“I don’t think he’s that way now,” I said. “Besides I’m not that way and he knows me.”
“Good, as long as you can take care of yourself.” Sometimes he sounded more like Mama than Mama. And I could take care of myself. I knew all of the rules that had been preached better than I knew the Pledge of Allegiance: Stay in a group, don’t drink anything (like a Coke) unless you open it and fix it yourself, and on top of that, act like a lady. I kept thinking about those rules that my mother had stressed and I could not help but wonder again why everyone didn’t have rules.
When I got there, I stayed in a group. That wasn’t hard because it was in a mobile home that belonged to one of Red’s friends, a guy named Dwayne who clearly was from the shady side of the lake. The room had thick red carpet, heavy Spanish looking chairs and a sofa, mirrored tiles on one wall and a Playmate pinup on the door leading to the kitchen. I looked at the mirrored wall and from that angle, I could survey the group. The only people that I knew other than Red and Bobby were Beatrice and Mark Fuller who were sitting in one of the chairs together. I was the only girl in a dress; everyone else was in jeans, Red included, and I felt very conspicuous and out of place. I looked like I was on my way to revival and everyone else was going on a hayride. I was thinking that Bobby must be feeling just as uncomfortable as I did but he was talking to Tom and some other guys from his class. Then, Buffy and Nancy came in and for the first time, I was glad to see them. They had on dresses, too.
“What’s the matter?” Red asked and at first I thought that he was still talking to Dwayne.
“I feel sort of dressed up.”
“Don’t worry about it.” He put his arm around me. “You look great.” He pulled me closer than he had at the lake that day and I was all scrunched up against his chest. He had on a white Izod that made him look more like Bobby and his crew than like his friend Dwayne, who was wearing a filthy workshirt, and I could not help but wonder if Red always dressed that way or if he had done it for me. I liked to think that he had spent as much time as I had getting ready. He pulled me towards the kitchen where some people were dipping this stuff out of a trash can and drinking it.
“What’s that?” I asked when Dwayne started laughing and spit a purple mouthful on another boy’s shirt.
“Little bit of everything. Want to try it?” Red was pulling me through all the people and one girl, Beatrice’s friend, was swaying back and forth with her eyes closed and sloshed some of her stuff right down the front of my dress. My mother was going to die when she saw it, and worse, when she smelled it.
“No one will notice.” Red was scooping me a cupful.
Never drink something at a party unless you fix it yourself. I had remembered another one. “Don’t you want it?” Red was whispering in my neck and his grip got firmer around my waist.
“I can’t,” I blurted and he gave me an odd look so I had to think of something fast. “I’d much rather have a Tom Collins.” I had never had one before but I had heard of it and it was the first thing that came to mind. Pat Reeves had told me once that he liked Tom Collins’. He had even mixed me one one time but I didn’t drink it. I had already decided that I was going to drink this one. Red maneuvered us over to the counter and I watched him mix it about half and half and the first swallow made my whole face pucker. After that it was easy and I felt like talking. I pushed my way back through to find Bobby just so he’d know that I was having a little drink and that there was nothing to worry about. Actually, I wanted his approval which I did not get because he was standing in the hallway with Nancy Carson and they were whispering what seemed to be serious things. Bobby was drinking some of that purple stuff and that was all I needed to see. Everything was just fine.
Red waved from across the room. “How did you get away so fast?” He was pushing through to where I was. I waved and stood waiting for him to get there.
“Hi Jo. Didn’t know you were here.” Beatrice was standing right beside me. “I’m really surprised to see you down here.” She kept staring at me and her eyes looked funny. “Where’s the rest of your little crew?” Mark Fuller was right beside her and he was staring, too, first at my calves and then at my chest. I didn’t have anything to say and just stood uncomfortably while Mark and Beatrice continued their perusal.
“Hey, I better hold on to you, not gonna let you get away again.” Red put his arm around me and I was so relieved to see him. “Do you know Beatrice and Mark?”
“We’re in the same class,” Beatrice said. “We just never see each other. We used to.”
“Hey, Red, let’s go outside for a minute,” Mark said and tossed his long hair towards the door. “Your little girl will be fine with Beatrice.”
“Maybe later.” Red gripped me tighter.
“Yeah,” Beatrice said and rubbed her hands up and down the front of Mark Fuller’s shirt and then down around his thighs. “Besides, if you’re going to smoke a joint, I’m going, too. I bought the stuff, you know.”
“That’s not it,” he said and grinned at Red. “I need to talk to Red about something, something private, you know?” He was staring at Red now and he was so ugly that I couldn’t bear to look at him. “Come on, Red. She ain’t gonna disappear.” He leaned right in my face. “Poof!” he said and I looked away. I told Red that I didn’t mind, even though I did, just so Mark Fuller would leave.
“I’ll just be a minute,” Red whispered and kissed me on the cheek. Then I watched him push back through the crowd of people with Mark Fuller right behind him.
“So, what have you been doing, Beatrice?”
“The same,” she said and stepped closer. “I didn’t know you dated Red.”
“This is the first time.” I looked around but I didn’t see Bobby anywhere.
“God, he’ll be right back,” Beatrice said and laughed. “What’s in the cup? Kool-Aid?”
“I see you’re still dating Mark,” I said because I couldn’t think of anything else.
“Yeah.” She laughed again. “Remember when you had a crush on Mark?” I nodded and it made me cringe to think that I ever had, that she would even remind me. “Of course, I’d never tell him that,” she continued. “He might have a thing about cheerleaders.”
“It’s obvious that he’s crazy about you,” I said which wasn’t obvious but again, I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“I think so,” she said. “Red acts like he’s got the hots for you, too. Of course, that’s how Red is. Everybody loves him.”
I was trying to figure out exactly what she meant by that when Red and Mark came back by way of the kitchen. Red handed me a new cup. “Your brother’s got a heavy duty conversation going on out on the steps.”
“So?” I asked and had to look directly at Red because Mark and Beatrice were staring at me again.
“Thought you’d like to know.” He laughed. “She watches out for big brother.”
“That’s the cheerleader for you,” Beatrice said and stepped closer to Red. “You know you’re out with the chief, don’t you?” She wrapped her hand around the back of Red’s neck and pulled him closer.
“The chief, huh?” He looked at me and smiled. “That’s real good.”
“Yeah, listen to this.” Beatrice got her other hand around Mark Fuller and pulled him in close to her other side. “All you have to say, Red, is you can do it, you can do it, you can, you can, and she probably will!” Beatrice did not look at me once during all of that. Then, she let go of Red and wrapped both of her arms around Mark Fuller and pulled him towards one of the chairs.
“Let’s go in here.” Red took my arm and started pushing our way back towards the kitchen. I looked into those mirrored tiles and I could still see Beatrice, her head thrown back, laughing, and she was chanting, “Team’s gettin’ ready, gettin’ red hot. You get it?” she yelled and leaned into Mark, “Red hot, she’s gettin’ Red hot!”
Red must have heard her, too. “She’s a little messed up,” he said when we finally got to the kitchen. The only person
in the kitchen was Dwayne and he was stretched out on the floor right beside the trash can. Red hopped up on the counter.
“I’ve never seen her that way,” I said and tried not to look at Dwayne.
“She’s almost always that way.” He pulled me over to where I was standing directly in front of him and he wrapped his legs around the back of my knees.
“I can’t believe it. She’s so different.” I stared out the window where I could see a pier stretching out into the lake like a long black line.
“That’s what drugs will do,” he said and smoothed my hair. “That’s what I like about you. You’re so different from the other girls.” He had his hands cupped around my face. “You don’t even drink, do you?”
“Well, I am tonight.” Seeing Beatrice had made that little light-headed feeling go away and I wished that I could get it back.
“Yeah, but you’re different.” He took my cup and stretched across the counter to get two of the bottles beside the sink. “Sort of old fashioned in a nice way.” The countertop was white with little gold specks and none of the specks formed any kind of pattern. They were just there and I was just there and didn’t know what to do. It seemed like a good time to tell Red about all of the things I liked to think about, the old songs, a ballerina skirt, but then, that didn’t even seem important. He apologized for leaving me alone with Beatrice; he told me the truth, that Mark had wanted him to go out and smoke a joint, to talk about how Mark was getting sick of Beatrice. And, he told me that he didn’t, that he never would have done anything to make me feel uncomfortable, that he never would have done anything to change what we had going. His legs were wrapped around me again and his hands were on my shoulders, his face was getting closer and closer; the words “what we had going” going round and round in my mind. I kept sipping that drink, never moving the cup away from my mouth until he did it for me.
The next thing that I knew, it was after twelve and we were sitting out on the pier where it was cool and we kept kissing and I kept holding my crinkled up Dixie cup. I felt so safe and lazy that I probably would have stayed there forever except that Bobby would be worried about me and it was Red, not me, who said that it was time for him to walk me down to the Pittmans’. The lake looked so different at night, so dark; it looked larger. “It seems so much bigger at night,” I whispered.
“What?”
“Bigger, the lake looks so much bigger.” I looked at him and squeezed his hand, wanting him to stop and just sit down on the shore with me.
“Time for you to get some sleep,” he said. “I’ve already kept you out too late.”
“No, no you haven’t, but it does look bigger, you know?” I wanted to stop talking but I couldn’t; I wanted to find a way to ask when I would see him again, if I would ever see him again, but we were there.
“Hey, Bobby,” Red said real loud and I looked up to see Bobby and Nancy sitting in the Pittmans’ swing. “Hope I didn’t keep your little sis up too late.” He didn’t even kiss me good night, just held my hand and winked at me. I realized that he wanted Bobby’s approval as much as I did; he didn’t want me to get in trouble for being late. He understood all of that; he understood my rules. He had even said that that’s what made me so different.
Bobby didn’t have much to say so I went on inside and watched Red from the window. I watched until he got smaller and smaller and when he was midget size, he turned and went back to where the party had been.
“Looks like you had a good time.” Buffy was sitting on the couch, drinking a beer and flipping through a Glamour magazine with her long glazed nails pausing gracefully over the pages. “You better not take Red too seriously.”
“We’re just friends.” I felt funny even talking to Buffy. She was Bobby’s age; she was older and she made me feel very young, very unattractive. Her long black hair was perfect and mine, when I caught a glimpse of myself in the window, was flat on top and frizzy on the sides from when I had gotten so hot in that trailer. The little bit of mascara that I had so carefully applied was under my eyes.
“Sure,” she said, “that’s what I thought when I first fell for Red.” She tossed back her hair and sipped her beer. “You better watch out that’s all I’ve got to say.” She was doing it again and what could I say? “You’re jealous. It’s your fault you let it get hot and heavy. You don’t know what you’re talking about.” But, I said nothing because that was the best way, the easiest way. As it turned out, I didn’t have time to say anything anyway because Bobby and Nancy came into the room.
“Ready, Buff?” Nancy asked and leaned against the doorway. Bobby could not take his eyes off of her and I noticed in him a weakness that I had never seen before. He looked as helpless as Pat Reeves so often looked, a look that I could not imagine ever seeing on Red’s face.
“I’ve been ready.” Buffy stood up. She tossed the magazine and when it slid to the floor she didn’t even bother to pick it up. She was just that cool.
“You don’t have to go,” Bobby said. “Bruce isn’t home, yet.”
“I’m so tired,” Nancy said. “And I know that Buffy is, aren’t you?” Buffy nodded and Bobby seemed to shrink back. “It’s been so good to see you, Bob.” Nancy kissed him quickly on the mouth and he bounced back, best all round as ever.
“Yeah, maybe we can get together again sometime when I come home.” Bobby shrugged. I was proud of him. He had bounced from beggar to nonchalant.
“Maybe,” Nancy said. “Buff and I are going back to Meredith in three weeks. I just can’t wait to get back.” That was a subtle punch in Bobby’s gut but he didn’t even blink.
“God, yes,” Buffy said. “You know it’s hard times when you go to a party like the one tonight. Talk about red-necks!”
“Amen!” Nancy said and for some reason I took it personally. I thought that Dwayne was a red-neck, too, but the remark was said to encompass Red and thus, to encompass me. It was like I wasn’t even there and I had to say something.
“Do Y’all know Sally?” I asked. “She just finished at Meredith.”
“Of course we do,” Buffy whispered. “I had to talk to her most of the evening while I waited on my friend.” She punched Nancy in the arm. “She’s weird,” Buffy mouthed to me and Nancy laughed. “Amen!”
“Your sister’s cute, Bobby,” Buffy said and walked onto the porch. “You better give her a good talk about you know who.”
Nancy looked at me and smiled as though she were on my side and then she mussed Bobby’s hair like he might be four years old. “See ya, Bob.” He looked four years old and I watched him watch her and listen to the shrill girlish laughter that followed them to Nancy’s car and then stopped suddenly with the closing of the door.
“I’m tired,” I said, hoping that Bobby would say the same. Already there had been too long a delay in being able to think over my night.
“She’s something, isn’t she?” Bobby asked and shook his head.
“She sure is,” I agreed, knowing that Bobby would take that the way that he wanted it to be.
“Did you have fun?” He was still staring out the window to where he had been sitting on the porch.
“Yeah,” I said, “Red is really a nice person.”
“Well, just watch out.” He turned from the window. “You know he’s got quite a reputation.”
“No, I didn’t,” I said, knowing that Bobby had been spurred on by everything that Buffy had to say. Buffy never should have let the situation get out of control. No, I was different and Red could see that. Red could protect me and I would be perfectly safe with him.
“Well, he does,” Bobby said. “I think he’s sort of crazy.”
“That’s what Buffy and Nancy say,” I said. “But he’s not that way. You didn’t think so, either, until you started listening to them.”
“I hope you’re right,” he said and got that stern look on his face. “Just be careful.” I wanted to say “you be careful, beggarman, fool” but I didn’t because I love Bobby, because I didn
’t want him to tell that I came in late, because now I had a cause, a reason to do whatever I did. Red was different from what Bobby said and I’d have to prove it. There was no need to tell anyone or even try to explain because time would explain for me. Red didn’t want anything to mess up what we had going; we had something going and it was going to be perfect.
“Don’t worry, Bobby,” I said with complete confidence. “You know I think that Nancy is really crazy about you.”
“Why do you think that?” he asked and could not hide the pleased look on his face.
“I just do.” It slid as easily from my mouth as “Yes, you look just like an Ethiopian Princess.”
“Night,” he said when I turned to go and under the pretense of waiting for Bruce, he returned to his seat in the swing, no doubt to savor some hopeless and ludicrous fantasy about Nancy Carson.
When I went into the room, Sally was still up reading something like chemistry. She was going to start graduate school in just a few weeks. Sally really was a nice girl, very smart, though totally unattractive with her straight chopped hair and wire rim glasses that were too small for her full face.
“What do you want to major in, Jo?” she finally asked after I told her that the only school that I was interested in was U.N.C. She was worse than the guidance counselor at school.
“I don’t know.”
“Well, what are you interested in?” She stuck a box of Ritz Crackers towards me and I shook my head. It was starting to throb a little.
“Have you had any chemistry?”
“I had a reaction tonight,” I said and that was so unlike me. Sally’s nice girl eyes behind the tiny frames were giving me the once over and I could tell that she was thinking that I was very immature. I didn’t care. All I wanted to do was climb in that other bed and go to sleep, pretending that I was still kissing Red. It was a puzzle; I wanted a mature, smart girl like Sally to think that I was silly, and I wanted a silly, snooty girl like Buffy to find me very mature, intelligent and sincere. Clearly, there was something wrong in that and I started thinking that there must be an inbetween between the silly beauty and the smart wallflower, between an All American like Bobby and a careless, fun-loving red-neck. Red was the inbetween and it came to me that so was I. I thought first about how I would explain to Tricia that I really didn’t keep an eye on Tom Fulton, what I would tell my mother about that stain on the front of my dress, but then I went back to Red, and I fell asleep with a picture of him in my mind, a successful businessman who has a carefree look about him and has earned the right to be that way, and of myself, a glamorous wife and mother who nonchalantly is always nominated and elected to various titles and positions, but who reserves herself and time for her husband and home. The picture was sharp and clear each time that I awoke to that wonderful hazy darkness that promises more sleep, more dreaming time, and not once did I ever consider anything negative, that Red could have gone back to that party and gotten up with someone else, that he had fallen asleep without a thought of me, for my feelings were so strong that I knew it had to be the same for him.
The Cheer Leader Page 8
