It didn’t hurt she was married to Johnny, either. He had women falling at his feet in droves, but the only one he ever had eyes for was Bex. When he joined Jaded Regret after Ryver went back to Mexico to live with his mom, our popularity went even further through the roof. I guess the women thought he was hot or something and ate up their love story like their favorite romance novel. We’d been featured on the cover of Rolling Stone because of them. It was good PR, as Allan would say.
“Beau.” Natalie’s hand on my arm made my eyes snap to hers, and I realized she had been talking to me while I zoned out.
“Sorry. What did Allan say?”
Her brow furrowed. Natalie being the only family I had, other than the band, made her fiercely protective of me. She had been ever since I was twelve years old and she was fourteen and we’d been on our own in a foster care system that cared little about the children in it. “How was therapy today?”
“Nat.” She rarely got me to talk about it, which I knew was unfair because she was the one who had to deal with me more than anyone else. After we had become successful, I’d wanted her to get her own place, and she’d vehemently disagreed. She wanted to be here, or she felt obligated to be. I hated the fact she put her life on hold for me, and I knew she wasn’t without her own issues from our childhood, not that she would confide any of them in me. She was a beautiful woman and had not only dedicated her life to managing our band, but also taking care of her fuck up of a brother. She deserved her own happiness: a husband, kids, and a normal life.
“Did you take your meds?” Natalie flitted over to the counter to check the pill container she set out every week with my morning and evening meds.
“Natalie,” I gritted my teeth. “I’m fucking fine, okay?”
She whipped around so fast she almost gave me whiplash. “Don’t you start with me, Beau Oliver. I know what it’s like when you decide not to take your meds for a few days, so forgive me if I’m asking. Now, how the hell was therapy?” She crossed her arms in front of her chest and set her jaw, the look I knew meant Natalie wouldn’t take any more shit.
I sighed, reaching up and twisting the small ring in my nose. It was a nervous habit, and she knew it. “It was good, Nat. I’m sorry I’m a dick. We’re doing the new stuff at practice this afternoon, and I think I’m just preoccupied.”
She narrowed her eyes, reading me like only she could. “I have some great news, but I’ll tell you at practice with everyone.”
It was my turn to narrow my eyes at her. “What the fuck?”
She laughed, turning to pull groceries out of the bags I’d helped her bring in. “Payback is a bitch, little bro. Plus, it wouldn’t be fair if I told you and not everyone else.”
“Uh, yes, it would. I’m your brother.”
She wagged her finger at me, then turned back and put away her staples: salad mix and veggies. I swore the girl was going to blow away if she didn’t eat something more than rabbit food.
“One of these days I’m going to hold you down and force feed you a hamburger.”
She shook her head and laughed, but I was serious. While she was drop dead gorgeous, she was too damn skinny.
“I’m going out to the garage to warm up before practice,” I said, turning to walk out of the kitchen.
“Tanner said he would drop by,” Natalie announced. I knew she had a crush on Tanner and had since the second she met him.
I loved the boy like a brother, but he wouldn’t get anywhere near my sister with that dick if it were the last thing I did. Tanner seemed the absolute opposite of a rocker. He was our All-American boy who had women throwing thong panties on the stage at him. He looked like he could’ve been the quarterback of the high school football team nailing the head cheerleader, but Tanner could play a kick ass bass guitar. He had not a tattoo or a piercing anywhere. We swore we were going to corrupt him someday, but he still refused.
When she saw the expression on my face, she waved me away. “Stop it, Beau.”
“You deserve better than someone who sticks his dick in anything that walks.”
Natalie laughed. “Beau. Seriously, stop. I’m not doing anything with Tanner.”
“But you want to.”
At a glance, he and Natalie would be amazing together. They both looked like they just stepped out of a preppy magazine. She’d been approached to model over the years, although she had turned it down to keep managing our band. But the number of girls I’d seen him take into bathrooms, back rooms, tour buses, and God knows what else over the last few years made me never want to see him touch Natalie in any way.
“Go practice. You sound paranoid.” I didn’t miss the blush on her cheeks as she turned away, though.
“How the fuck are ya, man?” Johnny fist bumped me as I passed him.
“Hangin’ in there, man. How are the kids?”
Johnny’s eyes found Bex, just as he always did anytime she was around. She sat on a stool, tuning her guitar and warming up her voice, her toe tapping on the ground. “The most amazing fucking thing I’ve ever had, bro. I can’t believe I get her and those two precious babies.”
I cleared my throat, not liking the emotion he brought out in me. I didn’t want a wife and kids, not now and not ever, but seeing the way he looked at Bex made funny things happen to me. Bex, at one time, had been my foster sister in the shithole we’d both been placed in, but now she was so much more. When we’d left the home with Natalie, and she’d wanted to start a band, I never thought we’d be where we are now. I’ve loved to drum for as long as I could remember, having been handed drumsticks as young as one year old to bang with my dad on his set. I now know he played to keep the demons away, because it was the same reason I did.
“I bet Jaden is getting big,” I remarked, trying to rid my mind of those impending thoughts about my dad. “Does Lennox still love him?”
Johnny put the strap of his guitar over his head and began strumming the strings. “She loves him too much. She thinks she’s his second mommy. It’s adorable, but Bex is always worried she’s going to try to pick him up or something.”
Bex turned, and a small smirk played on her lips. “You talking about me over there?”
Johnny smirked back at her. “What if I am? What are you going to do about it?”
Tanner groaned from behind me. “Please don’t start. If I walk into a room one more time and find you two going at it . . .”
We all laughed, one because Tanner saying that was ironic seeing as how all of us had seen his ass at one time or another, and two because it was true. Johnny and Bex were always sucking face or being obvious about what other activities they were doing.
The door to the studio slammed, and Natalie breezed in, stopping the ribbing of Johnny and Bex’s love life. The expression on her face stopped everyone from talking. She flung her purse on a chair and turned to us, a smile taking up her whole face. “I have news.”
“We gathered,” Bex said, laughter in her voice. “I take it that it’s good news?”
“Fabulous,” Natalie said. She pulled a pack of papers out of her large purse and walked toward us. “I talked to Allan earlier.”
Johnny stepped up next to Bex and slung his arm over her shoulders. You could hear a pin drop as we waited for Natalie to fill us in.
“Today, Nat,” Tanner said, his hands on his hips.
Natalie glanced over at Bex. “There’s this huge benefit in Orlando next month.” Orlando was only a few hours from us, so that meant whatever they wanted us to do we wouldn’t have to go far. “They’re building a children’s hospital and want a band to headline their fundraiser. It’ll be an outdoor concert on the site of the hospital. They’ll be doing tours of what they’ve done so far, as well as explaining what else needs to be done.”
“They want a rock band?” Bex asked. “For a children’s hospital?” We weren’t hearts and flowers.
“You guys were asked for specifically,” Natalie said, her voice giddy.
“Why?” Bex was ske
ptical, and I could understand why.
While we were well known now, it was still hard for us to believe we were wanted for things like this. Hell, over the last two years, we’d had to hire security, which was way beyond our wildest dreams. Bex and Johnny had a full-time bodyguard named Heath. He made Johnny appear small, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. The two of them were widely recognized everywhere they went. Heath stood outside our studio right now, his beefy arms crossed in a “don’t fuck with me” kind of way. If I covered my signature tattoos and wore a hat, I could still get away without being recognized sometimes. I didn’t like security and only took it when I had to.
“I guess the doctor heading up this hospital has a daughter who’s a huge fan. She’s the one that contacted Allan.”
“I still don’t get it,” Bex said.
Natalie smiled again. “His daughter knows you are a huge advocate of children in foster care, Bex. She’s done her homework on your contributions over the last few years. She’s a social worker with the state, and she’s using this benefit not only as a huge fundraiser for her dad’s children’s hospital, but also to raise awareness about the number of kids in foster care.”
I glanced over at Bex, watching as her throat worked. Johnny pulled her closer and whispered something in her ear. It wasn’t often Bex showed emotion, but I could read it all over her face. My gut clenched at the thought of the countless kids in the foster care system, just like we had been, wishing for families. My sister and I had been lucky in comparison to Bex and many others. While we hadn’t gotten families out of the deal, at least we hadn’t been abused while in the system. Hell, Nat and I had been more abused by our own family. I couldn’t say the same for Bex, however.
“Allan wants us to do it?” Bex finally said.
Natalie nodded. “It’s great PR.”
Bex narrowed her eyes at Natalie. “I don’t give a fuck about PR. Allan can shove it up his lily white ass. If we do this, we do it because Jaded Regret can play a small part in helping these children find homes with people who love them, because the kids need a good hospital, or both.”
Natalie’s eyes widened at Bex’s outburst, but this wasn’t unusual. Bex hated when Allan, or anyone else, tried to say we should do something for PR and not just to help a cause. “I know, Bex. But you know Allan is all about building our name.”
“Our name is just fine. If we do this, it isn’t about us. It’s about those kids.” Bex turned to us. “What do you guys think?”
“It sounds great,” Johnny agreed.
“I’m in,” Tanner said. “Maybe I need to meet this doctor’s daughter. I can give her the backstage tour of Jaded Regret.”
We all groaned, and I watched as Natalie’s eyes glanced away before fixing them back on him. “The only type of tour you’ll be giving her will be supervised.”
He laughed, and we all knew it didn’t matter what Natalie told him. That man’s brain was run by his dick. “Oh yeah? Do you want to ‘supervise,’ Nat? Ooh, that sounds like a good time.”
My blood pressure skyrocketed as Natalie blushed. I tampered down the urge to beat his head in for insinuating that about my sister, choosing instead to tap my drumsticks against my legs, the rhythm immediately soothing me.
When I lifted my gaze, they were all staring at me. I shrugged. “You know whatever you guys want is fine with me.” I didn’t like to rock the boat. Plus, they were my band. Where they went, I went.
“Go ahead and let him book it,” Bex said to Natalie. “It’s next month? Isn’t that short notice?”
Natalie nodded. “Yeah. He told me they are at a critical point in their fundraising and need something rather quickly to get people motivated to give. April came up with this idea, and they were trying to make it happen with us. I guess it’s good we aren’t planning to schedule our tour quite yet.”
“Well, then we need to get to work on our new stuff,” Bex said, turning back and picking up her guitar. “If they want a show, we’re going to give them one. We’ll make it exclusive, so make sure they know we will play songs never before heard. That should help with their ticket price and crowd. Make sure Allan pays the big bucks for advertising and help them out. You know he’s a cheapskate on that shit.”
I opened my mouth to object that maybe we wouldn’t be ready yet, but I snapped it shut. Bex would work us to the bone for the next month to make sure we were.
“You got it, boss,” Natalie joked. “I’m going to my office to work my magic. You guys work your magic in here. Make me proud.” She flipped her hair, and with one last glance at Tanner, she left the room.
Natalie needed to find a man who would treat her like the queen she was and stop wishing for Tanner to throw her a bone.
Beau
I TURNED IN my bed, squinting my eyes at the bright morning light. What the hell was I doing awake so early? The clock read just after nine in the morning, which put me at a whopping four hours of sleep. My dick was hard as a rock under the covers, but I ignored it.
Just like that, visions of Robyn flinging back the sheet and sucking me all those years ago flooded back. I didn’t often let myself think of her, but sometimes the memories came without warning. She’d been the only girl I’d ever slept with, had ever let that close to me, and she’d disappeared off the face of the earth after our one night together.
I sometimes wondered where she was and what had happened to make her leave and never contact me again, but thinking of that just solidified what I already thought of myself—I didn’t have any business getting close to anyone in that way. The one time I let down my guard, and that’s what happened.
Sex with my hand was enough. At least then I couldn’t hurt anyone but myself, and they couldn’t hurt me. The pain in my head was enough to bear.
Rolling over and standing up, I stretched. My arms were sore from drumming so much over the last few weeks. We had practiced for the twentieth night in a row until two in the morning. Bex was a fucking slave driver, but it would be worth it. Our new sets were fucking awesome. When I’d gotten home, I’d been wired, so Nat and I had watched a movie before crashing.
We were leaving in a week to go to Orlando. We’d get there a few days ahead of time to rehearse and get settled. We’d found out Young Angels Children’s Hospital was being built to honor Dr. Knight’s deceased daughter, Lucia, who had died from a brain tumor when she was just four years old. Dr. Knight was a world renowned neurologist who specialized in brain tumors. His daughter, April, was the social worker and the reason for us headlining the fundraiser. We would meet her and her parents at a welcome dinner the night we arrive.
I wondered if him becoming a neurologist had been because of Lucia, or had he already been one? Had he missed his daughter’s tumor and that’s what kept him going, to try never to let that happen again?
I attempted to imagine what it would be like to lose a child, but it was so far outside my realm of understanding I simply couldn’t. The only experience I had with parents was my father killing himself and my mother locking me in a mental institution when I was twelve, dropping Natalie with our neighbor, and leaving forever. We had no idea if she was still alive or not.
Suffice it to say, I hadn’t a clue what it was like to have people dedicated to loving you through anything.
After my dad had died—when I was only five years old—things had gone to shit. When I’d found him, it had changed me. My mind hadn’t been able to wrap around what I’d seen, so I’d just shut down. At first, my mom cared about taking me to see therapists and talking to me, trying to get through to me. But after a few years of my silence and refusal to let her in, she’d given up.
Once I started exhibiting signs of mental illness like my dad, she’d turned to verbally abusing me. She’d lash out when she was tired of dealing with my issues and saying I was going to end up just like my father, a worthless moron who couldn’t do anything. She constantly reminded me he’d killed himself so he wouldn’t have to be around us.
/> Natalie would wrap herself around me at night and talk to me, talk until I fell asleep having not said a word to her. She’d tell me she loved me, that Mommy was just sad about losing Daddy, how Mommy didn’t mean to be mean to me, and that no matter what, I’d always have my big sister there to protect me. But I’d always thought her logic was fucked up—I was a boy, the man of the house. I should be there for her. Anytime I’d say that to her as a child or teenager, she would roll her eyes at me and tell me to shut up, tell me how she was the big sister and it was her job. Hell, she’d probably say that now.
I remembered my first mental breakdown like it was yesterday. I’d been eight years old and at school when a feeling I still couldn’t explain came over me. It was like my brain had just revolted against me and took over, causing me to pick up and throw chairs, scream, cry, and fight with anyone who came into contact with me. My mom had taken me to the hospital that day. The doctors put me on meds and encouraged her to admit me to an inpatient center. She’d refused to admit me, but took the drugs, saying I just needed to stop acting like a “spoiled fucking brat.” She’d then locked me in my room for the week I was suspended from school, opening the door only to give me the pills that quieted my head and give me food.
I sat up, forcing the thoughts away. I hated thinking about that shit. There was nothing I could do about it, so why continue to think about it? I grabbed my pill bottle and water, and downed my three morning pills. Natalie didn’t like it when I called them my Crazy Pills, but it was just to make light of it. Though there was nothing light about it, and we both knew it. It was just my way of coping with the shit that encompassed me.
“You know I fucking hate wearing a shirt and tie,” I grumbled as my sister adjusted said tie. “This wasn’t part of the deal.”
“Stop whining, Beau. You’re handsome as hell. Plus, we have to meet Dr. Knight and his family tonight to kick off the fundraising event. They sold tickets to this meet and greet for over a thousand dollars a head!”
Snared (Jaded Regret #1) Page 2
