Beau
“I NEED YOU,” I said into the receiver.
“Are you okay?” Concern laced her voice, and I fucking hated it.
“Yes. Can you bring the band with you?”
“Okay,” Natalie said, uncertainty drawing out the sounds. “It’s probably a good idea anyway because they’re going batshit crazy worrying over you. I barely kept them away from April’s house last night. The only thing that stopped them was knowing Robbie needed to have time. We need to make a plan on when we’re returning home. Allan’s been on my ass to schedule some events in New York and LA, too, but I’m trying to put him off.”
“That’s going to have to wait. I’m not going to be traveling for a while. How soon do you think you can get over here?”
“Let me see what Bex and Johnny are up to. I’ll call you right back.” Natalie paused. “How are you doing, Beau? Really? And how’s Robbie?”
I was glad she’d given April and I last night and today with Robbie, especially after the crazy events of this morning. After we’d recovered from the near-fatal mistake I’d made with that comment, we’d settled in together quite well. I learned that Robbie loved hot dogs and hated peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
“He’s good. We had a few bumps, but things are great.”
“Great. And April?” My eyes slid over to the two of them, and my heart filled with pride.
April was in the kitchen showing Robbie how to make brownies. My heart tripped over itself as they both laughed. “Wonderful.” It was the only word I could think of to describe what was happening between us.
Natalie sighed. “God, I’m so happy I could burst. Let me round them up and we’ll be over as soon as we can.”
I hung up the phone and walked to the kitchen just as Robbie tasted the batter. He nodded, his eyes wide. “That’s so good! Can I eat more?”
“No.” April laughed. “You’re the taster. See how it has eggs in it? They aren’t cooked, so we can’t eat a lot of that.”
Robbie nodded, looking much younger than nine at that moment. “I’ve never made brownies before. I always thought they came in wrapped packages.” He laughed nervously.
“I love to bake, so you’re in the right place.” She turned and slid the pan into the oven. Robbie caught sight of me and smiled. It was almost like we hadn’t almost lost him a few hours ago from my stupid comment. I needed to be more careful with what I said and the way I said it. I had a child to think about now.
“Is the band coming over?” Robbie asked, sliding onto the barstool next to me.
I nodded. “Yes. They’re dying to spend time with you, now that you’re officially part of our family.”
Robbie jumped up and down a little. “That’s so cool. I mean, Jaded Regret is a big deal, right?”
I shrugged, trying to downplay it. “Well . . .”
“Uh, yes, they are.” April interrupted me. “They’re a huge deal. Your dad is part the hottest rock band in the country, if not the world.” She might’ve been exaggerating slightly, but it made my heart swell with pride.
“I want to listen to your songs,” Robbie said.
Little did he know he was going to live this life with us now. I wondered how I’d manage going on tour and making promotional stops with Robbie. It wasn’t like I could leave him. Who would I leave him with? We had no family, and the family I did have would be with me on tour. How would he go to school? I shook my head. I wasn’t equipped for this sort of thing. I tapped my fingers on the counter.
April covered my hands with hers, stopping my tapping. She eyed me but didn’t say anything. She was able to read me like Natalie did. I wasn’t sure if I loved it or hated it. “Of course you’ll hear all of their songs,” April answered for me. “You’re going to be around the band all the time now.”
I thought again of Robbie being around all of them. What would it be like to have him there? I mean, we’d barely adjusted to Bex and Johnny having two children, and Robbie was older.
“Do I get to go with you on tour?” Robbie’s question shifted my thinking and made me pay attention to my son.
“Well, I would think so. Where I go, you’re going to go. I’m not sure what all that looks like right now, but we’ll figure it out as we get to it.”
“I have a family,” he said. It was amazing how he could seem like a little boy and also like an adult within just a few seconds.
“Yes, you do,” April said.
“Robbie, you remember Bex and her husband Johnny.” Robbie nodded, smiling politely. For a kid who hadn’t had much of a childhood, he sure had great manners. My chest filled with pride as I watched him.
Bex put out her hand, and Robbie took it. “It’s so great to see you again, Robbie. These are my kids. Lennox, say hi to Robbie.”
Lennox smiled. “Hi, Robbie!”
Bex kissed Jaden on the forehead. “This is Jaden. He’s just a baby now, but he’ll be ready to run with you and Lennox very soon.”
Robbie looked back up at me and then back at Bex and the kids. I wondered what he was thinking. I watched Bex, thinking how different she was for the millionth time. Before Johnny and their kids, she would’ve never been crouched down talking to my child. My child. Even thinking that still sounded funny.
“Hey, buddy.” Johnny shook his hand and ruffled his hair. “You okay with being stuck with all of us?”
Robbie nodded. “Yes. It’s so cool that you’re my family.”
Johnny’s eyes met mine and he nodded. “That we are, Robbie. From here on out. You can come to us with anything. Got it?”
“Got it.” All of this was overwhelming for me, so God only knew where Robbie’s head was at.
“Welcome to the family.” Tanner stepped forward, also shaking Robbie’s hand. “You seem like a cool kid. Are you gonna let your dad teach you to drum? You know he’s like the drummer in all of rock music, right?”
Robbie’s mouth dropped slightly. “Really? Like the best one?”
Tanner crossed his arms over his chest. “Yes.”
“Wow,” Robbie whispered. “That’s super cool.”
Tanner leaned down and whispered something in Robbie’s ear. He beamed and nodded. As long as Tanner wasn’t giving him hints on how to get women, we’d be all good.
Everyone settled around the living room and kitchen area. Robbie and April offered the brownies they had made, and I watched every single one of them with Robbie. It was like he’d been here all along. Everyone made small talk, but I just sat and took it all in, trying to process everything that had happened over the last week. When I thought about the giant turn my life had taken, I almost couldn’t believe that it hadn’t been a dream.
Robbie shoved another brownie into his mouth, his face covered in the chocolate fudge he and April had spread over the top. I should probably stop him since I was now his dad and all that shit, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him to stop eating them. I might regret that later. April shifted her eyes from him to me, her eyes lingering on mine long enough to make desire flood though my body. I was sure she’d noticed me being quiet, but it wasn’t that anything was wrong. I was just taking it all in and trying to memorize every detail of my new life.
“Here, Lennox! Want another brownie?” Lennox turned her big eyes on Robbie. She’d taken to him immediately, not leaving his side since the band had arrived fifteen minutes ago. Jaden sat happily in Bex’s lap, watching the two children.
“Wait, Robbie.” April said. “Let’s ask Lennox’s mommy if she can have more.” Oops. Yeah. I guessed I had a lot to learn about parenting. Thank God April was here.
“It’s okay,” Bex said. “One more, Lennox. That’s all. I don’t want you to get a stomach ache.” The little girl nodded in agreement.
April was here. We were in her house. But we had to leave to go home, and we wouldn’t be here anymore. What would that mean for April and me? What did I want it to mean? Panic shot through my body as I thought about doing this without her, and I didn’t
just mean parenting Robbie.
Life. How would I do life without her now?
I didn’t want to.
But what should I do about that?
I loved her. She loved me. But her life was here. Her job. Her parents. Would she want to give it all up to be the girlfriend of a drummer who spent a good portion of his life on the road?
I had to talk to her about that before we thought about heading home, but I wanted to make sure I had it straight in my head what I wanted.
My heart knew already.
I wanted her to come with me, but was I asking too much? Our relationship was still so young and fragile. Hell, what she’d been through already with me should count for some major relationship points, right?
All you can do is ask. The worst thing she can say is no.
What if she did say no? What if she wasn’t ready to make that commitment yet? Well, I wouldn’t blame her if she wasn’t. It was huge of me to ask her to do any of this with me.
But she’d said she loved me, too.
You’re an amazing man, Beau Anderson. I love you. I smiled. I loved her voice in my head. For so long, the only voice in my head had been one of pain and anguish. This time, it was one of love and acceptance. April’s soft, soothing voice had taken the place of the angry, abusive one that had haunted me for years.
“Beau.” Natalie’s voice broke into my thoughts. The whole band was watching me. Were they afraid of what I would do?
“I’m just thinking,” I said to them. “Can you guys not look at me like I’m a freak show?”
“We aren’t, Beau,” Bex said gently. “We want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m more than okay.” I put my arm around April’s shoulders. “I promise.”
They nodded and didn’t question me any further. I knew I’d scared the hell out of them, and they’d be like this for a while, but I would have to accept it. I’d done this to myself so it would come with the territory.
“I’m having the things picked up from Beats today. I’m putting them in storage at home until we can figure out where all of it is going to go.” Bex looked at me. “Are you ready to go home, Beau?”
I was afraid to see the expression on April’s face, so I avoided her gaze. “I am. More than ready.”
Bex’s eyes shifted to Robbie and then back to me with a silent question. I nodded. “I have to make sure I’m allowed to take Robbie out of the county.”
“It’ll be fine,” April said. “I can transfer the case down there. It’ll be a formality now since you’re his father, and you’re taking custody.”
“So we can go whenever we’re ready?” Bex asked April.
“Yes. Robbie will be free to go back home with you.” April didn’t look at me and my heart dropped. What did that mean?
“What do you think, Beau?” Natalie asked, noticing the shift in the room.
What did I think? I had no idea. Here I was, in the house of the woman I loved, talking about going back to my home which was hours away. I should’ve talked to her about this before.
I had to be a man. I had to show her exactly what I wanted and stand up for it right here and now, in front of everyone.
“I need to talk to April first before I decide.” I shifted my gaze so I could see her face. Her mouth was slightly agape and her eyes were wide. I guess she hadn’t expected me to say something in front of them. “You guys are welcome to go home any time you want. I’m fine. I appreciate every single one of you being here at the lowest point in my life. But something crazy happened while I was . . . well, being crazy.” I paused.
“My life changed a few months ago,” I continued, knowing I was telling the band but wanting April to know, too. “I met the most incredible woman. I didn’t think I ever wanted to be in love, but she showed me otherwise. She makes me want to be a better person, and she shows me a side of myself I didn’t know existed.” I swallowed, refusing to break my gaze from April’s, though my inclination was to shy away from anything that made me feel like my chest was ripping open. “She’s stuck by me even when it was scary and hard. I love her. The craziest part of it is that she loves me, too.”
I heard Natalie crying again, but I couldn’t stop looking at April. Tears shimmered in her eyes as I declared my love for her in front of my family. I didn’t want her to think that me wanting to go home was in any way a reflection of my lack of feelings for her.
“To be honest, I have no idea which way is up right now,” I said. “Having Robbie is something I never anticipated, but I know now I was meant to be his dad.” I felt Robbie lean his head against my arm, and I wrapped it around him, my eyes still locked on April. “I love you, April. I don’t know what you want or where we go from here. Your life is here, and I know this is a private conversation, and I’m sorry. I would never ask you to give up everything for me, but I want this. I want us. I know you and I need to figure out what we do from here, but I wanted you to know how I felt.”
She nodded, tears spilling down her cheeks. Johnny and Tanner were silent while Natalie and Bex sniffled. This was also new for Bex, who had only begun showing emotion like this in the last few years. Lennox had gone to her mom’s lap, worried about what was happening. Bex stroked her back.
“I want this, too. The rest we can figure out.” She leaned over and nestled into my neck. I could feel her tears against my skin. I had my whole world right here in my arms. I could die a happy man.
Bex sniffled. “Damn. Why did you have to make me cry and shit, Beau? Come on, now.” We all laughed, lightening the mood.
“Right? Who is this guy and what has he done with Beau?” Tanner joined in. “But, man, it’s all awesome. I know I give you shit, but you know I love ya, man. It’s good to see you happy. You deserve it.”
The band was going to start heading home tomorrow, leaving Natalie and me behind to make sure things were set with Robbie. That gave me time to talk to April privately and figure out what we were doing. I never wanted her to regret making a decision she made in regards to me, so giving us the time to think it through made me much more confident.
“We’ll see you at home.” Bex hugged me goodbye. “Bring her home with you,” she whispered into my ear.
I nodded. “I’m going to try.”
“You’re a good dad. It’s all going to be great having Robbie around. He’s a good boy, and we will all be there for anything he—or you—needs.” Bex grabbed Lennox’s hand and walked to the door.
“Thanks.” My throat was too thick to say anything else.
“See you soon,” Johnny said, smacking my back. “Get your girl, Beau. Believe me when I say it’s amazing.”
“I know. Thanks, Johnny.”
Tanner followed, shaking my hand and wiggling his eyebrows at April behind us. I laughed and shoved him out the door, shutting it behind him.
“Robbie,” Natalie said. “I had an idea. Would you like to go shopping with me and pick out some clothes and shoes? Plus, we need to decide what your room is going to be like at home if you want to find some ideas.”
Robbie looked over at me, and I nodded. “Sure! That sounds fun.”
Natalie met my gaze, and I mouthed thank you. She nodded, grabbing Robbie’s hand and heading for the door. The second the door clicked shut, I pulled April to me and held her, our hearts the only part of us talking.
April tipped her face back to look into mine. “Robbie did well with everyone. He’s not going to have any trouble fitting right in at home.” At home. She didn’t say your home or my home. Or our home. Just home. What did that mean?
I nodded. “I’m proud of him. He scared the hell out of me today, but I’m glad he was able to get it back together after we talked.”
“He wants to be loved,” she explained. “Once he understood, he forgot about it quickly. I wish I could say it would be the last of that, but you need to be prepared that it won’t.”
“I need to get him in to see a children’s therapist at home.” I’d ask Dr. Mia for a good
kid’s therapist.
“Probably would be good for the two of you to go together as well.” Would she want to go with us? Was that too presumptuous to ask? Would she even be with us, or would we try a long distance relationship?
“Good idea.” I brushed my lips against hers. She sighed, melting her body back into mine as our tongues twisted in a sensual dance. God, I loved this woman. “I love you,” I said against her lips.
“I love you, too. Are you okay today?” She’d watched me this morning taking my arsenal of medication. I’d tried to hide it but she’d stopped me, telling me not to be embarrassed about it.
I’m nervous as hell to have this conversation with you. “Yes, thank you. I am. I feel better than I have in a long time.”
She stared at me, waiting. Did she read my mind? Probably. She was getting rather good at it. My arms were clasped behind her back, and we were pressed together, our hearts beating in tandem with each other. “What is it?”
“We need to talk,” I said. Her face dropped, and she stepped back from me. I hated I made her feel this way. “Nothing is bad, April. Come on, let’s go in the living room.” I held her hand as we walked together into the living room, settling on the couch.
“I’m scared,” she admitted.
“I’m not trying to scare you. I just want us to be on the same page as far as what we want to do now. I meant every word I said earlier. I want you to be a part of my life. But never, ever would I ask you to give up everything to come with me. This is your home. You’ve built your life here, and your family is here. That being said, I can’t live in Orlando. My band’s home is a few hours from here, and we are on the road a lot. So my question then is, do you want to date long distance and try to see each other as much as possible?”
April twisted her fingers together, looking down as I finished talking. “Beau, answer me something.”
“Anything.”
“If we lived in the same town and this was a non-issue, what would you want to have happen now?”
Snared (Jaded Regret #1) Page 24
