by Amy Marie
The song ends with the DJ announcing the cutting of the cake. I grab Kate’s hand to lead her off the dance floor only to find we had an audience.
Embyr’s eyes are staring at our clasped hands. I’m not sure what the look on her face conveys but I know it’s not good. She’s either pissed or sad. Maybe even a little of both. We have no choice but to walk past her toward our table. With each step, I feel the pull to her stronger than the last. She says nothing as I brush past her, my right hand grazing her thigh. Her intake of breath is louder than the music and I can feel her skin prickle between my fingertips.
What I wouldn’t give to release my hold on Kate and drag Embyr into the closest empty room. My willpower is dwindling. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold off myself.
I hear her as I pass, hoping I’m the only one. “Up my skirt yesterday, up hers today, huh, Casen?”
It angers me. However, I don’t respond. I don’t know how to. Everywhere I turn lately, Embyr is there. In the women I see walking on the street. In my dreams. When I go out. She is behind every corner and I can’t escape her. I don’t even think I want to. My brain is starting to catch up with my heart, and it’s breaking me down. Every single second of the day is filled with Embyr and I just want my life back. Whether that is with her in it or with her out of it, I need to make a choice and do it soon. Do I want her back? Do I want to forgive her? Do I want to forget every single moment we’ve ever shared or spent together? I’ve never been so tattered before in my life.
Kate continues past our table and straight to the bar. “I assume, after the comment from your ex-girlfriend slash maybe girlfriend, that you may need a shot or three.”
“You’re not fucking kidding, Kate.”
Some tequila shots later, Kate and I are laughing at a story about Ian from when he was in middle school.
“I swear.” She laughs. “He came home and told my mom that he didn’t understand why the blood would rush to his penis when his English teacher walked by.”
“Mrs. Pane was hot. I don’t blame him.” I lean back in my chair.
“So.” Kate gets serious. “Tell me about Embyr.”
In my drunken state, I don’t hold back and tell Kate the entire story. Every disturbing fact. I don’t think she knew Ian took Annie out for the bet. She thought they had just gotten caught on video but had no idea everything that followed.
“Wow.” She leans back in her chair. “That’s a crazy story you have.”
I swallow, finding Embyr over at the next table. “It is.”
“But she loves you and you love her?”
“Sometimes it’s not enough. I have to trust her.”
“Casen.” She admonishes. “She was going to tell you, right? Give her a chance.”
I think about that as we take another spin on the dance floor. I’m having a great time until…
“EMBYR!” Kate screams, receiving Em’s immediate attention from the bridal table. She furrows her brows but walks over anyway.
“How can I help you?” she asks Kate but doesn’t dare look my way.
“Well,” Kate looks at me, “my friend Casen here wants to dance and see I’ve just twisted my ankle. Think you can help him out?”
She starts. “I don’t think that’s such…” at the same time I say, “Let’s not do that.”
“Yes!” She commands but when neither of us moves she yells much louder, “GO!”
I lean over to Kate. “What the hell are you trying to do? I just told you what she did.”
She tilts her head to the side, her pupils swimming with alcohol. “So what?”
“What do you mean ‘so what’?”
Her nose brushes my cheek as she whispers, “So fucking what. Who cares what she did. The past is in the past. Karma bit her ass.” She pulls away and turns to Embyr. “Cut on in.”
I sigh and look at Embyr. “She is just going to keep pushing until we dance.”
Embyr steps into me, giving me her right hand and putting her left on my shoulder. I wrap mine around her back.
“That wasn’t nice what you said earlier, Embyr,” I whisper in her ear.
Her forehead falls to my shoulder. “I know. I’m jealous. I think we both say things we shouldn’t.”
I tighten my grip on her. “I was jealous last night.”
“What are we doing, Casen?” A soft sigh crosses her lips.
I breathe her in. She smells like home. Smells like where I want to be. “I don’t know, Embyr.”
We sway like that for the rest of the song and into the next one. When that one ends, she lifts her head and looks into my eyes. “I still love you, Casen, but I don’t know if that even matters anymore.”
“I really want it to, Embyr. I feel very lost without you, but I still can’t grasp what I truly want anymore.”
She nods in understanding. “Let me know when you do.”
EIGHT
CASEN
Today is my day off and I contemplate what I should do. I would call Reece but I’m still pissed that I got blindsided the other night. He didn’t think Embyr was coming but did he think ditching me the whole time would sit well with me? It sure the fuck didn’t. I don’t know what is up with him lately either. He hasn’t been the same since Ian died. I know none of us have but I swear something is weighing on him more than the rest of us. He told me they were going to go out that night but he decided at the last minute to cancel. Maybe it’s the “what ifs” that are really getting to him.
I’d hang out with Kate, but she left late last night. I offered for her to stay at my place since I was so close but she declined. I still can’t believe she pushed Embyr and me together. I guess I don’t have to worry about her wanting anything more than just friendship.
It was nice to have Embyr in my arms last night. Her sweet scent stayed on me until my shower this morning. She told me she still loves me but doesn’t know if it matters anymore. It matters so fucking much. I’m just still very torn.
My phone pings with a text.
Mom: I know you’re off today. Want to have lunch in the burbs with your old mom?
Me: You’re not old. I’ll pick you up at noon.
Mom: Can’t wait.
I pick up my mom just before noon and take her to Lou Malnati’s in Buffalo Grove. Deep dish is her favorite and there is no other place she will go for it. It’s lunch time and the wait is long but since we only have two people we are seated within fifteen minutes. We always get a medium deep dish cheese pizza so the server takes our order right away. When she leaves my mom gets right into it.
“Okay, my son. What’s going on?” She smiles, sipping her iced tea. “You’ve been a pissant lately.”
My mom is a beautiful lady. She is aging so well you would think she was my slightly older sister. Her hair is dark, styled straight, and falls down to her shoulders. Her light brown eyes are covered by trendy black glasses. She runs every day, even at fifty-five, and is just as fit as some of the firemen at my house.
I laugh. “Pissant?”
“Yeah, a pissant. Every time I talk to you I sense that someone pissed in your cheerios.”
She is also not one to hold in her cuss words. I think for a moment about what I can say to her and decide to just go with the truth. I haven’t told her much about Embyr. She didn’t show up to the wake until after my scene outside. She has no idea what is going on.
“Mom, I don’t know where to start.” I shake my head and run a hand through my hair.
She taps her chin. “How about the beginning, Casen. Start where it all began.”
“Do you remember Annie?”
Her lips purse. “Annie that you went to high school with?” I nod. “I remember her. Your little crush.” Her smile widens.
I can feel my face flush. There really wasn’t much I could keep from my mom.
“Well.” I start but I need to take a drink of water because, despite her perception, she doesn’t know it all. For her to understand everything she needs to know eve
rything. “You remember what happened to her?”
Her face falls. “Baby, tell me you didn’t have anything to do with that.”
I lower my head in shame. “I know what you’re thinking, Mom, but I have come to the conclusion that I desperately need some advice and I need you not to judge me right now. You are welcome to do it after you help me.”
She just nods but I know she wants to say something. She has never been the type to keep anything in.
“Back in high school I had a crush on Annie, which you obviously knew about. Well the guys, they made fun of me for it. Said there was no way she was interested in me so they made a bet, one that I wasn’t a part of, to get her to go out with them.”
She gasps. “You didn’t stop that?”
I swallow. “Mom.” She makes a zipping motion across her lips. “Well, they made the bet. Without going into too many details that aren’t all that important, Ian won but he also coerced her into sex. It was recorded by Reece’s security camera and then was accidentally released the next year. They tortured her, Mom. Teased her. Tormented her. Had her do their homework and made threats if she didn’t comply. I just stood by and did nothing.”
I take a break because now I know what it did to her and that she never was able to get over it. It fueled her plot of revenge – it guts me.
Mom grabs my hand from across the table. “Have you been thinking of that a lot lately, Casen? Is that what’s going on?”
I shake my head no. “That’s just the start, Mom. Embyr, the girl I told you I was seeing a while back.” She half smiles. “She’s Annie. I found out the day Ian died.” My chest starts to tighten. I’m a manly man but I can feel tears threatening to fall. I sniffle. “She changed her name, her appearance. She was going through the seven of us, one by one, picking us off. She outed Thad and blackmailed Wesley. She made it so clients found out about what Patrick was doing and I’m sure she had something to do with Evan getting caught cheating. I mean, I know they all brought it upon themselves. They were doing shitty things.”
I risk a glance at her. I find shock and disbelief. “Casen, wow. I don’t know what to say. Was she coming after you, and Reece, and oh my God Ian?”
“No, I know what you’re thinking. She had nothing to do with Ian’s death, but as far as him or Reece…I don’t know what she was planning for them.”
“What about you, Casen? Is there something you have been doing she was going to ruin your life over?”
I half-heartedly chuckle. “Yeah, I was falling in love with her. Her initial plan was to make me fall for her and then dump me on my ass, but she claims she fell for me too and she didn’t want to continue her path of destruction.”
“She came clean?” she asks.
I bite the inside of my cheek. “No, I was having Ian investigate ‘Annie’ and he found out ‘Annie’ was Embyr, and I was dating her at the time. I got the news from an envelope Ian sent to me just before he died. I went to her house and confronted her. She said she was going to tell me, but I just found out first.”
She squeezes my hand. “That had to be heartbreaking. I’m so sorry.”
The server interrupts with our pizza and we unclasp our hands. After placing a piece of pizza on each of our plates and taking a bite, I continue.
“It was but if I’m being honest, being without her right now hurts way more than when I found out what she had been doing. How can I blame her for what she was doing? Yes, she’s old enough to know better but I think, no, I know she never expected the outcome of all of this.”
We eat in silence for a few moments before she speaks up. “Can I ask some questions now?”
I nod.
“Did she forgive you?”
“I assume so. She told me she loves me and I know she does. Or did. Does? I don’t know, Ma. I’m really fucked up over this.”
“How do you think she feels?” She questions, taking another bite. “One minute she hates you for not interjecting when they were treating her like shit and then her heart betrays her by falling in love with you.”
“We haven’t talked about any of it. It was months ago and I haven’t let her speak one word about it.”
“Here is my take, Casen. I may just be an old woman but I’ve seen a lot in my more than half a century. You and your friends messed her up. She didn’t make Wesley screw a student, or Evan cheat or even turn Thad gay. I mean for the love of God I thought everyone knew that already. But you all did make her life a living hell and put her naked body out there for the entire world to see. If she can forgive you for that, I think you can forgive the woman you love for falling in love with you. Can you see yourself without her?”
I think about that for a moment and a lot over the past couple weeks. “I can see myself without her, but it’s a lonely existence. I want to forgive her.”
“How’s the sex?”
“Mom!”
“I’m not stupid, Casen. I know you’ve had sex. I’ve bought you condoms, in fact, bulk size before you left for college. How is the sex?” She enunciates every word of the last question.
I look around, noting the couple next to us pretending not to listen. My mom and I are very open, for the most part, but this may be crossing a line. “Mom, stop.”
“All I’m going to say is if you don’t see a future without her in it, if she knows the worst you have ever done and forgives you for it, and the sex is good, then you better get that ass moving because I want me some grandbabies!”
Someone stops next to our table. “Nancy?”
We both look up and find a woman who looks to be about my mom’s age holding two babies in her hands, a boy and a girl. “Eden!” My mom stands up, securing the little guy in her hands.
A younger looking version of Eden comes up next to her with another cute little girl holding her hand.
“Nancy, this is my daughter Erin, and these are three of my nine grandbabies. Savannah, Joshua, and Lillian.”
My mom turns to me, a devious look in her eyes. “Nine grandbabies, huh? Well, I have none but this is my son Casen. Casen, this is Eden Decker from my bunco group.”
I shake my head at her jab and stand up, shaking Eden and Erin’s hand. “Nice to meet you. Casen Parker.”
“Erin Prescott.”
“You have beautiful children.” I compliment.
“Thank you,” Erin says, looking down at her daughter, then at her mom. “I’m going to head outside. Walker should be here any moment to take Savannah to his dad’s while the babies nap.”
Her mom smiles at her. “I’ll be right out, hunnie.”
“Look at his face, Casen.” My mom squeezes Joshua’s face. “I need some of these. Just a dozen or so.”
She hands him back to his grandmother who is chuckling. “I begged Erin forever to have kids. Once she met Walker it was like they turned into a baby factory. I’m surprised they come out of the bedroom. I think she’s preggo with number four. I can sense it.”
“Well, I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you, Eden.” My mom laughs.
Mrs. Decker pats Mom on the shoulder. “Have a great lunch.”
They hug before Eden leaves and we sit back down. “Forgive Embyr, Casen. It not only benefits you but if you don’t there is the chance you are going to miss out on an epic love. One that people write stories about.”
“Mom, I doubt someone would ever write a story about teenagers fucking up a woman so bad that she comes back for revenge.”
She shrugs. “You never know, but if you forgive her and then it doesn’t work out, at least you can be at peace. It’s not usually the ones who need to be forgiven that suffer. It’s the ones that don’t release them of their sins that pay the price. It’s not for them, it’s for you.”
I soak in her advice. I need to forgive Embyr. Maybe not pursue more than an explanation and see where things go.
“Then, when you have the make up sex you can start to work on my twelve grandchildren.” She comments stone-faced.
“Seriously, Mo
m? Twelve?”
She looks directly at me. “I’m serious. I don’t want Eden Decker to outnumber me in grandchildren, and I know for a fact your sister is a lost cause. She’s never going to get married.”
I have to laugh at that. I’m glad I picked her up for lunch today, now I just need to figure out how to proceed with forgiving Embyr.
I know what I have to do.
NINE
EMBYR
Is it possible for a woman to have lady blue balls? Because I feel like I’ve been experiencing it for the past five days. It started with Casen shoving me up against the wall outside Red Ex and feeling how turned on he made me with just his mere presence. Then it ended with a sweet slow dance at the wedding I had to cover last minute. I’ve had this ache between my legs that neither my vibrator nor my fingers can ease. I’ve imagined Casen between my legs every night. It wouldn’t surprise me if I had carpal tunnel at this point.
I should have known bringing Derrick to Red Ex was going to be a mistake. When I told him I wanted to leave a day later for the conference so that I could be with Trinity to celebrate her birthday, he had said an email came in stating the dates had changed. Thrilled, I decided to keep it a secret from Trin and surprise her. When he asked if he could come along, I thought nothing of it. He has never given off the vibe that he was interested in me. That is until Trin’s party. Maybe I was reading too much into the brushes of our hands or the subtle caress of my lower back. It made for an interesting night. He is my boss, and while I don’t think he would fire me over my lack of interest in him, I didn’t know if he was flirting or just being nice.
Then I came face to face with Reece. I haven’t been able to get over the weird vibe he gave since he came to the condo looking for Trinity. I thought we were past the “make Embyr uncomfortable” stage but we just flew right back into it. He acted like nothing was wrong at Red Ex. Like he didn’t come into my room, into my bathroom and demand to know why I turned him down in high school. Now, anytime I even think of Reece’s name, I shudder.
Casen was an added bonus to the night. I was surprised to find him there, but since Reece had thought I was out of town, he must have felt it was safe to stay. I don’t see why we can’t be in the same room though. I thought him helping us move was a turning point. The entire night we shared passing glances. Even if I couldn’t see that he was looking, I could feel his eyes all over me. Then, when he decided to leave, I had to go after him. I didn’t care how it looked to anyone else.
