by Deena Bright
Gavin met us in the courthouse foyer with a grim and angry look on his face. “Bad news guys,” he said, shaking Jasper’s hand.
“We just got here. How can there be bad news already?” Jasper asked, taking the words right out of my mouth.
“Marcus didn’t show… and… he’s not coming. His lawyer said that Marcus isn’t agreeing to any of the terms we requested,” Professor Greenwick explained. “His lawyer rescheduled for four weeks from today.”
“Four weeks? I just want this over,” I whined, getting even more pissed at Marcus, the jitbag.
“It’s a delay tactic. It’s a common practice in divorce cases. I’m sorry, Janelle,” Gavin said. I wasn’t even asking for hardly anything. I wanted sole custody of our dog Gatsby and 50% of the sale of the house. That was all I wanted. I didn’t even want anything inside our house. How could he possibly be delaying this?
The four of us went to a small Italian restaurant in a strip mall once we left the courthouse. We were on our second bottle of wine, when my phone alerted me to a text message. I slid the lock over and saw a message from Briggs.
BRIGGS: I need to go to Ohio State now for a few meetings. Taking Tate with me. Meyer wants to meet him. Hope things went good with court. You single now? See you tomorrow. Love you.
Then another message came immediately after the first. Also from Briggs.
BRIGGS: So yeah I hit send before thinking. I love hanging out with you. Hope ur not freaked.
What the fuck did that mean? My head was going a mile a minute. Did he or did he not just tell me that he loved me? Or did he immediately just retract it? Why was he going to Ohio State? I had a zillion questions, yet I couldn’t ask any of them. I ended up just sending him a text back.
JANELLE: Ok. See you tomorrow. Say hi to Tate.
I figured we’d just talk about it tomorrow. Or we wouldn’t. I didn’t know, but I did know that in one day, I’d been stood up by Marcus and Briggs while Leo was in Arizona with his sister. Seemed like I couldn’t pay a guy to want to hang out with me.
YES, I SAID July 18th. It has been five, yes five days, since my court hearing and since Briggs canceled on me. Leo’s been gone the entire time in Arizona. I’d texted Leo a few times, but I only got short, impersonal messages back. Briggs? I didn’t even know what was going on with him. As soon as he got back from Ohio State last Friday, he said that he and Tate were going to Connecticut and that he’d tell me everything when he got home. I’d wanted Briggs to take more of an interest in his brother’s life, but I suppose I didn’t want to take a back seat to all the time he was spending with his brother now. Plus, we needed to discuss that whole “love ya” statement and retraction.
Admittedly, I’d spent the last five days, mopey and irritable. Even Char had been too busy to hang out. Apparently, it was a buyers’ market again in real estate. Honestly, I was bored, reading books every day nonstop does get a little old, especially if there isn’t anyone to role play all the kinky sex scenes with.
I’d made plans to have dinner with Vivian and Sarah, who by the way, were going strong. At dinner, they were all over each other, holding hands, massaging each other’s necks and shoulders, everything. I wasn’t at all bothered by their public displays of affection. I was happy for them. What didn’t make me happy was that I didn’t have someone to fondle, to caress, or to whisper little inside jokes to throughout the entire meal. How could I have two guys, vying for my attention and affection, and still feel lonely and depressed? I wasn’t one of those girls who needed a boyfriend. I could function and survive happily without a man. Couldn’t I? It was ridiculous that I felt like this, absurd really.
Vivian and Sarah were going to a movie after dinner. I opted out, wanting to go home and soak in my tub before going to bed. When I got home, Briggs was pulling into my driveway at the same time I was. My heart fluttered and my stomach flipped. It was obvious that I had real feelings for him, feelings that went beyond sexual attraction and mutual fondness. I knew I was in love with him. I was pretty sure that he was in love with me, too. I just wasn’t ready to make that final leap, take the final step and actually tell him so.
Briggs opened my car door, when I killed the engine, “Babe, I missed you,” he said, taking my hand as I got out of the car. We began walking toward the pool house, hand-in-hand, but he stopped abruptly in his tracks and turned toward me. “I can’t even wait to get inside,” he said, kissing me deeply. Our tongues began their familiar dance around each other’s mouths; it’d been too long since I tasted him. Every time he kissed me, the taste and sensation were better than the last. Would it always get better and better? I didn’t know how it could, but couldn’t wait to find out.
As Briggs kissed my neck, trailing his tongue along my collarbone, he said, “We need a new strip of paper out of my birthday jar… like now.”
“Agreed,” I said, pulling away and jumping on his back. “Pronto!”
LYING ON MY bed, sharing a bottled water, I asked, “So, are you going to tell me where you’ve been and what you’ve been doing for the last week?”
“Five days, and of course I’m going to tell you,” he said, finishing off the last drink in the bottle. “But not yet. I can’t. It’s a surprise. I’ll know everything on Thursday.”
“Thursday? That’s forever away! What’s it have to do with?” I probed.
“Not going there,” he said, shaking his head.
“I think you’re forgetting how truly persuasive I can be,” I said, sucking his finger into my mouth, swirling my tongue around it.
“I’m not telling you,” he said, removing his finger from my mouth. Just as I was about to persuade him even more, my phone alerted me to a text message. “Ahhh saved by the bell,” he said, laughing as he handed me my phone.
“Most people would consider that a cock-block,” I joked, snatching the phone from his hand. “It’s Leo.”
“Great,” he said. “Talk about a cock-block.”
I read Leo’s message.
LEO: I’m taking the redeye home on Friday night. I’ll get home around 8:00 a.m. Saturday morning. Will you pick me up at the Cleveland airport? I’d love to spend the day with you.
JANELLE: Of course. How’s Megan? What do you want to do Saturday? Can you call me later tonight? I miss your voice.
LEO: I’ll call in an hour. Tell Briggs to go home. J/K. Can you just surprise me? She’s the same.
“Janelle, are you any closer to making a decision?” Briggs asked. Briggs never brought up the big choice, the final outcome. It was almost an unspoken thing with us. I looked up, and he’d clearly been looking over my shoulder, reading along with me. “Are you?”
“Sure, I’ve pretty much… narrowed it down… to either you… or Leo,” I said, trying to lighten his mood, make him laugh.
“I’m serious,” he said, staring at me intently.
“I think so,” I admitted. “But, it’s just going to suck… for me… and for… just for everyone.”
“It ain’t going to suck for the one who gets you,” he said, wrapping his arms around me. “So, you miss him? Even when you’ve been here all night with me?”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I just miss… I miss seeing him. Being with… around him,” I confessed.
“Alright. Well, I’m going to get going,” he said, letting me go and getting up off the bed.
“Hey, that’s not fair. You asked,” I said, feeling guilty and kind of betrayed.
“I know I did, but I still have to go.”
“Briggs, that’s not fair. I didn’t mean to piss you off… or hurt your feelings,” I lamented.
“Babe, I’m stronger than that. I can handle a little competition. But I do have to go,” he said as he slipped into his shorts. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
I SPENT THE whole flight home trying to sleep, but going back and forth worrying about Megan and thinking about Janelle. I needed to come back home for the week to finalize some things at work. I told Megan that I’d be bac
k next weekend. I just hoped that she’d—I couldn’t go there, couldn’t think about that right now. Right now, I needed to focus on my job and on Janelle, at least get a few things situated.
When the plane touched down in Cleveland, I felt a flicker of excitement, happiness, feelings that had not run too rampantly in Arizona. I’d spent a lot of alone time with Megan, but also made sure that I took Austin and Avery away for a bit. I wanted Cliff and Megan to have as much alone time as they needed. I didn’t want them to have any regrets of things left unsaid or unfelt. Cliff was starting to fall apart. I was glad that I got to be there for him and help out. He was a good guy and a great husband for my sister.
At night, Austin and Avery brought their blankets and pillows into the den and slept on the floor at the foot of the hospital bed that had been set up in their den. When I was little, I used to get scared in the middle of the night. I hated seeing the lights on the walls and ceiling when a car turned down our road. The lights reflected on my mirror. They always looked like little ghosts flying all over my bedroom. Instead of running all the way downstairs to my parents’ bedroom, I’d bring my blanket and pillow and sleep on Megan’s floor. I always felt safe around her. She was my big sister and could protect me from my fears and nightmares. Seeing the kids sleeping on the floor reminded me of how little anyone could protect us from anything real that actually scared us.
It killed me, was literally destroying me, that I couldn’t fix this, helping all of them at once. Megan couldn’t get up and down the stairs; it was too exhausting for her to climb even one flight of stairs. A hospital bed was brought in and put directly into the den. Cliff moved a recliner in too, so he could sleep next to his wife and hold her hand throughout the night. Seeing my sister’s entire family squeezed into a tiny den to steal as many moments as they could together tore me apart and shattered my heart. That kind of love, that kind of devotion, really puts things into perspective.
My mom and dad were already in the air en route to Arizona. The plan was for them to fly out on the day I got back, so someone was with Megan at all times. Granted, Cliff, Avery, and Austin were with her nonstop, but we needed to be with her, too. I booked another flight to Arizona for next Friday night after work. Work would understand. They couldn’t fault me for this. Family was always more important that finances. Anyone who didn’t know that was a total dumbass.
As I rode the escalator down to the baggage claim, I laughed when I saw her. Janelle was holding a sign that read: “Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?” Janelle was beautiful—even when she wasn’t trying. She just had on black shorts and a pink and black striped tank top with her hair in a ponytail. She was naturally adorable.
Janelle walked over to me, grinning ear-to-ear. “I missed you, Leo,” she said, leaping into my arms. “I’m so glad you called me. I was really worried that I’d never talk to you again.” I marveled at how much this one person, this perfect woman, could lift my spirits, making me forget my problems.
“I missed you too,” I admitted. My every thought was either consumed with Megan or Janelle. “So what did you plan for us to do today?”
“Well, I did plan something,” she said. “But are you tired? Do you just want to go home and sleep for a bit?”
“No way, I slept the entire flight home,” I lied. I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to be alone. Being alone meant I had to think. Thinking meant that I had to worry about Megan, visualize the things Briggs did to Janelle when I wasn’t around, and wonder what was going to happen to Avery and Austin after Megan—
“Good, because Operation Leo Fun starts right now,” she said, dancing around me, looking absolutely adorable and so full of life.
When Janelle veered onto the causeway leading to Cedar Point, I couldn’t believe it. I hadn’t been to Cedar Point since my advanced physics class took a field trip during my senior year. I’d heard they’d added four roller coasters since then—ones I’d wanted to ride.
“I’ve never been on a roller coaster,” she stated, glancing over at me as she drove.
“For real?” I asked, surprised.
“Yep, too afraid,” she replied. “But I figured if you’re facing the scariest thing that anyone could ever imagine, then I could ride a silly little roller coaster.”
Janelle and I hadn’t really talked about Megan. Janelle followed my lead. She never pried, never forced me to talk, but always made it clear that she was ready to listen whenever I was ready to talk. Before I could stop myself, I blurted, “Things like that… when you talk like that… that’s what made me fall in love with you years ago.”
I watched as she gripped the steering wheel a little harder, as her eyes widened, and as her breath caught. “Oh yeah,” was all she said.
“Yep, February of my senior year.”
“You know the month, Leo?” she said, smiling. I realized that she thought I was kidding. “At least you’re saying these sweet things to me now. Last time I saw you, you were telling me that you couldn’t see me anymore,” she said, not looking at me.
Avoiding that comment, I said, “Lizzy Sullivan.”
“Lizzy Sullivan? What about her?” she asked.
“That’s when I fell in love with you and realized that I wasn’t going to settle for someone who didn’t have a heart like yours,” I explained.
“Leo, I’m clever and quite the puzzle-solver, but I’ve got no fucking clue what you’re talking about,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.
“I missed a test in your class when I was on a Miami college visit. We’d spent two days in Oxford, so I missed The Canterbury Tales exam,” I explained. I leaned forward and turned down the radio. How could someone listen to so much Air Supply? I remembered my dad calling Air Supply, “Air-cidal,” because listening to it made you want to kill yourself or someone else.
I continued once the radio was low enough to talk. “I had to make the test up during your free period. We were alone in your room,” I recalled, remembering the incident clearly. “Lizzy came in crying hysterically.”
“You were there? I don’t even remember you being there,” she admitted.
“I was there, and witnessed the entire thing, which is when I knew how special your heart was and if I couldn’t have it, then I was going to find one just like it,” I vowed.
“Leo, that’s… that’s… wow,” she said, looking straight at the road.
I was taking the test, probably the easiest test Janelle had given us that year. I’d been done for a while, but I didn’t want to go back to study hall, so I faked like I was still working. Janelle had a skirt on that day, and she was sitting on her tall stool, looking over the papers on her podium. Her legs were incredible, so when she wasn’t watching me, I was staring at her legs, hoping her skirt would ride further up her thighs. Janelle had slipped her one shoe off and was dangling it rhythmically and methodically on the end of her toe. Between her legs and her stockinged feet, I was mesmerized and pretty hard.
At that point in the school year, I was already crushing on her pretty badly—everyone was. My feelings for her were pretty prominent, but when Lizzy walked in crying uncontrollably, I was done. I was head over heels in love with Janelle Garrity. Lizzy found out that morning that she was six weeks pregnant. Her boyfriend didn’t want her to keep the baby. Lizzy was torn and in total turmoil. I remembered thinking it was strange that she’d go to a teacher for guidance and support. Didn’t we have counselors for that sort of thing? I also couldn’t figure out why Lizzy hadn’t gone straight to her parents for help.
Janelle listened to her and then did the one thing that made me fall in love with her so long ago. Janelle started crying too. She held Lizzy in her arms, and they both cried together. Janelle promised Lizzy that she’d go with her to tell her parents. Lizzy walked in Janelle’s room a hot mess and walked out scared, but with a renewed sense of confidence and possible hope for the future.
Watching her drive, I realized that she was still that same person, the one who wanted to help ev
eryone, protect people from the hardships in life. “You’re incredible,” I said. “I’m sorry I was so wrong… so hurtful last week.”
“Oh my God, you certainly don’t have to apologize to me. You’ve been so kind and so patient with me… while you’ve been dealing with all this shit too,” she said.
“You didn’t deserve the way I acted or how I talked to you; I’m so sorry, Janelle,” I repeated.
Janelle took her hand off the wheel and placed it on my thigh. “No more serious talk; we’re ruining Operation Leo Fun.”
Janelle was the perfect amusement park date. It was like she regressed twenty years when we entered the park. She was like a child, wanting to ride everything and play all the games. I could hardly keep up with her. Her excitement and verve for fun was contagious. Watching her down an entire fried cheese on a stick was the highlight of the day. Girls didn’t eat junk food like that, but she put it away like it was a bite-sized cracker. I got her on most of the roller coasters. Janelle held onto me and squealed during each ride. I loved watching her face light up; I loved watching her relish the enjoyment that the park offered. But most importantly, I loved her.
After the park closed, she told me that she had a surprise for me. We drove over to the hotel that bordered the park. She’d booked us a room for the night, so we could hideaway for just one more day. It was thoughtful. She’d even brought some clothes to change into and toiletries for me to use.
“I’ll pay you back,” I offered. The tickets and hotel were astronomical. I couldn’t let her buy me clothes too.
“You will not. Plus, since Jasper’s been hoarding money away for me, I’m practically loaded… for a school teacher,” she joked. We checked into the hotel, went to our room, and threw our stuff on the bed. Then, Janelle said, “Come on, let’s go.”
