by Bonnie Leon
Jean nodded. She wished she could feel the reality of the words, but they seemed to drift away like a leaf caught by a breeze and carried out of reach. She looked at her daughter and saw the same steadiness she'd known in Will. “You remind me of your father. He was always the strong one.”
“Mom! Guess what!” Brian yelled, running up to her. “I'm gonna ride a bull!”
“What?”
“Not a bull,” Adam corrected, running after the boy. “A calf.”
“It's almost like riding a bull,” Brian said.
“I don't understand. Why is he riding a calf?”
“He wanted to sign up, so I told him we'd ask you. They have calf riding for the kids.”
“Oh, I don't know. It doesn't sound safe.”
“Mom, I'm not a baby! I'm eight and a half years old. Lots of other boys are riding.”
“You could get hurt.”
A long pause of silence followed, then Laurel said, “It's all in fun. I don't think you have to worry. The calves aren't that big.”
Jean envisioned her son lying in the dirt, injured. She couldn't bear the thought. But if what Laurel said was true, she needed to let go of Brian a little, let him experience life. Taking a deep breath, she said, “All right. I guess it wouldn't hurt.” She bent and held his face in her hands. “You hang on tight. Don't let that critter buck you off.”
Brian grinned. “I'll stick to him just like glue.” Without another word, he turned and raced to the registry table.
The rodeo started with calf roping and bareback riding, and then it was the boys' turn to try their hand at calf riding. Jean joined Laurel and Celeste at the fence. Susie stood beside her mother, her doll in one arm. Adam, Luke, and Robert were with Brian, giving him last-minute tips.
Two boys went ahead of Brian. The first managed to stay on until the whistle sounded and bailed off without incident. The other took a hard fall but quickly stood up and dusted dirt from his britches.
Brian climbed aboard, and Jean gripped the fence. “I shouldn't have let him do this.”
Laurel gave her mother a one-armed hug. “He'll be fine.”
Celeste and Robert joined them. “He's a natural,” Robert said. “He'll do great.”
“I don't understand why males have to do things like this,” Celeste said.
A gate opened, and Brian, atop a black whiteface, shot out of the chute. He gripped a thick length of rope, and his legs hugged the animal. The calf twisted and jumped, but Brian held on.
“Go Brian!” Robert yelled. Glancing at Adam, he said, “That's a hard-bucking calf.”
Her stomach churning, Jean watched as Brian's legs flew away from the animal and he slid to one side. “Hang on! Hang on, Brian!”
Clinging to the rope, Brian managed to stay with the animal another second; then the calf leapt up, landing straight-legged, head down. Brian flew over the calf's shoulders, still clinging to the rope. One more buck and the rope came loose. Brian landed with a hard thud.
The calf bucked away. Brian didn't move.
“Oh, my Lord!” Jean said.
Ray Townsend strode across the arena and kneeled beside Brian. He rested a hand on the boy's chest.
Adam, Robert, and Luke catapulted over the fence. Jean squeezed between the railings.
Brian wasn't moving.
Running to her son, Jean prayed, “Please, no, Father. Let him be all right.” She pushed through the onlookers and fell to her knees beside Brian. He was breathing, but his eyes were closed. “Brian! Brian! Can you hear me?”
At first he didn't respond. Then his eyes fluttered open. Gazing at his mother, he asked, “Did I make it?”
Everyone laughed with relief. “Almost,” Ray said. “It was a good ride.”
Brian pushed himself up on his elbows. “What happened? How come everyone's standing around?”
“You were knocked out,” Jean said, bracing his back. “Are you all right?”
Brian looked at himself. “I think so.”
Ray grabbed one of Brian's arms. “Up you go.”
Luke took the other, and glaring at Ray, said, “I've got him.” He hefted his brother to his feet.
Brian stood completely still for a moment while he regained his bearings.
“You sure you're all right?” Jean asked.
“Yeah.” He dusted off his pants. “Hey, that was a pretty good ride, huh?”
Relieved, but sick to her stomach, Jean said, “We're going home.”
“Home? Why?” Brian asked. “I want to watch the rest of the rodeo.”
Jean took his hand. “No. We're going home.”
“Mama, he's fine,” Laurel said.
“Maybe. He was unconscious. He needs to rest.” She pressed her hand to her mouth. “I have to go, and Brian and Susie are coming with me.” She met Laurel's eyes, and despite the disappointment she saw, she'd made up her mind. “Enough is enough.”
“I'll take you,” Ray volunteered. “That way the rest of the family won't have to miss the festivities. I've seen a lot of these in my day. It won't hurt me none to miss it.”
“No. I'll take her,” Luke cut in.
“I can walk. I don't want any of you to leave.”
“Mrs. Hasper, I was just about ready to go anyway,” Ray said. “It's no trouble.”
Jean wasn't comfortable around Ray Townsend, but to refuse him would be rude. “All right then.”
“I'll get the car and be right back. Meet you over there.” He pointed at a field just beyond the paddocks.
As soon as Ray was out of earshot, Luke started in. “Why not let me take you home?”
“It's not necessary. You heard Mr. Townsend; he said he was leaving anyway.”
“How can you spend a minute with him?” He glanced at Celeste. “I… I'm sorry, but…”
Celeste said nothing, but her eyes revealed her hurt.
“I'm riding home with him. Who I ride with or don't ride with is no concern of yours.”
Ray Townsend pulled his car in beside a truck and trailer. He honked, then climbed out and waited. Why am I doing this? he wondered. I'm just making things harder on her. Jean Hasper hates me. I don't blame her. He glanced at Luke, who was still fuming. And Luke hates me even more.
Holding Susie's hand, Jean crossed the field. Brian ambled along behind. Ray nodded at her. Although he'd told himself he only cared about her because she was a widow in need, he couldn't help but notice her good looks—hair the color of ginger, soft hazel eyes, and a slender build. The fire in her eyes had dimmed, but he remembered how they could blaze.
He wished he were more like Will Hasper—even-tempered, kind, and compassionate. If he had been, Will Hasper would probably still be alive, and the light in Jean Hasper's eyes would still be there.
Ray admired Will Hasper and had decided he'd do everything he could to be more like him. Now, with Christ living in him, he had hope that such a change was possible. He'd promised himself that he'd never be mean-spirited or raise his voice to anyone again.
“Climb on in the back, kids,” he said, opening the door.
Brian leaped onto the seat and bounced. “Wow, this is soft!”
Ray held the front door for Jean, and she slid onto the seat, careful to tuck her skirt in out of the way of the door. Susie climbed onto her lap. Brian was still bouncing. “Brian, stop that! Sit down and behave yourself.”
Brian sat, but his eyes roamed over the lush interior. “I've never been in a car like this. Did it cost a lot of money?”
Ray settled his large frame behind the wheel. “No. Didn't cost much. I won …” He stopped. He'd nearly told the boy he'd won it in a poker game. That's all he needed—for Jean Hasper to know he'd been a gambler too. “Uh, a friend of mine sold it to me cheap.”
“He must be a good friend,” Jean said.
“Yeah, he is.” Ray started the engine, already feeling guilty over lying about the car. Then he quietly said, “I won it in a poker game.” He kept his eyes straight ahead.
Jean said nothing.
They bounced across the field, then pulled onto a gravel road. Ray glanced over his shoulder at Brian. “That was a good ride you had today. You hung on right up to the last. It was a tough calf to ride.”
“Yeah? You think so?”
“You seem to have a real knack for it.”
“I do?” Brian asked incredulously, then smiled and leaned on the back of the front seat. “I figure I'll try it again next year. I betcha I stay on 'til the whistle.”
“I'll bet you do,” Ray agreed.
With a sidelong glance at Ray, Jean said, “I don't know that you'll be doing any more riding.”
“Ah, Mom.”
She glanced at Ray. “Thank you for taking us home.”
“No problem. I'm glad to. It's the least I can do.” He gripped the steering wheel. “I mean … well… it should be me that's dead.”
“No one should be dead, Mr. Townsend, and you don't need to keep apologizing.”
Ray closed his mouth, embarrassed. He knew he should stop telling her how badly he felt but couldn't seem to help himself. Too many people still believed he didn't care about what happened. “Well, I am sorry. Just want you to know that. And I want you to know I've turned over a new leaf. I'm not the same man I was.”
Jean looked at him. “That's good. The man I knew wasn't very nice.”
Ray kept his eyes on the road. He hadn't expected her to throw barbs. Of course, he deserved it.
“I think you're nice,” Brian said, resting his chin on the back of the front seat. “I thought you were mean before, but now you seem real nice. I like you.”
Ray smiled. “Well, thank you.”
“You're welcome.” Brian tucked his legs under him and sat on his knees. He gazed out the window. “What's your favorite place in Alaska?”
“You talking to me?” Ray asked.
“Yep. You've lived here longest.”
“Well, that's hard to answer. This is a big country; I like lots of places.” He thought a moment. “I've been up to McKinley and down to Cordorva and Seward. I've even been all the way up to Barrow. Can't say I like it up there much. Too empty and cold.” He scratched his dark beard. “I guess I'd have to say Fire Island.”
“I remember. We saw it from the train. How come you like it so much?”
“Well, late in the summer it looks like it's on fire because of all the fireweed growing on it. Ellie and I used to take Celeste there for picnics.”
“Who's Ellie?” Brian asked.
“She was my wife.”
“Where is she?”
“She died,” Ray said, his voice glum.
“Oh.” Brian was quiet a moment. “So, you're like Mama. Are you lonely too?”
“Brian, that's enough questions.”
Brian sat back against the seat.
“It's all right,” Ray said. Then he asked, “Have you been to Fire Island?”
“Nope.” Brian leaned forward again. “I just saw it from the train when we first got here, and I heard about it. But I'd like to go. Could you take us?”
“Brian,” Jean cautioned.
“Can we?” Susie asked, looking up at her mother.
Ray cast an easy smile at Jean. “I don't mind taking you as long as your mother doesn't mind,” he said, certain Jean would decline. He'd just been making polite conversation. He didn't really want to go back there and hadn't gone since Ellie's death. The memories were still raw.
“Please, can we go?”
“I don't even know where it is.”
“It's on Cook Inlet. Remember, we saw it from the train,” Brian said impatiently.
“Oh.” She glanced at Ray Townsend. “Well, I suppose we could. But I'm sure Mr. Townsend is too busy to take us.”
“You're not too busy, are you, Mr. Townsend?” Brian asked.
“Please, Mr. Townsend,” Susie added.
Ray cleared his throat, searching for a way out. “Well, I have been pretty busy.”
“But there's no trapping or hunting right now.”
“No. Well, I suppose we could go.”
“When?”
“I don't know, uh, sometime this summer.”
“OK. When?” Brian pushed. “Can we go tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow? Sorry, partner, but I can't.”
“Brian, Mr. Townsend is a busy man.”
Ray looked at Brian in his rearview mirror. He sat with arms folded over his chest, his mouth in a pout. Ray didn't want to disappoint the boy, especially since he was a changed man and he liked the youngster. He figured Will Hasper would have made time. “I s'pose we could go, but not for a while.”
“Next week?”
“Brian,” Jean said.
“No. I've got things to do next week. How about the week after?”
“Great! I can't wait to tell Luke! He'll want to go! I remember when we were on the train he said he wanted to go there!” Brian returned to staring out the window.
Ray could imagine what would happen when Brian told Luke they were going to Fire Island with him. How did I get myself into this one? he wondered, trying to concentrate on the road.
Chapter 15
A CAR HORN BRAYED FROM OUTSIDE. “ADAM AND LAUREL ARE HERE!” BRIAN called, dashing for the door and yanking it open.
“Brian, come back here,” Jean said. Brian reluctantly returned to the kitchen. “I need you to carry the extra clothes.”
He picked up the box, headed for the door, and disappeared outside.
Susie followed. “Camping. I like camping. We're going camping.”
“Luke, could you get the box of food? I'll carry the bedding.”
Luke glowered at the box of provisions sitting on the floor beside the door. “I'll carry it out, but I'm not going.”
“No one said you had to go.”
Picking up the box, he asked, “How can you go anywhere with that man?”
“He invited us. And Brian and Susie want to go. It will be good for them.” Jean settled her eyes on Luke. “I'm not going to let hatred control me, and neither should you. We have to go on and accept that what happened wasn't anyone's fault.”
“I don't know how you can say that. He could have done things differently, but he didn't. He let Dad die.”
Adam appeared at the door. “You two going to take all day?” His smile faded when he saw the intensity of Luke's expression. “Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.”
“No. It's fine,” Jean said. “We're ready.”
“You're ready,” Luke corrected.
Adam took the blankets from Jean. “You're not going?” he asked Luke.
“Nope.”
“I was hoping you'd join me for some beach fishing. I brought my pole.”
A glimmer of interest touched Luke's eyes. “Beach fishing? I've never done any. Heard it could be good.”
“Well, get your pole then. We'll learn together.”
“I don't know.”
“Brian's going to be real disappointed if you don't go. He's out there talking about all the things you two are going to do.” Adam rested a hand on Luke's shoulder. “Weather's good, the food will be great, and the fishing ought to be interesting at the very least.”
“Nah, I don't think so.” Luke walked to the truck and set the provisions in the back.
“You're really not going?” Adam asked, placing the box of bedding beside the food.
“You think I'd spend a night camping with Ray Townsend? I wouldn't go anywhere with him.”
“I was counting on your company.”
Luke shook his head. “If he wasn't there, I'd go, but…”
Adam folded his arms over his chest. “I thought you read everything I write.”
“I do.”
“How about the article I did on your father?”
“That fable?” Luke said with a smirk. “I'd pay attention to it if it were true. I suppose the drips back in Chicago eat that stuff up. Too bad it's drivel.”
“It's not. You've seen
the changes around here.” Fixing his eyes on Luke's, he continued, “You can't carry a grudge forever.”
Luke glared at Adam. “I'll decide what I do and when.” His gaze faltered. “You don't know what it's like.”
“I don't, huh?”
A flicker of realization touched Luke's face.
“I understand hate and fear. I've seen what it can do. The devil uses it to tear us down, and if we're filled with hate, we leave no room for God.”
Luke looked like he was about to retaliate, then unexpectedly, his hostility slipped away. “All right. I'll go.”
“Great!” Adam said, clapping him on the back.
“I better pack.”
“Don't bother,” Jean said with a smile. “I already did it.”
“What?”
“I thought you might change your mind.” She hugged Luke, then turned to watch Ray Townsend's car turn into the driveway.
“I'll go, but I'm not talking to him.”
“No one said you had to, but you will be respectful. You're still my son and your father's.”
“All right. I'll try.”
“So, Ray's been to Fire Island?” Adam asked.
Jean leaned against the door of the truck and patted Laurel's arm resting on the open window. She smiled at her daughter. “That's what he said. I guess he and his wife and Celeste used to visit during the summers. When I first said we'd go, I figured it would just be for the day, but Mr. Townsend said it wouldn't be a real visit without a night on the beach around a campfire.”
“It's a long way to go for just one day anyway,” Laurel said. “Besides, summer's almost over, and it's time for a little adventure.”
Ray stopped his car and climbed out. After retucking his blue flannel shirt, he ambled to Adam's truck.
Celeste walked beside him. “Hi, everyone.”
“Morning,” Jean said. “Nice to see you.”
Celeste leaned on the pickup door. “Laurel, I'm so glad you're coming with us.”
Looking a little ill at ease, Ray said, “Mornin',” and shook hands with Adam and nodded at Jean and Laurel. His eyes found Luke. “Mornin' to you.”
