by Holly Renee
I could see her, but I couldn’t get to her. Her big brown eyes were staring into me. Begging me for help. Help I couldn’t give her.
I fought the blackness weighing me down and reached out for her. It was useless. Nothing I did was getting me any closer to her.
He lifted his arm and landed another hit against her angelic white skin. Skin that didn’t deserve what was happening to it. It should have never been tainted.
I struggled against my restraints as she cried out for me. Every hit she took was like a blow to the heart inside me. Each one tearing at my soul a little more and more as I watched this asshole beat my baby sister.
“Tell me where the fuck they hid it,” he roared with his chest rising and falling rapidly with the rage fueling him.
Kara whimpered and pulled herself tighter into fetal position. I opened my mouth to tell him that we had no clue where our worthless parents hid the drugs, but the words didn’t come out. I knew that I said the words. I relived the memory every single day, but the only sound I could hear now was my sister’s screaming.
I looked at her and took her in. She looked so fragile. So young. So beautiful. There was nothing in the world I wouldn’t have given to have taken her spot. Nothing I wouldn’t have given to save her. He raised his tattoo-covered fist and slammed it into her perfect face one last time. I knocked over the chair I was in struggling to get to her. The only thing I accomplished was falling on the ground.
I was so close to my sister now that I could smell the flowery scent that her hair always smelled like, but it was mixed with the smell of copper. I stared into her beautiful face and begged her to open her eyes and look at me. He told me to shut up but I didn’t listen. I screamed at her to wake up. To look at me.
I looked over at Blake who was tied up to a chair with a rag tied around his mouth. The panic in his eyes killed me.
“Please. Please, look at me,” I screamed at Kara again.
Her eyes didn’t open but somehow she looked peaceful. It was the last image I saw before my vision was blocked by his fist and everything went black.
I sat up in bed breathing heavily. I tried to loosen my fists from the sweat-covered sheets they were clenching. Taking slow deliberate breaths, I focused on calming myself down. I focused on blocking out the memory that had bombarded me during my sleep.
I tried to focus on something that made me happy, but there was only one thing that popped into my mind. Those blue eyes and blonde hair weren’t going to make me feel any less haunted.
Waking up at six in the morning for work was never going to be my idea of a good time. I loved my job. I did, but I didn’t love waking up for it. Dragging myself out of bed, I walked like a zombie to the shower and stood under the spray until I could finally find the energy to move my arms.
Once I got ready, I locked up my apartment and headed out. I have worked at the Ruff Times Veterinarian Clinic for five years now. It had become my home away from home.
“Good morning, blondie,” Brenda called out when I walked in the door. Brenda was loud and larger than life. She had flame red curls on top of her head that were exactly the same every day. They also matched her red lips. Every day I got the same greeting from her, and every day I gave the same one back.
“What’s shakin’, bacon?”
Brenda smiled at me then hiked her thumb over her shoulder. “Sarah called in again, and we’re going to have a full house today. The doc is going to need your help.”
I groaned and not because I would be helping in the clinic today. I loved working in the clinic. I just knew that Sarah wasn’t going to last much longer, and I was going to have to start the hiring process all over again.
I sat my purse down in my office and glanced at all the work that was waiting for me on my desk. As the Office Manager, I stayed busy. I didn’t have time to work in the clinic. Sometimes I barely had time for a lunch break.
Walking into the back, I grabbed a spare pair of scrubs and changed into them. Looking at myself in the mirror, it reminded me of when I first started here as a vet tech. I was so young and naïve.
I walked into Dr. Smith’s office and stood at the door.
“How can I help you today, sir? Your wish is my command.”
Kevin looked up from the paperwork and smiled at me. “Cut the crap, Erica. You weren’t that sweet even on your first day.”
“I so was.” I plopped down in the seat across from him.
“What happened to Sarah?”
“Not sure. Brenda said that she called in again this morning so you lucked out and got me.”
“Well good. Our first patient is a bull dog with severe diarrhea.” He smirked.
“Are you shitting me?” If there was one thing I didn’t do well, it was poop.
“I shit you not.” Kevin laughed as he stood up and led the way into the first exam room.
By the time five pm rolled around, I had changed scrubs twice and felt like I was going to fall over. I climbed into my car and leaned my head against the steering wheel for a few moments.
My peace and quiet was shortly interrupted by the sound of “Girls just want to have fun” muffled within my purse. I dug around in my purse until I finally found my phone. Kat’s face lit up the screen.
“Hello,” I answered.
“What are you doing this weekend?”
“Well hello to you to,” I grumbled.
“I don’t have time for hellos right now. I’m too excited. So I repeat. What are you doing this weekend?”
I contemplated my answer just to piss her off. I had no plans, and she probably already knew that.
“Hello? Today,” she growled.
“I don’t have any plans. Why? What’s up?”
“We’re going camping!” Her squeal was so loud that I had to pull the phone away from my ear.
“Okay.”
“Okay? I love camping. Are you not excited?”
“That depends. Who all is going?” I asked hesitantly.
“All the guys. It’s going to be so much fun.”
“So Gabe will be there?” It had been three weeks since I had even laid eyes on him. I didn’t think going camping together was such a great idea.
“Yes. Gabe will be there, but you will barely notice. We’re going to have so much fun together. I haven’t seen you in so long.”
She was right of course. I had been avoiding hanging out with all of them to avoid seeing Gabe. I was trying to get over him and being around him didn’t help that situation out at all. I felt guilty that I hadn’t been the best friend lately.
“Okay. I’ll go.”
“Yay! Okay. I got to go pack.”
“We’re not leaving until Friday, right? It’s Wednesday.”
“I know, but I’m so excited!”
The rest of the week flew by and Friday was there before I knew it. Maybe Kat wasn’t crazy to start packing on Wednesday.
I arrived at Blake and Kat’s house around three pm on Friday. Johnny, Cash, Gabe, and Blake were all loading the back of the truck when I pulled up. I parked my car next to Johnny’s truck and headed their way.
“Hey, guys. Where’s Kat?” They all looked up at me, but I didn’t dare glance at Gabe.
“Hey. She’s inside making sure she packed everything.” Blake rolled his eyes, but there was a small smile on his face.
I started walking toward the house but paused.
“Hey, Johnny.”
“Yea?” He turned toward me.
I threw my keys at him, which he caught, and smiled sweetly.
“All of my stuff is in the trunk if you’ll load it up for me.”
Johnny laughed, shook his head, and headed for my car.
I walked in the front door and found Kat packing up food in the kitchen.
“You about ready?”
“Yes. I’ll be ready in just a minute. I just need to finish packing up the brownies I made.”
“You’re such a little Betty Homemaker. I love it,” I said as I sna
tched a brownie off the plate. She attempted to smack my hand but I was too fast.
“Those are for the trip. I already told Blake he couldn’t have any. He’ll kill me if he knows you ate one.”
“He won’t know. It will be gone before he ever sees it.” I popped the whole brownie into my mouth for proof.
I helped Kat pack up the rest of her things then we headed out the door and locked up. The guys were all loaded and ready so we all jumped in the truck to head out. I sat in the back between Johnny and Cash, and Kat sat in the front between Blake and Gabe.
As we started down the road, I said, “Hey, Blake. Do you have any napkins in the truck?”
“No. Why?”
“I just have leftover brownie on my hands and face I wanted to clean off.”
Blake’s attention turned to Kat, but she was too busy glaring at me in the rearview mirror.
I tried to hold my laugh in, but there was no chance.
Kat was right. This camping trip was going to be so much fun.
I don’t know why I thought coming on this camping trip was a good idea. Everything was going fine until we got to the campsite and figured out the tent arrangements. We had four tents and six people.
Kat and Blake shared a tent, of course. Then Erica declared that she wasn’t sleeping in a tent by herself and Johnny was all too happy to let her share with him. I saw red.
Now they were over there putting up their tent together, laughing, while I was gripping my tent poles so hard that I thought they might snap. We hadn’t even been there a full hour yet and I was about to lose my shit.
Blake and Kat finished putting up their tent, and Blake headed over to help me with mine. I think he could tell that I was barely holding on to my restraint.
“So what does everyone want to do tomorrow?” Kat asked as she started organizing the food near the picnic table.
“Fishing,” Johnny and Cash said at the same time.
“I want to go hiking to the waterfall,” Kat interjected.
“Well me, you, and Erica can go hiking while the boys go fishing.” Blake, ever the woman pleaser.
“That sounds good,” Erica spoke up.
“I’d rather go hiking. I’ll go with you guys.”
Erica’s shocked eyes met mine, and I saw a moment of panic before she hid it.
I didn’t care though. There was no way I was going to sit around with Johnny and Cash while she went off hiking, or worse, let Johnny decide to go with her instead. It was bad enough that they were sharing that damn tent together.
The rest of the evening went by pretty quickly. We cooked hotdogs over the fire, listened to music, and reminisced about old times. Erica sat as far away from me as she could possibly get, but I always had her within my line of sight. It was maddening.
I was struggling with myself and what I wanted from her. Logically, I knew that I needed to stay away from her. I was no good for her and nothing but harm would come from the two of us being together, but it was hard to remember that logic when she was close.
Her blonde curls blew in the soft breeze making me want to run my rough hands through them. Her full lips were turned up in a smile as she laughed with the group. I wanted to kiss the hell out of those lips, but more frightening, I wanted to be the one who put that smile on her face.
When it was time to go to sleep, I got up before everyone else and headed to my tent. I was a strong man, but I knew I couldn’t handle watching her enter that tent with Johnny. I would end up killing one of my best friends.
I woke up startled when a sound came from outside our tent. Johnny was sleeping on the far left side and I was on the far right. I knew it pissed Gabe off that we were in here together, but there was nothing between Johnny and I. We were strictly friends.
The sound rang out again and I pulled the covers over my head as if it would help me. What if it was a bear? I didn’t want to scream out for help because I didn’t want to bring attention to my tent. It may have been selfish, but I’d be damned if I stopped it from whatever it was doing to bring attention to fresh meat.
I pushed the blanket down my body and started crawling toward Johnny. I was going to wake his butt up and send him out into the wilderness. This was the exact reason why I didn’t want to sleep alone. I needed someone to protect me.
As I was lifting my hand to shake Johnny’s shoulder, I heard a noise again, but this time it was followed by a voice.
“Please, don’t hurt her.”
My mind didn’t catch up to my body at first. I abandoned waking up Johnny and leapt for the opening of the tent. My hands shook as I pulled at the zipper, struggling to get it open.
There was no doubt in my mind that it was Gabe’s voice, and he sounded so scared. Hurt. Tortured.
It didn’t matter that I hated him in that moment. All I cared about was getting to him and taking away whatever was causing him pain.
I jumped out of the tent expecting to see… well something. But the night sky was pitch black except for the soft glow of the moon through the trees. The only sounds I heard were crickets, the creek nearby, and the whimpers of the man I unfortunately loved.
I headed straight for his tent and pulled the zipper open. Gabe was laying in the middle of the tent in fetal position, and he had the blanket clutched against his chest. I could see sweat beading off his handsome face that was scrunched in fear or maybe anger. Possibly a combination of both.
I climbed into his tent and knelt down beside him. I said his name softly at first, but he didn’t budge. His dream seemed to have him in its grips and was reluctant to let him go.
I reached my hand out slowly, cautious about the reaction he could have, and gently shook his shoulder. He jerked away from my touch, but he still didn’t wake up. He seemed to curl harder into himself and whimpered out, “No. Please.”
I didn’t register the tears falling down my face until that moment. He seemed to be in so much pain, and I just wanted to make it go away. I placed my hands on his shoulders, rougher this time, and shook him slightly while calling his name.
“Please wake up, Gabe.”
He shot up into sitting position and barely missed slamming his head into mine. Startled, I fell onto my butt.
“What are you doing in here?” he asked while his wild eyes were searching around the tent. He hadn’t calmed down from the nightmare yet, and I could see his anxiety as if it had formed a coating on his skin.
“You were having a nightmare. I came to help you,” I whispered. I don’t know why I feared his reaction so badly, but I didn’t want him to push me away.
He slammed his eyes closed and rubbed his hands down his face. His hands shook as they roughly passed over his forehead to his jaw.
“I’m sorry I woke you up. I’m sorry you saw me like that.” His voice was rougher than usual and there was a vulnerability in it that I had only ever heard one other time.
“It’s okay that you woke me up. I want to be here for you.”
I don’t know what possessed me to say that to him. He had been cruel to me over the last few months, but none of that mattered anymore. Nothing mattered besides making sure he was okay.
He looked up at me and stared into my eyes. “I’m better now. You can go back to your tent with Johnny.” I saw his jaw tense when he said Johnny’s name whether it was intentional or not.
“I don’t want to go back to Johnny’s tent. I want to stay in here with you. Please don’t push me out.” He had to know that I was talking about the tent and his life. I wanted him to open up to me. To let me in.
He stared at me for a few more moments before he reluctantly scooted over and patted the spot next to him on the sleeping bag. My heart raced as I crawled toward him and laid down. I knew that I should’ve left as soon as I knew he was okay, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. His scent was covering the pillow where I laid my head, and it washed over me within seconds. He smelled like spice and Gabe. A deadly combination.
I could tell he was still trying
to grasp onto reality after his nightmare so I turned my back to him to give him a moment to collect himself. I scooted close enough to him that I could feel his skin against mine. The connection brought me comfort, and I hoped that it would bring some sort of comfort to him as well.
I felt like I barely breathed as I waited for him to lie down, to talk, to do something. Finally, after several minutes, Gabe settled in behind me on the sleeping bag and cuddled against my back. I could barely stop my heart from beating out of my chest when his hand moved around my stomach and pulled me closer against him. I had been dreaming of being held by him like this for months. I knew it would hurt me more tomorrow, but tonight I needed it.
He leaned his face into my neck and audibly inhaled. “Thank you,” he breathed out.
No, Gabe. Thank you.
The sun was shining through the tent that barely gave any shield to its bright rays. The heat within the tent was proof of that. I felt like I had slept with a damn heated blanket all night long. I squinted my eye open and looked around me. It didn’t take me long to see the extra source of heat.
There she was cuddled against me looking like an angel. Her curls were fanned out over my shoulder and her face was smooshed against my chest. She looked fucking perfect.
It took me a moment to remember the night before, and when it finally hit me, I tensed. I never wanted Erica to see me the way she did last night. I didn’t think I would have another nightmare last night. Typically, when I had one, it would be weeks before I had another. That was the only reason I had agreed to come on this damn camping trip.
What would she say when she woke up? Would she feel sorry for me? Was she in here with me now out of pity? There were few things that I hated more than someone else’s pity. Especially from her.
I ran my free hand through my hair, and my movement caused her to stir. She started running her hand down my abs but stopped quickly like she had just realized what she was doing. Her hand left a trail of fire against my skin.
