by Holly Renee
Gabe: Meet me at 6:00PM. 812 Front Street. No questions.
Me: No questions? Not even one.
Gabe: Not even one.
I was confused as all get out, but I was also excited. The playful Gabe that I had once known was back in full force. He filled my days with smiles and laughter and never let me doubt whether or not he wanted me. The uncertainty that once filled our relationship had disappeared.
The subject of children was still sore, but it was something I was willing to give him time on. I wanted children, but I wanted Gabe more. I would give up my dream of being a mother before I would give up on him.
When the end of my work day finally rolled around, I changed out of my dirty scrubs and back into my normal work clothes. I was eager to see what Gabe had planned for us tonight. Hell, I was just eager to see him.
I punched the address he sent me into my GPS and followed the directions that led me right outside of town. I became more and more confused as I drove down residential roads where the houses seemed to get further and further apart. The drive only took me about twenty minutes, but I felt like I was in a completely different town. The houses to my right were all lake-front properties and I could see glimpses of the water through the trees. My GPS beeped before telling me that I had arrived at my location, and I turned right into a long driveway. Gabe’s motorcycle was parked in front of the garage, but he was nowhere in sight.
I parked my car beside his bike and turned off the engine. The house was a large white farm house with a wraparound porch that had two large porch swings swinging by the front door. The front porch light was on, but I saw no signs of anyone anywhere. I sent Gabe a quick text to find out where he was.
I waited five minutes with no reply before I finally climbed out of my car and headed toward the door. The front door was open but a glass storm door separated me from the interior of the house. As I made my way up the front steps, I spotted a folded white piece of paper taped to the door and one single light pink peony laying on the Welcome Home doormat.
There was still no one in sight so I knocked on the door, still completely confused. No one answered the door so I cupped my hands around my eyes and peeked inside. There was no furniture in the home. It looked like a completely blank slate. The only thing I could see were more flowers leading a path through the house.
Hesitantly, I pulled the paper off the front door and unfolded it.
Follow the flowers, beautiful.
The note was in Gabe’s handwriting, and the butterflies in my stomach took off in a flurry. I picked the peony off the ground and pulled it to my nose. I took a deep breath and filled my lungs with its smell before turning the handle on the door and taking a step inside.
Most of the lights inside the house were on, and I marveled at the beauty around me. The home was historic but had obviously been updated. The dark wood floors looked original but boasted a dark hue that seemed to make the white crown molding around the rooms pop.
A second peony sat in the floor of the hallway looking completely out of place in the vast space. I squatted down to pick up the flower and noticed another piece of paper except this one was attached to its stem.
I felt hollow before I found you.
I gasped out a breath and looked around the space for the man I loved. He was still nowhere to be seen so I continued through the house until I found the next flower laying on the entry way to the kitchen.
Almost every favorite memory in my life includes you.
One of my favorites involves a kitchen, but I swear there is no sprayer waiting for you on the other side of this doorway. ;)
I laughed at the memory and stepped through the arched doorway into the kitchen. A lot of time had obviously been spent working on this kitchen. The cabinets were white and ran along the walls that contrasted their beauty with a deep gray backsplash. The appliances seemed to gleam in the lights along with a bright white farm sink. There was a large island in the center of the room and sitting atop it was a gorgeous bouquet of peonies.
I lifted the piece of paper off the counter in front of the flowers.
Can you imagine what life would be like if we didn’t find each other?
I can’t. I didn’t even know I could love someone so much until I found you.
Speaking of finding each other. Come to the back porch.
The French doors opened onto the back side of the house, and I stepped out onto the porch that was a continuation from the front. Gabe wasn’t on the porch like I had expected him to be, but when I looked out into the backyard, I could see light coming from a dock that floated right off the bank. I walked down to the water being careful not to trip over any sticks or rocks. My nerves were through the roof, and I knew the likelihood of me falling was sky high.
When I made it to the edge of the water, I finally saw my man standing in the center of a dock that was covered in white candles. There was a small table set behind him glowing in the candlelight. It looked like a dream, magical even.
I could feel the tears pricking my eyes as I stepped on the small ramp and made my way toward Gabe. He met me at the edge of the dock and grabbed my hand to help me. I didn’t say anything at first. I turned in a full circle and took in my surroundings. The house looked gorgeous from the water, but when I turned around, I found the best sight of all.
“What are we doing here, Gabe?” My voice cracked as I tried to hold in my emotions.
“Well.” He dropped to his knee in front of me, and everything I was trying to hold in came spilling out.
I covered my face in my hands as I hiccupped out a sob, but Gabe pulled one of my hands away from my face and held it in his much stronger ones.
“Erica. Baby. Look at me.”
I took a deep breath and then looked down at the man I loved through bleary eyes.
“I love you so much. Before you, I was constantly trying to escape who I was. I didn’t want the life I had been dealt, but with you I have no reason to run. You are my great escape. You are my courage. You are my savior. You are my heart. I promise to love you with every ounce of me. As long as I have you by my side, I know that my life will be filled with happiness, laughter, and love. Sometimes we’re going to be crazy, but as long as I have your crazy love I will never want for anything. Please make me the happiest man alive and become my wife.”
My tears were coming full force then, and the only response I could give him was to nod my head.
He slipped a ring on my finger with a round diamond in the center surrounded by a bunch of small diamonds. It was beautiful. Perfect.
Gabe stood from his knee and took me in his arms. He peppered kisses all over my face and pushed my curls out of my eyes.
“Are these happy tears?” He laughed against my skin.
“Yes.” My voice sounded ridiculous.
“Okay.” He pulled me closer into him before he led me to sit down at the table.
I used the cloth napkin to wipe my eyes while Gabe stared at me over the table.
“I love you.” My voice was almost a whisper.
“I love you too, baby.”
“What is this place?” I asked him looking back at the house.
“This is ours,” he said nonchalantly.
“What do you mean ‘ours’?” I asked him in confusion.
“I mean that my grandparents’ home finally sold, and today, I closed on this house.”
“This is yours?” I looked up at him in shock.
“No. It’s ours. This house. This life. This love. It’s all ours.”
5 Months Later
I rushed through the hospital in a panic. My arms were packed down with my purse, a gift for baby, and a gift for mama. I pressed my finger into the elevator call button repeatedly and prayed that the thing hurried the heck up before I ran my ass up the stairs.
Kat and Blake had decided to name their baby girl Hope, and I was so anxious to meet her for the first time. Blake called me in a panic when they were on the way to the hospital. He was telli
ng Kat to stop fucking with the radio and work on her breathing. I could hear her sassing him in the background, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
As soon as he told me they were in labor, I ran out of work and made my way to the hospital. I text Gabe on my way out the door and told him to meet me here. We were both anxious to meet our goddaughter.
The elevator dinged in front of me, and I jumped through the door and hit close as fast as I could. The music that surrounded me seemed to make the ride go slower and slower. I bounced my leg in place anxiously, and when the doors opened again, I burst through them and made my way to the maternity wing.
I checked in with the nurse and went through all the security clearances since they had it locked down like Fort Knox. When she finally decided that I was, in fact, who I said I was, the nurse told me that Kat and Blake were in room four and pointed me in the right direction.
Finding room four, I peeked my head inside.
“Come in,” Kat’s voice was soft.
I tiptoed into the room and almost dropped all my bags when I saw my precious goddaughter wrapped in her mother’s arms. Blake sat beside her on the bed and stared down at his two girls in complete awe.
Kat looked up at me when I made my way into the room. The tears shining in her eyes caused my own. She looked like she was exactly where she was supposed to be. She was born to be a mother.
Hope was bundled up in a light pink blanket and looked like an angel cuddled in her mother’s arms.
“She’s perfect,” I whispered, careful not to wake her.
“I know,” Kat replied while looking back down at her baby girl.
“Can I hold her?” I walked to the chair near the wall and set down all my bags.
“Of course.” Kat laughed.
Blake picked Hope up out of Kat’s arms and began walking toward me. He stared down at her completely in love, and I had only seen that look on his face when he was looking at one other person.
Blake held Hope out to me and I gripped her in my hold carefully before settling her tightly against my chest. I bounced in place and was surprised when her little eyes opened and she looked up at me. She looked just like her mother. She had the same large eyes and just a spirit about her that screamed Kat.
“Hi there, sweet girl. I’m your auntie and godmother.”
She cooed at me, and my smile came out to meet my watering eyes.
“I know. Some of us are just so special that we get two positions in your life.”
I heard Blake snort from beside Kat’s bed, but I was too enraptured with Hope to care. I sat down in the rocker by the window and began rocking her while still talking to her about anything I could think of.
“How are you ever going to get anything done?” I looked up at Kat. “You’re going to want to sit around holding her all day.”
“I know. I’m so in love.” She was looking at Hope fondly in my arms.
“You two did so good. You made the prettiest baby ever. Yes. They did.” I cooed down at Hope while rubbing my nose against her soft hand.
Gabe, Johnny, and Cash walked into the room at that exact moment. Gabe was watching me while Johnny and Cash walked around like they owned the place.
“It would be harder to break into this place than it would be to break out of prison,” Johnny said as he patted Blake on the back.
The boys all laughed, and Kat and I rolled our eyes.
Gabe walked toward me and placed a soft kiss on my lips before looking down at Hope.
“She’s gorgeous,” he practically whispered.
“Do you want to hold her?”
“In just a minute,” he said as he walked off to where the proud parents sat on the bed.
He went to Kat first and wrapped her in his arms as he kissed her forehead. “Congratulations, mama.”
A small smile lit up her already glowing face. “Thanks, Gabe.”
He then walked around the bed and Blake stood. For the first time since I had known them, Blake and Gabe hugged. Not like their normal “We’re men and men only pat each other” hug, but a true, genuine hug.
Both men looked overly emotional when they pulled away, and they didn’t need to say a word to each other. That’s how close they were. They knew exactly how the other felt without needing to voice the words.
Gabe made his way back toward me and reached out his hands. “Okay, baby hog. Give her up.”
I laughed softly as to not shake Hope as I stood up and placed her in Gabe’s waiting hands. I expected him to need some direction when he took her from me. I was prepared to give him the “Watch her head” speech, but much to my shock, he was a natural. He supported her head with the curve of his arm and sat down in the rocker with her bundled against his body.
He traced his finger down the side of her head and across her arm. When he reached her hand, she clung on to his finger and his eyes widened slightly. I knew it was a natural reaction for a baby to close their hand around your finger, but it didn’t make the moment any less special.
Gabe leaned down close to her and spoke in a voice so low that only she could hear him. I desperately wanted to know what he was saying, but I knew this moment was important for them. He would become someone very special in her life.
I moved closer to Kat to give Gabe his space with Hope and began talking about the delivery. She joked that Blake seemed to have it harder than she did, and he grunted and crossed his arms while the rest of us laughed. Apparently Blake didn’t handle his wife being in pain very well. I felt pretty bad for the poor doctors after Kat told us some of the things that he had said.
Two arms wrapped around my waist several minutes later, and I turned around to see Gabe standing behind me and Johnny now in the rocker with Hope in his arms. I placed my arms over Gabe’s and gave his hands a squeeze. We talked to Kat and Blake few several more minutes before the nurse notified us that more visitors had arrived.
I kissed Kat on the cheek and gave Blake a hug before taking Hope out of Cash’s arms and holding her close to me again. I promised her that we wouldn’t be gone long and we would be just out in the waiting room. I already felt so protective of her. So attached. I couldn’t imagine how her parents felt.
The four of us walked out of the room and notified Blake’s parents and Kat’s Uncle Gary that they were good to go inside. Johnny and Cash said their goodbyes, and Gabe and I sat down in the waiting room to wait for our chance to go back in.
When Kat and Blake asked us to be Hope’s godparents, we were both ecstatic yet scared. I was honored that they would even think of me for that role, and I knew no matter what I would always love Hope, but the idea of being responsible for someone else’s child was a big pill to swallow. What was even scarier was that I didn’t know what was running through Gabe’s mind.
We hadn’t discussed having children again since the day he found Kat’s pregnancy test, and I wasn’t sure that it was a topic I wanted to broach. We were happy. Extremely happy. There wasn’t a day that went by that I wasn’t thanking God for bringing Gabe into my life, and I wasn’t ready to rock that. What if he freaked out again? What if he told me the words that I already knew but didn’t want to hear out loud?
Giving up having children for Gabe was something that I would do, but it would still hurt. When I was a little girl, I imagined what my life would be like when I became like my mother. I imagined a big house on the lake just like the one Gabe and I moved into just a few short months ago. I imagined an intimate wedding with a man I loved just like the one Gabe and I were currently planning. But most of all, I imagined my children running around the yard with their blond curls bouncing on top of their head. I imagined my life filled with laughter and love. I could still have that, it was just that it would only be between Gabe and I.
Gabe tucked a curl behind my ear as he looked down at me.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing. Just Hope. She’s gorgeous, isn’t she?” I asked.
“She is.” He smiled down at me
.
“She is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen.”
“Not me,” he replied while running his nose along my jaw.
My breath hitched. “No?”
“No. You holding Hope and looking down at her like you are in love is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”
He placed a soft kiss against my lips which were stock still waiting for him to continue talking.
“I just kept thinking about what you would look like holding our baby. I thought about your body round with my baby inside you, and I haven’t been able to think about anything since.”
I pulled away from his touch so I could see into his eyes.
“You’ve decided that you want kids?” My voice was hopeful, but I couldn’t help it. I was shocked by his words and there was no way to hide it.
“No. I want kids with you. I want everything with you.”
And just like that Gabe Lawson flipped my world on its head once again. Everything I had ever wanted in my life seemed to be falling into place, but I never expected that I would fall so easily for Gabe. But I guess I never really fell, Gabe broke down my defenses in one fell swoop, and I crashed into him full force. My walls crumbled to the ground, and I had never been so happy to be broken. Actually, I loved it.
To my husband, Hubie: You always support me, even when I am sacrificing both of our sanities by chasing my dreams. You are my biggest cheerleader, my best friend, and my greatest love. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
To The World’s Greatest PA, Heather Cavanaugh: How did I survive before I found you? You have become my sounding board, my right hand girl, and one of my dearest friend. Thank you for everything you do for me. I would be lost without you.
To Kathryn Dunaway: The level of support you give to me is beyond my wildest dream. Thank you for always sharing my books and for always being just excited as I am about what is next to come. I am forever grateful.
