by Debra Kayn
Dr. Brandof sat down on his swiveling stool and set her folder on the counter. "I'm curious, Madison. While checking your lymph nodes, I observed a surgical scar at the base of your neck and along with the information you gave me on your muteness, I'm wondering at what age you've had work done on your larynx."
She grabbed her notepad and pen from behind her and wrote. "I had surgery to repair a crushed vocal box. The scar tissue from the surgery grew around my vocal cords, and I never recovered my voice. I was twelve years old."
Dr. Brandof shook his head in a knowing way before giving her a sad smile. Every town doctor reacted the same. The unasked questions in their eyes, wanting to know more about her situation and the natural need to inform her that her condition at the time of the accident was reversible if she'd followed through on the therapy to keep her vocal cords active wasn't lost on her. She recognized the truth. Accepted her part in her disability.
Sometimes, she wished the truth of her condition remained a mystery. Maybe if she had no memory of what happened, she'd forgive her mother for her lack of love and care growing up, but considering her mom still lived with the man who stole Madison's words, forgiveness was out of the question.
"How do you fit in at Red Light?" asked Dr. Brandof.
She raised her brows without answering.
"Yes, I understand that has nothing to do with your physical." Dr. Brandof stood and looked down at her. "Indulge an old doctor who can't come to terms I'm sixty-eight years old and refuse to retire. The health and welfare of my patients keep me coming to work every morning."
She bent her head and responded to him on paper.
"Tiff runs a professional business at Red Light, and I'm treated with respect. I'm not here to make friends. Though the other ladies have been accommodating once they learned I can write down everything I want to say. Thank you for asking. You're very kind to care."
She passed the note and Dr. Brandof nodded as he read. "You're an interesting woman, Madison. I'll see you next week."
Once the door shut, she got dressed and walked out to the waiting room. She had the rest of today and the next two days off.
Marci approached her. "You can stay here until the others are done and walk back with us, or one of the Moroad Motorcycle Club members is waiting outside to escort you back to the Sterling Building." Marci lowered her voice. "The men are part of the security team, and you can trust them to do their job. It's up to you how you want to return to the building. I know being out can make it uncomfortable if you run into a customer, so we give you two options on how to come and go for the weekly doctor's appointment."
Madison glanced through the knee to ceiling windows out onto the sidewalk. At the sight of a broad back wearing a familiar jean vest, her pulse accelerated.
Madison pointed outside and stepped toward the door.
Marci walked her to the exit. "When you get back to the building, you're free to do whatever you want upstairs as long as you follow the rules."
Madison nodded with a smile and pushed through the door, stepping into the bright sunshine. Her stomach fluttered, anxious to see Bear in the daylight and get a better view of him.
Last night, she'd learned Bear knew what her job was at Red Light, and she'd stayed awake trying to understand why he continued making contact with her. Going off what he told her, he wasn't hanging around for sex.
She wanted to believe him. She had no interest in sex either.
He offered her company, lessons, and something to look forward to after an evening of working. The risk of allowing him on the balcony proved more beneficial rather than dangerous.
Though his actions confused her. He'd stayed close to her room while she slept last night. Only a man interested in her would prefer a cold balcony to his warm bed. The conflict in his words and actions left her doubting his reasons for seeing her. Despite her need to keep her life of solitude, she found herself drawn to him.
Bear turned in her direction. Her gaze went to his eyes. Eyes that couldn't hide from her in the daylight. She held her breath, looking into the depths of the serious, brown orbs. He was happy to see her.
"I get to walk you back?" he asked with a deep and husky caress.
She nodded and approached him, taking in the way the wrinkles at the corner of his eyes only enhanced his kindness.
His beard length, even more impressive in the daylight, hid his mouth the same way darkness kept her from seeing the brown, black, and gray whiskers. A chill walked down her spine, and she shivered. If she hadn't had conversations with him, she'd be scared. His big body and towering presence on the street, without the confines of the balcony, showed strength and control.
"We better walk. Marci is watching from inside, and she's protective of you ladies." Bear moved first, walking along the sidewalk.
Madison followed until Bear slowed down and she matched her steps to his. She stumbled on a crack in the sidewalk. Intent on taking in every little detail about him, she failed to watch what was happening in front of her.
"Don't let the way I look scare you." Bear glanced at her and winked. "My nickname came from my personality, not my size."
She tilted her head.
Bear shrugged. "I snore. I grunt. I've been known to growl if someone messes with me."
She raised her brows wanting to know more.
"I'd never hurt a woman." He stopped and looked both ways before crossing to the alley. "You've got a day off. Do you want some company?"
He spoke like she could answer, and yet his familiarity with her routine turned her off. From the beginning, he understood her job at Red Light and acted as if she was a normal, speaking woman who enjoyed a night on her private balcony. He failed to understand she had no desire for a social life with the opposite sex.
She shook her head, watching him for any sign of anger.
"Right," he whispered, swinging his gaze out to the street. "The thing is, sweetheart. I think you do."
She grabbed her phone, prepared to tell him exactly what he could do with his opinion, and he grabbed her arm.
"For once, listen to me instead of talking," said Bear, rubbing the inside of her wrist.
Her spine stiffened, and she glared. Of all the rude, disrespectful, arrogant things to say to a mute.
"You've got a temper." Bear's beard moved, and she spotted the lift on the left side of his mouth. "Either you don't want to see me because daylight makes talking with me into something real or you're scared. Nod if you're scared."
She stared him down not moving an inch. He thought he knew her, and he knew nothing about her or what thoughts swirled in her head.
"Okay, so I'm dealing with you not wanting to take the chance to get to know me." He let her go. "I can handle that."
Unwilling to play whatever sick game he imagined, she turned and headed down the alley. Once she locked herself upstairs, she'd never have to deal with Bear and the way he played her again.
"Madison?" said Bear.
She kept walking.
"Sweetheart, you're running away from the wrong person." Bear caught up with her and stepped in front of her stride, bringing her to a sudden stop. "I want your company. I'm not asking you for anything, except conversation and to get to know you better."
She held up her hand for him to stop and texted on her phone. Instead of waiting for him to look at his cell, she held hers up for him to read.
"If you are talking to me in the hopes of having sex, contact Tiff. I'm sure you can pay the price, and you don't have to act nice or waste your free time talking with me." She lowered the phone and added. "I leave in three months, and I won't look back."
Bear hulked out in front of her. "Now you're pissing me off."
She stepped back and shook her head.
"Stop." Bear's eyes softened, and he lowered his voice. "You're scared. I get that."
Her hands shook. She lifted her chin to deny the accusations. Her relationship with the customers clear and unarguably straight forward. Men who chang
ed moods and ignored the rules had no place in her life. She'd left home at seventeen determined never to put up with any man's anger.
Nothing about Bear made her feel safe. He confused her. Her reaction to him bordered on self-punishment. She'd been there and done that and wore the scars to prove it.
Anger, embarrassment, confusion muddled her thoughts. She had no idea how to handle Bear's presence or her reaction to him. Something about living at Red Light had her feeling lonely, something she never felt. Maybe she used Bear as a healing balm and led him on for selfish reasons.
Maybe she fabricated their relationship while alone to give her something to focus on. Maybe he wasn't the problem. Maybe she instigated everything. Maybe her anger at dealing with him during the daytime came from her need to deny her attraction to him.
She exhaled and bit her lip to keep from giving away how completely normal their argument felt. The relief at being treated like any other speaking woman exhilarated her. He held no pity for her. Not many people were willing to disagree with her because she couldn't speak. As if she'd crumble at a raised voice or an irritation and the words she couldn't get out would implode. Normal behaviors speaking people dealt with multiple times a day.
Bear approached her and lowered his voice. "Go inside, Madison. Then think about what is happening here between us and before you make up your mind and believe things that aren't true or judge my intentions, ask yourself what you want. When you figure it out, text me, and if I believe you don't want to see me again, you won't. But if I read through the bullshit you're trying to throw my way, be ready, because as soon as it's dark, I'll be here, and you will learn how to whistle."
She stepped away from him and hurried away. At the top of the stairs, she rang the doorbell and waited for someone to unlock the door.
She rubbed the chill out of her arms despite the warmth inside her body. Without turning, she remained aware of Bear at the corner of the building watching her.
Chapter Eight
The laughter and conversations out on the roof of the Sterling Building drifted away with the closing of the door. Madison took the stairs to the second floor caught up in figuring out how mixed her feelings were lately. After spending all day going over the reasons why she'd pulled Bear into her life, she was no closer to finding answers.
She enjoyed having him around, and maybe that was enough to concentrate on at the moment. She opened the door and peeked down the hallway.
Tiff leaned into Jeremy outside the door to their suite. Madison stood memorized by the obvious love radiating off both of them and stayed hidden. The softness in Jeremy's eyes looking down into Tiff's upturned smiling face left her weak with envy.
All her life, Madison had only seen sex. The noises and power struggle between her mom and Del. High school boyfriends centered on sex or the game of trying to get sex. Then when she joined the Network and traveled around to different states, different homes, different madams, she'd come to realize sex was only an act with an ulterior motive behind it to find out what brought people contentment and happiness. An unfulfilled step that always ended in disappointment.
The harsh lesson stayed, and even the few emotions that'd survived her childhood fled over time until prostitution became a job.
Jeremy smacked Tiff's ass emitting a laugh. Madison closed the door quietly, tiptoed down the hallway, and shut herself in her room. She leaned against the door, breathing heavily. What she witnessed between Tiff and Jeremy she'd only seen on television and read in books. The idea of romance put in the simplest terms for fools who believed true love was tangible, and for hopefuls who always wanted something better.
But, she'd observed the relationship between the owners of Red Light numerous times. Between the displays of affection, they bickered, they snapped, they threw attitude, they teased. She'd studied every movement wanting to understand why they fascinated her and what drew her into taking such an interest in them.
The connection, whether love, respect, or companionship, remained throughout all the emotions until they ended up touching. That touching wasn't about sex. It was as if they fed off each other and became stronger being together.
She looked toward the sliding glass door. The sun set lower over the horizon, and it'd be dark soon. She wanted to experience the emotions Bear brought out in her that had nothing to do with sex. She was happy around him.
She texted Bear and hit the send button. "Teach me to whistle."
Oh, God. Her heart pounded. What had she done?
She pushed away from the door and paced the room. Would Bear believe her or think she lied?
He told her he'd never come back if he failed to believe her message. She'd given him the easiest answer to a big problem.
She stopped pacing and let her head fall back on her shoulders and stared up at the ceiling. No, she'd totally lied.
People taught themselves how to whistle every single day. Back before she'd lost her voice, she had a few classmates who came to school proud to show off their new talent. Jealous of their ability, she'd gone right home and tried to learn to whistle in private in case she failed. After a few sputtering attempts, she'd quickly given up and settled on singing.
If she had only known singing would be the death of her voice, she would've tried harder to whistle at a younger age. Bear's soft, clear whistle caressed her in ways normal talk or singing failed.
She sank onto the edge of the bed. Bear would see through her lie and never come back. Worried she'd lost her chance to explore why Bear had her questioning everything, she typed another message.
"The truth is I enjoy your company. You're different, and you make me feel..." She sighed. How could she explain how the thought of not seeing him upset her? Or, if he'd look at her the way Jeremy looked at Tiff or if only holding hands was enough?
Before she chickened out, she finished the text. "Brave."
A reply came instantly. "I'll be there in 10 minutes."
Relief followed her decision, quickly followed by anxiety. She'd handed tight control over her life to Bear. Was she giving him permission to take their nightly talks to a new level?
Her career demanded certain responsibilities from her like going to the doctor once a week and practicing safe sex. Body fluids never mingled. Emotions never shared. Her daily routine numbed her and kept her safe from any hurt.
Bear wasn't a customer.
He was a man who had an interest in her—for whatever reason—and she longed to know him better—for whatever reason.
She walked into the bathroom, brushed her hair, brushed her teeth, fixed her eyeliner, and spritzed her wrists with her favorite perfume she saved for her days off. Her stomach fluttered, and she pursed her lips and blew, only managing to blow a strand of hair out of her face. Maybe Bear would be able to teach her to whistle.
The roar of a motorcycle pushed her to the sliding glass door to the balcony. She stepped outside to catch a glimpse of Bear riding around the corner of the building to park in back. Her heartbeat raced, and she pressed a hand to her chest. In her excitement, she'd forgotten today was her day off, which meant Silver Girls remained closed downstairs.
Bear's presence and letting him hang around would get her in trouble.
She texted Bear a message. "You can't come tonight. Tiff will catch you with me, and I'll have to leave Red Light. I'm sorry."
The longer she waited, and no reply came from Bear, the more she feared something had gone wrong. Jeremy always came and went from the building. Bear could run into his president or even tell Jeremy the truth that she'd invited him to her room.
Tiff would fire her ass faster than Madison could pack rather than risk one of her employees bringing the Feds attention to her business.
A knock came from inside her room at the same time Bear walked around the corner of the building into the alley. She glanced back and forth, and for the first time wished she could scream her frustrations. Before Bear spotted her, she hurried to her room. She couldn't risk losing her job.<
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She answered the knock and found Tiff standing in the hallway.
Tiff's lips thinned. "Can I come in?"
Madison stepped back allowing her boss entrance. A heaviness settled in the pit of her stomach. In all the years she'd worked for the Network, she'd kept an unmarked record. No sickness, no insubordination, no trouble with co-workers or customers. She'd been a model prostitute.
Tiff shut the door behind her and walked a few feet into the room, running her fingers along the foot of the bed. Madison stood in place, hands clasped, waiting for her termination and the details of when she'd catch the first plane flying out of Federal.
"I run a safe bordello, Madison." Tiff continued walking and stopped in front of the sliding windows and peered out, giving her back to Madison. "I care about the ladies working for me and have added extra security to keep the bordello running. I put my trust in others, which is hard for me to do when my freedom, your freedom, and the freedom of the man I love is at risk. There's no room for me to make a mistake."
Madison's head throbbed. She understood and wanted to stop Tiff from lecturing her further. She'd made a mistake talking to Bear and inviting him over.
Tiff turned and faced her, softening her gaze. "Bear came to me and requested permission to spend time with you tonight."
Madison lifted her chin. She took responsibility for Bear coming here.
"I see that you know who Bear is." Tiff rubbed her forehead and exhaled on a sad laugh. "It figures."
Madison stepped forward and grabbed her notepad off the dresser. She wrote fast.
"I'm sorry. I heard him whistle in the alley and listened. Then I listened again the next night, and he kept coming back."
Tiff read the note. "You knew he was coming to you...?"
Madison nodded and scribbled on another piece of paper. "I asked him to come to the balcony, not my room. I know that doesn't mean anything because I broke the rules."
Tiff crumbled the paper in her fist. "Against my better judgment, and only because Bear is a member of the motorcycle club Jeremy runs, I'm going to grant you permission to spend your evening with Bear."
