by Susan Lewis
‘Can I take it we’re talking about the club you work at?’ Patsy interjected softly.
Susannah nodded. ‘But then I did,’ she blurted. ‘Last Friday. I guess I hit rock bottom, or I panicked, or … I don’t really know what was going through my head, I just had this feeling that the world was collapsing around me, and that if I didn’t do something to make some money right away it would all be over. Neve would have to change schools, we’d lose the house, Lola would be so stressed it would make her ill … Everything was crowding in on me, and I was so tired and …’ She swallowed hard, and bunched her hands more tightly together. ‘The answer was right there in front of me. It wasn’t even that difficult in the end, because all I had to do was act. It didn’t have to be me, so … it wasn’t. It was someone else who went into a private dining room to serve food and drinks to a bunch of half-drunk American lawyers. I gave myself another name, Trudie, and when they touched me I giggled and squirmed, because that’s what Trudie would do. She was a game girl who didn’t mind too much about being groped, but she drew the line at anything below the waist. If she’d been prepared to … Well, she could have earned up to a thousand pounds in tips. As it was, she earned four hundred on Friday, and another five hundred on Saturday. One man offered her two thousand pounds, cash, if she’d go back to his hotel room for the night. She … It seemed … It was so much money and if I could have stayed as Trudie … But the mask was starting to crack by then. I was becoming me again, and I just wanted to get out of there. I was horrified enough by what I’d done, and when I found myself being tempted … I kept thinking that this was just the beginning, that Trudie might start taking over, like some horrible alter ego, and maybe next time she would go to a hotel room. The money’s so easy, it’s all in cash, and things have become so tight …’
At last her eyes came up to Patsy’s, dark with misery and shame. ‘That’s how low I’ve sunk,’ she said, attempting a smile. ‘That’s the kind of use I’m now putting my training to. I’m hiding behind a fictitious character to …’
‘Stop,’ Patsy broke in. ‘Anyone would think you’d committed some terrible crime, when all you did was let a few blokes see you naked …’
‘Topless.’
‘Even less shocking. It’s happening all the time, my darling, on beaches, in magazines …’
‘But I let them touch me.’
‘Come on, we’ve all done things we’ve regretted in the morning, and someone grabbing your boobs is pretty low down the scale of curl up and die.’
‘It might not seem major to you, but for me it was like I’d crossed some invisible line and …’
‘OK, I understand that’s not who you are, or what you wanted to do, I’m just trying to help you put it in some perspective. You did what you felt you had to at the time, but think of it this way, when it came right down to it, you resisted the big bucks.’
‘But what about the next time? That’s what’s really scaring me.’
‘There won’t be a next time. When are you due to go in again?’
‘Thursday. I’ve already told Henry that I’ll be in the office the entire time, though. I dare not put myself in the way of that kind of temptation again, because if something else comes up for Neve, or another unexpected bill drops on to the mat …’
‘No more. It’s done, finished, you won’t be doing it again, so put it behind you. I’m going to give you the money for Neve’s trip, and if anything unexpected does turn up, I’ll take care of it. No, I don’t want any arguments. You know very well you’d do the same for me if our situations were reversed …’
‘But borrowing from friends, Pats …’
‘Who said anything about borrowing?’ Her hand went up as Susannah started to protest again. ‘OK, so now that’s sorted, you should be in some credit after last weekend’s tips. Personally, I’d blow it all on a night out, or an amazing new outfit, or a weekend in a spa, because frankly you look as though you could do with all three.’
Susannah smiled and shook her head fondly. ‘Since when did you become my fairy godmother, Patsy Lovell?’ she challenged.
‘Actually, I’m Neve’s, so now we’ve started on the road to sorting you out, tell me how she is. Her emails are about as informative as yours, now I know the truth.’
‘She’s great. A bit teenagerish at times, which is only to be expected, but she’s doing really well at school, and you wait till you see her. She’s so grown-up it’s almost scary. Sometimes when I look at her I can hardly believe this gangly, gorgeous young creature is my baby. She’s getting into boys, big-time, these days, and music, and partying, and make-up and all the things we loved at her age.’
Smiling at the memories, Patsy said, ‘Does she ever see Duncan now?’
Susannah shook her head. ‘Never. He made it clear when his sentence started that he didn’t want us to go to the prison, and I didn’t argue because frankly I never wanted her exposed to that kind of environment.’
Since she’d never had any fondness for Duncan, Patsy was happy to dismiss him for the time being. ‘It would be good for her to have some kind of male figure in her life though, wouldn’t it?’ she ventured.
Susannah’s smile was crooked as she said, ‘I’m in no hurry to go down that road again, thank you very much. Once was more than enough.’
‘So there’s no one on the scene?’
‘Absolutely not, but even if I wanted someone, which I really don’t, I’m working just about every hour God sends so there’s no time anyway. In fact, I have to leave soon to be at the dentist’s office, but we haven’t talked about you at all yet so I think we should change the subject now.’
Patsy looked surprised. ‘I’ve got my promotion, I’m back in Europe and I’ve got two fancy coats. I think that about covers it,’ she declared.
Susannah smiled. ‘Yeah, right. Come on, I know you, there’s bound to be some kind of scandal or hot new passion you’re holding back. How are your parents, by the way? What do they think about you leaving Australia?’
Patsy pulled the kind of face that had always made Susannah laugh. ‘Right now, I think they’re pretty relieved I’m no longer on the same side of the planet,’ she confessed. ‘There was a bit of a scene before I left, that got in the papers. It was a tad embarrassing, I must admit.’
Susannah’s eyes lit with amusement. ‘Go on,’ she prompted.
Patsy threw out her hands. ‘What was I supposed to do? The man betrayed me so he had it coming.’
‘Oh my God, what happened? No, hang on, first of all, who are we talking about?’
‘Mike, the one with the boatyard. Remember, I started seeing him just after I arrived?’
‘Of course, but you stopped mentioning him after a while, so I thought he was history.’
‘Well he is now, and the relationship was always a bit on/off, frankly more on for me and off for him, which was why I stopped talking about him in my emails. I didn’t want to come across as one of those saddos addicted to unrequited love, because we already know that’s who I am and I wanted you to think I’d had some rehab that had worked.’
‘You are so not a saddo addicted to unrequited love,’ Susannah cried with a laugh.
Patsy winked. ‘Anyway, we actually started hotting up for a while, and he even got round to talking about marriage and kids. Can you believe it? Marriage and kids. So there was me thinking this is it, I’ve finally met Mr Right – pity it’s going to mean giving up my ambition for one of the top jobs, but can’t see him moving to Europe, or the States, when the furthest he’s ever made it out of Sydney is a couple of miles offshore to show off one of his boats. However, in its own little way, it was all making sense. My parents were living half an hour away, my sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew, even closer. Sydney’s a paradise. So if he did get round to actually popping the question I decided my answer would be yeah, OK Mike, I’ll marry you, glad to, mate, just name the day and I’ll buy me frock. So what did he do? He pops the question all right, just not to
me.’
Susannah’s laugh at the Aussie accent froze.
‘It turns out he’s been seeing this other Sheila – seriously, that’s her name – who’s dumb, fat and forty-six! OK, she probably wouldn’t describe herself that way, but I swear I’ve never felt so humiliated.’
‘I can imagine. Not to mention heartbroken?’
‘Oh, don’t get me started. Buckets! Sobbing morning, noon and night. Redefined the meaning of pathetic. I turned into a stalker. I swear it. I started following them around the place, and ringing them up in the middle of the night. Then I heard he was about to take out some kind of restraining order on me, and that was it! I lost it completely. Next day I went to his boatyard when I knew she’d be there too, and I took a gun.’
Susannah choked on her champagne.
‘It wasn’t real, obviously, but they didn’t know that. I’m telling you, it was worth spending the night in a police cell just to see their faces.’
Susannah burst out laughing. ‘You spent the night in a police cell!’ she cried incredulously. ‘Oh God, Pats, I’ve missed you so much.’
Patsy’s eyebrows rose. ‘With any luck my parents will feel the same way in a year or two,’ she responded. ‘As it stands, they’re keen for everyone to forget they have a madwoman for a daughter. Whereas my darling boss, Claudia, insists she couldn’t be more thrilled, because she was ready to whisk me out of there anyway. So, here I am, jet-lagged, jettisoned, and … give me another J …’
Susannah thought quickly. ‘Just in time,’ she told her.
Patsy gave a clap of delight. ‘Brilliant, but if I’d come a week ago you might not have those dark shadows round your eyes and be tearing yourself apart the way you are.’
‘The way I’m seeing it is, you might have come a week later, then I really would be in a mess. What matters is that you’re here now, and though I have absolutely no intention of letting you pay my way, I will gladly accept your offer to finance Neve’s trip. Now, I’m really sorry, but I have to love you and leave you or I’ll be late for work. Can we get together this evening? I’m not working and Neve’s at home, but you’ve probably got all kinds of things arranged.’
‘Yeah, like going back to Lola’s until you finish,’ Patsy told her. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll think of something to put her mind at rest about you without giving her the real spill, but there’s no point me going back over the river when I don’t have to, and when I love being in her little flat. It’s such a trip – straight down memory lane. Or would you like me to go and pick up Neve from school? I can go by taxi, or limousine if you think she’d like it.’
Laughing as she got to her feet, Susannah said, ‘I’m sure she’d love it, but she has a dance lesson on Tuesdays, then she goes to her friend Melinda’s to do some homework before coming back here for six, by which time I’m usually home, because I finish at five thirty and it’s a twenty-minute walk from the dentist’s. You see, it works, after a fashion, but only thanks to Lola, because if I’m ever late, or things change last minute, she’s less than five minutes away.’
Patsy nodded understandingly. ‘We all need a Lola in our lives. We couldn’t survive without them.’
‘Tell her that. She likes to feel needed.’
‘Don’t we all. Now tell me again what time you’ll be back. I thought I’d take you all for dinner tonight – if I can stay awake that long,’ she added with a yawn.
‘Before I go,’ Neve was saying as she packed her homework into her bag, ‘can I check my emails again? I can’t do it at home, because Mum’ll be there by the time I get back.’
‘Feel free,’ Melinda replied, waving her towards the computer. ‘Did you watch last night’s Hollyoaks, by the way? I really reckon she’s going to top herself, don’t you?’
Because of the similar fears she’d been having about her mother, Neve quickly shook her head. ‘No, she’ll get him back,’ she replied confidently. ‘She’s bound to, because …’ Her eyes suddenly widened as a new screen popped up in front of her. ‘Oh my God,’ she cried. ‘Guess who’s online.’
Melinda immediately sat up, her pretty freckled face paling with excitement. ‘Don’t tell me. It’s him,’ she said, riveted to the edge of the bed.
‘If you’re talking about Jack, then yes. And he’s going to know you’re logged on now, so do you want to chat with him?’
Melinda shrank back. ‘No way, he’s got to chat with me first. Anyway, it’s you he’s interested in, not me.’
Neve gawped at her incredulously. ‘He so is not! It was you he kept dancing and hanging out with at the party. If your parents hadn’t been around I bet anything he’d have snogged you.’
Melinda’s head dropped back in ecstasy. ‘Can you imagine?’ she growled with longing. ‘Oh my God, he is so fit. I am just going to die if he ever asks me out.’
‘That’ll make you a lot of fun,’ Neve commented, typing in a password to access the new Hotmail account she’d set up a couple of weeks ago. ‘I just want to see if there are any messages,’ she said, ‘then I’ll be out of here and you can chat with Jack to your heart’s content. But don’t forget to save it, so me and Sasha can read it later.’
Coming to stand behind her, Melinda gazed rapturously at the name in the top right-hand corner of the screen. ‘Do you reckon I should ask him if he …’
‘Oh my God! Oh my God!’ Neve suddenly gulped. ‘There’s a message.’
Melinda looked mystified until, realising what Neve was talking about, her dark eyes bulged with intrigue. ‘What does it say?’ she urged. ‘Quick, go on the website and find out what’s there.’
A few minutes later, after reading a lengthy email on the Friends Reunited web page, Neve and Melinda turned to stare at one another in amazement.
‘That is seriously spooky,’ Melinda whispered, as though the sender might be able to hear. ‘What are you going to do?’
‘I don’t know,’ Neve whispered back.
‘You’ll have to tell your mum.’
‘Are you insane?’
‘But that’s why …’ Melinda broke off as the jingle of contact trilled from the computer, and her hands flew to her cheeks as Jack Fitzsimmons’s IM came up.
Hey, how are you doing?
‘Oh my God, what shall I say?’ Melinda cried.
With a roll of her eyes Neve vacated the chair for her to sit down. ‘Try telling him you’re dead hot for him, and you want him to be your first snog with tongues,’ she suggested.
Melinda gave a snort of laughter. ‘Yeah, right, I’m really going to do that. Shall I say something like, I’m cool, how are you?’
Neve was winding a long woolly scarf round her neck. ‘No way,’ she replied. ‘He’s going to think you’re a real slag if you come on to him like that.’
Melinda’s mouth dropped open, then realising Neve was joking she threw a pen at her, saying, ‘It’s all right for you, I don’t even know how to snog at first base, never mind with tongues.’
‘Sad,’ Neve retorted, putting on her coat. ‘Get Sasha to show you. According to Barry Goldsmith she had his tonsils for dinner the other night. Anyway, I’ve got to run or I’ll be late. See you at school tomorrow. Double geography first thing, yuk!’
After shouting a goodbye to Melinda’s mother Neve tugged open the heavy front door and ventured out into the sleeting rain. It was freezing and dark and her bag was seriously heavy. If only her mum had a car, she was thinking, she could come and pick her up. It didn’t have to be a Mercedes like Sasha’s mum’s, or a four-wheel drive like Melinda’s, it didn’t even have to be especially new or flash, just as long as it went, and had a heater that worked. They’d be at home in no time, all snug in front of the little gas fire, where they’d stay till bedtime, eating their tea, doing homework and watching TV all cuddled up under a blanket to keep out the cold.
Still, at least it wasn’t far from the humungous houses near the park round to their terrace, and the email she’d just received was making her feel all excited and
optimistic in a way she hadn’t for ages. She was a bit confused too, because she had to decide what to do next, and that wasn’t going to be easy now he’d come straight back saying he wanted to see her. Before she agreed she needed to ask him all kinds of things. In fact she’d start making a list as soon as she got home, and maybe she should also get him to send some pictures. Except he might feel a bit offended if she did that, or think it was a bit weird when she was already supposed to know what he looked like. Actually, she did, and he was seriously drop-dead, but that was then, and this was now, and for all she knew he might have morphed into some disgusting fat slob with bad breath and twitchy eyes since the photos she’d seen were taken.
She’d just reached their front gate and was taking out her keys when her mobile started to ring. Seeing it was her mother, she opened the front door, saying, ‘Hi, I’m here.’
‘Where?’ Susannah said.
‘Hello,’ Neve laughed as Susannah appeared in the kitchen doorway.
Laughing too, Susannah rang off, saying, ‘Don’t worry, I wasn’t checking up on you. I just wanted to let you know that there’s a surprise waiting for you that I think you’re going to like.’
Neve dropped her bag and quickly unwound her scarf. ‘So, bring it on,’ she demanded, looking round the sitting room.
Susannah moved aside to let Patsy step into the doorway. ‘Here it is,’ Patsy declared. ‘And if you dare to look disappointed …’
‘Oh my God! Pats!’ Neve shrieked incredulously. ‘When did you get here? Oh my God, this is so fantastic. I can’t believe it.’
‘Crikey,’ Patsy laughed, staggering as she caught her in a crushing embrace. ‘You’re not as small as you were, but it’s wonderful to see you. If I’d known I was going to get such a fantastic welcome I’d have come sooner.’
