by J. Sterling
“Oh, she eats. It’s a wonder she doesn’t weigh three hundred pounds.”
“Mom, this is my roommate, Katherine. Apparently, she thinks she’s a comedian.”
“Hi, Mrs. Dailey. It’s really nice to meet you. Thanks for letting me come over, I really appreciate it.”
“Oh, Katherine, call me Janice, please. And we’re just so happy to have you.” She gave Katherine a quick squeeze before she turned to Taylor. “Your brother is out back in the barn. Go find him, will you, and let him know you’re here. Maybe you can get him to go out with you girls sometime this weekend? You think he’ll go?”
Katherine noticed the tone of the conversation had changed, and wondered if something was wrong with Taylor’s brother. From the conversation, she gathered he had some sort of deformity or clinical issue where he never left the house.
“You have a brother?” Katherine asked through her confusion.
“Yep. Let’s go see him.” Taylor pulled Katherine by the arm into the backyard.
“Taylor, your backyard is amazing. I can’t believe you have a barn. And horses! You never told me you had horses!” She glanced to her left. “And a trampoline?” Katherine got excited. “What else don’t I know?”
“Plenty. Let’s go find Blake first.”
Katherine wanted to ask her if there was something wrong with Blake. She wanted to be prepared for what she was about to see or experience before she met him. “Wait, Taylor…is there—” They rounded the corner and entered the rustic barn before Katherine could finish her question.
“Sis!” Blake stood up from a makeshift poker table where he sat with his friends. He was taller than Taylor and had the same sandy brown hair as his mother. He was cute for a high school boy, and had an athletic build.
Katherine couldn’t help but stare for a minute; his face seemed familiar in some way. Huh, she thought. Doesn’t look like anything is wrong with him. Weird.
“Hey, little brother.” They hugged and the sibling bond was immediately apparent.
“Blake, this is my roommate, Katherine. Katherine, this is my little brother, Blake.” Taylor looked around at the rest of the guys in the room. “And these are all of his degenerate friends.” The group of guys all started to talk smack at Taylor, which made Katherine smile, but she dished it right back.
“Hi, Katherine. It’s nice to meet you.” Blake straightened up, speaking more politely to Katherine than he had his sister.
“Hi, Blake. It’s nice to meet you.”
“All right, B, I’m going to show Kat the rest of the house and stuff. We’ll come back out to see you later…and kick your butts in poker!” The girls started to turn and walk out of the barn.
“Tay?” Blake called after her. Taylor turned around and looked at him. “I’m glad you’re home,” he said.
“I missed you too, Blakey-Face.”
“He seems sweet. You guys have an amazing relationship,” Katherine said as they left the barn and walked across the sprawling lawn.
“When our brother died we only had each other. Our parents could barely get through the day, let alone deal with us.” Taylor avoided looking Katherine in the eye.
“What? You had a brother who died? I had no idea.” Katherine’s shocked tone betrayed her attempt to stay cool. “Taylor, when did this happen? I’m so sorry.”
Katherine knew nothing about this and wondered why Taylor had never told her. She thought maybe she should have been warned about what she was walking into, but she couldn’t blame Taylor. I mean, how do you bring up the fact that your brother died? When is that ever the perfect story to tell?
“It was a little over two years ago,” Taylor said tightly. “My brother Austen was sleeping in the passenger seat and his friend Tony was driving. It was a really stormy night and there was this big rig. The truck driver hit something in the road and lost control. He cut off their car and there was no time for Tony to react. They said he didn’t even have time to hit the brakes, it all happened so quickly. Tony and Austen died instantly.”
Taylor took a breath before she continued, tears already forming in her eyes. “Our parents fell apart. Our town fell apart. I know you wouldn’t know it, but my parents are just now starting to get some sense of normalcy back.” Her voice trembled as she choked out, “Blake and Austen were close. And when Austen died, Blake was never the same. He stopped playing baseball, stopped going out. Basically, he stopped living his life. I’m so worried that he’ll never be the way he used to. And I don’t know how to fix him.”
Katherine put a hand on her shoulder as tears began to trickle down Taylor’s cheeks. “I was a wreck for so long, but I knew that I couldn’t just curl up in a ball and die, right? Austen wouldn’t want me to give up on my dreams of going to college. But it’s hard. Every day is hard. He was my older brother and I looked up to him and admired him. God, I miss him more than I can ever tell you.”
Tears spilled from Katherine’s eyes, falling in tandem with Taylor’s as she listened to her friend’s struggle to get through the story. There hadn’t been nearly enough time to get over a loss like that. Katherine reached over to hug Taylor and the embrace made them both cry even harder.
“I’m sorry, Katherine. I know I should have told you sooner, but it was never really the right time.”
“It’s okay. I totally understand. I’m happy to know now.” Katherine realized that Taylor’s behavior when it came to guys suddenly made sense. Taylor couldn’t get hurt or deal with the loss of the relationship if she didn’t ever let anyone get close enough to her.
The girls walked back into the house together, simultaneously wiping the tears from their faces. Taylor showed Katherine around the simple four-bedroom house. She told her she could sleep in the guest room, but Katherine opted to sleep with Taylor in her room instead. She liked the way Taylor’s house felt. It was comfortable. It felt lived-in and loved, reminding her of home.
That night at dinner, Taylor’s parents asked about Danny. Katherine bit back a laugh as Taylor’s face lit up. “He’s so great, Mom. You’ll love him. He’s cute and funny and he totally adores me. And Dad, he’s a hockey player.”
Her dad just smiled and said, “Of course he is, dear,” as he patted her shoulder. Blake sat quietly in his seat and sneaked peeks at Katherine from time to time, but never said a word. He listened as the girls talked and smiled every once in a while. Katherine tried not to stare back at him, but he looked familiar and she couldn’t place from where.
“What about you, Katherine? I heard you’re dating some hockey stud or something. Isn’t that right, Taylor?” Katherine focused her gaze on Taylor’s mom.
“She’s dating THE hockey stud of New Jersey, Mom, get it right,” Taylor interrupted.
“Oh, sorry. So, what’s he like?” Taylor’s mom leaned in with interest, her tone questioning, yet kind.
Katherine noticed the deep sadness that clouded her eyes. She couldn’t imagine how painful it must be to lose a child. She found herself wondering if you ever got over something like that, or if you were always damaged beyond repair. Katherine assumed it was the latter. It had to be.
“He’s really great. He’s super nice and confident and ridiculously good-looking.” Katherine laughed when she said it, feeling the heat warm her cheeks with her admission. Everyone at the table broke out into laughter and Katherine found herself more comfortable in the home of her new best friend than she’d been in years. She felt accepted and understood here, something that didn’t always come easily back home with her own parents. As the conversation continued to flow, Taylor told stories about how the girls on campus acted around Cooper. She waved her arms in the air, acting overly dramatic with each new account.
Blake finally spoke up. “They treat him like that? He must love it.”
“Actually, to be honest, I think it kind of bothers him,” Katherine said. She felt like she knew Cooper well enough at this point to speak for him.
“What? Why?” Blake smirked before biting
into a piece of garlic bread. “Girls throwing themselves at you everywhere you go? People giving you things, treating you like royalty? What’s the problem?” he asked with a mouthful of food.
Taylor reached over and punched Blake in the shoulder. “Oh, little brother, you would think that stuff is cool. But it’s actually kind of annoying. I feel bad for him whenever we’re out. You can tell that he just wishes people would leave him alone.” She jerked her chin toward Katherine. “Well, most people.”
Katherine flinched. “I think he just wants to be treated like everyone else.”
“Well, I still think it sounds cool,” Blake insisted.
“You should come visit us one weekend and hang out,” Katherine said. “Cooper would love to show you around.”
“Definitely!” Taylor agreed. “Why didn’t I think of that?”
Blake smiled and nodded his head while their parents shared a look of relief.
When dinner was over, Taylor’s mom stood up to clear the table. Katherine jumped up to help, and Taylor took the plates from her mom’s hands. The girls insisted on doing the dishes and as they finished clearing, Blake slipped out to return to the barn. Katherine turned to Taylor and asked, “Does he hang out in the barn a lot?”
“Yeah. His friends are always over and I think it’s easier to be out there than in the house. Especially when I’m away,” Taylor said with a pained smile. “Everything brings back memories of Austen, you know? And it hurts.” She paused, inhaling a long breath before adding, “I wish you could have met him, Kat. You would have loved him. Everyone did.” Katherine nodded, sure that Taylor was right.
Once the kitchen was clean, the girls walked across the damp lawn and onto the gravel pathway that led out to the barn. They rounded the corner and walked through the barn doors. “Deal us in,” Taylor announced to a room filled with Blake and his four buddies. Blake pulled out the chair next to him and motioned for Katherine to sit down. As she did, she watched Taylor take a seat next to an adorable black-haired teen. He grinned over at her and raised an eyebrow, and multiple dimples appeared in his cheeks. Katherine grinned at the unadulterated puppy love that shone from his dark eyes.
“Kat, this is Matty. He’s in love with me. Just ignore him, I do.” Taylor smiled before planting a quick peck on Matty’s cheek. His tanned face turned crimson and Katherine stifled a laugh.
Katherine noted to herself how Matty watched Taylor’s every move and took every opportunity to touch her hand, her shoulder, or to give her a hug. “Okay, Matty, enough.” Taylor looked at his dimpled face and pinched his cheek. “If only you were older,” she teased, flirting with him.
“I’m getting older every day, Taylor,” Matty said as he raised his eyebrows and leaned into the poker table. “You know we’ll end up together one day.”
Taylor laughed. “You know I love you, Matty, but I’m not sure about our future together.”
His eyebrows met in the middle as his forehead creased. “Don’t say that. You haven’t even given me a chance. You can’t say no before we’ve even tried.”
“Gross. I’m sitting right here,” Blake interrupted with a loud smack to Matty’s arm. “That’s my sister and you’re my best friend.”
“Which means we’ll be brothers someday.” Matty winked at Taylor and she started to laugh.
“I win! You guys suck.” Taylor threw her cards down and stood up from the table. She kissed her brother on the cheek and bent down to tease Matty a little. Then she gave him a peck on the cheek too. “Good night, guys. See you tomorrow.”
Katherine pushed out of the chair and politely said goodnight to the boys before following Taylor into the cold night air. Once in the house, the girls took turns using the bathroom to get ready for bed. Taylor went first, and Katherine looked around Taylor’s room while she waited. Taylor had books everywhere…on the bookshelf, in the closet, on her dresser, on the floor. Katherine tried to take it all in when she noticed a picture of Taylor smiling and laughing with a boy as she clung to his back. The picture was taken at the beach.
Katherine’s heart stopped as she forced herself to do a double take. Her eyes narrowed as she grabbed the picture to take a closer look. It couldn’t be. She shook her head and forced her eyes to close before reopening them slowly.
She knew those blue eyes, that perfect smile. Her chest heaved in and out as Taylor walked into the room.
“T-taylor, who is the guy in this picture with you?” Katherine stuttered, trying to calm her nerves.
“That’s my brother Austen. He was gorgeous, wasn’t he?”
Katherine placed the palm of her hand on her head as she leaned into it, squeezing her eyes shut. She couldn’t hear Taylor over the sound of her heart whooshing in her ears.
“Kat? What the heck is wrong with you? Are you all right?” Taylor asked.
Katherine stumbled to the edge of the bed and fell onto it. Taylor dropped down next to her. “What is it? Kat, you’re white as a ghost. What’s going on? Are you okay?”
Tears fell from Katherine’s eyes as she shook her head wildly. She mumbled, “This can’t be,” and looked closer at the picture, holding it with trembling hands. Her gaze darted around the room as she whispered, “I don’t understand,” her eyes wide and unfocused.
“Please,” Taylor pleaded. “Katherine, tell me! What it is?”
Katherine slowly lifted the picture and handed it to Taylor, trying to explain through her sobs, “That’s him, Taylor. The guy…in the picture with you.”
“My brother Austen? He’s who? Who, Katherine?” Suddenly Taylor’s eyes widened, the realization crashing into her with an almost physical impact. She rose from the bed and staggered a few steps backward, nearly falling into the open closet door.
“The guy from your dreams?” Taylor asked it so softly, Katherine barely heard her.
“Yes. That’s him!” Katherine pointed a shaky finger at the boy in the picture.
“That doesn’t make any sense, Kat.” Taylor paced around the room, no longer making eye contact. “It can’t be him. There’s no way. Look again!”
Katherine knew she didn’t need to look again, but she wanted to appease Taylor. “That’s the boy from my dreams,” she said, her voice growing stronger. “I’m positive.”
Taylor plopped onto the floor, shaking her head slowly from side to side in disbelief. “No. I just…it can’t…”
Katherine didn’t know what to do or what to say. She watched Taylor go through a myriad of emotions as the guilt coursed through her, hating herself for causing her friend such pain.
Taylor talked softly to herself as the tears fell down her cheeks. She glanced toward Katherine and said, “It just doesn’t make any sense. I don’t understand—”
“I don’t understand it, either,” Katherine interrupted. She longed to comfort Taylor, but didn’t know how. Terrified emotions suddenly overwhelmed her senses. “Taylor, please don’t be mad. I’m sorry.” The thought of losing her closest friend scared her more than anything in this moment.
“Why the hell would I be mad at you, Kat? It just can’t be my brother. I mean, why would you dream about him? He doesn’t even know you.” She shrugged her shoulder, her tone cold. “Or he didn’t even know you. And…this whole thing is just craz—”
Katherine cut her off. “I don’t know. But I promise you that the guy in this picture with you right here is the guy I’ve been dreaming about.”
Taylor breathed in deeply and slowly exhaled.
“I don’t know what to say, Taylor. Are you freaked out?”
Taylor looked into Katherine’s eyes. “A little.”
Katherine drew in a pained breath, nodding her head in understanding. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault. It’s just a lot to take in.” Taylor sniffed and wiped the tears away with the back of her hand.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“I don’t think so.” Taylor looked away and stared blankly at the wall.
> “Do you hate me?” Katherine’s voice quivered.
“Why would I hate you? Stop it.” Taylor fell silent. “I’m just trying to make sense out of something that makes no sense at all.”
Katherine knew she couldn’t do anything but wait for the shock and disbelief to wear off. But what if it never did? What if this ruined her friendship with Taylor completely? She didn’t realize it yet, but amid all of the confusion and turmoil, there was a small spark of happiness.
She finally knew his name.
Austen.
They sat in silence for a long time, the sound of their breathing filling the tense air between them. “I just don’t understand.” Taylor grabbed at her head, pulling at the strands of her hair. “My head hurts. My heart hurts. My brain hurts.” She rubbed her temples. “I think we should just call it a night. Maybe if you see my brother, you can ask him just what the hell is going on.”
Katherine hesitated before saying, “I’m really sorry, Taylor. I feel like this is all my fault. The last thing I want is to cause you any more pain.”
“I know that. Let’s just go to sleep, okay?”
“Okay.”
Katherine crawled into the twin bed opposite Taylor’s and pulled the covers up to her ears. She rolled over and forced herself to relax, doing her best to think of the beach and the bench as she drifted off to sleep.
****
She saw Austen’s shadow in the distance. Rather than jump up and run to him, which was her first thought, she stayed on the bench and watched as the shadow grew closer. Brody bounced up to her, wagging his tail. Her nervousness nearly got the best of her as she planted kisses on the top of the dog’s nose, avoiding looking Austen’s way as he approached.
“I should have told you,” he said as he sat down next to her.
“Why would you do that to me? To Taylor?” she started to ask in anger, but took one look into his sad eyes and folded as the anger subsided.
He dropped his gaze as he reached for her hand, interlocking her fingers in his. “I’m really sorry. Let me try to explain.” Then he looked up, gazing deeply into her eyes.
She tried to be strong or defiant in some way, but it was pointless trying to resist him. Austen compelled her in the most primal way. Simply being around him made her come unglued. “I’m listening.”
