by Cora Seton
“This is the SEALs we’re talking about. Navy SEALs.”
“Oh, got it.” She reached the end of the barbed wire and scrambled to her feet. She plucked at her shirt to clear the dirt out from inside of it and then plunged her hand into her bra to try to get at the rest.
“Sailor, what the hell are you doing?”
She laughed at Ben’s expression. “I’ve got dirt stuck everywhere.”
“You’re being timed. Get going!” He pointed down the course. With a sigh, Caitlyn got going again, but she slowed when she remembered Ben’s limp, and waited for him when she came to a rope swing near a gully.
“Don’t stop!” Ben said, catching up to her.
“But—”
“Don’t stop,” he reiterated. “Get that rope. Get going!”
She grabbed the rope and swung across, then turned to see if he was able to follow. Ben grabbed the rope on its backward swing, leaped up and sailed over the gully just as she had, landing gently beside her.
“You stopped again.”
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next.” She wasn’t sure he believed her lie. The next obstacle was plain to see: a huge balance beam constructed from logs.
“Move it!” He hobbled on and she jogged toward the nearest beam, but her first attempt to race up the inclined log that led to the top of it was unsuccessful.
“Damn it,” she said when she got halfway up a second time, wobbled and then fell off.
“Here. I’ll help.” Ben stepped close and braced her feet with his hands as she climbed the slippery log. When she finally reached the top she straddled the high beam and caught her breath.
“You can get across it any way you like,” Ben said. “You don’t have to walk.”
“I’ll walk.” She’d always been proud of her balance. She stood up carefully, picked a tree to focus on and took a step.
Ben shadowed her on the ground, watching her intently, but Caitlyn didn’t let that throw her. As she moved across the beam she felt a grace in her body she hadn’t connected to in ages—since before she’d become pregnant with Lottie. It was as if she’d been so ashamed of making that mistake she hadn’t let herself inhabit the body that had betrayed her. Caitlyn stopped, wondering why she still classified her pregnancy like that—as a betrayal. After all, she wouldn’t give up Lottie for the world.
“Why’d you stop, sailor?”
Caitlyn didn’t answer Ben. She wondered what would happen if she stopped beating herself up for getting pregnant and decided to look at the whole experience as a gift. She had Lottie, after all. And she was healthy, strong, young. What if instead of feeling ashamed all the time she decided to feel proud?
“Caitlyn? Are you okay?”
She blinked back the tears that suddenly stung her eyes. “Yeah, I am.” She was okay. More than okay. When her vision cleared, she strode down the rest of the beam so quickly Ben had to hurry to keep up with her on the ground. She ran lightly down the inclined log on the far end and stood in front of him. “I have a baby.”
“I know.” Ben looked at her quizzically.
“No—I have a baby. Isn’t that a miracle?”
He smiled gently. “Yes, it is.”
He didn’t sound judgmental. If anything, he sounded… envious. Caitlyn hugged herself, trying to contain the joy that threatened to overwhelm her. She wanted to laugh out loud again. Why had she been making her life so hard this past year and a half? Why not celebrate it every step of the way? So she was single. So what?
“What’s next?” She nearly bounced as she followed Ben to the next obstacle but her newfound happiness quickly drained away when she saw what it was. “Chin ups?”
“For women it’s chin ups. For men it’s a salmon ladder.”
“Oh, God.” She’d seen those on television where muscle bound men grabbed hold of a metal bar held in two brackets, swung out their legs and somehow managed to pop the bar up to the next set of brackets, and then the next and the next.
“All you have to do is twenty pull ups.”
“Twenty?” Caitlyn nearly groaned. “I might be able to do one or two.” She moved to the bar, grabbed hold and tried. She managed one, and then nearly managed another before she gave up in despair. “I can’t do it.”
“Sure you can.”
“Unless you’re going to lift me up and down nineteen times, I don’t think so.” She stepped back. “I have a better idea; you do this one for me.”
“You want me to do chin ups?”
“No, I want you to do the salmon ladder. I’ve never seen someone do it in real life.”
“Okay, I’ll do it—but only if you’ll be my date for the dance.”
Chapter Six
‡
Ben wondered if he’d gone too far when Caitlyn didn’t answer him right away. His ego would be toast if she turned him down, but something had happened during her progress through the course. It was if she’d thrown down some heavy burden and was high with the joy of letting it go. Her exclamation at the end of the balance beam had thrown him off. Of course she had a child. Did that surprise her?
“Okay,” she said finally. “If you can do the salmon ladder all the way to the top, I’ll go to the dance with you.”
Ben narrowed his eyes. That wasn’t what he’d said. It’d been a while since he’d tried a salmon ladder—since before he was injured. Maybe that was the point, though. Maybe Caitlyn didn’t want to go with him at all.
“Forget about it.” He turned away but before he could take a step, Caitlyn sputtered, “Forget about it? What kind of attitude is that, sailor?”
“If you don’t want to go with me, just say so.”
“Why wouldn’t I want to go with you?”
He turned to face her. “Why would you want to go with a gimpy wash-up with no future ahead of him?”
She stared at him in obvious shock. “Is that how you see yourself?”
“That’s what I am.”
“What you are is the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.” Color stained her cheeks but she went on. “Do you know how lame I feel when I compare myself to you? You’ve served your country. You got injured in the line of duty. All I’ve done is go to school and accidentally get pregnant.”
“You’ve got plenty of time to do lots of things, including be a great mother.”
“And you’ve got plenty of time to do more great things, too.”
“Like what? What can I do?”
“You’ve got a mind. You’ve got a heart. You’re still strong as shit—look at you!” She pointed to the salmon ladder. “Get to it. Show me what you’ve got.”
“Forget it.”
“Are you chicken? Is that it?”
“I’m not chicken!” She didn’t understand—
“Then get your ass in gear and do that ladder, sailor!”
Ben blinked. For a second there she sounded just like his old drill sergeant from boot camp. Despite himself a smile tugged up the corner of his mouth. “Fine.” He moved awkwardly to the base of the salmon ladder, took a deep breath and jumped up to grab the bar, knowing he had to get this right. He wanted to take Caitlyn to the dance. He wanted a hell of a lot more than that, too. She was a woman to fight for, even if it meant facing his worst fears.
He swung his legs and the motion triggered a set of reflexes his body hadn’t forgotten despite his injury. His muscles bunched and stretched and he popped the bar up to the next level, and then the next, and the next. Below him Caitlyn whooped and he couldn’t help but grin as he popped to the final level. Flush with triumph, he leaped down—
And landed on his bad ankle.
“Fuck!” Ben crashed to the ground and writhed in pain. Caitlyn dropped to her knees, horror twisting her mouth into an O.
“Are you all right? Ben!”
“Damn it. Goddamn it!” He breathed through the pain until it subsided, then flopped back flat in the dirt. “I’m fine,” he growled at Caitlyn, who still hovered above him.
“You don’t look fine.”
He covered his face with his palms. Who had he been trying to fool? He was a wash-up. A hopeless case.
“Come on, I’ll help you back to the house,” Caitlyn said.
“Just leave me alone.”
“I’m not going to—”
Ben couldn’t take it a second longer. He didn’t want Caitlyn’s help. He wanted to be man enough to help her. “I made a mistake, all right?”
“When you landed?”
“When I made it to the top!”
It took a second for comprehension to dawn on her face and when it did her pain was so obvious Ben wanted to erase his last words. She stiffened, then quickly got to her feet. “Just say so if you don’t want to go with me.” She turned and fled, leaving Ben filled with self-loathing. Hadn’t he said exactly the same thing when he thought she didn’t want him? Well, he wanted her—so much he was willing to let her go.
Caitlyn didn’t need a broken man like him.
But as he laid his head back and stared up at the sky through the dappled leaves above him, Ben wondered if he could survive without her.
“You look stunning,” Mia said a half hour later when Caitlyn had changed and put on her makeup. Pink still tinged her cheeks from the exertion of doing the obstacle course, and her eyes shone with unshed tears, but that didn’t detract from the overall effect. Mia was right, she looked prettier than she had in months. Too bad she felt like she’d been hit by a Mack truck.
“Thanks.” She turned away from the mirror and went to fetch her jacket and purse.
“What happened out there?” Mia blocked her way to the door.
“Nothing.” Mia had asked the question at least five times already, but she refused to answer it. She didn’t think she could keep her composure if she did and she had a whole night ahead of her to get through.
“Tell me. Something happened.” Mia crossed her arms. “We’re not leaving until you spill it.”
Caitlyn finally gave in when she realized Mia wasn’t joking. “I met up with Ben.”
“What did he say to you?”
“He’s not interested in me, okay? Now can we go?”
“He was definitely interested in the park yesterday. I was about to tell you two to get a room. What changed?”
With a sigh, Caitlyn realized it would be quicker to satisfy Mia’s curiosity than try to get past her. She did so in as few words as possible, starting with her inability to scale the climbing wall and ending with Ben’s fall and angry words.
“So he helped you all through the course, but when he screwed up he sent you packing?”
“That’s right.”
“Honey, that has nothing to do with you; that’s all about his pride!”
A ray of hope pierced through her, but Caitlyn refused to let it touch her heart. “It’s about reality. A guy like him doesn’t want to be saddled with a single mom.”
“A guy like him wants it so bad he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He was trying to impress you, Caitlyn—and he fell, instead. He’s embarrassed!”
She thought it over. Maybe Mia was right. Up until his fall, Ben had focused on her like there was no one else in the world, and he’d been so proud when he reached the top of the ladder. He was the one who’d made the bet about the dance in the first place, after all. “You know what? I think you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right. Men are bastards when they’re embarrassed. Give him a little time to settle down. It won’t take long—one look at you in this dress and he’ll get over it pretty quick.” Mia took Caitlyn’s arm and led her to the door. “Come on, Cinderella; let’s get you to the ball.”
Chapter Seven
‡
“You’re like a wolverine with its foot in a trap. What’s wrong with you?” Dan said the second time Ben bumped into something and swore. He’d dragged himself inside from the course, took a quick shower and changed, but the pain from his fall had left him pale and haggard. Dan’s description of his mood was all too accurate. He’d seen Caitlyn’s face when he’d crashed to the ground and the mixture of horror and sympathy there told him all he needed to know. She didn’t see him as a man; she saw him as an invalid, and that was the last thing a single mother needed—a man to take care of along with her baby.
“I overdid it a little, that’s all.” He braced himself for more sympathy.
“Serves you right, the way you were showing off out there.”
Ben glared at him. “What do you mean?”
“I went out to the course to tell you it was time to get ready for the dance. I saw you flexing your muscles and helping Caitlyn do the obstacles.”
“You watched us?”
“Hell, no. I turned right around and walked back to the Hall. Why, did you two have some fun?”
Judging by Dan’s smile, Ben figured he hadn’t seen him crash and burn at the salmon ladder. Thank God. “No,” he said shortly. “We decided we weren’t right for each other.”
Dan’s disbelief was clear. “You looked right for each other when I saw you. What happened?”
“Can’t you just drop it?” Ben tried to edge around him, but Dan blocked his way.
“No, I can’t. Because my gut’s telling me this is more of your poor me bullshit.”
“You don’t know anything about it.” Ben shoved him aside, but Dan blocked him again.
“I limp a little, therefore I am no longer any good to women,” Dan mimicked in a high-pitched voice.
“Shut the fuck up.”
“My ankle’s sore which means my dick no longer works—”
“Fuck off, Hemmins!” But despite himself he was fighting back a smile.
“I can’t hop on my right foot! What the hell will I do with my life?”
“All right, all right; I get it. I’m being ridiculous.” He stopped trying to get away. “But it’s true—I can’t do the things I used to do and it sucks!”
Dan sobered. “It does suck,” he said in a normal voice, “and I’m sorry as hell it happened to you, but you can’t give up on life—or on Caitlyn. It was clear as day to me she was into you out there.”
“Really?” Ben forced himself to think over his encounter with Caitlyn on the course. She had seemed to be having a good time—up until the end.
“Really. So what happened, did you have a fight?”
Ben wished that was the case. “I was a first class asshole.”
“Then you’d better go put things right.”
“Yeah, I guess I’d better.”
Caitlyn wasn’t sure how she’d ended up sitting next to Ben in Dan’s truck on the way to the dance. One minute she’d been chatting with Mia and the next Ben had ushered her into a seat, then climbed in beside her. He didn’t speak to her on the trip into town but she was all too aware of his muscular body pressed against her. Sarah sat up front with Dan, and Mia and her husband, Luke, crowded into the back seat with Caitlyn and Ben. When the truck went over a bump, Caitlyn nearly landed in Ben’s lap.
He took her hand and her breath hitched. She waited for him to drop it again, but he held on, his large fingers nearly enveloping hers. They were warm and gentle—somehow comforting. She didn’t know what his touch meant, but she knew she liked it.
When he leaned close and brushed a kiss against her hair, Caitlyn closed her eyes and wondered if he’d really done that or if she was dreaming. Her fingers tightened involuntarily and he squeezed her hand in reply. With her heart beating double-time in her chest, Caitlyn could barely breathe the rest of the way into town. Had Mia been right—had Ben’s outburst on the course been caused by his embarrassment over his fall?
If so, she’d be glad to put the incident behind them and move forward. She wanted to get to know Ben, but only if he understood she’d never see him as less of a man because he’d been injured. On the contrary, knowing he’d been hurt while serving his country made him more of a man in her eyes.
When they pulled up in front of the community center where the
dance was taking place, Ben helped her out of the truck as if she was precious to him. Caitlyn couldn’t remember the last time a man had shown her such gentle care and she felt like she was floating rather than walking inside to the ticket counter and coat check.
As their friends grouped around the ticket booth, laughing and joking with the young woman running it, Ben tugged her aside. “You’re a sight for sore eyes tonight.”
“You clean up pretty well yourself.” He looked more than good in a pair of black jeans, boots and a neatly pressed white shirt that buttoned up the front. But then Ben would look good no matter what he wore.
Or didn’t wear.
She wondered if her thoughts were plain to see on her face. Judging by Ben’s grin, she guessed they were.
“I’m sorry—for what I said earlier,” he began.
“Don’t worry about that.”
“I am worried about it.” He cut her off. “Let me have my say, Caitlyn.”
She waited uncomfortably, not wanting to make him go through with the apology.
“It’s been hard to get used to this.” He frowned down at his ankle. “I can’t help wondering why me sometimes, but I’m going to get past that. I swear I’m going to stop feeling sorry for myself and get back to being the man I know I can be.”
When she opened her mouth to speak, he took both her hands. “Hold on, now. Let me say it all. I don’t apologize much; better make the most of it.” He caught her gaze. “This injury makes me angry sometimes, but I had no call to take that out on you. I lied back there. Making it to the top of the salmon ladder was the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time, and not just because it proves I can still do it. Because it meant I was going to get to spend the evening with you. That’s all I want right now.”
“I want that too.” She wanted to match Ben’s honesty with her own. She wanted him to be clear exactly how she felt.
“Good.” His smile sent flutters through her. “Come on, let’s go have some fun.”
Chapter Eight
