in my field, I had a good apartment, and a …” She was about to say good man, but she hadn't had that. Not in the sense that she wanted. Thea had needed support when she got the call that Earl was sick, but instead, Federico suggested she sell Earl’s home and move him to a home in New York. Nothing she’d said to him would convince him otherwise, not even when she told him that a sudden move away from his home could make matters worse. But that was just the recent stuff that made Thea second guess her fiancé. “Well, I thought I was happy in my relationship, but thinking back, I wasn’t. We were together because it made sense. He was an ER surgeon in the same hospital as me … we got along, we were both great at our jobs, and we lived close.”
“Excuse me? You chose the man you planned to marry because you lived close and had similar jobs?” Shaking his head, Lex huffed. “Come on, Thea. You and that guy both deserved more than that.” He was right, but her busy life left her no time to enjoy the things her job afforded her, let alone spend the time needed to find a man. Federico was just there and that had eliminated the unsuccessful dating life her co-workers were suffering through.
Lex started the truck and veered it off the roads and down a dark trail. “I had a place in mind, but this will have to work for now. You keep giving me the regret eyes.”
“I do not.” Thea turned in her chair, a hidden smile on her face as they headed into what she recognized as Mackenzie’s Farm. “What are we gonna do here?”
Lex turned his dazzling blue eyes to Thea and said, “Dinner is gonna be under the stars tonight, darling.”
“Under the stars?” she murmured, eyeing his beautiful profile. Thea promised herself she wouldn’t compare Federico to Lex simply because there was no comparison. You didn’t compare a childhood love that never faded to a marriage of convenience. Fear of searching for a man who would never live up to Lex had stalled Thea all those years.
“I know you used to love sitting on the roof at night to gaze at the stars.” Lex’s voice lowered. “After you turned seventeen, you used to stargaze all the time, and I wondered …” Lex released the steering wheel, using one hand to steer and the other to lace his fingers with hers. “Baby, I always wondered what you saw when you looked up at the sky,” Lex confessed.
“You used to watch me?” Thea used to go on her roof when she felt trapped by the strict rules of Earl or the confines of what it meant to be the only woman in the house.
“Yeah, one day you were up there for so long, I went into your bedroom and watched. Shit, I felt like a fucking stalker, but watching you wasn’t sexual.” The truck came to a stop at the base of a hill and Lex pulled Thea closer. “It was about getting to know you for who you were and not who others wanted you to be.”
That was something to hear because Thea often felt trapped in the idea that she needed to be like her mother to please everyone around her.
“I think that’s the first time I ever heard you speak about healing others. I never knew you wanted to be a doctor until then, but you went to school for journalism just like your momma.”
“Yeah, I changed my major, though. I knew that wasn’t what I wanted to do, but I went thinking it’d help my momma live through me.” In the small cab, he pulled Thea onto his lap. With his arms around her body, cocooning her in his safe embrace, Lex kissed her. When he released her, Thea was breathless.
“You only ever have to be Thea around me.” With a knuckle, Lex gently lifted her chin. “You got it?”
She nodded, relieved in the fact that, as always, she could be herself around Lex. At least that hadn't changed.
Date night with Lex had gone splendidly, and now as they sat in the back of the truck sipping champagne and reminiscing over good times from the past, Thea realized just how much she’d needed a break from the world, the stress, and from the shit going on in her head.
“Let’s get to know one another again.” Lex took the bottle of champagne from her fingers. Placing it to his lips, he drank as he watched her eye him.
Thea bit her lip. “Get to know one another?” Her feet dangled off the bed of the truck, the warm breeze nearly knocking her heels from her feet. “What is it you want to know?” She hoped he heard the laughter in her voice.
Handing the bottle to Thea, Lex waited until she took a healthy sip before he spoke. “Ten years is a long time.”
Thea glanced down, fiddling with the bottle’s wrapper. Reluctant to have another heart-to-heart about the past when everything was going so well, Thea lifted the bottle to her lips and drank until she felt Lex’s hand move it from her lips.
“I’ll start.”
She sighed. “Okay …” Lifting up, she pushed her feet under her butt.
Lex cocked a brow. “Comfy?”
Thea nodded, her head spinning a bit from the sweet champagne.
“Good.” He cleared his voice as if he were about to ask the most important question in the world. “What is the first thing you do when you get in the shower?”
Thea’s mouth fell open. “Huh?” Of all the questions in the world for him to ask, her shower habits weren’t one of them. “Well, I look up,” she confessed.
It was Lex’s turn to be perplexed. “Look up? What the hell are you looking for?”
Thea threw her head back and laughed at the adorable way his eyes twinkled and his forehead dipped in thought.
Reaching out for him, Thea leaned forward and softly kissed Lex’s lips. “For spiders.”
“Thea,” he threw a hand over his chest, “afraid of a spider.” His mock horror had her laughter returning. Of all the things in the world to be afraid of, a spider wasn’t one. At least not for Thea.
Slapping his chest, Thea explained, “No, I move them so the steam doesn’t bother them.” Well, that shut him up. Spiders and rodents didn’t strike fear into her heart … no, that was the job of the man sitting in front of her. Because if she fell for him now, there’d be no going back to New York and she knew it. Lex gave her his signature grin as he slid a palm up her exposed thigh; Thea shivered as gooseflesh rose on her heated skin. The warm night air brought the scent of fresh cut grass and magnolias, taking Thea back to the first night she’d seen Lex running from the law in a field just like this one.
“I do know that some spiders like warm places, so seems like you’re running around here displacing spiders from their homes.”
Thea chuckled. “Well, I put them back.”
“What? So, you moved them and they patiently waited while you cleaned that delectable body of yours,” he said this while squeezing her thigh, “for you to place them back in their homes?” Lex’s hand moved farther up and Thea felt her core throb i
n anticipation.
“Actually, yes. The only time I didn’t look up was the other night with you. And that was because I was too busy staring at something else.” Her confession caused heat to flare in his eyes and his hand moved again. He was so close and Thea needed those few extra inches.
“I guess some things never change.” Shaking his head, Lex pushed aside the slit in her wrap dress, exposing her thigh.
Holding in a moan as warm night air met her exposed flesh, Thea said, “You never knew me to move spiders.”
He scooted closer and his dark eyes met hers. “I’ve never known you to be afraid of them or kill them either, so that hasn’t changed.” Lex traced the lacey design on her exposed panties right over her core.
Kicking off her shoes, she laid back. “No, what’s to be afraid of? Spiders can’t break my heart.” Shit, she hadn't meant to bring that up, it’d just popped out. Trying to look away, Lex caught her chin and held her gaze. He pushed at her thigh until she opened for him.
“True, they don’t break hearts, but they also don’t steal them.” Lowering himself over her, Lex’s heavy body was a soothing weight on top of her. A sly smile crossed his lips. “Okay, let’s do this speed dating style.”
Her brows rose. “Speed dating style? Meaning?” Thea squeaked when his belt brushed against her panties as he effortlessly fell between them. “This isn’t any kind of speed dating I know!” She’d never gone on a speed date, but she was sure as hell this wasn’t how they went down.
“Ha, no. Okay, start with me, okay?” Lex nuzzled her neck and placed a kiss there. “Ask me anything,” His tongue darted, leaving a hot path over her skin.
Swallowing hard and forcing herself to focus, Thea asked, “Favorite color?” Teeth met her skin when Lex bit the tender flesh of her neck. A moan she’d been fighting escaped and she grew damp between her thighs.
Rogue In Love: Thea and Lex: Love Against the Odds Page 9
