Belonging

by Alexa Land

  “My God why?” I asked him.

  “Well, because it’s popular and I heard it’s nice.”

  I said, “Come on, let’s go upstairs and find you something else to wear while I text Dante.” As we followed him up the staircase I shot our oldest brother a message. He replied just moments later and I told Mikey, “You’re all set, Dante’s saving the best table in the house for you.” Dante and his husband Charlie owned a wonderful restaurant in the Marina District.

  “What was wrong with Fonte?” Mikey asked.

  “It’s really pretentious and uptight. You’ll spend the whole meal being so worried about using the wrong fork that you and your date won’t enjoy yourselves,” I explained. “At Dante’s restaurant, you’ll not only be perfectly relaxed, you’ll also be treated like a bigshot. Win-win.”

  We reached my brother’s bedroom, and Yoshi and I went straight to the closet as Mikey sank down on a corner of his bed and said, “I feel like throwing up.”

  “Why?” Yosh asked. “It’s not like you’ve never gone on a date.”

  “Let’s just say I’m really out of practice.”

  “What about Claudia? You two were really close before she moved to Dallas.”

  “She was just a friend.”

  “Oh. I totally thought you two were a couple,” Yosh said.

  “Claudia was a lesbian actually, making me most definitely not her type. This will be the first real date I’ve been on since high school,” Mikey admitted.

  “Holy crap,” Yosh muttered. “No wonder you’re nervous.”

  “Wait a minute,” I said. “Nana’s still talking about the box of XXL condoms that the kids found in your nightstand. They asked her to make balloon animals out of them. Why’d you have those if you haven’t been dating?”

  “My friend Darren house-sat for me when I took the boys to Disneyland, and apparently he really made himself at home,” Mikey explained. “He left a few interesting things behind, including those condoms.”

  “Ah.” I grinned at him. “I thought the XXL part seemed a bit ambitious.”

  He knit his brows at me as Yosh brought Mikey a black cashmere sweater (that I’d given him for Christmas) and a pair of black tailored pants and said, “This is so much sexier than the suit. You don’t want her to think you’re there to do her taxes.”

  My brother sighed and started to change while I looked through his shoes for something without wingtips. “Why does your entire wardrobe look like you shop at nursing home rummage sales?” I asked.

  “Oh come on,” Mikey said as he tossed his suit jacket and tie on the bed, then started unbuttoning his shirt. “It’s not that bad.”

  “You have two categories of clothes,” I told him. “Accountant and Dad. That’s it.”

  “Well, yeah. That sums up my life,” Mikey said. He was wearing a white t-shirt under his dress shirt, and kept it on underneath the V-neck sweater.

  When he pushed off his shoes and stepped out of his pants I exclaimed, “Oh, come on!”

  “What?”

  “So in other words, you want to make completely sure you don’t get laid tonight,” I said.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “The baggy, stretched out, no-longer-tighty whities. Those briefs are tragic. As soon as you take them off, I’m throwing them away.”

  “They’re not that bad,” Mikey insisted.

  My friend and I looked at each other and sighed. “Are all hetero men like this?” Yosh asked. “It’s amazing that any of them manage to get women in bed, ever.”

  “They can’t all be this bad,” I told him. “It’s up to them to procreate, after all. If they were all this clueless, we’d be dwindling as a species.”

  “Okay, first of all,” Mikey cut in, “these briefs are fine. It’s not like they’re full of holes. I throw them out when they get to that point. And secondly, I’m not planning to have sex on the first date anyway, so what does it matter?”

  “But what if things heat up unexpectedly?” Yosh asked while I turned back to the closet. “You never know, it could happen. You and this woman start heading for sexy time and then boom! She takes one look at the droopy drawers and her legs clamp shut like the vault at Fort Knox.”

  “You know nothing about women,” Mikey told him flatly.

  “Like you’re an expert? You married the first woman you dated. It’s not like you have tons of experience with the opposite sex,” Yosh countered.

  “Where do you keep your underwear?” I asked, opening a couple built-in drawers.

  “Oh my God,” my brother exclaimed. “I don’t need you to pick out my underwear for me!”

  “The droopy drawers beg to differ.”

  He grunted in frustration, went over to the dresser on the far side of the room and pulled a drawer open. After rooting around for a few moments he said, “They’re all like this.” I started to walk over to him but he held up his hand, palm facing me. “No. Don’t help.” I sighed and sat on the edge of the bed with Yosh, and finally Mikey said, “I found a newer pair. They’ll have to do, although I’m still not planning to take my pants off tonight.”

  I looked the other way to give him some privacy as my brother switched out his briefs. My friend didn’t though, and whispered, “Well, damn. Those XXL condoms would have been right on the money, turns out. Shame your brother’s straight.” When I raised an eyebrow at Yosh, he smiled pleasantly.

  Once my brother was dressed (and looking a hundred percent less uptight), we went back downstairs and I said, “Just relax and enjoy yourself.”

  “I’ll try.”

  “I’ll call Fonte for you and cancel your reservation,” Yosh said as he pulled out his phone. “Have fun tonight, Mikey.”

  “Thanks.” My brother went into the dining room and hugged his sons before heading to the garage. To me he said, “I won’t be late.”

  “You can be late if you want to,” I told him. “Don’t hurry home.”

  He waved as he stepped through the door in the adjoining kitchen and Yosh whispered, “I bet you five bucks he’s home by ten.” No way would I take that bet. My friend was totally right.

  *****

  After dinner (during which Markie tagged Yosh’s leather jacket with a greasy little handprint), we moved to the living room and I took out the surprise I’d brought the boys. It was a DVD of E.T. and a big box of Reese’s Pieces. Mitchell curled up in the crook of my arm as we watched the movie, wiggling his loose tooth with his index finger. Meanwhile, Yosh drew an elaborate pirate ship on MJ’s arm with his temporary tattoo pens while Markie leaned over him and watched closely.

  We were surprised when we heard the automatic garage door opening a little after nine. “Busted,” I told the boys. “I was supposed to put you to bed ten minutes ago.”

  “But the movie’s not done yet,” MJ pointed out.

  The door connecting the garage to the kitchen opened. For just a moment, before he thought any of us saw him, my brother looked really defeated. But then he pulled up a smile as he stuck his head into the family room. “Hi guys. I’m going to go upstairs and change. I’ll be right back.” Yosh and I exchanged looks, and I followed my brother upstairs.

  When I reached his bedroom I asked, “That bad, huh?”

  He pulled off his shoes and socks, then grabbed a pair of sweat pants from the shelf in his closet as he said, “We had absolutely nothing to talk about. It was so awkward that Dante kept trying to intervene, but it was no use. I suck at dating, but maybe that’s for the best. I need to concentrate on the boys, they’re what’s important.”

  “I know you’re lonely, though,” I said gently, and he shrugged. “So, you didn’t click with this woman. You can try again with someone else.”

  “The date was an unmitigated disaster. I should take that as a sign,” he said as he changed from the dress pants and sweater to the grey sweats.

  “That was no sign, it was just the wrong person. If you want to, I can help you get back out there, maybe set
you up on a blind date or two.”

  “I don’t know about that idea,” he said as he crossed the room and sat beside me on the mattress.

  “Don’t you think it’s time, Mikey? Jenny’s been gone over five years.”

  “But it still hurts. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her.”

  “I think you’ll always miss her, but that doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be alone. Even Jenny would have wanted you to start over.”

  He grinned a little. “I don’t know about that. She was pretty possessive.”

  “Still though. I remember one New Year’s Eve that all of us spent together. Jenny and I were talking about her widowed dad, and she was saying how sad it made her that he hadn’t tried to find anyone after her mom passed, even though it had been years. Don’t you think she’d want the same for you?”

  “I really don’t know.”

  “What about you, don’t you want that? Five years is a long time, Mikey.”

  “I know.”

  “Don’t you miss the intimacy? I’m not just talking about sex, although don’t you miss that, too?”

  “Of course I do, but I’ve only ever been with one woman. The thought of going to bed with someone else....” He stopped talking and shook his head.

  “Okay. So, baby steps,” I said. “First we need to find you someone you can talk to and that you like spending time with. There’s no need to rush the other stuff. I mean, hell, you’ve waited this long.” I grinned at him and he offered me a little smile.

  “You don’t have to help. It seems pathetic that I’d need my brother to fix me up on dates.”

  “It’s not pathetic at all.”

  He thought about it for a while before saying, “Okay, but do me a favor. Don’t involve our grandmother in this. Remember a year after Jenny died, when Nana decided I needed to get back out there? The women she found for me were downright scary.”

  I chuckled at that. “They weren’t scary, exactly. They were just eager.”

  That made him smile again. “If we could avoid that overall level of eagerness, that’d be great.” He got up and started heading toward the stairs as he changed the subject. “How much candy did you feed the boys? Is it going to be impossible to get them to bed?”

  “They shared one box of Reese’s Pieces almost two hours ago, they’ll be fine. Also, just FYI, I forgot there’s a little swearing in E.T. They might have learned a couple new words.” Mikey shot me a look and I smiled at him. “You know the stuff we used to say at their age.” As we headed downstairs I added, “I don’t think I’ve ever told you this, but you’re an amazing dad, Mikey. The proof of that is those three incredible little people you’re raising. I’m proud of you.”

  “What brought that on?” he asked.

  “I dunno. I guess I just wanted you to know that.”

  “You’re getting sentimental in your old age.”

  “Hey, don’t throw the word ‘old’ around like that! The fact that I’m turning thirty in a couple months is kind of a sore subject.”

  “But you still look like you’re twenty-two, so whatever.”

  “I don’t. I look twenty-five, twenty-six.”

  “Tragic.”

  “Just wait until you turn thirty. I’ll be sure to have zero sympathy for you,” I said.

  “But by then, of course, you’ll be almost thirty-one.”

  “You suck,” I told him as I went to the hall closet and retrieved my change of clothes. “Also, we need to make a deal. I promise not to tell Nana that you’re looking for dates if you promise to disrupt any and all plans of hers to throw me a thirtieth birthday party.”

  “That ship has sailed, Johnnie,” he said, and I sighed and thudded the back of my head against the closet door.

  “Damn it! I don’t want to celebrate turning thirty, I want to mourn it.”

  “Tough. Nana’s already making plans for a big party. You’re just going to have to suck it up.” I sighed dramatically.

  After I changed, I went to say goodnight to my nephews and found them in various states of consciousness on the couch. Their dad sat in the middle with a sound asleep Markie on his lap, flanked by his two older sons. Yosh got up from the loveseat to join me, and Mikey whispered, “Thanks for babysitting, guys. And thanks for the tatts, Yoshi. I always wondered what my kids would look like if they’d been raised by pirates.” He grinned at my friend as he said that.

  “Any time.” Yoshi smiled cheerfully.

  We left my brother’s house and headed down the street to Yosh’s truck. The part of the Sunset District where my brother lived was quiet even on a Saturday night. It was also cool and damp as usual since we were just a few blocks from the ocean. After a while my friend said, “What do you think the chances are that Mike’s one hundred percent straight? I mean, the gay gene is pretty damn strong in your family.”

  I glanced at him. “Are you crushing on my baby brother?”

  “Baby brother. That’s funny, since he looks like he could be a defensive tackle in the NFL.”

  “Still.”

  “Are you surprised?” Yosh asked. “He’s really good-looking, and that Clark Kent thing he’s got going on with those glasses makes me giddy.”

  “Dork.”

  “Maybe. And you never answered my question. Do you think Mike has any interest in guys?”

  “No.”

  “Damn.”

  “So, since you’re out of the running, do you know any women we could fix him up with? Ideally, they should be like...like a sexy Mary Poppins.”

  Yosh chuckled at that. “Gross!”

  “You know what I mean. He needs someone wholesome who’s all about kids, but still has some sex appeal.”

  “And the example you came up with was Mary Poppins. That’s just not right.”

  “Okay, maybe not.” I thought for a minute and asked, “What about your cousin Stacey?”

  “The lawyer? Ew, no. I thought you liked your brother!”

  “Didn’t you say there’s a new female dentist that opened a practice near your studio? Is she cute?”

  “A dentist? You do hate him! What’s Mikey ever done to you?”

  “What’s wrong with a dentist? It means she’s intelligent, educated, probably has nice teeth....”

  “Loves inflicting pain,” Yosh added.

  “Fine, scratch the dentist. I’m determined to help Mikey find someone great, though. It’s time. He really needs to—”

  “For the love of God, don’t say ‘get back in the saddle’. It conjures way too vivid an image of straight people having sex.”

  I smiled at that. “You have issues, Yosh. You know this, right?”

  “Possibly.”

  “I was going to say he really needs to get back out there, sooner rather than later. He’s not the most confident guy in the world, and I don’t want tonight’s misfire to completely discourage him.” We’d reached Yosh’s sleek, black truck and I turned to look at him.

  “You’re right,” he said as he unlocked the passenger door, “I’ll try to think of someone Mikey-worthy. It shouldn’t be too hard.”

  “Theoretically.” We got in the truck and as he started the engine, I changed the subject by saying, “So, let’s review. What are you not going to do at the party?”

  Yosh shot me a look, then pulled away from the curb. “I’m not going to let Miles get me alone in the bedroom.”

  “Or the bathroom, or the hall closet, or the garage, or any of the places you’ve messed around with him in the past.” He sighed and I added, “I’m saying this for your own good. Every time you give in, you end up feeling like shit afterwards. But he’s like your own, personal brand of catnip! You keep going back for more, with the same results.”

  “I know.”

  “We should blow off this party. It’s irresponsible to throw you directly into the field of catnip.”

  “I’ll be fine,” he said. “Tonight’s interaction with Miles will consist of saying hello, that’s it. Nothing will
be fondled, sucked, or inserted.” I chuckled at that and he added, “Meanwhile, you have a celebrity crush to impress with your considerable charms.”

  “A probably straight celebrity crush.”

  “Only one way to find out.”

  Chapter Three

  Miles Harken had done well for himself. The model-turned-actor’s penthouse apartment on Nob Hill was spacious and showy with drop-dead gorgeous views of the city. Somehow, the entire place served as a foil for the handsome blond, as if he’d told his interior designer to plan the entire color palette to complement him.

  The apartment was full of beautiful people, many of whom were fawning over Miles. In return, he was acting charming, playing to his audience. Acting being the key word.

  “Yoshiro!” Miles exclaimed when he spotted us, applying far more accent than was necessary to the word. I fought back an eye roll. My friend was second-generation Japanese-American and about as exotic as I was, which is to say, not at all. Miles always played up Yosh’s ethnicity though, as if that made my friend more interesting and made Miles seem cooler for having something other than strictly WASPy friends.

  “Hey,” Yosh said levelly as Miles grabbed his shoulders and kissed both cheeks. Ugh, everything that guy did was annoying. “You remember my friend Gianni Dombruso.”

  “Of course. Lovely to see you again, Gianni,” Miles said with such a fake smile, holding his hand out to me palm-down, as if I was expected to kiss it.

  I shook it awkwardly as I said, “Miles,” and we both did a quick head-to-toe assessment of each other. I had to admit he looked good. His hair was artfully highlighted, his teeth so white it made me want to squint when he smiled at me and his clothes were both perfect and expensive. But then, so were mine. I stopped just short of smirking at him and managed a little grin instead.

  “Has the guest of honor arrived yet?” Yosh asked as I dropped Miles’ hand.

  “Not yet,” our host said. “But, you know, Jason is probably still on New York time. I don’t think he ever really adapts when he’s on location.” I didn’t bother to point out that it would be three hours later to someone on east coast time, making it well past midnight on their clock. Trying to explain time zones to the very blond Miles might actually cause him to short-circuit though, so I kept that observation to myself.