The nurse came back in the room to discuss whether Peyton wanted to go through a natural miscarriage, or through the medical procedure known as a D and C, dilation and curettage. Her mom explained the difference, telling Peyton that with her own first miscarriage, she let things happen naturally. The pain was intense, and the risk of infection was high. The next two times, she’d opted for the medical procedure. She wondered still, she told Peyton, if the first miscarriage had compromised her uterus resulting in the subsequent losses. There was no medical evidence to prove her theory, it didn’t change her mother’s belief that had she done things differently, she may have been able to have another child.
Peyton still hadn’t made up her mind when the doctor came in.
“Peyton, I need to examine you, and then we can discuss your options.”
“Will you stay?” Peyton held her mother’s hand and wouldn’t let go.
“Of course, sweetheart.”
The doctor stretched latex gloves over his hands and asked Peyton to rest her feet in the stirrups. Tears streamed down her cheeks. There was physical pain as he performed the examination, but it was a fraction of the emotional pain she felt.
The doctor removed her feet from the stirrups, told her to ease back, and covered her with the blanket. He left the room, and when he returned, ran the fetal monitor over her abdomen.
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Peyton heard the sound of her little girl’s heartbeat.
“Order an ultrasound,” he told the nurse.
Peyton’s mom held her hand tight, and smiled when Peyton looked up at her.
“There are times we can’t find the heartbeat,” he started to explain. “You remember from your first pregnancy.”
The same doctor with her today, had been her obstetrician with both Jamison and Finn.
“With the amount of bleeding—”
Peyton held up her hand. “I understand.”
The tech rolled the ultrasound machine in, and the doctor spread the cool gel over her tummy. He ran the wand back and forth, stopping to tap the computer’s keyboard, or click the mouse. Peyton recognized that he was taking measurements, she also recognized movement.
“Do you want to know the baby’s sex?” he asked.
“It’s a girl,” Peyton responded.
“It’s early, but I think you’re right. I’m sorry to have put you through the scare, Peyton.”
She shook her head. She understood. There were times the symptoms indicated more than what actually happened.
“I want to admit you. At least overnight. Maybe longer.”
She’d be on the labor and delivery floor, where she’d been the last two times they admitted her, far away from where they’d bring Brodie, but in the same hospital nonetheless.
17
The aroma of clam chowder and garlic bread filled the hospital room.
“I love you so much right now.” Peyton smiled at Alex.
“You only say that when I bring you food. It’s starting to bother me.”
“Get over it,” Peyton laughed. “How many people are you planning on feeding? The entire nursing staff?” Alex was unpacking brown paper bags emblazoned with the Sea Chest’s logo. “Is that all chowder?” Alex pulled out four quarts, along with several foil-wrapped pans.
“And other delicacies. Your parents will be here shortly with the boys.”
“I do love you, and not just because you bring me food.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know. Don’t start in with all that pregnancy induced, emotional shit.”
Jamison bumped into the back of Alex, and held his hand out. This time when she reached into her pocket, she pulled out a twenty. “Can that cover my bad language, at least for tonight?”
Jamison shrugged and stuffed the money into his front pocket. “We’ll see.”
“Hey!” Finn punched Jamison.
“I’ll share it, you little bugger.”
Alex held her hand out in Jamison’s direction. “Bugger? Now you owe me.”
“That isn’t a bad word.”
“Sure is, especially in my house.” Maddox Butler walked into the room, and over to Peyton. “Hey there, pretty little mama.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “How are you feeling?”
“Hi, Maddox. I’m doing okay, thanks for asking.” Peyton tried to be polite, but inside she was fraught with anxiety.
“I’m parking the car, getting some coffee, and calling the winery,” he offered.
Peyton looked over in time to see her parents and Alex usher the boys out of the room, and close the door behind them.
“So he’s here?”
“Brought him in about an hour ago. They have him in the ICU, but it’s only precautionary. They expect to have him in a regular room later tonight or tomorrow.”
“Does he know?”
“No, Peyton. We discussed it as a family, and we all agree it’s up to you to tell him. Only Naught and I, and our parents know. We haven’t told Skye or Ainsley.”
“I appreciate it, Maddox.”
“Alex told me what happened earlier. Sounds like you had quite a scare.”
“It was…horrible.” Peyton’s eyes filled with tears she brushed away.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“It’s why I’m here, so it’s hard to avoid the subject.”
“Right.” He smiled.
“How is he?”
“Better every day. Stronger. More obstinate.”
“Mad?”
“Yeah?”
Peyton laughed. “Sorry, I meant is he mad?”
“Oh, gotcha. I wouldn’t say he’s mad. He’s worried. Beatin’ himself up pretty bad. Naught and I aren’t letting him off the hook either.”
“Did he tell you what happened between us?”
“Promise you won’t get mad?”
Peyton nodded.
“Alex told me.”
“I see.”
“You promised you wouldn’t get angry.”
“I’m not angry with Alex.” Her best friend only knew part of the story anyway. She refrained from sharing the part where Brodie left her in a shit pile of humiliation. All Alex knew was that she and Brodie had sex, she ended things, and he left the country. She’d fudged the order a little, but it was mostly the truth.
“Do you want to know what I think?”
“Sure.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, Maddox. Tell me what you think.” No wonder Alex couldn’t stay away from this guy. He was hotter than hell, gruff as all get out, with a heart bigger than Butler Ranch.
“He really regrets whatever happened with you two.”
Wrong word. She had no room for regret, his or anyone else’s. If he regretted having sex with her, why in the hell was he so relentless about wanting to talk to her? Did he want her forgiveness? She’d never forgive him for something she’d never regret.
“Can I ask you a favor, Maddox?”
“Of course.”
“Would you please tell Brodie he doesn’t owe me a damn thing. He doesn’t need to apologize, or feel regret, or even feel any responsibility for my baby. I’m raising two other precious children without their father’s involvement, and we’re doing just fine. There is no reason for me to believe it’ll be any different with my daughter.”
“Two things. What did I say? And, you know it’s a girl? Shit, Peyton, that’s wonderful.”
“I don’t need anyone’s regret, Maddox. If he’s ashamed or embarrassed about what happened between us, that’s between him and the reflection he sees in the mirror. And as far as knowing my baby is a girl, I’ve known for weeks. It’s a feeling, Maddox. One that is born out of love for my child.”
“I didn’t come here to cause more trouble, Peyton.”
“I know that, and I’m sorry I’m taking my anger out on you. Nothing that’s happened is your fault. I don’t need any of this…this…bullshit from your brother. Please tell him to move on with his life, and stay the hell out of mi
ne.”
“Can I visit you again, or are you banishing me from your life, too?”
How could this man smile at her when she was treating him so abhorrently?
“You’re a good man, Maddox, and you can visit me whenever you’d like. You might want to consider purchasing protective gear before you see me again.”
Maddox leaned over and kissed her cheek for the second time. He grabbed her hand and put it near his chest. “You need somebody to beat on, sweetheart, I can take it.”
Brodie slept for most of the day. The travel took more out of him than he expected it to, and was glad the Argentinian doctor had insisted he go by medevac. If he had tried regular travel, he might not have lived through it.
Maddox came in and pulled a chair closer to Brodie’s bed. He leaned forward, rested his forearms on his knees, and then gripped the back of his neck with his hand.
“What’s bothering you, Mad?”
“Tell me what happened between you and Peyton.”
“It isn’t any of your business—”
“Tell me!” Mad bellowed. “Right now. Or I won’t help you, brother. And whether you’ve figured it out or not, you need a helluva lot of help.”
By the time Brodie finished recounting his last night with Peyton, Maddox understood why the word “regret” set her off the way it had. She had it wrong, and so did Brodie, but once they understood how wrong they were, they’d find their way back to each other. They didn’t need Maddox’s interference.
“Are you going to help me?”
“Nope. You’re good. Just remember this—no woman wants to think she was a mistake. Be mindful of that when you’re groveling.”
“Why would she think she was a mistake?”
“You mull that over for a bit. When you’re certain you’re ready, I’ll make sure you get to talk to her.”
Alex peeked her head in Peyton’s door. “Safe to come back in?”
“God, yes. I’m starving.”
“Good. I was afraid Mad might’ve ruined your appetite.”
“Not a chance.” Peyton looked behind Alex. “Where are my boys?”
“Right here.” Finn walked under Alex’s arm and over to the bed. Jamison followed and sat on the other side of her.
“When will the baby come out of your tummy?” Finn rested his hand on her stomach.
“Sometime in December. Maybe she’ll be a Christmas baby.”
“Really? That would kind of suck.”
“Why, Jamie?”
“Coz then she’d only get presents once a year.”
“But she’d get double-presents, right, Mom?”
Peyton pulled Finn closer to her. “That’s right. We’ll make sure she never forgets how special she is to us.”
“We could give her presents every day.”
“That’s stupid,” Jamison said to his brother.
Alex held her hand out to him.
“What?”
“Stupid. That’s a bad word. Hand back some of that money, cowboy.”
“Stupid isn’t a bad word. Right, Mom?”
“If Alex says it is, it is. Pay up, buddy.” Peyton looked over at Alex. “See what a good mom you’re going to be?”
Peyton didn’t like the look that flashed across Alex’s face. She’d try to remember to ask her about it once her parents took the boys home.
“Do you still talk to Alex?” Brodie asked Maddox.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”
“Think she’d talk to me?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“She’s not who you should be talking to.”
“Peyton won’t talk to me.”
“She will. When you’re sure you’re ready. I’ve told you this.”
“I’m ready.”
“No. You’re not.”
“How do you know?”
“I’ll know when you’re ready.”
“You’re so full of shit.”
“That’ll cost you another day.”
“Asshole.”
“That’s two more.”
“Why don’t you make it easier on me, Mad. Just tell me where you think I went wrong.”
“Nah, Brode. You gotta figure it out for yourself.”
“Okay if I think out loud?”
“Do whatever you want, I can leave.”
“I’m not this guy, Maddox. I’ve never had a woman have the upper hand with me.”
“There’s your first mistake.”
“Letting her get the upper hand?”
“Thinking there is one.”
“I hate what I did to her.”
Maddox got up and walked out of Brodie’s hospital room.
Brodie had no idea what Maddox was trying to get him to see. He hated what he’d done, he was being honest, and he wanted Peyton to know how sorry he was. He’d never before been so profoundly ashamed of himself.
There were probably women he’d been involved with who wanted more from him than he was ready to give, but he was honest about his feelings. How would he have felt if a woman tried to trick him into a relationship he didn’t want? He wouldn’t have liked it. He would’ve been angry, as much at himself as the woman.
These were all the reasons he regretted what he’d done. Peyton had every reason to be angry with him, even to hate him.
Peyton shifted in the small hospital bed, and knocked over the pitcher of water on the bed tray. The icy cold water hit her legs and she shrieked.
“Here,” Maddox came out of the bathroom holding a bunch of towels. He tossed two at her, while he stopped the flow of cold water dripping onto her from the edge of the tray.
“Maddox? What are you doing here?” she asked once they had the watery mess cleaned up.
“I came down to talk, but you were asleep, so I’ve been sitting here watching you.” He smiled, but was obviously embarrassed.
“Alex calls Naughton the dark and broody Scottish guy.”
“Yeah? Does she call me the creeper?”
“She hasn’t, but after I tell her this story, she’ll probably start.”
Maddox laughed. “I like you, Peyton. Not very many people can hold their own against Alex Avila, but I bet you give her just as much shit as she gives you.”
“We’ve been friends a long time.”
“She’s not one for spending time with people she doesn’t like.”
“I’d ask you about your relationship with her, but I doubt that’s why you were sitting here watching me sleep.”
“No, that wasn’t the reason.”
“What can I do for you?”
“They moved Brodie out of the ICU, and into a regular room late yesterday afternoon. It looks like they’re going to be able to save his toes.”
“Frostbite?”
“Yeah. Listen, I promised myself I wouldn’t do this, but here I am anyway.”
“You sure you want to make a pregnant woman angry again?”
“The thing I said a couple days ago, about Brodie regretting what happened between you two. That’s the part that bothers you, isn’t it?”
“How would you feel if I told you Alex regretted her time with you, Maddox? Come on, this is pretty obvious stuff here.”
“What if she didn’t regret our time together? What if she regretted how she handled something? That would be different.”
“Of course it would be. However, if Brodie regrets how he handled leaving, that wouldn’t be different at all. At least not how I’d feel about it.”
“I have a couple other questions. If you don’t want to answer them, you don’t have to.”
“That’s a given, Maddox. I am completely capable of telling you something isn’t any of your business, or saying no. That shouldn’t surprise you.”
“Is there any way you can forgive him?”
“Brodie?”
“Not Brodie.”
“Kade?”
“No. Lang.”
“That’s the last question I expected you to ask
me. And I’m not sure. I guess it depends on what for.” She forgave Lang a long time ago for leaving her. When she said she blamed herself as much as she blamed him for things not working out between them, she meant it. If she had listened to her instincts, she never would’ve married him to begin with. She doubted she’d ever forgive him for walking out on his sons. Even she wouldn’t have predicted he’d be able to do that.
“Why do you ask, Maddox?”
“I wanted to watch your expression while you thought about it.”
“What did you learn?”
“Nothing.”
“I’m not following you. If I were having this conversation with anyone else, I’d tell them to stop with the games, but you’re not playing games, are you?”
“No, Peyton. No games.”
When the nurse came in to see if Peyton needed anything, she asked for more ice water. When she came back with the ice water, she asked for a wheelchair.
“Where to?” Maddox asked when the nurse left the wheelchair near the door to her room.
“You don’t have to push me. I can get around pretty good on my own.”
“Yes, Peyton, I’m aware of that. Where to?”
“You’re so much like your brother.”
“Thank you.”
“Aren’t you going to ask which one?”
“Nah. I like all of them.”
“You’re sweet.”
“Shh. Don’t let that get out.”
“I want to go look at the babies, Maddox. What if that gets out?”
“Damn, even worse.”
Maddox pushed her over to the nursery window, and grabbed a chair out of one of the nearby rooms.
“Do they let you hold them?”
“No. I think they look for volunteers in the NICU, but you have to go through a bunch of training to hold the preemies.”
“I’m lost, but before you offer to explain, I’m good not knowing. No was an adequate enough answer for me.”
“What’s going on, Maddox?”
“You’re not that far apart.”
“What does that mean?”
“You and Brodie. I think if you’d just talk, you could work it out.”
“Are you trying to get me to go talk to him?”
The Promise (Butler Ranch Book 1) Page 19
