by Cynthia Dane
There are more important things to think about. Jasmine stood out on the sidewalk, clutching the stuffed cat and trying to think positive thoughts.
Chapter 10
Jasmine hated being at the doctor’s by herself. Especially when she had to go through exams and needles and all sorts of awkward questions from a man she still barely knew. I miss having a female gyno. When she started dating Ethan, however, he highly recommended this private clinic that focused on both men’s and women’s wellness. This meant that Ethan could get his tests next door while Jasmine rolled over on a table and had a man feel up her pelvis at the same time.
Convenient, but not emotionally clean. Jasmine wished Ethan was there in the room. Even if he had to sit in a leather chair in the corner, bored out of his mind while he checked work emails, Jasmine could at least have his presence to give her comfort.
Instead, Ethan was somewhere next door having an orgasm. Life is so not fair for women.
They took her blood and told her it would be about an hour before the doctor could make a final confirmation of her pregnancy. During that time, Ethan joined his girlfriend in the gyno’s office, sitting with her in the private waiting area and trying to not stare at his phone. When Jasmine glibly asked how his time next door was, Ethan cleared his throat and said it was, “Awkward, as usual. Not the first time I’ve had to do that since having my procedure.”
Maybe I should look into other forms of birth control after having a baby. She knew more than one woman who heralded IUDs like they were the second coming of the pill. Jasmine had such a terrible experience with hormonal birth control that the idea of doing something like that ever again made her shudder.
“Miss Bliss?” The receptionist peered out from a window. “The doctor has asked for you to wait in his office. He’s preparing the results.”
Jasmine’s throat dried. This is it. Her fate would be sealed. She looked to Ethan, who put his phone away. “Can he come with me?” Jasmine asked.
“Of course, if it’s all right with you.”
Why wouldn’t it be!
They relocated from the waiting area to the doctor’s rustic, cluttered office. Jasmine was used to men of any standing being messy in their offices, but this made Ethan’s home office look perfectly well-to-do. Belinda would have a conniption if she saw this place. This was the woman who once spent half an afternoon doing acrobats trying to get to a ceiling fan so she could dust it.
Jasmine thought the doctor would quickly join them, but she and Ethan were subjected to a long, agonizing ten minutes in which she rehearsed her reaction over and over. “Oh, thank you doctor! It’s a dream come true!” “Are you sure?” “See, Ethan, I flippin’ told you I was pregnant. You think I didn’t know?” “Can you tell if it’s male or female yet? Oh, no, it’s too early, huh.” “So where do we go from here?”
Ethan reached over to her chair and took her shaking hand. His touch calmed her, but not enough. “No matter what happens, we’ll get through it.”
That, however, was not comforting at all. “You make it sound like it’s a trial to get through.”
“Well, it is a big deal. It’s going to get emotional. For everyone involved.”
“Even you?” Jasmine looked at her stoic boyfriend. The thought of him getting emotional over anything, even a baby, was like imagining him waking up one day and going, “Hey, let’s go bungee jumping.”
“Jasmine,” he said more than once. “Breathe.”
“You’re not the one who might be pregnant.”
“Even so, you need to breathe.” He squeezed her hand, harder. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”
“I feel like I’m about to pass out!”
The doctor emerged from a back door at that moment, carrying a manila folder full of Jasmine’s test results. Oh my God, here we go. The old, white-haired man greeted them both again and sat behind his messy desk, suddenly swallowed by one more manila folder. Jasmine stared at it, wondering just how much of her biological history was in there. I barely know my blood type. What else could I learn? Surely that and more.
“Miss Bliss… Mr. Cole…” The doctor cleared his throat. “As it so happens, Dr. Griswold next door handed me your test results from there, Mr. Cole. He said you signed off on me delivering the news?”
“Yes, that’s right. Easier to hear both results right here.” Ethan crossed his legs, shifting in his seat. He’s just as nervous as me. Of course he was. He was going to be a father as soon as the words left this doctor’s lips. “I have another appointment at four.”
“Then I won’t keep you.” The man’s narrow eyes turned to Jasmine, who swore a ball of bile bubbled in her throat. “I have your pregnancy test results here, Miss Bliss. I ran them twice just to make sure.”
She let out a breath. “Okay…”
“You are not pregnant.”
Ethan almost slid out of his seat in relief. Jasmine, on the other hand, gaped at the doctor in utter disbelief. “How?”
“Both your pelvic exam and your blood test do not indicate pregnancy. We can do an ultrasound to be absolutely sure, but I am confident in the current results. My condolences if this is not what you wanted to hear.”
Jasmine snatched her hand out of Ethan’s and slapped both on the doctor’s desk. He jerked back. “I took two tests at home and they were both positive!”
“What brand were they?”
She continued to stare. “I… I don’t know.” Jasmine described the logo. When she gave enough details, the doctor shook his head.
“They’ve had a recall recently. A batch from their factory were giving out false positives even when used correctly. You do not have a trace of the pregnancy hormone, Miss Bliss.”
“But my period!”
“It is not unusual for a woman your age to skip the occasional period, Miss, especially if you are stressed.”
“I’m not stressed!”
Her shout echoed in the office, silencing everyone. Everyone but Ethan, anyway. “We just had a bad stomach flu,” he explained softly. “Could that have something to do with it?”
“I suppose. Every woman is different in that regard. Your other symptoms were probably PMS combined with your missing period. Your estrogen levels were higher than normal, but not enough to concern me. I’m sorry. If you’re still concerned in another month, you can come back here and we can run the tests again.”
“But… how…”
“Mr. Cole, your results came back normal. As in, there were no signs of fertility.”
“I see. Thank you. That’s good news.” Ethan sat up in his seat. “Don’t really want to go through that again…”
“…How…”
“Miss Bliss, I know this is a shock compared to what you were expecting, but I want to reiterate that there’s nothing wrong with you as far as I can tell. Perhaps some of your symptoms were psychological. Sometimes… and forgive me if I am very off-base here… if a woman is around other women who are currently pregnant, it can create a psychological effect. Not quite pseudocyesis, although it can develop into that. Some women report having sympathy symptoms for female friends and family members who are pregnant.”
Is he saying I’m crazy? That hanging around Monica all of two or three times made me think I was pregnant too? Jasmine was not deigning any of that with an answer. She looked away from both men in the room, refusing to acknowledge either’s presence.
“Thank you, Doctor,” Ethan said, standing up and shaking the man’s hand. “We appreciate you taking the time at the last minute to see us.”
He nudged Jasmine, who continued to stew in her chair. She wasn’t even sure why. Because a man knew her body better than she did? Because Ethan looked so relieved? Fuck ‘em both! Jasmine shot up from her chair, snatched her bag, and barely had time to compose herself before Ethan put a gentle hand on the small of her back and urged her out of the office. The receptionist bade them farewell. Ethan’s limo waited for them at the curb. “Why are we taking the limo
to the doctor?” Jasmine had asked earlier. Now she knew why. No matter the results, she would be too emotional for him to drive and take care of her at the same time. Forget Jasmine driving!
Jasmine was numb as she got in the back of the limo after Ethan. The driver closed the door behind her. She didn’t bother to buckle her seatbelt, and neither did Ethan. The two of them remained flopped against the seats.
“Where to, Mr. Cole?” The driver cleared his throat and tried to not stare at them.
“I need to head to my office. Jasmine will be heading home, I suppose.” He looked down at her set face. “Do you want to go to the penthouse or the manor?”
Jasmine was too numb to respond. If I go to the penthouse, I will be lonely. If I go home-home, I will be far away from Ethan. One was cozier than the other. One also had her cat. “I’ll go to the manor,” she said, gruffly. “Take a nap until dinner. You’ll be there, right?”
Ethan pushed the button shooting the privacy window up between them and the driver. The car lurched into motion as it merged into traffic. At this time of day, it would take about twenty minutes to get to Ethan’s office.
“I will be there.”
They rode in silence. I’m not pregnant. Jasmine touched her abdomen for the hundredth time in the past week. My body lied to me? She didn’t know how she felt about that. On one hand, it was a relief to not be pregnant. She wasn’t ready for that. She wasn’t even… married.
She looked at Ethan. On the other hand… Jasmine swore she felt a connection to something. If not a baby in her belly, then what? Was it the idea of having Ethan’s child? Of having that level of commitment and connection between them?
He caught her gaze. “What is it? Do you need something?”
Yeah… That familiar feeling she couldn’t control threatened to burst from her eyes. I need you.
Whatever her hormones were doing to make her life hell, they continued to do so now, sending Jasmine into her boyfriend’s arms so she could sob uncontrollably against his business suit. Tears stained his silk shirt. Fingers wrinkled his jacket. Snot got all over his tie. Shudder after shudder wracked her fragile body, and all Ethan could do was offer her his comforting heat and a few strokes to her head. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to.
“I’m so sorry!” Jasmine sobbed. “I’m so stupid! I put you through all that… I should have known better, I should have known I wasn’t really pregnant! Fuck, I am so stupid!”
His pats to her head turned into rubbing her back. Does it feel good? Does it make me feel better? Jasmine couldn’t tell. Her brain was so muddled with the news that she wasn’t pregnant that she felt like she swam through soup.
“You are not stupid,” he said softly. Yet his voice was deep in that authoritative “I know what I am saying and you can trust me,” way. Jasmine sniffed up her tears, still crying, but no longer losing her shit. Good. Because tears were getting in her hair and mussing it up. “Your instincts were wrong. It happens. We can move on from this. I love you. That’s what ultimately matters. That we love each other.”
She clung to his shirt, desperate to believe him. But could love really make her feel better right now? What’s wrong with me? Why was she so upset? Wasn’t it a good thing that she wasn’t pregnant? She was too young. Too flippant. She could barely take care of her gaggle of cats without starving them to death some days. Ethan was busy with his company and trying to keep it from diving into the ground – or sending him to his grave first. Neither of them were prepared for a baby. Neither were they prepared for what came along with a baby at Ethan’s level. Like getting a shotgun marriage so he could have a legitimate child. Even two people born as poor as they were had to play by those rules now.
Just because her brain said it was a good thing didn’t mean her heart agreed.
I was getting attached to nothing. Slowly, Jasmine had allowed herself to get attached to the thought of having a baby. Ethan’s baby. They could have been a family. Even if nobody in the social world accepted her, she would have her place as the mother to future billionaires. That’s an important job… I would have to make sure they’re raised right with all their privilege. A daunting task, but something she could be up for.
Ethan curled his hand beneath her chin and made her look up at him, puffy, wet eyes and all. “Did you want to be pregnant?”
Jasmine pulled her chin out of his grip and stared at the buttons on the panel by the window. Window down. Window up. Fan. Speaker. Lock. Words that meant nothing right now. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I was scared, but… I was starting to accept it. That we would have a baby.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”
She lay her head in his lap, one of his hands still rubbing her back while the other stroked her hair. “I just want to be a family…”
Jasmine didn’t know what she meant by that. That she wanted to have children? That she wanted to get married? That she wanted to move their parents into their home and be surrounded by their constant nagging? Right now, she felt close to Ethan, but she knew they could feel even closer. He could change things. She could change things. Together, they could change for the better, becoming a stronger couple. It didn’t matter how they did it. Now that it was in Jasmine’s heart, all she could think about was taking her relationship with Ethan to the next level. Suddenly she was no longer complacent with what they had.
She wanted more.
“I want the world to know that you and I are forever,” she whispered. The motions of the car were starting to make her sick in that position, but she didn’t care. She already felt sick in her heart. “I want them all to know that you love me and I love you. That’s all I want.”
His arms wrapped around her, bringing her closer to him so he could kiss her tear-stained cheek. “Maybe one day, my flower.”
“Maybe one day what?” She pulled away, looking into his eyes, which more often than not guarded his soul with the intensity of a lifelong lived.
“Maybe one day we’ll have all that.”
She sniffed. “You’re happy that I’m not pregnant. Don’t deny it.”
“I’m relieved, that’s all. I’m not happy that you’re upset. I don’t ever want to see you upset. I want you happy every day of your life. If there’s a way for me to make that happen, I’ll do that. When you’re hurting like this, all I can think of is making you feel better. I just don’t know how right now.”
“You’re here. That’s all that matters. Whether I was pregnant or not, I just wanted you here.”
“I’m here.”
“I was so worried you would leave me if I were pregnant…”
“Jasmine.” Ethan grabbed her shoulders, his strength reverberating through her frail frame. “I would never do such a terrible thing. No matter what happens, I will be here. You are too precious to me. Do you understand? I love you. I’ll help you get through this any way I can.”
“You’re relieved…”
“Do I want to have children at this very moment? No. There will never be a perfect time, but now has to be one of the worst. I honestly don’t know how I could handle both this partnership thing and becoming a father at the same time. It might suffocate me – that I won’t lie about. But I would never abandon you. I would never kick you out. If you were pregnant, I would take care of you. Of our baby.”
Jasmine cried again, but they weren’t tears of defeat or sadness. Not even confusion. Nor were they tears of happiness, per se. Relief. Just like Ethan felt relief, Jasmine felt it too. The scariest thing that could have happened was being pregnant and cast out for daring to disrupt his life. Sometimes Jasmine worried that she was nothing more than a pretty decoration in her boyfriend’s bedroom. One he can fuck, obviously. It was an irrational fear, as most are, but at least if she were the mother of his children she would feel like more than the trophy he kept in the corner of his room. “And here, folks, is the assistant I decided to keep after breaking up with all the others. Have you seen the latest mod
el, Amber, though? I’ve decided to keep one at home and one at the office. I’ve gotten lazy.”
“As soon as things settle down at work, we’ll go away for a while. Just you and me. No work. No meddlesome people. We’ll go anywhere in the world you want. I just want to see you smile again.”
Jasmine lifted her head, forcing a smile. “You promise?”
“I promise. I only can’t guarantee when that will be, but it will happen.”
They embraced until they reached his office five minutes later. Jasmine saw him off with the biggest smile she could muster, but inside she felt… empty. Not just because the baby she thought she had was only a figment of her hormonal imagination.
When she rode home, alone, she cried one more time. For what could have been.
Chapter 11
Jasmine touched up her makeup as the Town Car eased down the driveway to Warren Estate. She had Nadia on the phone, currently on her lunchbreak in Ethan’s office – and without Amber in tow.
“You look great,” she reassured Jasmine over video chat. “If any of those salty witches have a problem with you today, just let me know, and I’ll make them wait an extra half hour to see Mr. Cole the next time they stop by the office. He’s busy, you know.”
“Don’t I know it.” Sighing, Jasmine put her compact away and fluffed out the skirt on her purple peplum dress. It had been a week since receiving the news she wasn’t pregnant – and since receiving her period, sashaying into her life as if it weren’t a billion years late at all. I’m over it. Mostly. The more days went by, the more Jasmine put thoughts of being a mother out of her head and returned to her life. Today? She was going to Monica’s debut party as Mrs. Henry Warren. There would be a shitton of well-to-do women there. Well, ones who didn’t work or go to school, anyway. So that left out the twin blondes of Kathryn and Eva, and left the obnoxious forty-somethings who thought their shit smelled like roses and cherub breath. Jasmine had to make sure she looked impeccable. At the very least, these women wouldn’t be able to say she looked like a trollop mess at Monica’s classy garden party on an early Tuesday afternoon.
