I hate that he’s kept all this bottled up for so long. I’m beginning to understand his need for a punching bag in all of his hotel rooms now. It’s the only way he’s felt able to let out all the tension he’s been carrying around with him.
“Logan,” I say quietly but he flinches anyway. He turns to look over his shoulder showing me his pain. Sweat is pouring off him but there is no mistaking the tears that are streaming down his face. His hair is soaking wet and his chest is heaving up and down with his laboured breathing.
“Take it out on me,” I say stepping towards him. “Use me…for whatever you need.”
“I’m not going to hurt you, Cole.”
“That’s not what I mean. Use my body, take what you need.”
I watch his eyes drop and run down the length of me. Tingles erupt in their wake. I’m fully clothed but the way he’s looking at me, I might as well be naked.
“You don’t mean that,” he states.
“Like fuck I don’t.” I reach behind me and pull my t-shirt over my head. It’s barely hit the floor before Logan is right there in front of me. His smell instantly floods my senses. My mouth waters to have it on him, any of him.
“It’ll be rough,” he warns in a deep gravelly voice that makes my knees a little weak.
“I’m yours, whatever you need.”
He’s so lost to his grief that I don’t think he hears the truth behind my statement. I may have only known him a few short weeks but that doesn’t mean anything. I’ve been his since our first encounter in his hotel room when I didn’t even know he was gay. The way he looked at me then, the way he’s looking at me now. Fuck, I never want to lose it. We’ve hardly had any time together but he makes me feel so alive, makes me feel so much more than I’ve ever experienced before.
He must realise that I’m being serious, that his threats don’t scare me because after a beat his hands come up and push hard against my chest until I’m backed up against the wall.
“Undress,” he demands.
He watches my every move as I undo the button on my jeans and shove them down my legs. I quickly toe my shoes off then pull my jeans and socks off, dropping them on the floor next to me. My hands return to my waist and I grab on to the elastic of my boxer briefs. I’m just about to push them down my thighs when I halt at the sound of his voice.
“Slowly.”
I can’t do anything but follow his demand.
When I look up after kicking them off my breath catches in my throat. Logan is staring at me, his hands are balled into fists, the muscles in his neck and shoulders are pulled tight and he’s still breathing harshly.
“Bend over the bench.”
It’s only now that I look around the rest of the room. To match the decoration there is a single bed that is covered in purple sheets and pink cushions with a stuffed unicorn in the centre. But the rest of the room is full of all Logan’s gym equipment. As well as the punching bag there is a bench with weights, a running and rowing machine along with more weights on a stand. This is how he stays so fit then.
Logan clearing his throat behind me reminds me of what I should be doing. I walk forward until I’m stood just in front of the bench.
I look back at him but he just raises an eyebrow at me.
I widen my stance slightly then bend forward with my forearms resting on the padded bench. I put my forehead on my arms and wait. I probably should feel exposed like this with my arse up in the air but the excitement and anticipation of what Logan is about to do pushes any concern away.
I hear his footsteps against the wooden floor as he starts walking towards me. My heart starts racing as I wait for something to happen.
I hear another, louder, thud before I feel his warm breath against my most intimate place. I shiver at the sensation and goose bumps erupt across my skin.
I continue waiting for more, anything. But nothing happens.
“Logan?” I question.
“Quiet,” he barks back.
I’ve never really been one to enjoy being on the receiving end of a demanding lover, but fuck, if Logan telling me what to do doesn’t turn me on to fucking painful levels. My cock twitches every time I hear him so much as breathe.
After what feels like hours of torture I suddenly feel something.
“Ah, fuck,” I shout when I feel his tongue against my tender flesh.
“Quiet,” he repeats.
I snap my mouth shut and bite down on the inside of the lips.
Thankfully he returns his attention to me and continues teasing me with his tongue. As he warned though he’s not gentle for very long. It’s only a few seconds before he is pushing into me and bringing me closer and closer to the edge just with his tongue. Shit, I thought he was good when he had my cock in his mouth a few days ago but this is something else.
I feel lost when he pulls back but I refrain from voicing my disappointment. Instead I stay still and listen. I listen to the familiar sound of a condom wrapper being ripped open and my legs start shaking with anticipation of feeling him again.
I feel his hand behind me before his fingers are suddenly thrust into me. I surge forward with the shock.
“Stand still.”
He lets up a little as I right myself and lock my position as best I can. When he’s happy that he has me where he wants me I feel his fingers pull out before I feel the thickness of his cock against my opening.
“I warned you,” he says before suddenly thrusting forwards. I again stumble forward but he has my hips this time and helps to stop me falling head first over the bench.
He thrusts into me with such force that even trying to lock my muscles to keep me in place doesn’t work. I surge forward each time he slams into me. Each time his cock hits me so deep inside that my body starts to tremble that little bit more.
“Come, Cole. Let me feel you squeezing me tight,” he grates out between thrusts.
I’m so close to falling apart, it’s right there. I can almost taste it. Logan lets go of one of my hips and the moment I feel him wrap his palm around my cock I’m falling. Falling into the most ultimate of pleasure caused by the one and only Logan Chase. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how good he makes me feel. I’m sure he was designed purely for my pleasure.
“Fuck, yes,” he mutters as my muscles clench tightly around him. “Fuck, fuck,” he repeats until I feel the first twitch of his cock as he starts coming. The feeling of him releasing inside me reawakens my earlier orgasm and I feel after shocks shoot around my body.
He pulls out once he’s finished and I hear him pull the condom off. I don’t move, I can’t. I’ve completely lost the feeling in my legs after that. If I try to move I know I’m gonna go down like a sack of shit.
What Logan does next blows me away. After being the demanding lover that he just was he scoops me up into his arms and starts walking out of the room with me.
I want to laugh because I don’t think I’ve been carried like this since I was a kid but one look in his eyes stops me. He’s looking down at me with his green eyes twinkling and I’m filled with a sense of achievement that I was the one who wiped the vacant and dark look away that he’s been wearing all day.
He walks us into the other bedroom before laying me down on the bed. He climbs on and lays down next to me. Our bodies are touching from our shoulders to our feet.
“What was wrong with the bed in there?” I ask turning to my side to look at him.
“What!” he says incredulously. “That’s Mia’s bed, we can’t…” he stops talking but runs his eyes up and down my body, “do stuff like this there, it’s just wrong.”
“Stuff like what?” I ask with a smile.
Logan turns and lifts his mouth up towards my ear. Goose bumps prickle my skin where his breath caresses it.
“Make love to me,” he whispers causing my goose bumps to spread across my entire body.
He pulls back and I can tell by the look in his eyes that he doesn’t want to talk. He just wants to feel. And I
’m okay with that, very okay actually.
I lean over him and put my lips to his so I can begin to do what I’ve been dreaming about since meeting this insanely sexy man.
Worship him.
Eleven
“Hey, how are you doing?” I ask Logan as I enter the kitchen. He’s sat with his back to me, a mug of steaming coffee in front of him along with his notebook. It’s how he’s pretty much spent all of his time the last few days. Well that’s when he’s not been with his family or in bed with me. Today is the funeral so I can only imagine how he is feeling.
“Alright, I guess. I just want to get this over with.”
I know it sounds harsh but I understand what he means. At least once the funeral is done he can begin to focus on the future. For the last few days he couldn’t see past today and the excruciating pain he’s going to be in saying goodbye to Annie.
He’s talked about her so much the last few days. From their childhood together when they hated each other with a passion to their adulthood as best friends.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” he says quietly before sipping his coffee. “I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
He’s said this a few times over the last couple of days and I love hearing it. If I’m being honest though I’ve thought about how he would have coped without me a few times. I mean I know he would have got through it, he’s stronger than he gives himself credit for. But he’s needed a shoulder to cry on, someone to shout at and take it all out on. His family love him more than words but they don’t really know him. He wouldn’t have been able to unload on them the way he has with me. I feel so honoured to have been able to help him through this. Yes he’s still got a long way to go but I’m hopeful we are going to do it together.
“Whatever you need, Logan, remember?”
He nods sadly at me and continues drinking his coffee in silence while tapping his pen against the pages of his notebook that are full with his words.
I’ve realised that song writing is like therapy for him. When he’s angry he fucks, and let me tell you, I am not complaining about that. Although I wish it didn’t mean he was hurting so much. But when he’s feeling emotional he writes and although he won’t let me read any of it I just know that it’s awesome. It’s his next album in that notebook, I can feel it.
“Bella’s here,” I shout up the stairs to where Logan is still getting ready.
He wants everything to be perfect so is taking forever to get ready, that and I think he’s trying to put it off in the hope the funeral won’t happen.
I pull the front door open for Bella and nod my approval. She has her bright red hair pulled away from her face in some fancy do that Darcy must have done, her lips and shoes are the same red. Then she’s wearing a slim fitting black dress that comes to just below her knees and fits her like a second skin with a blazer over the top.
Annie apparently insisted that there was colour today, not just a mass of black. So Bella’s gone red while I’ve got a blue shirt and tie along with my grey suit. I’m yet to see what Logan is wearing.
Logan wasn’t too fussed as to whether Bella came today or not, after all they’re not really friends, but I was adamant that it shouldn’t be just me and him. Although him hiding from the world bugs the hell out of me I wasn’t going to risk anything ruining today for anyone. His issue with coming out is something that needs dealing with at another time because as much as I want to stand up there with him, holding his hand, I know it’s not the right time.
When we get to the crematorium Bella and I leave Logan and his family outside to greet friends and relatives. The look he gave me as I starting walking away told me that he was as torn about it as I was. I desperately want to be with him but I know I can’t. Not yet.
“How have the last few days been?” Bella whispers when we sit down. The room is fairly empty at the moment as we were first here with Logan but it still feels wrong to talk at full volume.
“Interesting. I’ve enjoyed taking his mind off it all though!” I say with a wink.
Bella slaps me on the shoulder, “We’re in crematorium, there’s a vicar over there, you can’t talk about that!”
Our conversation is halted when people start pouring in through the doors.
Once the room is full, and then some, everyone goes quiet and we watch as Logan, Keith, Drew and a couple of others I don’t know carry the coffin in. I can’t see Logan’s face because he is the other side of the coffin, but my heart bleeds for him. The sound of people’s sobs fill the room and I look over to where Diane and Mia are clutching each other in the front row waiting for the men to join them.
It’s moments like these that make you realise how short life is. I’ve always tried to live life to it’s fullest but times like this remind me that no matter what I should go after what I want and not take no for an answer. You’re a long time dead so it’s important to live a happy life while you’re here.
My eyes flick to Logan again as they place the coffin down. He is what’s making me happy and I hate that I can’t shout it from the rooftops. The only person I’ve ever hidden from is my dad because he didn’t need any more excuses to make me his punching bag. I wasn’t tall enough, I wasn’t muscular enough, I didn’t like rugby, the list went on and on. I knew him finding out I was gay was going to tip him over the edge, along with the fact that when he thought I was going to martial arts lessons I was actually at dance classes with Bella.
A shiver goes through me at the thought of quite how far over the edge he went when he did find out but the vicar welcoming us to celebrate Annie’s life pulls me from my living nightmare.
It was a lovely service. I always thought that was just something everyone said about a funeral but this one was lovely. They focused on celebrating Annie’s life, all the things she achieved in her short time here. It was all going smoothly until the vicar announced that someone had something they wanted to say about Annie and Logan stood up.
My stomach turns over and my heart starts to race. He never told me he was going to do this. I’m suddenly really worried that he isn’t going to be able to do it and I’m not going to be able to hold myself back from going to him. Bella must sense my sudden tension because she reaches out and grabs my hand.
“Annie was my irritating big sister. I’m sure she was scheming up ways to torture me from the day she found out she was going to be a sister. She did her best to break me over the years, my nose, my arm, and often my pride. But it turned out after all that she was pretty awesome. I’m so proud to say that Annie wasn’t just my big sister but also my best friend. She knew everything there is to know about me and she never once judged me. She was my biggest supporter and never doubted me when I announced my ambition to be a singer.
“Not many people know this but she had a pretty cracking voice as well, but she never had the confidence to use it outside of her bedroom while singing into her hairbrush.
“There was nothing more important to Annie than her family. The day I was introduced to Drew as her boyfriend I was convinced that would be the end of our friendship. I couldn’t see how he could ever be good enough for her but thankfully I was very wrong. Drew was able to bring out something in my sister that even I hadn’t seen. I’ve never seen her happier than when she was with her husband. He made her smile light up her face in a completely different way, it was clear to see how much she loved him.
“Together they blessed us with our darling Mia. I knew you were going to be trouble, kid, from the moment I held you in my arms the day you were born. You had a cheeky glint in your eye from that very first moment.
“Mia couldn’t have had a better mum than my sister, she was loving, caring and patient. A little harsh when she wanted to be but the result is my amazing little niece.
“I know I wasn’t around much at the end but Annie assured me that I was doing the right thing. I will spend the rest of my life wondering if that is true but I know she would never hold it against me. She was nothing if she w
asn’t supportive, not just of me but everyone she loved.
“Annie, I know you haven’t gone too far, you’re way too much of a control freak to leave us to our own devices, but just know that you will forever be with us, and you definitely will never be forgotten. I love you, sis.”
I’m really proud of Logan. I could see that as he walked to the lectern his showman mask came on. He’s the same just before he goes on stage. It’s like he’s able to leave his emotions behind and solely focus on the task in hand. Well he did that for every performance apart from that emotional one after he discovered Annie had died.
He walks over to place a lily on her coffin and as he turns back to take his seat he catches my eye. He’s pale and his eyes look empty, not helped by the dark circles around them showing the little amount of sleep he got last night. He still looks unbelievably hot in his black suit with a crisp white shirt and magenta tie, Annie’s favourite colour apparently, but he’s just a shell of a man inside it.
Every muscle in my body tenses as I try to keep myself sat in my seat. I want to wrap my arms around him so badly.
The rest of the service goes by in a blur. I keep my eyes on Logan, although it’s the back of his head from where we’re sitting. I don’t even give it a thought that someone might see me, I’m more concerned about my broken man.
We watch as all the immediate family get up and say their last goodbyes before everyone else begins following behind.
“Wow, that was intense,” Bella whispers as we wait for our row to head off. “Beautiful though, I’m sure Annie would be proud.”
I can’t help but agree with her. It was a good send off.
The first thing I see when we gather in the garden of remembrance with Logan’s family is a guy that I recognise as one of the men carrying Annie’s coffin stepping up to Logan and wrapping his arms around him. They hold each other for a beat too long and I’m instantly filled with jealously. I hate that I am, but I can’t help it. Logan is mine.
Chasing Logan Page 11
