She was back in work attire, this time in a pair of tan dress pants and a white button-down blouse. Her hair was pulled up off her neck. I wanted to kiss her slender neck until she writhed under my touch.
Whoa. What the hell kind of thought was that? There would be none of that happening today.
“Hey, guys! Just in time! Everyone is so excited. Come on in.” April smiled at the band and then her eyes found mine. “Good morning, Beau.”
I hung back as everyone else kept walking. April glanced over her shoulder and then back at me. I watched in awe as she kissed her thumb and touched my bottom lip with it. Before I could recognize I was moving, I grabbed her arm and pulled her closer to me. All my doubts and reasons why I couldn’t be around her flew out the window.
When her chest hit mine, we both sucked in a sharp breath. She could almost meet my eyes with her heels on. I closed the space between us and brushed my lips against her cheek before moving to her ear. “Good morning.”
April flushed, stepping back from me quickly as a male voice came from behind us. “April? Ready?”
“Yes,” she said. “This is Beau Anderson, the drummer of Jaded Regret. Beau, this is Trent, the director of Kids Life.”
I shook his hand but said nothing, and then followed them into a large room where at least thirty kids of varying ages sat. A few reporters were set up in the front. Bex had already taken a seat with a group of teenagers, holding her guitar in front of her while she showed them some of the chords. Johnny and Tanner were not far from Bex, talking to another group of kids.
I was totally out of my element. I spotted Natalie next to a reporter, and I made my way to her. April followed.
“This is my brother, Beau Anderson, the drummer of Jaded Regret. He and Bexley were the originators of the band.” Natalie winked at me. I shook hands with the reporter, and that’s when I saw a child sitting all by himself off to the side, watching us.
April caught my line of sight and leaned closer to me. “That’s Robbie.”
I nodded, watching the boy as he clutched something in his hand. His facial expression didn’t change at the mayhem happening in the room. A few of the employees at the home moved around the room, talking to the kids and figuring out who would get a turn with the band next.
One of the women walked up to Robbie, and he pulled the picture against his chest so she couldn’t see it. She said something to him, but he didn’t respond, his eyes remaining on us. After a moment, she gave up and caught April’s gaze across the room, shaking her head before moving on to the next child.
“He hasn’t spoken a word since he arrived,” April said next to me. “He won’t let anyone see the picture he carries around. Trent was the one who told him his mom had passed away. He’s called in counselors to see him since then, but he won’t talk.”
I could identify with that. Sometimes there was just nothing to say worthy of your feelings, so you stayed quiet.
For the next few hours, we took turns with groups of kids from the home. The youngest kids were barely five years old, the oldest almost about to age out of the system. Many of them were engrossed in learning to play or had played in the past. The reporters took video and asked the kids questions about what they thought of Jaded Regret coming to see them.
It wasn’t until the reporters started interviewing some of the kids about what it would mean to them to be at home with a family that I knew I couldn’t stay in there anymore.
“April.” I worked my fingers against my legs. She hadn’t left our sides the entire time. Well, she hadn’t left my side. Her eyes swung to mine, and she must’ve read something there because she immediately stood up and indicated for me to follow her.
We walked down a long hallway until we reached an office. April shut the door behind us and grabbed my hands, stilling them from the beat. “Beau.” She squeezed my fingers. When I didn’t respond, she wrapped her arms around my waist and settled her head on my chest, hugging me tightly. It was such a strange, yet comforting feeling. I wasn’t sure what to do with my hands, so I settled for putting them around her waist and clasping them together.
No one will ever want you. You’re poison. I rested my head against the door, squeezing my eyes closed. It took me a few moments to realize April was kissing up my neck and jaw, standing on her tiptoes as she put her lips to my ear. “I’m here, Beau. It’s okay.”
My head spun with conflicting emotions: push her away and run like I wanted to, or lose myself in her. I dropped my head and rested my forehead on hers. “I can’t do this.”
April froze. “Do what?” I realized what she thought I meant right after I said it. I caressed her back, pulling her closer to me so she knew that wasn’t it. She nodded, getting it. “You did great.”
“I can’t even talk to them.” I dipped my head until my lips barely brushed hers. She responded immediately, moving her lips over mine in a sensual dance.
“You can talk to me.” She kissed me again. Her tongue met mine and I groaned, leaning closer to her so I could get more. I’d never been kissed like this . . . ever. I’d thought Robyn had been an incredible lover, but I hadn’t a clue what was considered amazing if kissing April was any indication.
Shrieks from down the hall made us both jump apart. I’d heard those kinds of screams before. Without thinking, I flung the door open and ran down the hall to where the noise was coming from, April on my heels. What I saw when I entered the room made my blood run cold. Robbie was yelling, his little cheeks red as tears poured down his face. One of the counselors held him as he kicked and screamed, cursing at anyone and everyone.
The reporters stood in the front of the room, their mouths agape. “Get them the fuck out of here,” I told April. She left me, and I turned back to the child. His eyes connected with mine, rage pouring out of them. The counselor wasn’t looking at me; he was shouting to one of the other workers to call a doctor.
“We’re going to have to sedate him,” he said. “Get him here immediately.”
“NO!” I shouted, causing the entire room to stop and stare at me. I had no idea where Bex and Natalie were, but it didn’t matter. “No one sedates him. Let him go so he’ll stop.”
“He’s already punched another kid, thrown chairs and broke a window,” the counselor said. “I can’t let him go!”
Robbie thrashed and screamed, spit flying from his mouth as he continued cursing and yelling. He flung his head back, and it connected with the counselor. He let him go as blood poured from his nose. Robbie ran, and I followed him. At one point, he turned back and saw me, which only made him run faster.
Alarms sounded as he pushed open the back door. He couldn’t get far; the back yard was surrounded by a concrete wall at least six feet high.
“Leave me the fuck alone!” Robbie screamed, running to a tree and collapsing under it. Sobs overtook his body as the adrenaline left him. I stopped a few feet from him, my heart in shreds as I watched him. I knew exactly how he felt. His life was out of control, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. While his life had sucked before, it was the only life he’d ever known, and now it was gone. He had nothing. He was nothing.
I heard the door open behind us, and I turned quickly, holding up my hand to stop April from coming out. When she saw me, she froze and then went back inside, shutting the door behind her. Robbie was still shuddering, but at least he’d stopped crying.
“I was in foster care when I was a kid.” He didn’t look at me, but I knew he was listening. “It sucked. A lot. I just wanted to go home, even though home wasn’t that great of a place, either.”
Robbie sniffed but still didn’t move.
“I’m not going to tell you everything will be okay, because I don’t know that. But what I wish someone would’ve told me when I was a kid was that I could decide to do whatever I wanted. That my crappy life didn’t have to stay that way.”
“My mom died,” he said, his back still to me. “This time, I don’t get to go home again.”
&nb
sp; I walked around the tree and faced him, crouching down in front of him. “My dad died when I was a kid.”
Robbie turned his watery eyes toward me. He studied me, from the gauges in my ears to the tattoos sticking out from my clothing. “I don’t have a dad. My mom never told me who he was, and now I’ll never know. She said we were here to find him, but . . .” His voice trailed off as sobs overtook him again.
I wouldn’t get into who my mother was or what she’d done to me with this child. He didn’t need any more baggage. “My mom wasn’t very nice.”
His eyes zeroed in on my nose piercing. “My mom did drugs. She didn’t love me enough to stop.”
My heart clenched We weren’t so different, this child and I. “Sometimes the people who are supposed to love us don’t love us enough.”
Robbie nodded. “He took my picture.”
“Who?”
“That kid in there. He walked up to me and yanked my picture out of my hand. It’s the only picture I have left of my mom. He can’t get away with that.”
Well, no wonder he’d flipped out. See, and they wanted to sedate the child, probably take him out of this home, and he’d never get his picture back again. Then he’d lose the last little bit of his mom he had left.
“I’ll get it for you,” I promised. “But can you do something for me?”
His large dark eyes stared at me for a moment before he nodded. “I know why you reacted the way you did, Robbie. I was the same way as a kid. But then people get afraid of you and think you aren’t lovable. And that’s not at all the truth. You seem like a cool kid.”
His lip wobbled. “I was bad.”
I shrugged. “We’re all bad sometimes. But let’s go in there and apologize and help them clean up. Then I’ll get your picture back for you.”
I stood and held out my hand. Robbie took it and stood up, staring up at me. “What’s your name?”
“Beau.”
“You’re cool, Beau. Most grown ups talk to me like I’m a moron, some little kid who doesn’t know any better. This is my sixth time in foster care. I’m not dumb. I know I’m not getting out of here. No one wants a messed-up nine-year-old kid. I’m a lifer.”
“Robbie, I understand exactly what you mean. You’re wise beyond your years because you’ve had to be. But you’re still a kid. Things can always turn out for you. Watch and see.”
I led him back inside the home. April watched as we walked past her and into the big living room. Robbie walked to the counselor and took the broom from him, helping to sweep the broken glass from the area. He pointed at the child across the room who had taken his picture, and I nodded.
Robbie didn’t say another word, the room silent as they watched him.
“How did you do that?” April whispered next to me. I noticed Bex and Natalie watching me. Tears poured down Natalie’s face, but I didn’t understand why.
“I’ll meet you guys at the bus in a little bit,” I said.
Natalie turned, shocked. “We need to leave in no less than two hours so we aren’t pressed for time.”
I nodded. “Got it.” I knew they were all watching me as I stepped back inside the home and shut the door. I saw Trent first. “Where’s April?”
He indicated the living room. “Trying to talk to Robbie I think. Hey, man. What you did before was awesome. Not a single one of us have been able to get through to him.”
I shrugged. “I know what it’s like.” I moved into the room. I saw April sitting next to Robbie, who was clutching the picture to his chest again. She was talking quietly to him. When she saw me she stood, that heart stopping smile on her face.
“I thought you guys left?”
I shoved my hands in my pockets. “They did.”
A look of understanding crossed her face. “They left.”
I nodded. “I thought maybe you could take me back to the bus after we get lunch.” I glanced over at Robbie. “You get your picture back, buddy?”
He nodded, but didn’t say anything or move to show me the picture. I got it. It wasn’t necessary for him to open up any further to me unless he wanted to.
“I’ll see you later, okay, Robbie?” April said. He didn’t answer, but I didn’t expect him to.
I leaned down to the small child. “She’s pretty, huh. I think so, too. She’s as nice as she is pretty, too. Be nice to her, okay?” As I turned to walk away, I saw a small smile on his face.
“Hey.” I slid into April’s car. “Do me a favor.”
She still seemed shocked that I’d come back, or that I’d gotten Robbie to talk, or any and all of the above. “Anything.”
“Give Robbie my phone number and let him call me if he needs to talk to someone.”
“I don’t have it.”
Of course. That would require me to be a normal human being that had friends. “Hand me your phone.” She did and pulled out of the parking lot, eyeing me every few seconds.
“I’m confused.” April’s fingers worked on the steering wheel.
I waited, knowing she’d elaborate.
“You were amazing back there, Beau.”
“And that confuses you?” Of course, it would. I was nothing but a fuck up on a good day. Worthless. Taking up space on this earth.
“Maybe confused isn’t the right word. I saw a whole other side of you in there today. Beau, you don’t give yourself enough credit for the remarkable man you are.”
I had nothing to say to that because there wasn’t anything “remarkable” about me. So I’d talked to a little boy who reminded me of myself. That made me a human being, not something fantastic.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she said. “That you didn’t do anything great. But I beg to differ, Beau. You going to that group home was difficult. It was uncomfortable and brought out all your insecurities. But when Robbie flipped out, you knew exactly how to handle him. He hadn’t spoken a word, Beau. You got through to him.”
I shrugged. “I can identify with him. When I was a kid, I was sedated because I freaked out about something. It wasn’t necessary, so I didn’t think he had to be sedated.”
April pulled over in the parking lot of a store and put the car in park. She stared straight ahead for so long I wondered if she was going to kick me out of the car.
When she finally looked at me, tears were streaking down her face. What had I done? You’re a fuck up. A worthless piece of shit with a psycho’s blood running through you. I fought the urge to flee from the car and find the nearest taxi to take me to the tour bus. It was stupid, being here with her.
April opened the car door and stepped out. I was frozen in place watching her round the car and open my door. “Get out.”
I listened, my heart pounding. This was it. She was going to tell me I was too much of a freak to be with her. I should’ve known this was going to happen. I couldn’t get close to anyone. Not that she even knew that much. Psycho.
When I stood, April stepped up on her toes and kissed me, so hard and fast I was momentarily confused. I’d thought she was about to tell me how worthless I was, and here she was kissing me instead. A beat later, I joined in, kissing her with all the confusion and hurt I thought I was about to have. I wrapped my hands in her hair, moving my lips with hers as she devoured me.
At some point, I realized tears were running from her eyes again. I pulled back, confusion on my face. What was happening? Was this her goodbye?
She shook her head, apparently reading my confusion. “I’ve never met anyone like you.” I watched as the tears dripped from her cheeks and hit my long-sleeved shirt. I was completely out of my element here.
“Why are you crying?”
“I’m falling for you. I’m terrified to tell you that, but I am. I know we don’t know each other that well, but what I saw today, Beau? I know I’m right about you. You’re selfless, thoughtful, and . . .”
“Fucked up,” I said, interrupting her. “You don’t want me, April. You deserve someone so much better than me.”
&nb
sp; Her forehead wrinkled as she processed my words. “Do you want me, Beau?”
Did I want her? My immediate answer was to tell her no, I didn’t want anyone. But I couldn’t force myself to say the words. “April . . .”
“Stop thinking so much.” April caressed my chest and up to my neck. “I’m offering myself to you. We can take it as slow as you want. I’m not scared of you, Beau. I’m not afraid of your past, who you are now or who you will be in the future. I see you, Beau Anderson. I. See. You.”
She didn’t see me. Not really. She saw what I wanted her to see, and she thought she liked me. But she didn’t know the darkness inside me. What I was. What ran through my veins. “I’m not worthy of you.”
“That’s not what I asked you,” she said. “The answer is simple. I already know it. I see it when you look at me, and I feel it when you touch me. When we kiss, Beau? It’s beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. Ever. The question is . . . will you admit it?”
“Why me?”
“Why you? Beau, why not you? When I’m around you, I feel alive. You make me smile. I think about you every second we aren’t together. When you touch me, I tingle from head to toe. When you watch me, even when you think I can’t see you, it’s like I’m floating on a cloud. You do all those things to me.”
Could I make someone feel that way? It seemed unfathomable to me. Could I admit it? She saw right through me. She was right. When I touched her, my head quieted. She was better than playing my drums. When her body pressed against mine? It energized me and made me feel like a man.
I thought of my mom, the woman who was supposed to teach me how to love, and Robyn, who I thought had shown me what it was like to have a girlfriend. Then I thought of Natalie and the love she’d shown to me our entire lives, and Bex, the woman who had no blood relation to me yet loved me like family. I’d been given more than a lot of other people had. The last sixteen years of my life had been better than my first twelve, hands down. Yet I still held on to that. I was still letting it rule me.
Snared (Jaded Regret #1) Page 11
