by Jewel E. Ann
Maybe, just maybe she could be what I need––a physical release without the emotional investment.
I face her, allowing my eyes to drink in her soft features: silky skin, full lips, emerald eyes, and black hair that flows in endless waves down her back and over her breasts. The image of those perky breasts peeking through the thick black layers as she sits naked astride me stirs my dick. If her eyes drift a few degrees south, she’ll know how I react to her. I should care and try to hide it, but I don’t.
“Stay. Have some wine or more water, just … stay.”
“Wine, but only if you promise to carry me home when I pass out after two sips.” She brushes her hair back and wets her lips with a nervous graze of her teeth over the top one.
I’ve become my brother, imagining everything she does and says is an invitation into her pants. I’m the “nice” guy; the kiss goodnight on the cheek, opening doors, lavishing with flowers and jewelry, waiting until the third date to kiss on the lips and a month before copping a feel. The old Oliver would insist that sex is at least six weeks out, but my dick hasn’t gotten the memo. This new, completely lost Oliver is ready to tie her up and spank her … I’m not sure why people even do that, but I think modern women like it, so sure, I’d give it a try.
“So wine it is.” I grin while grabbing two glasses from the cabinet. “Do you live alone?”
Vivian laughs. “Why? Are you planning on stalking me and sexually assaulting me?”
Okay, so I think I’ll hold off on the spanking. I probably wouldn’t do it right anyway. “A little paranoid?”
“My roommate, Alex, her parents own the condo. They’re rich, I guess. Anyway, her boyfriend and my friend Kai are good friends so they introduced us when I needed to move to Cambridge. Alex is rarely there, so she was thrilled to have a roommate to look after things and one who needed a job. Maggie, her aunt, owns The Green Pot and needed some help running the nursery since she’s been battling cancer off and on for years. Alex’s parents agreed to keep the condo instead of having her move into student housing with the agreement that she’d work part-time for Maggie. So I get a job and cheap rent, and Alex helps out occasionally at the nursery, but mostly she makes her spending money off my rent payments. It’s a win-win.”
I hand her a glass of wine and motion to the couch. “Alex’s parents are okay with this arrangement?”
She sips her wine. “They don’t know. I make myself scarce when they come to visit.”
“And you’re okay with deceiving people you don’t even know?”
She waves her hand in the air dismissively as she swallows. “I know them. I come to ‘visit’ every time they’re in town. They love me, of course, because I’m such a good influence on Alex.”
“So why not just tell them the truth?”
Vivian tucks her legs underneath her. “They want Alex to stay busy with school and work so she doesn’t get distracted by guys.”
I shake my head. “It’s quite the con you two have going.”
“You don’t know half of it.” She takes another sip of her wine, and another, and another.
I anticipate having her naked within the hour. Reaching over, I fill her glass back up before it’s even halfway down.
God! What the hell is wrong with my brain?
“So why did you need to move to Cambridge?” I ask.
She giggles and I adjust myself because I’m already imagining her glazed over eyes calling to me. “My parents think I’m getting my business degree from Harvard.” She giggles some more.
My dick has officially taken a backseat to this conversation. As much as I want to avoid too much personal detail, her comment has my naturally curious mind turning its cogs. “Why do they think that?”
“Because I got accepted.”
There’s no way I could have seen this coming. Vivian doesn’t just surprise me, she knocks me on my ass leaving me speechless with everything she says and does. “To Harvard?”
“Yes, Oliver, to Harvard. Don’t look so surprised.”
I set my drink on the coffee table and adjust my body to face her. “Let me get this straight. You were accepted to Harvard. Your parents think you’re attending Harvard. You moved to Cambridge so they would believe you’re going to Harvard, but you’re not going to Harvard?”
She massages her temples with her thumb and middle finger then drags her fingers across her forehead “Yep, I’ve had way too much to drink.” She laughs. “So I’m not sure I caught all of your questions or statements or whatever, but … yes, yes, yes … and yes.” Full lips curl into a large and oh-so-proud smile like she just aced some big test.
“I don’t understand.”
“Oh, Oli-ver, you don’t have to understand everything.” She leans her head back and closes her eyes. “I need to pee.”
“The bathroom is upstairs, first door on the right.”
She doesn’t move.
“Do I need to carry you upstairs?”
She opens her eyes and grins, swinging her feet to the floor. “Nope, I just wanted to see if you’d offer. After the cobbler hoarding incident I wondered if you were much of a gentleman.”
She stands with a slight sway. I grab her waist and bright eyes sparkle with hidden wonder as she fixes them on mine, pressing the palm of her hand to my cheek. Every indecent thought I had about her vanishes leaving a murky residue on my conscience.
“You’re alarmingly handsome. Do you know that?” she whispers, feathering her thumb along my lips.
I close my eyes willing myself to hold still, to resist the urge to cup her hand, taste her thumb, pull her closer—so close there’s no space for the rest of the world between us.
She’s gone, but my breath remains hostage in my chest. Opening my eyes, I release it. Okay, maybe I need something more than her body.
Chapter Four
Blurred
Vivian
The stairs prove to be more challenging than I expected. I’m not sure how much I’ve had to drink. Not much, at least I don’t think so. Oliver kept refilling my glass before I ever finished the previous refill. First door on the left. I ram into the solid wood door as I make a clumsy attempt to turn the knob and push it open. It’s locked, as in seriously locked. It seems a bit odd to have a bathroom door with a dead bolt. I look right. Ah ha! Yeah, he might have said right not left.
A tingling numbness prickles my skin, including my ass, as I sit on the toilet. I like Oliver. He’s so handsome, especially tonight with that copper-blond hair doing its own thing and a day’s worth of sexy stubble along his strong jaw. I had to touch it and those lips … so kissable. For a moment I forgot that our relationship can’t go there. Alcohol does that to me. I should just show him what lies beneath and get it over with, but the problem is I like the way he looks at me. Giving myself to the possibility of someone looking at me, all of me, with nothing but desire is the most amazing feeling until I’m stolen from the moment back to reality––my reality. If Kai, my best friend and the person who loves me unconditionally, can’t see past it, then no man ever will.
Exiting the bathroom I stop and study the door across the hall. It’s not like all the other doors and something about it is off.
“Everything okay?” I startle at the sound of his voice. He’s halfway up the stairs.
“Uh, yeah, I’m just … out of it.”
He waits for me then follows behind.
“I should go.” I focus on each step to mask my jelly-like legs.
Oliver hands me my knitting bag. “I’ll walk you home.”
“It’s just across the street.”
“Yes, but you’ve had more than your limit of alcohol and that’s my fault, so now I’m obligated to make sure you make it home without incident.”
I step past the threshold forgetting that there is about a three inch drop to the stoop, just enough to make me look tipsier than I already do.
“Watch it. See, the trip across the street could prove to be more difficult than you thin
k.” He laughs, grabbing my hand, this time interlacing our fingers. I wish it were a longer walk, but it’s not and I have to release his hand to get my key.
He waits for me to unlock my door. “Goodnight, my lightweight neighbor.” He smiles while brushing my hair behind my ear on one side.
I want his kiss right now more than doughnuts, coffee, or his mom’s incredible cobbler. My mouth works on its own accord. I wrap my hand around his wrist lingering behind my ear. Pulling it toward my cheek I whisper, “You could kiss me. Just tonight … just once.”
He smiles and mimicking my moves from earlier, brushing his thumb along my lips and shaking his head. “No, I don’t think I can kiss you, just tonight, just once…” his touch fades as he steps back “…sweet dreams.”
My gaze clings to the subtle curves of his tall frame as he drifts across the street with long, smooth strides. Okay, maybe I need something more than an emotional connection.
*
The Green Pot’s bustling crowd has infiltrated every inch of the greenhouse. Alex is MIA with Sean, but Kai is here and today I’m genuinely glad to see him. Maggie and I would be buried otherwise.
“Good morning, old knitting neighbor lady.” I grip the flat of asters tighter, knowing that smooth voice makes me weak in the knees and everywhere else.
“Hey!” I turn, greeted with Oliver in his rugged work attire, Red Sox hat on backwards, and another day’s worth of facial hair growth. I continue walking to the front counter as he follows me. “Did Chance call in an order because I don’t recall seeing it?”
“No, we’re just about finished with the hotel’s garden, but we need another dozen red chard and six Italian parsley.”
I deposit the asters in the customer’s cart and ring her up while Oliver stands behind me.
“Sir, you need to wait in line,” Kai says.
“I’m waiting for Vivian,” Oliver replies.
“He needs a half dozen Italian parsley and a dozen red chard,” I say while swiping the customer’s credit card through the machine.
“Well, Vivian is busy so I’ll grab them, but you still need to go to the back of the line, sir.” Kai’s losing his politeness and I recognize the possessiveness in his voice as he says my name.
I sigh with a scowl. “I’ll get them. Take over the register.”
Kai huffs but bites his tongue while the corners of Oliver’s mouth pull up into a sly smile.
“Don’t act so cocky, everyone in that long line is shooting daggers at you.” I worm my way to the back.
“Yeah, well just think of this as returning the favor.”
“Excuse me? For what? Getting me drunk?” My voice elevates an octave.
“For sharing my mom’s cobbler.”
I stop and turn so fast Oliver nearly bowls me over with his forward motion. “You did not share! You took the last bite and made me lick the bowl like a dog!” I feel numerous sets of eyes on us and hear a few snickers in the background.
Oliver surveys our audience with a hesitant grin. “I didn’t make you lick the bowl.”
I turn and push through the backdoor to where the vegetable and herb seedlings are kept. “I only have ten red chard, but I do have six parsley.” After arranging them in the cardboard flat, I shove them into Oliver’s chest. “I’ll add these to Chance’s tab and now you owe me a favor.”
He chuckles. “What’s that?”
I shrug. “I’m not sure yet, but I’ll let you know.”
He wets his lips and explores my face with those intense blue eyes. “I wanted to kiss you.”
My nose wrinkles. “You did?”
He nods.
The calm façade on the outside masks the exuberant celebration going on inside my body. “Well that moment has passed and you can’t get it back.”
Oliver cocks his head to the side. “I can’t get it back?”
“Nope, it’s like the cobbler … gone forever. But I might let you lick my hand or brush my hair sometime, you know, as a consolation prize.”
He raises his brows and I wish I could read his mind, but he’s mastered the arcane expression.
“As much as I’d love to decipher what that look means, I have to get back to work.”
Oliver gives me a lopsided grin. “Later, neighbor.”
*
“So who’s the guy getting preferential treatment?” Kai asks as we piece together what’s left of the greenhouse after the tornado of people that tore through here today.
I sweep a pile of leaves and dirt into the dustpan that he’s holding. “Chance’s brother.”
“Oh jeez, another Konrad to fight off.” Kai shakes his head.
Unsure how to respond, I shrug my shoulders. I don’t want to fight off Oliver. Attack him? Yes. That’s the problem. I’m so intrigued by him I can’t see straight. My vision and my mind are blurred.
“Oliver is not Chance.”
“How do you know?” Kai stands dusting off the front of his shirt.
“Well, he hasn’t asked me out or tried to feel me up behind the compost pile.”
“Yet,” Kai deadpans.
“Yeah, well maybe I want him to.”
He empties the dustpan in the garbage and turns, resting one fist on his hip. “What’s that supposed to mean.”
It pisses me off that Kai acts like it’s absurd that I might be interested in Oliver. “It means exactly what you think it means.”
He shakes his head. “He doesn’t deserve you.”
“You don’t even know him!” I cross my arms over my chest, toe-tapping a staccato.
“Is everything okay?” Maggie flips her pin-straight platinum blond hair away from her face while digging her keys out of her purse.
“Everything’s fine,” I mumble.
“We’ll I’m pooped so I’ll see you Monday.” She pushes her studious, red-framed glasses up on her nose. I see that loving twinkle in her baby blue eyes as she leans in to give me a quick hug then shakes her finger at Kai. “Be nice.”
“Mags, I’m always nice.” Kai winks at her as if his boyish charm is going to work on someone who is older than his mom.
The crazy part is Maggie blushes every time Kai flashes his flawless smile. She’s never been married. Maybe she’s a closet cougar. I’d say she looks good for fifty, but truthfully she looks good for any age. She’s completely changed her lifestyle since her first cancer diagnosis by eating a plant-based diet and exercising every day. She’s thin and petite, the top of her head barely reaching my chest. Basically she’s Alex thirty years from now except Alex has larger breasts and her long blond hair falls to her butt.
“You’re unbelievable.” I roll my eyes at Kai as Maggie walks to her white Prius.
“Unbelievably charming? Unbelievably handsome?”
“Unbelievably arrogant.” I give him a playful shove.
“So where are you taking me to dinner?” Kai drapes his arm around my shoulders as I lock up the back door. For some reason, maybe self-preservation, my mind erased the promise of dinner I made to Kai this morning when he agreed to help out Maggie and me.
“Since you drove today, I was thinking a quick trip through McDonalds, my treat of course.”
Kai, showing off his manners, opens the passenger door to his grey Honda Pilot. “Superb idea! That will save us plenty of time to find some good porn on Netflix to watch while you give me a hand job on the couch. After all, I think that’s the best friend’s responsibility when the significant other is out of the country.”
Before I can respond he shuts my door and swaggers around to the driver’s side.
“You’re right, I’ll call Sean and see if he can fit you into his hand job schedule tonight. I have to believe that he knows how to stroke a dick better than I do. I’m sure Alex could please me better than you.”
“God, Viv! Talk as much as you want about you and Alex pleasing each other … I dig that shit, but if you ever mention Sean and my dick in the same sentence again, I will seriously lose my lunch in your
face. Yuck!”
“So Casa Romero, you watch porn at your place and no hand job it is.” I laugh as Kai pulls out of the parking lot.
*
There’s nothing typical about my relationship with Kai. I hate him almost as much as I love him. The decision to never be more than friends again was mine and I haven’t regretted it once. However, I still get a pang of jealously when I see him with Kate. The lucid part of my brain knows it’s what they have, not who they have. Kai is my comfort. He’s familiar and as much as we joke around, I never feel the need to impress him. I know he would have chosen me, stayed with me, and eventually we may have been able to forget and love each other the way every human deserves to be loved.
Lately there has been a shift. The face I once couldn’t wait to see is the same one I now avoid, for instance, fake tampon runs. Kai looks at me with glasses from the past. He assumes he knows me better than anyone so if I try to take a new path, he’s the first one to remind me that I’ll most likely get lost. Kai is the mother that yells to her daughter as she heads out the door for her first date, “Don’t forget your acne medication, sweetie, don’t want you waking up with hamburger face in the morning.” There’s nothing worse than trying to make a good first impression when someone who knows your darkest secrets and biggest fears is standing behind you with a megaphone.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” Kai asks, pulling up in front of my condo.
“Washing my hair.” I open the door and he clutches my arm.
“What’s been up with you lately?”
I deflate a little with regret. “Nothing, I’m just …”
