by Adele Huxley
Contents
CoaSD - Book 5
From the Authors
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Thank you!
This book is work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. This book contains explicit material and is intended for readers 18 years or older.
The author acknowledges the copyrighted or trademarked status and trademarked owners of any wordmarks mentioned in the following fiction.
Copyright © 2016 by Adele Huxley
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except in the case of a reviewer, who may quote brief passages embodied in critical articles or in a review.
All requests should be forwarded to: [email protected]
Chronicles of a Serial Dater is a series of 7 short stories that follow Talia through the murky world of dating. These books were originally published once a week through the summer, just like episodes of a TV show! Since all the books are out now, you’re free to binge away!
Book 1
Book 2
Book 3
Book 4
Book 5
Book 6
Book 7
Bonus online content adds to the interactive fun! You can find Talia’s blog on my website, AdeleHuxley.com. Be on the lookout for any chapter ending with this image:
Tapping it should take you to the corresponding section in the blog, but beware! Looking too far ahead might mean spoilers for the next books!!
Believe it for not, all the dates, conversations, and horror stories in this series are real. Readers just like you were kind enough to share their funniest and worst dates for our entertainment. At least something good came out of them! So if you’re reading these and at any point think, “Come on now, this is too ridiculous,” just remember…
The truth is always stranger than fiction, and nothing is stranger than online dating.
“This is exactly what I needed,” I said as I stretched my arms above my head.
“There’s not a lot that can’t be cured by friends, coffee, and the sun,” Lourdes replied.
I lifted up my legs, convincing myself I was already building a tan. The warm sun on my skin and the fresh ocean breeze made me feel like my problems were a million miles away. I suppose they were more like three thousand miles away.
I was still pretty upset when I got to the airport in New York earlier that morning, but after nap on the plane and hug from one of my best friends, life was definitely feeling better.
“I can’t believe you live here,” I said as I leaned on my elbows and looked around. “This YouTube stuff is doing a lot better than I thought.”
Lourdes let out a throaty laugh. “You actually thought this is my place? No, I’m just house-sitting for a friend while they’re traveling in Europe. Good to know you think so highly of my success,” she said giving me a little wink.
The house was essentially a mansion. Beautiful tiled floors, vaulted ceilings, more bedrooms than they could probably ever use at once. Oh, did I mention it was beachfront property? If you had to pick a place to run away to, I’m not sure you could do much better.
Lourdes had met me at the airport, made me coffee, and asked how things were going all without addressing the biggest issue at hand. To be honest, I just wanted her to get it over with, so I breathed a sigh of relief when she finally asked me about the arguments.
“So what did Zach say when you told him you were leaving this morning?” She asked peeking at me over the top of her sunglasses.
I paused and took a long sip of coffee, buying myself a few precious seconds to think. “I, uh… didn’t tell him,” I replied without looking at her.
“How did all that get started in the first place?”
“Too many beers. Too many bad dates. The combination of both? I’m not even sure anymore.”
I didn’t sense any judgment from her, only curious concern. But after the micromanaging from Anette, I still wasn’t completely comfortable talking about the steaming pile my love life had become.
“For the record, I have nothing against friends with benefits, assuming it’s with the right friend.”
I rolled over, draping my arm across my side. “And which friend in particular are you most concerned about?” My tone came out a bit more aggressive than I meant it to.
Lourdes sighed and shook her head sadly, pulling her sunglasses off to meet my eye directly. “You still don’t see it, do you?”
“See what?” I snapped.
“Zach has loved you for years now. We’ve all seen it. He just never acted on it because of Kevin and to be honest, I’m surprised he waited this long.”
I stared off towards the rolling waves crashing against the shore as I processed this. Until a few weeks ago, Zach had been pretty much a brother to me. The guy who would protect me at parties, tease me when I got too uptight, and generally be there for me whenever I needed. I’d always known there was a vague level of attraction, but the idea of him being in love with me was difficult to accept. But it was hard to deny, especially with the argument we’d had the night before…
“Are you just saying this to get me to stop?”
Lourdes laughed again. “You’ve been spending way too much time with Anette. I’m not about to start manipulating you, but I’m sure if you had told her in the first place, she would’ve said the same thing.” She shook her head, her gorgeous curls bouncing around with the movement. “To be honest, I’m more disappointed in Zach. He’s going about this all the wrong way. You clearly are not in a long-term relationship frame of mind.”
“Thank you! That’s what I’ve been trying to say.” A memory of his hurt expression passed through my mind’s eye. I never wanted it to get to this point and frankly, was a little shocked at how quickly it’s fallen apart.
“It’s not like I can blame you. He is hot as hell and if your blog is any indication…” She trailed off, waggling her eyebrows at me.
In all the chaos, I’d pretty much forgotten about the blog. Funny, since it was the catalyst for all this trouble. The redness in my skin was not entirely caused by the sun. “I never thought you would read that,” I said looking away.
“Mr. Magic Tongue?” she laughed.
“To be fair, that might be more a commentary on Kevin’s abilities than Zach’s,” I chuckled.
“No doubt. Are all the rest of those dates real? Even the guy with the… you know… in his pants?”
“Unfortunately.”
“Well the English Muffin sounds kind of dishy. At least you have a good thing going there.”
Thinking that anything could happen with Clint was like salt in an open wound. I’d messed up with Zach, there was nothing on the horizon with anybody else, and the one guy who made me all swoony was untouchable.
I swung my legs over the side of the lounge chair and groaned. “Can we please stop talking about my love life? I’m so tired of being a trending topic. Do you wanna go swimming?”
“Eh, I just got my hair done but I’ll dip my toes in the water if you want to.”
She
followed me over to the narrow infinity pool. The edge stopped at the end of the deck, seeming to bleed into the ocean and horizon beyond. As Lourdes sat, dipping her legs into the cool water, I walked in. I could feel the last bit of tension draining away from me as I floated.
“What’s going on with you? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”
“We talk every week,” she laughed.
“I know, but it isn’t the same. A lot is lost in translation over Skype.”
“I’m good, really good. The channel is picking up steam and I’m super excited about that. It’s getting to the point where I don’t have to search for products. People are sending them to me.”
I swam to one end while she spoke. “That’s great news. That’s kind of a turning point, isn’t it? How many subscribers do you have now?”
Lourdes splashed the water with her feet and smiled humbly. “Just passed half a million.”
I smacked my hands on the water sending up two plumes of glittering water. “Half a million? You freaking kidding me? That’s incredible! You’re like super famous.”
“No, no, no. Nothing like that. I’m still very much a small fish in a big pond.” I gave her a sarcastic look and she laughed. “Okay. Maybe I’m a medium-sized fish but it’s more like an ocean.”
“Any plans of moving back to New York?” I asked hopefully.
She leaned back on her hands and stared across the sparkling water thoughtfully. “It did take a lot of adjustment at first. I was homesick and just… people out here are so different. But after a couple months I got used to it and then really started to love it. Now I can’t imagine living in New York again.”
“Well I certainly can’t blame you,” I said as I took in the whole scene. “I mean, I never had friends like this back home.”
Lourdes’ phone rang, sat on a table back by our lounge chairs. She ignored the first two times but finally stood with a huff when it rang the third. I dipped my hair back into the cool water and let my body float along the surface. Even with liquid filling my ears, I could hear Anette’s shrill voice.
Lourdes looked at me with alarm as she tried to calm her down. “Whoa, slow down. I can’t even understand you.”
I dipped my head under the water, knowing exactly why she was calling. By the time I resurfaced, Lourdes was giving me a reproachful look.
“She’s here. I’m looking at her right now. She’s safe and sound.”
I couldn’t hear the words, but I could tell Anette was giving Lourdes an earful. I rolled my eyes at her and swam to the edge of the infinity side and stared out into the sea. Even a couple thousand miles away won’t pry her fingers out of my life. I heard Lourdes say goodbye and hang up.
“You didn’t even tell her you were going?”
“I left a note,” I replied petulantly. I bobbed back to the other side of the pool, my mouth barely skimming the surface of the water.
“You’re lucky she didn’t call the police. She thought you’d been kidnapped or something.”
I blew bubbles and rolled my eyes. “She’s such a drama queen, that’s why I can’t take her seriously with all this relationship stuff. It’s too much. I’m tired of the tension, of talking about it, ignoring it. I just need a break.” My voice cracked at the end and Lourdes held up her hands.
“Okay, okay. Message received.” She stared down at her feet as they created little whirlpools in the water. A slight curl touched her lip as she looked at me through her thick eyelashes. “You need to take your mind off things.”
“Yes, please!” I said dramatically.
“You need to cut loose, meet some new people, forget all the stuff that’s bugging you.”
I’d known Lourdes long enough to detect the mischief in her voice. “I think that’s probably the best thing for me, yes,” I replied solemnly.
“Then there’s only one thing we can do. I’ll make the calls.”
Between the bad night and early flight, I wasn’t really in the mood for a big party. But the moment Lourdes and I started getting ready, it instantly felt like old times. Singing horrible songs while dancing around in our underwear, trying on outfits, experimenting with makeup… it was like the last two years apart hadn’t happened. I could almost believe we were back in our old apartment on a Friday night after a long week of classes.
“If you don’t find something in here, I’ll eat a shoe,” Lourdes said as she tipped over another bag filled with clothes. She’d driven back to her place to grab a few things while I’d napped.
I picked through the pile, sifting through things I knew I’d never wear or would never fit me. After a few minutes, my possibility pile was depressingly small.
“Do you have anything made for a stick?” I complained.
She whipped her head around and looked at me over her shoulder. “Don’t do that. Don’t go straight into the body shaming. You’re beautiful and if I had Anette’s inclinations, I’d do you in a minute.”
“Eh,” I shrugged. It wasn’t that I was unhappy about my body, but compared to Lourdes, I felt like I hadn’t even gone through puberty. Her full breasts, wide hips, and her perfect round ass made me feel like a teenage boy. Anette was lean in an athletic way, but I was all bones and angles.
She slapped her hands on her hips. “Do you want me to dress you?”
“Like a pretty dolly,” I declared, clapping my hands together before throwing my arms out in a sweeping twirl. Okay, so we might’ve started drinking a little early but pre-gaming is vital. L.A. clubs are expensive!
In the end, she picked out a black sequined crop top and a pair of tight skinny jeans. With hair and makeup, I didn’t look anything like myself. But as I scanned my reflection in the mirror, I decided that wasn’t such a bad thing.
“Stop hiding your stomach. People kill themselves trying to get flat tummies like you,” she said, slapping at my arms.
“What if I get cold?” I whined.
She gave me a look that said, Do you really think I’m that stupid? “Sweetie, it doesn’t get cold here. The rich folks pay through the nose to keep the weather perfect.” The doorbell rang. She leapt in the air and clapped her hands together. “They’re here!”
“Yay,” I tried to say enthusiastically.
I downed the rest of my drink as she bounded to the front door, new voices echoing through the empty house. Normally, I’m a bit of a wallflower. Even in college, I only really went to parties where I knew lots of people and could feel comfortable. But with a little mental pep talk, I decided tonight wasn’t going to be one of those nights. I’ve been pushing out of my comfort zone for weeks. Why stop now?
With a smile plastered across my face, I joined Lourdes in the kitchen. She squealed and introduced me to at least a dozen friends, telling everyone I was one of her best friends from back home. Much to my surprise, everyone was incredibly friendly and warm. I’d heard horror stories about the West Coast freeze, how people were a bit fake and two-faced, but I didn’t get that vibe from them at all. And even if I do, it’s not like I have to see them again, I thought.
The flow of booze loosened people up and soon the house was pulsing with music and laughter. I hung pretty close to Lourdes’ side but tried to mingle and get to know her friends. But no matter where I went, I kept catching a pair of eyes watching me from across the room.
To say he was good looking is an understatement. He was tan with long, brown hair pulled back into a high bun. Between his height, jawline, perfect nose, and white smile, I convinced myself there had to be something fundamentally wrong with him. There’s no way a guy that good looking didn’t come with a backpack full of issues. When there was a lull in conversation, I pulled Lourdes to the side to ask her about him.
“That guy over there,” I whispered. “No! Don’t be so obvious.”
“Well, I have to look to know which one you’re talking about,” she giggled conspiratorially.
“Man-bun, stupid good looking, keeps staring at me.”
“Ah, O
liver. Yeah, what about him?”
I closed my eyes and gestured for her to get it over with. “Tell me what’s wrong with him before I end up getting doused in cooking oil again.”
She pursed her lips and ran her tongue along the front of her teeth. “There’s nothing wrong with him. He’s a sweet guy.”
“There’s nothing wrong with him?”
“Not that I know of. You, on the other hand… I might have to go warn him,” she added with a poke to the ribs. “It’s not like you to jump straight to the negative.”
I looked back to where Oliver was laughing with a few other people. “I think I have some type of dating PTSD or something. The moment I find someone interesting or attractive, I automatically assume he’s a freak.”
Lourdes gave me a sympathetic pat on the arm. “You’re gonna have to work on that. Maybe he can help! Go. Have fun.”
With deliberate strength, I pushed him out of my mind and concentrated on mingling with Lourdes’ friends. They were all some variation of actor, model, writer with a day job that paid the bills. I loved how Hollywood it all was!
A few groups formed as the drinking games began in earnest. I hung around on the sidelines, cheering but not participating.
“I need a partner,” a deep voice said from behind me. I turned and was surprised to find the eyes from afar standing quite close now. He was even taller in front of me than I thought.
“Like, sexually?” I asked hesitantly, still bracing myself for the worst.
“What? No! For beer pong,” Oliver laughed. “God, can you imagine walking up to someone and asking that?”
Luckily the alcohol coursing through my system blocked any sense of embarrassment. I laughed right along with him. “Isn’t that kind of what life is like now?”
He looked at me thoughtfully, as if his opinion of me was changing in real time. “I suppose so. But I’m not that kind of guy. I’m just looking to play a drinking game with someone who looks like she knows how to handle a ping-pong ball.”
I set my drink down on the closest table and did a little curtsy. “Then I’m your woman.”
