by Bonnie Leon
“No. It's nothing. Don't worry about it,” he said brusquely and crossed the room. Picking up two blankets at once, he said, “We better get going.” He stuffed the blankets into the duffel bag.
Jean finished her coffee and the apple, then gathered up her things, puzzling over her reaction to Ray's touch. Nothing was wrong with it. Why had she reacted so negatively?
Ray headed out the door with the duffel bag. “Let's get a move on,” he said, his gentle mood gone.
The trip across the inlet was silent and strained. The seas were rough, and Jean prayed they wouldn't have to turn back. She couldn't face another night alone with Ray.
Keeping her eyes trained on the distant shoreline, she was thankful the rough waters kept Ray distracted. That way they didn't have to talk. What could she say to his proposal? She didn't even know just exactly what he was proposing.
They'd been enemies, then friends, and now … what were they now? If he wanted to marry her, would they become lovers? Husbands and wives generally were. Was he suggesting they marry and simply live a life of convenience? Or did he just mean to move onto the farm and be a help to her family? She imagined the embarrassment when she'd have to ask him to explain.
If he were suggesting marriage, how did she feel about it? The idea wasn't unpleasant. Was it possible for her to love someone other than Will? In so many ways he was still with her, and she'd never stop loving him. Wasn't that unfair to Ray? Brian and Susie would be ecstatic. They loved Ray. Luke, however, was another matter. She could barely bring herself to think what his reaction would be. What if he was angry enough to walk away for good?
Jean breathed a sigh of relief when the boat glided up to the pier. Ray climbed out, tied the dory, and offered Jean a hand. His grip was strong and sure. Just like him, she thought, her mind touching on the image of him as a marriage partner. She could never marry for convenience. Standing on the dock, she said, “It's good to be back.”
“We've still got a long drive ahead of us.” He started unloading their gear.
They headed for Palmer, and weariness settled over Jean. She longed for the quiet of her room and time to sort out her thoughts. She glanced at Ray. His big hands gripped the steering wheel; his eyes stared straight ahead. Maybe now was a good time to ask him what he'd meant when he'd talked about helping her and the kids.
“I'll bet Luke's hotter than an angry yellow jacket,” Ray said, flashing Jean a smile. “I don't suppose we could hope he's not there.”
“No. I'm sure he's home … and waiting.” The thought of facing her fuming son made Jean's stomach turn.
Ray reached across the seat and patted Jean's hand. “Don't worry. I'll handle everything. Luke knows things can happen. He's been here long enough to understand.”
“He knows, all right. He just doesn't want any adventures that include you.”
“Not all adventures are bad.” Ray chuckled.
Jean was glad things were back to normal between her and Ray. Maybe she wouldn't have to decide anything for a while.
Quiet settled over the cab, and Jean was content to watch the scenery move past the window. As they approached home, her stomach growled loudly. Pressing a hand against her abdomen, she said, “I'm starved. I'm sure you are too. Would you like to stay for supper?”
“I don't know if this is a good time. It would be like putting a burr under Luke's saddle, if you know what I mean.”
“He's going to be mad no matter what.”
“You have a point,” Ray said, pulling into the driveway.
Brian and Susie tore out the back door, and Jean took a strengthening breath, knowing she was about to face Luke's ire. Putting on a smile, she waved at her two youngest.
The truck had barely stopped when Brian yanked open the door and threw his arms around his mother. Jean inched off the seat and climbed out with Brian still clinging to her.
“Where were you?” he asked. “I was scared you weren't coming back.”
“Of course I was coming back. I'm sorry you were worried. A storm blew in and we had to stay in a cabin up on the Susitna River.”
“Mommy,” Susie said, throwing herself at her mother.
Releasing Brian, Jean hefted her daughter into her arms and hugged her. “Oh, how good to see you. I missed you.”
The little girl looked at her mother, her blue eyes bright. “Are you all right? You look all right.”
“Yes. I'm fine. Mr. Townsend took good care of me.” She rested a hand on her stomach. “But I am hungry.”
Celeste and Laurel strode up to Jean and Ray. “It's about time,” Celeste said with a grin, giving her father a quick hug. “I was beginning to worry.”
“You know better,” Ray said.
With William in her arms, Laurel embraced her mother. “I'm so glad you're all right. You scared us.”
“I'm sorry.” Jean kissed William. The little boy smiled and flailed his arms. Jean circled an arm around Laurel's waist. “We went fishing, then a storm chased us inland for the night.” They headed toward the house.
Adam met them halfway. “Glad to see you back safe and sound. Did you get any fish?”
“We did, but some scavenger stole them in the night,” Jean said.
“Let me give you a hand with your stuff,” Adam said and headed for Ray.
Wearing a scowl, Luke stood on the porch, hands in his pockets. “You had us worried, you know.”
Jean hugged him. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. The storm came up all of a sudden.”
“It wouldn't have been a problem if you hadn't been out there in the first place.”
“It was a beautiful day, and I needed some time off.” She tried to smile. “Some things just can't be helped.”
“Yes, they can be.” Luke strode toward the truck.
“Luke. Don't.” Jean followed him. “We all know how you feel.” She grabbed his arm. “I told you to stop. You have no right to interfere.”
Yanking his arm free, Luke whirled on her.
Jean forced herself to stand her ground, throwing back her shoulders.
“I have every right. This is my farm, and he isn't welcome here.” Without another word, he headed for Ray and hurtled himself at the man. Pressing his fists against the big man's chest, he yelled, “What do you think you're doing taking my mother out on the inlet like that? You could have killed her. 'Course, you're pretty good at that kind of thing.”
Adam tried to step between the two men. “That's enough, Luke.”
“No. It's not… enough.”
“It's all right, Adam. I'll handle this,” Ray said evenly, facing the young man. “I never intended to put your mother in harm's way. We just went fishing. You know how changeable the weather can be. I didn't know a storm would come up. You can't predict those kinds of things.” Luke glared and didn't respond. Ray continued, “I've been out on that stretch of the bay more times than I can count. I know my way around.” He glanced at Celeste. “Isn't that right?”
“We've gone fishing there ever since I was a kid. You didn't have to worry, Luke. I told you that.”
“That's what you said, but how can I believe you? You're his daughter. You're loyal to him.” His rage growing, Luke turned back to Ray. “I told you to stay away, and I meant it.”
“You did, and I have. And yesterday when I set out, I never planned to take your mother along. We just bumped into each other at the post office. It was a beautiful day, and on the spur of the moment, I asked her to join me. I'm not sorry I did. I enjoyed her company; I've missed her.” He glanced at the children. “And I've missed Brian and Susie.”
Brian sidled up next to Ray and rested an arm around the man's waist. “Yeah, and we miss him. You don't have to be so mean, Luke.”
“Yeah, Luke,” Susie said, sticking out her lower lip and joining Brian. She looked up at Ray and smiled. “We like you. You're our friend.”
If it were possible, the red in Luke's face deepened. “You're kids. What do you know? Have you forgotten he's the on
e who murdered our father? And now he's trying to take away our mother and our house.”
“That's not true,” Brian said. He looked up at Ray. “Is it?”
“No. It's not,” Ray said, a sharp edge to his voice.
Jean touched Luke's arm. “Please, Luke … enough's enough.”
Ray's eyes were angry now. “I've had enough, Luke. I've tried to get along with you, but you won't listen, and I don't like your accusations.” His voice was calm but threatening. “I didn't murder your father. It was an accident. And I don't plan to take over your home.” His eyes rested on Jean for just a moment.
“You're after our mother. I can see it. Don't deny it.”
Ray didn't respond right away. His eyes moved from his daughter to Adam and Laurel, then stayed with Jean. Finally he said quietly, “I guess you do have one thing right. I am crazy about your mother. But please believe me when I say it didn't start that way. Before your father died, he asked me to watch out for you all. In the beginning you needed help. And I just wanted to lend a hand … do what your father asked. Then gradually it became something else. I couldn't help it… I fell in love.” He turned his eyes back to Luke. “Your mother's a special woman. It would be hard for anyone to know her and not love her.” He looked at Jean. “I didn't want to make things harder on you or your family. I'm real sorry.” He turned and climbed into his truck. “I'll see you at home, Celeste?”
“Yes,” she said softly. “Soon.”
Ray drove away.
Stunned, Jean watched the truck. He loved her. Now what should she do?
When the pickup was out of sight, she turned to Luke. Anger boiling up, she stared at him a long moment before speaking. “Cruelty isn't something this family believes in. I never thought I'd say this, but if your father could see you right now, he'd be ashamed of you.” She balled her hands into fists. “I thought you'd finally understand … especially after what happened with Alex.”
A pang of sorrow seared Luke's eyes, and Jean immediately wished she'd kept the words to herself. Suddenly drained, she walked to the porch and sat on the steps, resting her arms on her legs.
Adam stepped closer to Luke. “It's time you faced the truth. Your father's death wasn't Ray's fault any more than Alex's death was yours. You're doing nothing but hurting yourself and your mother.” Shaking his head, he added, “I expected better from you.”
Chapter 32
JEAN STOOD AND BRUSHED DIRT FROM HER HANDS. ALTHOUGH IT WAS nearing eight o'clock, the sun still hung above the mountains. The kids would be hungry. Shading her eyes, she watched Brian shovel dirt into the back of his dump truck. Susie sat on the edge of the vegetable patch, braiding wildflowers into a necklace. Jean smiled, remembering how Laurel used to do the same thing when she was little.
Noticing her mother's interest, Susie jumped to her feet and ran to her. “Look what I made,” she said, displaying the colorful band.
Jean bent to examine it. “How beautiful! It's the best one yet.”
“Yeah, but this flower's broke,” Susie said, touching a daisy with a twisted stem.
“Oh, that's all right. Now it's more interesting.”
“You think so?” Susie smiled. “I made it for you.” She handed the necklace to her mother.
Jean draped it around her neck. “Thank you,” she said and gave Susie a hug.
A truck approached, kicking up dust. It bounced over the bridge, then moved on. A frown touched Susie's mouth. “Is Ray ever going to come and see us?”
“I'm sure he will. He's been busy.” Jean scanned the field and studied Luke, who drove the tractor up and down rows. Sadness settled over her. If Ray showed up, there'd be a war.
“I'm hungry,” Susie said.
“Me too,” Jean said. “I was working and forgot about supper. I've got a roast cooking. All I need to do is add vegetables.”
“And bread?”
“Of course.” Jean picked up her hoe and followed Susie to the house. “Brian, could you run and tell your brother supper will be ready soon?”
“OK.” Brian parked his truck, then skipped toward the tractor.
“Be careful,” Jean called after him, remembering Will's accident on the tractor. It had seemed devastating then. She smiled, suddenly aware the memory didn't bring the usual gut-wrenching pain. Now she felt a sense of loss and savored the sweet memory of her husband's courage and determination. Maybe I'm getting better, she thought.
“Mommy, what are you thinking about?” Susie asked, standing on the porch steps.
“Your daddy.”
“Do you still miss him a lot?”
“Yes. But sometimes I just remember what a fine man he was.”
“I don't remember him too good.”
Jean scooped up the little girl and nuzzled her. “Oh, he loved you. He liked to say you were his sunshine.”
“I remember that.” Susie leaned away from her mother. “Will I have a different daddy some day?”
“I don't know. Maybe … someday.”
Brian trudged in just as Jean set the roast on the table. “Luke said he has to finish. He'll come in when he's done.” Leaving dirty footprints, he walked to the table and pulled out a chair. “Looks good,” he said, picking at the meat.
“Oh, no you don't,” Jean said, swatting his hand gently. “You go and wash up, then you can eat.” Brian walked to the sink and stuck his hands under running water. A knock sounded at the door.
Susie ran to answer it. “Hi, Ray,” she said, holding up her arms so he could lift her.
“Hi,” he said, scooping up the little girl and walking in.
Jean immediately knew Ray had a reason for his visit. Otherwise, he wouldn't have chanced an encounter with Luke. “You're just in time for supper.”
He looked at the table. “I figured you'd be finished by now. I'll come back later.”
“We have plenty. Luke's out working, so you can take his plate.”
Ray skimmed off his hat. “All right, if you're sure you have enough.” He looked about the kitchen. “Where's Miram?”
“In town visiting a friend.”
“Ed,” Brian said with a knowing smile. “I think Miram loves him. What do you think, Mama?”
“I think you should ask her,” Jean said firmly. “Now, let's sit down and eat. I'm hungry.” She sat and so did everyone else. For the moment the room was quiet. Jean looked at Ray and asked, “Would you mind saying grace?”
Ray bowed his head. “Dear Lord, thank you for this family. They're good people. I ask that you bless them. And Father, thank you for the food and for Jean's hard work in preparing it. Bless her for being such a good mother and a good … friend. Amen.”
Jean's eyes met Ray's, which seemed oddly intense. He'd said he loved her. Was that what she saw now or had the words been unintended and simply slipped out in the heat of the moment? No matter, she thought. It feels right having him at our table. “Thank you, Ray,” she said and handed him the platter of meat.
“How are things going for you?” he asked.
“Good,” Brian said. “I've been doin' a lot of fishing. I caught a real big trout this morning, and yesterday I reeled in a salmon. It's big.”
“Really?” Ray asked, taking a slice of bread. “I'd like to go with you some day.”
“That'd be fun.” Worry furrowed Brian's brow. “Luke wouldn't want you to come with us.” He thought a moment, then smiled. “Maybe just you and me could go.”
“Sounds like fun,” Ray said, cutting his meat. He took a bite and chewed. “This is good.”
“Thank you.” Jean buttered a slice of bread. “How did your fur sales turn out?”
“Not bad. Good enough to see me through the year.”
Susie dipped her bread in thick, brown gravy and slopped it into her mouth. “Mama, what if Luke comes in? Won't he get mad?”
“Probably.”
Silence fell over the table. Brian laid his hands one on top of the other and rested his chin on them. He looked at his mother
, then Ray, and asked, “Do you love my mother?”
“Brian! You don't ask such things!” Jean said.
“You told me I should ask Miram if she loves Ed.”
“Well, that's different. Ed's not here.”
“Oh.” Brian poked his fork into a small potato. “Well, never mind then.”
Ray's face had turned red. He finished off the last of his bread and sipped his coffee. “Actually, I was hoping I could talk to your mother about that,” he finally said, looking directly at Jean. “Could we talk?”
Jean knew her cheeks were flaming. “Now?”
“Well, just as soon as you're done eating if that's all right.”
Jean looked at her plate, uncertain she could manage another bite. She nibbled on a slice of bread, then pushed her plate aside and said softly, “I'm finished.”
Ray stood, his eyes on her.
Jean was afraid. What would she say if Ray wanted an answer? “Brian, can you and Susie clear away the dishes?”
“All right,” Brian said in a whiny voice. “But Susie's not much help. She makes a mess.”
Jean stood and moved around the table to her daughter. “Susie, I need you to put the dishes on the drain board. OK? Brian will do the rest.”
Susie nodded. “I'm a big girl. I can do it.”
Jean kissed her forehead. “Good.” She looked at Ray. “So, you ready?”
“Yep.”
Feeling as if her legs were made of wood, Jean walked to the back door. Ray quickly reached around her and opened it. Taking a deep breath, she stepped out. Her eyes immediately went to the mountains where the sun rested on the peaks, transforming the sky and strands of clouds into a golden pallet. “It's beautiful.”
“It sure is.” Ray rested a hand on Jean's waist. “Maybe we could walk down to the creek?”
“All right.” Jean's voice wavered, and she hoped Ray hadn't noticed. His hand burned against her back.
They followed the trail to Justin's apple tree and stopped. “It's really grown,” Jean said. When we first moved here, it wasn't much more than a twig. She smelled a white blossom. “Maybe we'll have apples this year.” She turned and looked back at the house. “Back in Wisconsin we had a big orchard. This tree was a seedling cut from one of Will's father's original trees. Justin and Brian used to swing from branches every chance they got.” Jean could feel the tears. “I miss Justin,” she said, glancing at Ray and walking toward the creek bank.
