by Naomi Clark
A chorus of whoops and cheers answered him and he waved his hands to quiet everyone down again. “We all know why we’re here, so there’s no need for all the ancient poems and recitations,” he continued. A few people groaned, but most were relieved. There was a huge, turgid cycle of poetry associated with Lupercali that we were all forced to learn in Lupine Studies at school. Being forced to sit through it every Lupercali as well just seemed cruel and unusual.
“Now, let’s get everyone up here.” Eddie beckoned to the small group of kids hovering near the fire. “Don’t be afraid, this is an important night,” he told them as they joined him. I counted eight girls and six boys, all around ten or twelve years old. The girls wore pretty, floaty dresses sewn with sequins that looked way too thin for the frosty night. The boys wore suits and ties and looked embarrassed and uncomfortable. I wavered on my heels and sympathized. I wished I was up there with them so we could all be embarrassed together, instead of having to wait until after they were done.
Once they were all lined up, Eddie gave a short speech about how important this night was and how proud they should be to be here tonight, about to become adults. The boys lost their unease as he spoke, their backs straightening, eyes flashing with excitement as the crowd parted. A female wolf I didn’t know strode to the bonfire, a dead lamb in her arms. Its throat had been recently cut and the lamb still smelled warm, its blood perfuming the air. The scent of fresh meat stirred the wolf in me, as it did all of us, and electric currents of energy and power swept through the crowd.
The she-wolf took the lamb to the cubs and set it down on the grass in front of them. One of the girls whined, a sound of hunger that a few of the others immediately echoed. Eddie whispered something to them and they fell quiet, but the hunger still gleamed in their eyes, feral and keen. Behind me, people started panting and whining as their own hungers twisted inside them. My wolf growled and pawed at me, wanting freedom. I bit my lip and clamped her down, heart racing.
Eddie knelt to dip his fingers in the bleeding wound at the lamb’s throat. Rich, coppery blood stained his hand as he rose to daub a moon shape on the first cub’s forehead. “Who keeps company with wolves will learn how to howl,” he intoned, his sonorous voice rising to drown out the whimpers and sharp yaps from the crowd. “For the strength of the Pack is the wolf and the strength of the wolf is the Pack. Always remember that as you hunt, remember it as you work and mate and live.” He moved from one child to the next, smearing them with blood as he went.
Trembling howls pierced the night as few of the watchers let their wolves go. I breathed fast and shallow, reaching for Vince’s hand and finding claws instead of fingers. He glanced at me and smiled, revealing gleaming canines. Soon the change would take him completely. Next to him, Joel held onto his human shape, in control as always, although his pupils were dilated with excitement. Glory wet her lips and shifted from foot to foot. The mix of fresh meat, hot blood and a mass of other wolves would soon overcome them both. I held on too, as my wolf cried for freedom. I still had to get through my own part of the evening before I could let rip. By now my nerves were strung tight and I felt prickly and light-headed.
The cubs began howling too as Eddie reached the last of them. They threw their heads back and sang to the moon; thin, high voices joining the deeper, richer songs of the adults. Eddie gestured for silence and they promptly shut up, nerves returning as the second part of the ceremony began. They’d taken the lamb’s blood—the offering of the Pack to them—now they had to offer something back.
Eddie produced a deceptively small knife with a carved rowan wood handle. Going back to the first cub, he took her hand. “This won’t hurt,” he lied to her as he drew the gleaming blade across her palm. I saw her bite her lip to smother a cry and closed my own hand into a fist in sympathy. He raised her hand so the blood ran down her wrist and arm. “Blood binds us to the Pack and Pack runs in our blood,” he said. The howls rang out again, a few louder than others as Eddie moved down the line. To their credit, none of the cubs cried as he slit their palms. I had a feeling I might.
The smell of wolf blood mingled with the lamb’s blood, a weird mix of predator and prey. My nerves jangled as Eddie cut the last cub and let his blood drip to the earth. Splashes of crimson dotted the frosty grass, shining dully in the moonlight. Countless generations of wolves had stood here and done this, their blood soaking into the ground and marking this place as theirs; their home, their territory. I could almost feel the earth vibrating with the power of it.
Eddie threw his arms out to the forest. “Blooded and declared adults, all of you,” he announced. “The forest is yours tonight.”
The cubs surrendered to their wolves, shredding their silky dresses and crisp shirts to fall into wolf shape. Another joyous chain of howls accompanied their change and within seconds they were racing into the icy shadows of the trees, yipping and yapping and snapping at each other playfully as they went, wounds forgotten. They’d passed through Lupercali.
Now it was my turn.
TWO
“Ayla Hammond, where are you hiding?” Eddie called, gesturing for silence once more. A hush settled over the crowd at the sound of my name and my stomach tried to eat itself as I stepped forward. I looked back at Vince for reassurance, but he was in wolf shape now, a charcoal smudge at Joel’s side. He lolled his wide pink tongue at me in a wolfish grin. It was the best I was going to get from him. Mum though, still human, waved at me. I smiled thinly at her.
Heat from the bonfire pounded at me as I joined Eddie. Hot air toyed with the hem of my dress and sweat beaded at my brow. This was it. Please don’t let me fall over.
Eddie smiled at me. “Welcome home,” he whispered, patting my shoulder. “Feeling alright?”
I nodded and tried to smile back. The knot in my stomach was twisting and tightening, my wolf prowling endlessly in the confines of my mind. Just a few seconds, I assured her, and we’ll be out of here. I inhaled and caught the coppery scent of the cubs. They hadn’t gone far yet—tussling in the trees just out of sight.
Eddie cleared his throat and I turned my wavering attention back to him and the circle of wolves watching me. Some of them had been my friends, years ago. Only Vince had bothered to stay in touch after I left, but then I hadn’t made much effort with them either. Maybe that was part of my problem—I felt exposed, naked in front of strangers. Yes, this was my welcome home ceremony, but how many of the people here even cared that I’d gone, much less come back?
“We aren’t just here tonight to watch our children become adults,” Eddie called out, gripping my hand tight enough to hurt. “We’re here to welcome back a wanderer.” He raised my hand over my head and a ring of howls went up from the watching crowd. The knot loosened a little at the sound, the wolf recognizing her own and relaxing. “We listened for a voice crying in the wilderness,” Eddie quoted, lowering my hand, “and we heard the jubilation of the wolves. Our cubs have gone hunting, but they’ve also come home. And our Pack is richer for that.”
I was surprised to feel tears stinging my eyes as the Pack sang together, the haunting cries echoing through the forest as if they’d sing down the moon herself. My wolf was bursting to be free now, no longer scared but frantic with joy. She was home. She’d missed her Pack. I hadn’t realized it before—I’d been content with Shannon and my freedom. When I left home I’d been a disappointment to my parents and an anomaly to the Pack as a whole. I wasn’t sure I’d ever stop feeling like that, but the music of the Pack went some way towards assuring me.
Eddie bent to dip his fingers in the rapidly cooling lamb’s blood and drew a sticky design on my forehead. I glanced at the crowd and saw my parents beaming with joy. Mum waved at me and I wriggled my fingers at her in return, not sure if protocol allowed a real wave back.
Eddie grasped my hand and pressed the blade to my palm. I shivered, anticipating the pain. I remembered it hurting the first time round. Not as the actual cut was made, but afterwards, it had stung like he
ll.
“Relax,” he whispered. “It hurts more if you tense up.”
I forced myself to loosen my muscles as he made the cut. Blood welled immediately, followed by a flash of pain. I sucked in a deep breath as Eddie raised my hand and the blood dripped slowly to the ground. He recited the words again, like they were a magic spell, transforming me from a lone wolf to a Pack member.
“Welcome back, Ayla,” Eddie said as he stepped away from me. “You’re one of us again now, kid.”
One of us. I couldn’t help but grimace a little at that, but before I could react, Vince shot from the crowd to crash into me, knocking me to the ground with an excited yap. I landed hard, two hundred pounds of wolf on top of me, and the air whooshed from my lungs. I gasped as Vince washed my face and snuffled into my hair, trying to draw some oxygen back in. I wrapped my arms around him and managed to flip us over, pinning him.
My wolf wouldn’t be denied anymore. She wanted to run, wanted to hunt, wanted to play. I kicked off my shoes and let the change that had been itching at me all night take me over. A molten wash of pleasure-pain consumed me for a brief instant as my body reshaped itself. The song of the Pack resonated through me as I changed; taking on new meaning as my wolf half took over.
I stood, flicking my ears and shaking my tail as the world took on new depth and aromas to my lupine senses. Vince, next to me, whined and nibbled at my ruff, inviting me to play. Before I could turn and swat at him, another wolf rammed into me, knocking me to the earth and running her great tongue over my face. Mum. I rolled onto my back, exposing my vulnerable belly to her, a sign of trust as much as submission.
She crouched, forelegs splayed, plumed tail waving madly. I hadn’t played with Mum like this since I was tiny. I leapt back to my feet and ran round her, barking and feinting at her. She bared her teeth and snapped at me as I danced past, making no real effort to catch me.
Vince pounced at me again, grabbing my ruff and growling at me. I flipped round, twisting myself free, and batted at him. Briefly forgetting Mum, we tumbled head over tail together, sheer exhilaration speeding through me. The sounds of the forest beckoned me away from the circle and the bonfire. Vince clearly wanted to race off too. But I hesitated, turning back to look at my Pack through wolf eyes for the first time in eight years.
The older wolves lounged around, loftily ignoring our antics. Teenagers, still human shaped, were sneaking away from the circle now that the ceremony was over. My dad was leaning against a tree, talking with a wolf I didn’t know. Joel was popping open a can of beer and chatting to Glory, who was slipping out of her shoes. And as much as my wolfish heart swelled at the sight of them all, my family, my Pack, accepting me home again, my human heart sank at the thought of Shannon back home. Alone.
Vince nipped my tail and I spun on him with a mock-snarl. While we darted and danced together, Glory and Joel shifted. Joel barked at us as they ran past into the forest and Vince quickly took off after them. While I paused, Mum nudged me forward with a whine. The message was clear—I’d done the formal stuff. Now I could go.
I raced off after Vince.
It was a cold night and game was scarce. The cubs had already flushed out most of the rabbits and deer that were about, so the hunting was soon over for the four of us. There was no fun to be had in chasing rats and voles. After about an hour of racing around the forest, we shifted back and collapsed under the bare branches of a dying beech tree. I could hear the sounds of Lupercali in full swing—howls and laughs, barks and shouts. The smell of the barbeque overpowered the smell of game, which was muted by the ice anyway.
Werewolves’ blood runs a bit hotter than humans, so the chill that kept them inside on nights like this didn’t bother us as much. It would be a while before we really felt it, as warm as we were from exercise and the shift. We curled up together, skin to skin, and watched the moon and stars overhead. I felt happy and sated, almost like I’d been drinking. Vince wrapped one arm around me and one around Joel, pulling us in together. Glory—stripped of her wig and glittering shoes by the shift and now Glenn; slender and boyish and smeared with ruined makeup—lay next to Joel.
“I told you there was nothing to worry about,” Vince said, nuzzling my hair.
“I was mostly worried about falling off my shoes.” I curled my bare toes into the dirt. Now it was over, I wasn’t really sure why I’d been so worked up. Yeah, I’d hated everyone staring at me, but I hadn’t tripped over or thrown up, I hadn’t embarrassed myself or my parents and I was happy. Happy to be home, something I never thought I’d say, when for so long home had been synonymous with miserable and misunderstood.
Voices drifted through the night towards us, accompanied by the burned paper smell of cigarettes. There was an odd tang mixed with the tobacco, something I didn’t recognize, but my wolf found intriguing. I narrowed my eyes, picking out the approaching teenagers. Thin tendrils of grey-blue smoke curled into the air over their heads and the cherries of their roll-ups glowed in the shadows.
“Hey, check it out,” one of the boys called when they spied us. “It’s the queer wolves!” Giggles broke out amongst the girls in the group.
I sighed and Joel rolled his eyes. “Very clever,” he said. “You kids must have been waiting all night to get that gem out.”
One of them broke free of the group to join us under the tree, a grin on his cherubic face as he blew smoke towards us. “Just messing around,” he said and nodded to Vince. “Alright, Vince?”
“Hi, Oscar.” Vince stood and pulled me up with him. “Ayla, this is Oscar. He’s a waiter at the Fox. He thinks he’s hilarious but he’s actually just annoying.” He reached out and ruffled Oscar’s blond curls. “I want to fire him but he’s the boss’ kid. Nepotism at work.”
“Hi Oscar,” I said, inhaling deeply to try and identify the weird smell coming off his roll-up. It was sort of earthy, but with a metallic aftertaste. Unpleasant. “What are you smoking?”
Oscar offered me the cigarette. “Silver Kiss. Want to try?”
“What’s in it?” I asked.
He winked at me. “Little of this, little of that.”
I hadn’t ever smoked, so Oscar’s mystery roll-up didn’t really entice me. Vince shook his head and Joel turned his nose up, but Glenn accepted. He took a deep drag, then coughed violently and hurriedly passed the cigarette back to Oscar. “Vile habit,” he muttered, wiping his mouth.
Oscar took another drag and fixed me with a slightly glazed stare. “You’re Adam’s cousin, right? You killed that copper.”
“I didn’t kill anyone,” I corrected, that tight knot pulling at my stomach again. “But yeah, I am Adam’s cousin. Did you know him?”
“Yeah, a bit.” Oscar sat down, gesturing for us to do the same. A couple of his friends drifted over to join him, all smoking the same metallic-scented roll-ups. I wondered briefly if it was illegal, then dropped the thought. I wasn’t a copper yet.
“I knew him,” a blonde girl chipped in, settling down next to Oscar and resting her head on his shoulder. “Is it true it was an Alpha Humans attack?”
I shrugged, wanting to pull into myself and hide from them. Adam’s death was still officially an open case as far as I knew. There was no proof that Alpha Humans were behind it and the involvement of two crooked cops in the aftermath had complicated things further. Anyway, it wasn’t my place to talk about it. I hadn’t really known Adam—he’d been a child when I left home—and I didn’t think his parents would want me gossiping about his brutal murder with stoned teenagers.
Vince sensed my discomfort and shooed the kids away. “Come on, it’s Lupercali,” he said. “Haven’t you lot got better things to do than hang around here?”
They conceded that they did and disappeared into the night, whooping and shrieking at each other. I stretched and tilted my head back to the moon. Moths fluttered around me, wings glancing across my bare skin, and I shivered, suddenly longing for wolf shape again. The aroma of charred meat wafted back to us from the barb
eque and my stomach growled. I glanced at the others. “Race you back?”
Seconds later, we were sprinting through the forest again, singing as we ran.
The night was fading fast by the time Lupercali drew to a close. People had been drifting away slowly as the night waned, replete with alcohol and food. My little group had lingered late—or early, maybe. My parents had found us once we got back to the clearing and we’d lazed around with them eating charred hot dogs and discussing mine and Shannon’s plans for the future.
It was nice. Really. But God, I was glad when Mum finally stood, stretched her arms and announced she was heading home. I scrambled to my feet to hug her and Dad, promised to call them soon, and followed Vince and Joel back the car.
The slinky red dress I’d started the night in was in tatters, barely covering me, and the seatbelt cut into my shoulders and stomach, leaving me wriggling around to get comfortable. Joel grinned at me in the rearview mirror as I struggled.
“So that’s it. You’re officially home again.”
“I’ve been home for three months,” I pointed out. “I’m officially Pack again.”
“It’s the same thing,” he said. “Now all you need is a decent house.”
I bit back my retort, too tired and content to be bothered. My crappy little house might not match up to Joel’s high standards, but that was his problem, not mine. I pictured Shannon curled up in bed, blonde hair fanned out across the pillows and a tingle of pleasure weaved through me.
She wasn’t in bed when I crept into the house at five am though. She was sitting at the kitchen table, cradling a steaming mug of tea in one hand and finger-combing her tangled hair with the other.
“Hey.” I slid into the seat next to her. “Hope you haven’t been waiting up for me.”
