by Joy Redmond
Wings and Beyond
Joy Redmond
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, events, and locations portrayed in this story are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously.
ISBN: 1516994116
Text Copyright © 2015 by Joy Redmond
All Rights Reserved
Dedicated to my grandchildren:
Christina, Crystal, Brandon, Ashley, Dorian, Julia, and Olivia.
Prologue
1960
Mandy bolted upright in bed, caught between a nightmare and reality, fighting for breath, while her heart raged against the fear of what she had seen. She was in a battle for her sanity, her mind in turmoil and terror, but reality gained a foothold and she came to her senses. She took deep breaths to calm her heart and still her fears. Her bones ached as if she were an old woman.
When she could breathe normally, she reached down on the floor where her blankets had been thrown, and pulled them to her body. Her hands shook as she wrapped herself in the warmth of the soft wool. She needed to feel the heat penetrate her aching body, but no blanket could protect her from those evil eyes that sent shivers of terror deep into her very being.
She reminded herself it was just a nightmare—no dirty old men could hurt her again, she wasn’t a defenseless child anymore. But would the nightmares ever stop?
As the chill began to leave her body, she pushed back the blankets, swung her tapered legs off the bed, and stuck her feet into warm, fuzzy slippers. She stood and stroked her flannel nightgown. She’d always loved the feel of soft flannel. She breathed in the fading scent of lavender.
She strolled across the room and stood in front of the vanity where she stared at her reflection, trying to figure out if she looked more like Mama or Daddy. The image in the mirror looked back and she saw chestnut brown hair and a perfect oval face. She had inherited Mama’s hair and face, but she had Daddy’s high cheekbones and green eyes with hints of gold, and a devilish smile.
She sat on the palsy covered stool, where she picked up a brush and ran it through her long hair, amazed at how once-tight curls were now loose waves cascading down her back. She placed the brush back on the vanity, raised her right hand, and placed it over her heart in the reflection.
Looking in the mirror, she smiled as she whispered, “In two weeks, we’ll be eighteen. We never thought we’d survive this cruel world—but here we are! Amanda Hodge and Carnikko Randall. They’ve called me Amanda for eight years, but when I look in the mirror, I still see me and you, Nikko.”
As Amanda, she was polite, well-behaved, ate neatly, went to church, spoke properly and was lady-like, but in the mirror she saw who she’d been— Nikko, who said what was on her mind and didn’t take crap from anyone. She also used Daddy’s cuss words.
The two people inside of her stared at one another in reflection, and both smiled.
The memory of the day she was adopted invaded her mind; it was also the day when her personality split. There were times in her life when it had been hard for her to remember which person she was supposed to be.
She got up and moved smoothly across the floor, a hint of a young sensual body lay underneath the flannel as she headed to the rocking chair next to the bedside table. She bent forward, her hair gently folding itself over one shoulder as she opened a drawer and picked up a tattered journal she’d been writing in for the past six years. It was Nikko’s story, before the adoption. Some of the stories brought her to tears, but other parts made her laugh.
Whenever she wrote, she became Nikko, snuggling between Mama and Daddy in their cozy, warm bed. She missed those days and ached to be that child again. Memories tiptoed through her mind, and she could still hear Daddy’s voice, and she could still see his gestures and facial expressions as he told about the morning she was born and how he had delivered her. She giggled as she remembered how Daddy always had a flare for the dramatic.
Mandy was amazed how at only four-years-old, Nikko had developed survival tricks a modern day soldier would have envied. She wondered if Daddy still carried Nikko’s lock of hair in his wallet. Tears, unbidden, sprung forth.
Mandy realized that children had to grow up before they could understand so many things, but there were some things she knew she’d never understand.
She still felt the pain in her heart the day Aunt Lou sent her to live with Iris and Otis Hodge. She remembered the first day with Iris and Otis and how confused Nikko was by everything that was happening. There were still times when she found herself wondering if the couple who had adopted her were from another planet.
The memories faded and Mandy walked back across the floor, her slippers making a swooshing sound. She stood in front of the vanity, looked at her reflection and said, “Thank you for always coming to my rescue when I was confused and not sure what to do.”
A shadow on her reflected face seemed to nod back at her and she heard the words in her mind as Nikko replied, I’ll never leave you for good, but I’d like it if you’d call on me more often. I don’t like being shut out.
“I know,” Mandy said with a smile. “You can stay for a little while today.”
Mandy’s mind clicked and she traveled backwards in time, remembering the day she had legally become the daughter of Otis and Iris Hodge, and the years that followed, until the present day.
“What a ride it’s been!” she said, as the reflection smiled back at her.
Chapter One
1953
The child sat in the back seat of the car and her ten-year-old mind felt as if it would explode as she tried to comprehend the process of adoption, and all she could think about was today was the day that Daddy would give up all rights to her, and her name would be changed from Carnikko Randall to Amanda Hodge. How can I be erased? I’m not chalk on a blackboard.
She had been living with Otis and Iris Hodge for eight months, and they had started calling her Amanda the day after she went to live with them. She had been told it would be her legal name as soon as they could contact her daddy and get him to agree to the adoption. When Iris enrolled her in school, she had used the name Amanda Hodge, but she told her new classmates to call her Mandy.
Daddy lived in Indianapolis, Indiana, and it was a long drive to Bon Harbor, Kentucky. She wasn’t too concerned about being adopted because she didn’t think Daddy would show up. She said a silent prayer. Please God, don’t let Daddy give me away.
She had done her best to conform to the Hodges’ rules, but she thought them weird. The lifestyle she was accustomed to and the one she had to live since being with the Hodges, felt as if she had been taken from a hot oven and suddenly been tossed into a cold, unfeeling freezer. And she was tired of the cold.
They pulled up in front of a small building and once inside the lawyer’s office a lady with blonde hair and bright red lips led them down a hallway and opened a door to a smaller office where a fat man was sitting behind a large oak desk. He stood, shook hands with Otis and Iris, and told them to have a seat while they waited for Mr. Randall.
Mandy looked at the man, and when he stared back, she saw watery brown eyes that were bloodshot, and two chins that jiggled whenever he moved his head. The smell of stale smoke wafted toward her and she tried not to cough or make a face.
Daddy changed his mind. He’s not going to show up. He won’t let them change my name. And besides, he never comes when he says he going to.
She sat in a chair between Otis and Iris, and lowered her gaze so she wouldn’t have to look at the lawyer’s face and his double chin as it jiggled. She swung her legs back and forth, and waited and waited. She heard the heavy wood door swing open and she gasped as Daddy walk into the room.
Oh, no! He came to do this? Of all the
times he never came when he said he would, he showed up for this?
The child sat in a daze as she watched the lawyer hand several papers to Daddy. She knew he was pretending to read the pages because he was going over them quickly. He turned to the last page, and in what seem like slow motion, he took the black pen from the fat lawyer’s hand, bent over, and signed it.
She couldn’t believe it. He signed the paper that would change the rest of her life. With the stroke of a pen, she was transformed into Amanda Hodge. She was stripped of her identity, her individuality, and she felt as if she were standing on a frail bridge between two worlds, staring down into an abyss.
Daddy looked at her, and she saw a tear slide down his face. A part of her wanted to run to him, throw her arms around him and never let go, but a part of her heart was so full of anger, she was paralyzed. He really did it.
Daddy left the room just as quietly as when he came in, leaving her heart-broken and her emotions in a whirlwind.
Methodically she walked out of the lawyer’s office, her head down, eyes looking at the floor as they walked the long hallway, and out to the car. As she was walking, she felt a strong hand slip into hers, and instantly warmth spread through her.
She knew Otis and Iris were walking a few steps behind her, so neither one of them had taken her hand, and as they approached the car, the presence was still clinging to her. Who was holding her hand?
Otis opened the back car door, and she climbed inside. From the backseat, she saw Otis look over at Iris and smile. Then he said sweetly, “We’re real parents now.”
As Otis drove through town and turned onto the main highway that would take them back to Cross Pointe, she lay in the back seat. The humming of the motor was comforting and she was in a half sleep when she began to hear beautiful music. She was sure it was the angels singing.
Sing to me Angels. Sing until I can bear the pain in my heart. Daddy signed those papers and gave me away as if I was no more than a stray pup. I’ll never forgive him.
She drifted into sleep and was startled when she heard car doors slamming. She sat up and looked around and saw Otis had parked the car in the garage and he and Iris had gotten out. She watched as Iris reached for the back door and opened it, extending her hand.
“Come, Amanda. Would you like to go in and take a nap? You look so drained.”
As she took Iris’s hand, she felt Carnikko leaving her body and flying away to her special place.
Her words were barely audible as she uttered, “Yes, Mother.” She took Iris’s hand and climbed out of the car, but the word Mother didn’t come easy to her lips and it left a bad taste.
They went into the house and Mandy hurried upstairs to her bedroom. She took off her dress, carefully hung it in the closet as she had been instructed to do. Then she took down what Iris called her house dress. She slipped it over her head, buttoned it down the front, then took off what Iris called her Sunday shoes and the socks with lace around the top. She put on a pair of cotton socks, then slipped her feet into a pair of saddle Oxfords. She wanted to pull the barrette from her hair and let her curls hang loose, but she knew Iris would fuss and send her back to her room. Iris was always fussing about her hair hanging in her eyes.
She walked over to the vanity and peered into the mirror. They can force me to be someone else, but that doesn't make who I really am just disappear. Nikko is still with me. I can feel her in my heart and in my mind, and now I am like two people in one. Talking to the old me keeps me sane and reminds me of who I really am. If I don't talk to my other half, then maybe she’ll disappear, and all that’ll be left is the girl the Hodge's created.
Mandy willed herself to fly to her special place, find Purple Angel, be Nikko again, and all her being would be at peace. Nothing happened. She felt a void inside her that she knew would never be filled.
“Amanda,” Iris called from the bottom of the staircase. “Lunch is ready. Wash your hands and come to the table.”
“I’ve got to go, Nikko,” Mandy said. She waved at her reflection, then headed downstairs. She took her seat at the table and bowed her head as Otis said the blessing. Then Otis picked up a large bowl of soup and dipped the ladle in, filling his small bowl. He passed the large bowl to Iris and she did the same, then she passed it to Mandy. She filled her small bowl, then sat the large bowl in the middle of the table.
Place your napkin in your lap. Keep your left hand in your lap while you eat. Don’t crumble your crackers in your soup. Don’t slurp. Take a bit of cracker, then place it on the saucer beside your bowl. This is just stupid but I don’t want to hear Iris screech like an owl if I don’t do it right.
Every time Mandy ate a meal she always went over the table rules in her mind before she started eating. As she ate the soup, she looked at Otis and Iris. You’ll never make me be somebody that I’m not. I’ll pretend to be the perfect Amanda when I’m around you, but when I’m out of your sight, I’ll be the real me. You might have changed my name but you’ll never change my blood. I’m a Randall. I always will be.
Chapter Two
After they had eaten a late lunch, Mandy helped Iris clean the kitchen. “Good job, Amanda. I’m so proud to be your mother. I’m making a lady out of you. I know you think I’m too strict, but someday you’ll thank me. This is a lot for a child your age to comprehend, but it’ll all make sense as you get older. You’ve already learned to use proper grammar and your table manners are impeccable, but that took a long time.” Iris hung the blue and white dishtowel on the stove handle. “Now you need to go practice your piano lessons. I want you to learn the first three pages in your second book.”
“I’ve already practiced them. I’d like to walk down to Shelly’s house this afternoon.”
Iris looked at her. “You need to practice them a few more times. Tomorrow you have to show your music teacher that you have them perfected. I don’t pay him for nothing.”
“After I practice, can—er—I mean, may I go down and visit with Shelly?”
“Amanda, she lives a mile down the road. I don’t think a ten-year-old should walk that far by herself. I don’t have time to drive you and you’ll see her at school tomorrow.”
“I’ll be eleven next month and I’m not a baby. I can walk that far!”
“Amanda, don’t take that tone with me!” Iris shook her head. “You can be so exasperating. Go ask your father. If he says you can go, then you can. You wear me out, child.”
“Where did Ot—I mean, where did Father go?”
“It’s a good thing you caught yourself, young lady. Your father went to the barn. He’s your father now and you better remember that.” Amanda nodded as Iris continued. “We’ve got a cow that’s trying to give birth. And on second thought, I’ll go ask him. You don’t need to see that sorta thing at your age. If I don’t come right back, then you’ll know that he needs my help and you just practice your music.”
Mandy sat on the piano bench and opened her music book but her mind wasn’t on playing. Just as she finished the first piece, Iris came into the living room. “Your father said you can go to Shelly’s. But you shouldn’t go without an invitation. That’s just rude. However, I’ll call her mother and ask if it’s okay.”
“I’ll call Shelly and ask,” Mandy said, her eyes wide with excitement.
“You will not! Children don’t make plans. I’ll do the calling.”
Mandy followed Iris into the kitchen where the only phone was on a desk. Iris opened the phone book and found the number.
Mandy twisted the hem of her blue dress and waited as Iris dialed. She listened as Iris apologized for calling and asked if Amanda could come for a visit without an invitation.
“Thank you,” Iris said as she hung up and turned toward Amanda, her eyes emitting that she wasn’t a bit happy over this development.
“Did she say I could come?”
“Yes, but you better call me when you get there, and you better be back home by five o’clock. You have to eat supper and
we need to go over your homework, and you have to go to bed by eighty-thirty.”
“I’ll be back on time. Thank you!” She took off running for the front door.
“Amanda! No running in the house. How many times do I have to tell you? And put on a sweater. It’s getting cool out there. And tie a scarf over your head. I don’t want you coming down with a head cold.”
“Sorry. I forget sometimes,” Mandy said through gritted teeth. She hurried upstairs, slipped on a sweater and tied a silk scarf over her hair. She glanced in the mirror and whispered. “Yeah, I know. I look like a dufus. I have to do as I’m told. You can come out once we get to Shelly’s.” She saw a devil-like smile. Nikko was happy.
Once outside, she took off running across the front yard and when she hit the paved road, she ran like the wind. The only time she felt as if she could truly breathe was when she was outside and away from Iris and Otis.
She headed up the lane to Shelly’s house and she saw her friend standing in the front yard. “Hi, Shelly!”
“Hi, Mandy! Come on in the house,” she said, waving her forward. When Mandy reached Shelly’s side, Shelly said, “My brothers are gone with Daddy and they won’t pester us. We can go to my bedroom where I’ve got some paper dolls. I don’t have all the clothes cut out but you can help me if you want to.”
“That’s sounds like fun,” You can come out, Nikko.
They went inside, and Shelly’s mother called out, “I’m baking some cookies. When they’re done I’ll bring you girls some. And I’ll bring you a big glass of milk.”
“Okay, Mama,” Shelly said as she took Mandy’s hand.
“You mean you’re allowed to eat in your room?”
“Sure. I do it all the time. I just have to remember to bring my bowls and dishes and glasses back to the kitchen when I’m done.”
