by Jewel E. Ann
I look from Sean to Kai. “What happened?”
“Hey, babe, maybe we should take a walk and leave these two to talk.”
“Then hurry up and help me put away these groceries,” Alex replies.
“Kai?” I step closer looking down at him.
“He hit me.”
“Why?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. He just lost it.”
Sean clears his throat.
Kai glances at him and sighs. “I may have said something.”
“What?”
He continues to look over at Sean, then finally back at me. “I said you give good … head.”
Smack!
“FUCK! My nose!”
Kai’s icepack crashes to the floor and I stare at his blood on my palm.
“Yeah, let’s go, Sean.” Alex grabs his hand, leaving the rest of the groceries on the counter.
I toss a roll of paper towels at Kai. Eyes watering and hands shaking, he struggles to tear off a wad.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Me?” he questions in disbelief.
“Where is he?”
Kai eases down to pick up his icepack with one hand while holding the paper towels to his nose with the other. “He went home.”
My heart shatters. Oliver left thinking … God knows what, and I can’t get to him. I huff toward the stairs.
“Viv, wait!” Kai follows me. “You don’t understand.”
“You’re right, I don’t.” I shake my head. “Friends don’t do this.” I start up the stairs.
“I love you, Viv.”
I stop.
“I know the timing seems wrong, but I love you. I think I always have and I’ve just been too blind to see it … to see you.”
Tears flood my eyes as I turn around. “Why? Why now? Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say those words? God … I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember.” I sniffle and wipe my tears. “It’s too late, Kai.” I shake my head.
“No, Viv, it’s never too late. You know we belong together. I know you feel it in your heart.”
I can’t even see Kai, all I see is Oliver. All I want is Oliver. All I need is Oliver.
I love Oliver.
“I’m not your toy, not anymore. You only want me when you think you can’t have me. But I don’t love you that way, not anymore.”
“He doesn’t deserve—”
“Don’t! Don’t you dare say that to me. You don’t deserve me, Kai. You broke me and I let you.”
“Viv, you promised—”
“I don’t care!” Tears of anger replace my tears of sadness and they’re like dripping acid. “I don’t care that I promised never to blame you. I do! I blame you for my fucking lot in life. You were drunk off your ass that night and if those other campers wouldn’t have been watching I might have died. Do you get that?”
Kai looks at me with a world of remorse in his eyes, but it’s too late.
“Do you, Kai? Do. You. Get. That?”
He nods once and swallows with renewed tears in his eyes.
“I can’t do this anymore. At some point this…” I wave my hand in the air “…us, what we had, became toxic and we’ve been too blind and stubborn to see it. But it’s over … we’re over. Stop calling me, stop coming over, just … stay away from me.” I turn and walk the rest of the way up the stairs.
“Viv?”
I keep going, even as I hear the foreign sound of a rare sob from Kai. I’ve seen him cry once before—when I woke up in the hospital after the accident.
Where are you?
I text Oliver and wait, but he doesn’t respond so I call him. It goes to his voice mail. “Oli, I’m so sorry. Kai had no right to say that to you. Please call me back.”
Next, I text Alex.
Come back. I need a ride to the train station.
Alex arrives back within minutes and follows me to the car. She refrains from saying anything right away, but finally breaks the silence as we get closer.
“Sean said Kai was an ass.”
“I don’t want to talk about Kai.”
Alex nods as we pull into the train station.
“I’m sorry. Hope you can still have a nice weekend.”
Alex hugs me. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll get Kai drunk until he passes out and then we’ll go do our own thing.”
I smile. “Thanks, Alex, for everything.”
“Good luck, Flower.”
“Thanks, I may need it.”
*
The train ride back is emotionally draining as I grieve the loss of my best friend. I never dreamed the moment Kai would declare his love to me would be the moment I would let him go. It shouldn’t be this way. Friends shouldn’t have to choose. As angry as I am with him, I feel a painful emptiness inside. Will the man I love fill that void … will he love me back?
His car is here and so is he. I feel it like my own heart beating in my chest. My hands tremble. I can barely make a fist to knock on his door. I’ve never wanted to rip myself open so completely to another person. If Oliver doesn’t love me back, I’m certain I will die.
I knock.
No answer.
I knock again.
No answer.
I text him.
I know you’re home. Please let me in.
No response.
Oli, PLEASE!!
No response.
I knock again then rest my cheek on his door. The tears fall hard. “Oli, please.” I knock again. I’m not sure how much time passes, but I eventually peel my face off his door, and lug my bags across the street. Before I reach the top step I glance back.
Oli.
He’s standing in his door way. If it’s even possible to feel more pain today, I do. Looking at Oli with a glass bottle in one hand and his face somber … eyes vacant, I die a little more. I reach into my purse and grab my phone. A moment later Oli pulls his out of his pocket and holds it up to his ear. He doesn’t say anything, but I hear his breath and I swear I can feel it on my skin as a tingling chill spreads over me.
“I love you,” I whisper.
He doesn’t move, doesn’t speak. My heart beats out of my chest and I feel like I’m falling.
The line goes dead. He puts his phone back in his pocket and steps outside. Taking a shaky step down, he sits on the top step. We stare at each other, but standoffs are for stubborn cowboys in westerns. I’m a hungry woman desperate for her man. I make the trek back across a distance that’s too far between us. Tossing my bags on the step next to him, I straddle his lap. I can see the missing half of Jack Daniels glossed over in his eyes.
“You love me?” His words are slow with a soft slur.
I wrap my arms around his neck. “Completely.”
His brow tenses as he tips his head to the side. “Why?”
I shrug. “I can no longer do the impossible.”
“The impossible?”
“Not love you.”
He closes his eyes and smiles.
“I’m not expecting you to say it—”
“I love you.” He opens his eyes.
“I mean it. You don’t have to say it.”
“I love you.”
“I’m serious.”
He laughs and rests his forehead on my shoulder. “So am I.”
“You’re drunk.”
“I am.” He chuckles some more.
“So if in the morning you regret saying it then—”
His lips press to mine. He tastes like Jack and Oliver, the perfect cocktail. Releasing me, his forehead falls to mine. “No take backs.”
With those three words, I do the only thing a girl in my shoes can do: I cry tears of joy in the arms of the man who loves me.
*
Oliver
I missed the sunrise this morning and that’s okay; I didn’t want last night to end. Vivian, naked in my arms, is all I can ever imagine wanting or needing for the rest of my life.
“Hey.” I
love her raspy morning voice.
“Good morning.” I roll onto her and slide into to her with one smooth motion. Her breath catches and languid eyes disappear beneath heavy lids. I suck her cherry nipple into my mouth and graze my teeth over it as she arches her back and moans in pleasure. Unfortunately this won’t take long; I’ve been hard as a rock for nearly an hour looking at her naked body. Pervert? Probably, but I don’t care.
“Oli …”
I love when she moans my name, it makes me thrust into her harder and faster. She clenches my hair and holds my head to her chest. The more I tease her nipples, the more she circles her hips and grinds against me.
“Don’t stop, Oli, don’t ever stop …” She pulls my head to hers and takes my mouth like she’s starving. Her long legs wrap around my waist and her nails anchor into my back.
A million words flood my mind, but when I’m inside her I can’t speak, I can barely breathe. She’s close, I can tell, because her head thrashes from side to side like she’s willing it away, hoping it will last forever. I understand. My own body is at war feeling the nearness of it. I slow down and sometimes stop to let the feeling start to fade just to slam back into her, teasing that edge all over again. God, it feels so good.
I flip us over, letting her sit astride me. She struggles to hold her body upright as she sinks onto me—eyes closed, head back. I guide her hips and watch her breasts bounce as she finds her own pace. I’m so close to losing it just watching her, then she sends me over the edge with the unexpected; she pinches her own nipples then slides her hand down to where we’re joined and brings herself to orgasm while digging her teeth into her bottom lip. I jerk my hips up once more and it’s over. Damn! I can’t believe how much I needed this.
“Oh, Oli …” She collapses on my chest, breathless. “I love you.”
I’m hers. She doesn’t even know me yet, but I’m still hers. Uncertain eyes find mine and I can see the question in them, the fear that I was too drunk last night to remember. I brush her unruly hair away from her face. “I love you too.”
Who needs to watch the sunrise? She’s blinding me with a smile brighter than the most brilliant rays of sun. Her lips press to mine and her tongue slides in my mouth while she circles her hips resurrecting my dick still buried inside her warmth.
Interlacing our fingers she murmurs over my mouth, “Let’s do it again.”
*
I look like a damn circus clown waiting for her to come downstairs. The second time in bed guaranteed a permanent smirk on my face today, but when she placed her hands on the shower wall and reminded me that I wanted to fuck her in the shower, that pretty much sealed the deal for the circus clown smile.
“Mmm, what’s that smell?”
I try to tame my grin as she walks down the stairs, those sexy bare legs on full display beneath my T-shirt and wet raven hair hanging down her back and over her shoulders. Who am I kidding? Bozo it is. “Omelets, buttered toast, orange juice, and coffee.” I pull out her chair.
She sits down and grabs my neck, pulling me in for a slow kiss. “Good morning.”
I scoot her in and sit down across from her. “You have no idea.”
She takes a sip of her juice. “Oh, I think I do. We should do this every day.”
“Breakfast?”
She takes a bite of toast and smiles. “Sex, lots of sex, then yes, you making me breakfast in your boxer briefs without a shirt on.” Licking the butter off her lips, lustful eyes fall to my chest and she smirks. “When I came down the stairs and saw you looking like this, I wanted to eat my breakfast off your naked body.”
I choke on the bite I’m trying to swallow.
“You okay, Oli?”
Covering my mouth with my napkin, I nod while fighting to clear my throat. In a world where guys brag and share stories, the events of this morning would be met with laughter and filed under big fish stories. Women like Vivian just don’t exist in the real world. They don’t look like her, act like her, and they certainly don’t talk like her. In fact, I don’t believe it myself. I half expect to wake up alone in my bed, covered in sweat with my hand fisted around my dick.
“I’m fine.” I clear my throat once more and take a drink of juice. “So dinner at my parents’ house tonight?”
There’s that blinding smile again. “I’d love to.” She takes a bite of her omelet. “Mmm, this is so good.”
“Better than Boston Kreme doughnuts?”
She laughs. “Down boy, don’t try to compete with the official doughnut of the Commonwealth.”
“You do realize doughnuts are high on the list of the unhealthiest foods.”
“Of course I know. I’ve been trying to cut back.”
“You have?”
“Sure. Look at the clock. It’s almost ten and I haven’t had one yet. Now, the question you should have asked is if I like sex more than Boston Kreme doughnuts.”
My forkful of omelet stops halfway to my mouth. “And?”
“Yes.” She winks. “I like sex with you so much more. So if you’re concerned about my health then I suggest you do your best to keep me preoccupied with the one thing that trumps the Boston Kreme.”
I grin and mentally pinch myself because there’s no way she just said that. “So we should treat this like AA. I’ll be your sponsor. When you have a weak moment and temptation strikes, you call me and I’ll meet you.”
“You’ll meet me for sex?”
I nod.
“Any time, any day?”
I nod. “I love you, so whatever the sacrifice, I’ll do it. We can do this, babe. I realize it could take a long time and like most addictions, you may always struggle with it, but I’ll do whatever it takes to help you through.”
“You’re a real gem, Oli.” She bats her lashes at me and grins. “So on to the next issue. This might sound funny, since I practically sleep with you every night anyway, but I need a place to stay next weekend. Alex’s parents will be in town for two nights before they leave for Europe. Normally, I would go to Kai’s but since I ended things with him—”
“Wait. What do you mean you ended things with him?”
She tears the last piece of toast into little pieces. “Well, after what he said to you and then what he said to me, I told him we’re over. I can’t be his friend anymore.” She looks up at me and I see her eyes fill with tears and a sad smile pulls at one side of her lips.
“What did he say to you?”
“He said he loved me and that he wanted to be with me. He said the words I’ve been waiting to hear for what seems like forever.” She sniffles. “But I don’t love him anymore and when I’m with you I question if I ever really loved him because what I feel for you is so much more than I’ve ever felt before.” Using her napkin she dabs at her tears. “But it still hurts. In spite of everything, he’s been my friend forever.” She shakes her head. “Things just haven’t been the same since the accident.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
Glossy green eyes look at me. “I was with Kai that night. We went camping and that was going to be our first night together. He stole a six-pack of beer from his parents and I had one, he had the other five. It was late and he wanted to get in the tent. I was having second thoughts, given his inebriated condition. He tugged the button to my shorts then he tried to remove my shirt. I backed away, insisting he stop. I tripped and fell backwards onto the coals of our campfire that had started to burn out. He landed on top of me and struggled to get off. I don’t remember much after that, but later I was told that the people camping next to us saw the whole thing and rescued us before calling 9-1-1.”
She releases a sob and I hurry to pull her into my arms. “He spent every night at the hospital with me until I was released. I promised him I would never blame him for it, but I do. It’s not just the scars. I blame him for the way I feel about them. A year later we found ourselves alone at my parents’ house and I wanted to have sex with him. I needed to know that he still wanted me tha
t way. I needed to feel beautiful in his eyes.” Another sob escapes and I’m torn between wanting to comfort her and rip Kai’s heart right out of his chest. “All I saw in his eyes was … pity. That moment ended our romantic relationship, but looking back, I think that moment ended our friendship. We’ve just been in denial over the past two years.”
Cradling her face I wipe her tears and kiss her soft cheeks. She sniffles again. “So can I stay next weekend … with you.”
“No.”
She physically deflates even more. I smile. “You can stay forever.”
Her forehead wrinkles. “What?”
“Move in with me.”
“What?”
I laugh. “You heard me. Move in with me.”
Her eyes search my face like she’s unscrambling a puzzle. “Are you serious?”
With those three words it hits me. No, I’m not. The magnitude of my proposition starts to sink in. Where did that come from? What the hell was I thinking? Forever? Move in? Shit!
Eyes wide, she’s holding her breath … I’m holding her breath. “Yes, I’m serious.”
She hugs me and squeals. Then her lips attack mine with purpose as her hand slides down the front of my briefs. “Boston Kreme me, Oli,” she whispers with a naughty seductive voice.
Okay, this might work out after all.
Chapter Fifteen
Cohabitation
Vivian
I’m not sure what “the dream” is, but I’m pretty sure I’m living mine. Oliver asking me to move in with him, forever, has dissolved my reservations about us. Dr. Jekyll cannot ask someone to move in unless he intends to expose Mr. Hyde. Oliver’s invitation feels like a promise—a promise to share everything with me, maybe not overnight, but soon.
“What is half your rent and utilities?”
Oliver gives me a sideways glance as he drives us to his parents. “Why?”
“I want to figure out how much I’m going to need to work when I start school in the fall.”
He laughs. “I don’t rent.”
“Then what’s half of your mortgage?”
He shakes his head. “You’re not paying my mortgage.”
“Then I should take care of all the utilities and groceries.”
