by Rae Foxx
Lucian considered for a moment. "Maybe half a minute?"
"Not long. Okay." I breathed and rested and made no motion to get out of the car.
"Should we go in together?" Lucian asked. "I don't want to leave you."
Without opening my eyes, I shook my head. "Give me a minute."
Several minutes later, it happened again. The intense pain came along with a hard stomach. "These are contractions," I gasped.
"Are you sure?" Lucian rubbed my back frantically. "How do you know?"
"I don't know at all!" I cried out. "I know they hurt, and my belly has tightened. Do you see it?"
"No, but sit back." I did, and he leaned across me and buckled my seatbelt for me. "We're going to the hospital."
I was sure we were overreacting, but in my human body, I couldn't tell. And I hadn't heard from Gabriel or Michael in over two weeks. As much as I'd enjoyed the time to pretend nothing was wrong, and I'd be able to raise my daughter, it would've been nice to have had them with me now.
Lucian made it to the hospital in record time. He grabbed a wheelchair and helped me into it. "I can wait while you park," I said and rolled myself closer to the emergency entrance. I'd had one more of the intense contractions on the way. "Even if I have another, I'll be okay until you get back."
The parking area for the hospital was huge, meaning it took time to park and walk back. He did it in minutes. When he jogged up to me, I'd just started playing a puzzle game on my phone, figuring I had a while to wait.
"Did you teleport?" I asked.
As he wheeled me in the automatic doors, another wave of pain hit me. I groaned and hunched over. "I need help," he called, totally in a panic. "My wife is in labor."
A nurse came out of an office thing and began to question us about how far along I was, how far apart my contractions were, and if I was high risk. As soon as we answered, she sent us straight to the labor and delivery wing with a huge smile. "Good luck, honey, they'll take good care of you there."
"Slow down." I laughed as Lucian pushed me down the halls. The L&D ward was clear on the other side of our small-town hospital. "I'm not going to drop the baby out on the floor. We were just at the doctor's office, and he said I'm sealed up tight."
"These things can change fast," he said. "And it's too early still.."
I gripped the handles of the wheelchair. "It won't do any of us any good if you dump me out on the floor."
He slowed so fast I lurched forward, and he had to lunge after me and grab my shoulders. "Shit, you're right. I'm sorry."
"Babe, I don't think I've ever seen you so nervous."
Unlike Luc, I wasn’t feeling the nerves. If it was time, it was time. I had reassurances from Michael that my sweet girl was healthy. Yeah right. Trying to convince myself I wasn't nervous was a wasted effort. I was terrified. Not of the pain. I was a Fallen, one of the original. The OG. I'd been through wars, demon attacks, demon rebellions, human attacks, hunters, rogue angels, shit. Everything. I could handle pain.
I was nervous about what happens after. Once the baby was born, I wouldn’t get to enjoy motherhood for long. It would be time to kill Lucian. All hands on deck, no holds barred.
Then I had to leave her, lose Lucian, and go be the Fallen I was meant to be and get shit done.
As soon as we were let into the locked ward, the experience turned into a whirlwind. They had me changed into a gown and hooked up to uncomfortable straps that went around my midriff and monitored my contractions and the baby's vitals.
"You rest here and let the machine read what it needs to read." The nurse, a stout woman with enormous breasts and a nametag that read Anna, had an aura that screamed comfort. If she had gone into any other field, she would've been ignoring her calling. I wanted her to wrap her arms around me and let me relax in the comfort of her squishy-looking embrace. I made a note to check her out for possible adoption of my Turtle. She was a little old for a new mother, but what better caregiver than a nurse with an aura like warm soup?
I'd look into the husband and think about it.
Another pain shot across my stomach as she wrote stuff on a clipboard, and we all three looked to the monitor as I groaned. I had no idea what I was looking at. "What is it?" I asked.
"Hmmm," she said. "Nothing. It's not a contraction."
"How can you tell?" Lucian asked.
"Right here." She pointed to a line going across the small screen. "When you have a contraction, this spikes."
The pain abated, but the line didn't move one way or another. "So, I'm not having contractions?"
She shook her head. "The pain is from something else."
"What else could cause regular cramps like that?" I stared at her in shock. Was this something supernatural? Something angelic?
"All kinds of things. Indigestion. Stomach virus, gas, appendicitis, gallstones. Kidney stones."
My anxiety built with everything she mentioned.
"We'll do an ultrasound and check the baby, and likely send you home to see what happens. If the pain increases, something more might have to be done. In all likelihood, it'll chill out here in a few hours and you'll be fine. Don’t worry, we’ll get to the bottom of this."
Lucian and I nodded soundlessly. Anna pulled the curtain closed around our bed. We were in a triage type area with four beds along each wall. I wondered if the small hospital ever got busy enough to have all eight beds full at once with women going into labor. Or like me, some mysterious malady that mimicked labor.
Soon my doctor appeared with a small ultrasound machine on a wheeled pole. "Didn't we just go through this?" he asked with a twinkle in his eye.
I shrugged and smiled apologetically. "Sorry."
"Oh, it's all right. Let's see what's giving you discomfort."
As he squirted the liquid, freezing cold, onto my stomach, the pain returned. "Where, exactly?" he asked. I showed him the path it took across my stomach and he ran the wand all over me. It took several minutes, probably close to fifteen minutes before he finished.
"I pronounce you fine," he said. "Go home and rest. Drink a bunch of water. If this is still happening tomorrow, or if the pain increases in intensity or frequency, come back and we'll do more invasive testing. With a pregnancy, we want to do as little as possible, but I don't think you're in any immediate danger."
Lucian didn't look very happy with his diagnosis. "Are you sure?"
The doc nodded and patted Luc on the back. "Daddy, take her home and pamper her. Come back if you need to."
I giggled when the doc told Luc to trust his gut. Lucian said that all the time, and sure enough, he relaxed when he heard it. The phrase made him feel like he had control over the situation. I knew that was a bit of Lucifer's true personality coming out. He had to be in control.
It hadn't taken me long to figure out how to handle Lucifer. As long as he thought it was his idea, I could get him to do anything. Lucian wasn't much different in that regard.
I dressed and we went on our way home. I had two more episodes of the sharp pains across my stomach. "If that is what I thought a contraction felt like, what will the real ones feel like?" I asked.
Lucian took my hands and helped me slide out of his SUV. "Babe, I wish I knew. But one thing I know is that all the books say you'll know. Like, beyond a shadow of a doubt."
He was right. They did say that. "Okay. Fine."
The baby rolled as we walked into the house from the garage and pushed herself up into my ribs and lungs. Suddenly it wasn't so easy to breathe. She'd done that a few times before, so it didn't freak me out like it had the first time. But I did want to sit down, and the intense pain was back anyway.
As I sank into the chair, the urge to pass gas hit me. Luc and I had never been shy about bodily functions. We'd known each other too long to be coy, so I let it rip.
And it ripped.
And ripped.
And then ripped some more. I had to lean over and strain, but I sat in my kitchen and farted for longer than anyon
e had ever farted in their lives. Ever.
Lucian stared at me with wide eyes and a slack jaw. "Oh, my god."
I didn't even know what to say. I just stared back at him. "The pain is gone," I whispered.
Lucian dissolved into laughter, literally rolling around on the floor. Jellybean poked his head in the door and saw his new master on the floor, so he thought it was a game and stretched out beside Lucian with his paws in the air.
My damn husband laughed so hard his face turned purple.
I didn't blame him. I was laughing so hard myself I peed and had to go shower and change clothes.
Oh, the joys of pregnancy—and I was so thankful to experience them. Even as I threw my pee-soaked pants into the wash.
Worth it.
12
We sat in the living room and Lucian rubbed my feet while I played a fashion game on my phone and tried to think of a pregnancy-related beauty blog I could do. It had taken us most of the evening to stop laughing the night before, and both Lucian and I still broke out in the occasional giggle or chuckle.
Jellybean interrupted our calm day by laying his head in my lap and woofing at me. "Oh, shoot," I said. "We forgot his food." We'd fed him the last bit of raw food we had the night before. "You'll have to run get him something."
"Yep." He jumped up and ruffled Jellybean's head. "Be right back, boy."
"Come on," I told the big sweet dog. If humans knew how wonderful Hellhounds could be, they'd never be scared of them. Of course, they were also supernatural hunters, trackers, and killers. But that didn't mean they didn't deserve all the love and cuddles in the world. "I'll see if we have some lunch meat or something to tide you over."
I preferred he eat fresh, raw meat, but a little lunch meat wouldn't hurt a dog that had brought home a rabbit the night before.
As I sat at the table and fed him slices of ham, Michael appeared in the kitchen. I nearly jumped out of my skin as he threw the angel Sandalphon at my feet.
Jellybean crouched and his hackles raised. It all happened so fast, he reacted defensively, snarling and snapping his powerful jaws. I put my hand on his back as fast as I could to make him heel.
When I touched him, he sat beside me and quietly watched the situation, waiting for a command. If I told him to, he'd rip into the angel groveling in front of me.
I hadn't had much to do with Sandalphon over the years. He was charged with protecting the unborn and expectant mothers, and those were two things I'd never expected to experience.
"He did this," Michael spat.
Sandalphon shifted to sit on his butt. As a cherub, he was of a smaller stature, more fleshy than my Gabriel and Michael. Or Lucifer.
"What did you do?" I asked. "Stand."
I was in a fluffy pink robe with my hair in a messy bun, but for fuck's sake, I was still Lilith - Queen of Abaddon, mate to Lucifer, Michael, and Gabriel, Mother of the Demons and one of the most powerful Fallen in the universe. At my full power, I rivaled any of the Archangels in power, cunning, and battle skills. It didn't matter what I wore or that I was in a human body. He would treat me with respect and do as I said.
And he did. He stood, but kept his head bowed. "You were not to find out my interference," he said. "The only way I could do it was if you never knew it was me."
"Why?"
He lifted his gaze to meet my eyes. "I could not bear your pain, not for another cycle."
I cocked my head at him, taken aback. I hadn't expected that. "What pain?" I told no one of that agony. I rarely even considered it myself.
"You bury it deep, but I am Sandalphon. I feel the pain of every mother that loses a child or does not bear one when she wishes to. I experience the trauma of every fetus’ death, even when the babe is immediately reborn and given life. It is my curse and my blessing."
I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. "You felt my pain?"
"Yes, Mother." He used the honorific usually only heard in Abaddon. They all believed I was the mother of the demons. I wasn't, of course. I'd done some experimenting with my blood and other Fallen blood, but that had just made stronger demons, not new ones. It made me more mysterious and unapproachable. More regal. I loved it.
"And you decided to do something about it?" I glowered at him, not sure if I was going to throttle him or hug him. He'd created an intensely complicated situation, but could I really be upset about being pregnant?
"Yes, Mother." He bowed his head again.
I needed him to talk and acting like a snot wasn't getting him to do it. I relaxed back in my chair and sighed. "Oh, do sit down, Sandalphon. Tell me the whole story."
He looked between Michael and me as he wrung his hands and considered if he should sit. Michael pointed to the chair and raised an eyebrow.
Sandalphon sat under the scrutiny of us both. "I don't experience the pain of Archangels or Fallen. Of course, if you were all Archangels and there hadn't been the Fall, you could have children. And there are Nephilim, so angels mating with humans has been known to happen."
"Nephilim?” I knew this before, but wanted to prompt him for more information.
Sandalphon grimaced again. "Yes, but that is a big secret."
Michael shrugged. "I knew. Go on."
"When you're human, I keep a close eye on you, as I do all angels in their Human Cycles. I want them to have children and that fulfilling experience as humans if their lifespans permit. I have a sense of sorts. I can tell when they'll be here long enough to raise a child. If they are going to end up abandoning it with their deaths, I don't allow the pregnancy to happen."
That was appalling. "You have that much say-so over a pregnancy?"
He nodded. "Sometimes. It takes a great deal of power, so I rarely interfere. Usually only with angels in their Human Cycle or with the occasional exceptional human."
"Usually, when you are as human..." He swallowed visibly before continuing. "You are not going to be here long enough to allow a child. I've endured your pain with you every life cycle, every five hundred years, for a millennia. But this time? Oh, this time I was so excited."
"But how did you manage it? I'm cursed," I exclaimed. "God cursed me when I fell. I would never reproduce."
Sandalphon blinked several times. "I don't know about when you're an angel. I don't have dominion over the angels in that way. But when you're human, you're not cursed. I have prevented the pregnancies because each of your life cycles has been short. I assume because Lucifer's are short."
"You're telling me I could've had children all this time, but I would've died and left them without a mother?" All this time, I could've found a way to take care of them. Given them to good people who wanted children but were unable. It would've been heartbreaking to not raise them myself, but it had to be better than the pain of never being able to conceive no matter how badly I wanted it.
"Yes, of course. That is the way of our Human Cycles." He looked bewildered. "Surely this is common knowledge?"
I looked at Michael with amazement. "I certainly didn't know that," I said. "Did you?"
He shook his head. "Man, you gotta start telling people this shit. They might not want you interfering in their Human Cycles."
"Oh, no, it is an edict from God. I am to strictly control the pregnancies." He looked terrified at the thought. "I have no choice."
"Why would he interfere in this way?" I mused.
"It is his way of making sure the angels do not disrupt life on earth. Plus, the children of human Angels are extra special. More capable. Stronger, faster, smarter. Not enough to make them stand out, but enough that it could influence the natural progression of humans if too many of them were on Earth and adding their genes to the mix."
I shook my head slowly and rubbed my belly as Turtle kicked and rolled inside me. "Wow." I replied, stunned.
"I'm so sorry, Mother." Sandalphon dropped his gaze again. "I thought I was making your dreams come true."
Pity for the cherub washed over me. For him to have to go through the pain I'd felt with
women all over the world? That had to be intense agony. "I am not angry with you, Sandalphon. But you must explain why you cursed Lucian."
He looked up at me with a furrowed brow. "I did nothing to your husband. I don't have the power to curse the Lord of the Morning."
Michael cursed. "Are you kidding me?"
Sandalphon shook his head. "I swear, touch me and know my honesty."
If I'd been ethereal, I would've been able to do just that. It was one of my gifts. Not as a human, though. "Do you know anything of his curse?" I asked.
Sandalphon shook his head. "No, and at first I had no idea which of your mates you'd end up with, either."
"How did you know our life spans would be long enough to bear a child?" I asked.
Sandalphon smiled. "It is my gift to know approximately how long a human will live. There are things that can and do change that, of course. Humans have free will and their fates change all the time. But you and Lucian still have many years to go. I don't know why this life cycle is longer than any you've had before, but it is not my place to question the will of God."
I put my face in my hands. "Dude. Question next time." My voice was muffled behind my fingers.
Michael chuckled. "Yeah, if you'd said something to Gabe when you first realized they had a long life span, he might've been able to prevent a lot of problems."
"I didn't know Lucifer was cursed," Sandalphon said. "Can I help?"
I shook my head. "No. And you damn well better not say anything to anyone."
With a sigh, I waved my hand at him, dismissing him. He didn't wait around for Michael to help, he disappeared with wide eyes.
"Of all the bullshit," I muttered. Suddenly starving, I stood from the table and opened the refrigerator door, staring inside without seeing a damn thing that looked good.
My emotions overwhelmed me, the hormones from the pregnancy and shocking news more than I could take. Throwing my head back, I wailed. Tears streamed down my face in a quick rush, soaking my cheeks before Michael could scramble out of his chair and rush to my side.
"Oh, Lil. I'm sorry." He pulled me into his arms, tucked his hand under my knees and carried me to the couch. He stayed quiet with me on his lap, rocking back and forth gently. When my sobs subsided, Michael smoothed my hair back from my face and smiled at me. "You're blotchy."
