Jacob cleared his throat. “Is it just me? Am I hearing you wrong? Everything you’ve said since I realized what happened sounds as if you’re defending Samuel.”
Anger flashed through her eyes. “I’m not defending him!”
Until their clash over what had happened with Samuel, she’d never raised her voice to him. Had she lost all sense of who they were together?
She shifted. “Samuel is one-third wrong, and you just overheard my anger at him. But you have no idea what all I had to deal with while the senator’s wife used her skill and money to try to frame me. If you want to hate your brother for those five seconds, I won’t help you do it. But I’m asking you not to throw away all that the three of us are to each other, because we were caught in a situation none of us could prevent. Don’t toss us away because Samuel and I mishandled a few seconds. If we hadn’t become close, you would have had no need to hide for my sake, because I probably wouldn’t be alive.”
His heart jolted. “What?”
“There’s so much you don’t know.”
He continually learned more about what had taken place while he was gone, and it haunted him like a stalker he couldn’t escape. “Tell me what you meant by ‘wouldn’t be alive.’ ”
“One night I got lost in these stupid woods. I kept circling these acres, wishing you were here to find me.” Her eyes brimmed with tears. That wasn’t like her, and the chip on Jacob’s shoulder began to quake. “All I wanted was you. Here. For me. I didn’t think I had a chance of anyone else noticing I was missing. When I was too exhausted and too lost to know how to get back to the farm, I sat in the snow, and the temperature continued to drop. Your brother should’ve thought I was in my room asleep. But he knew I wasn’t”—she tapped the center of her chest—“like I sometimes know things. And he knew it because we’d grown close as I went through the worst time I could imagine. He came through the woods on horseback, calling for me.” She smiled at Samuel. “He woke me. Brought me light to see and strength to lean on so I could get home. Of course, he complained like I was a disobedient child.” She tossed a whispery laugh in Samuel’s direction.
Jacob was unbelievably grateful she’d been found, but that didn’t keep possessiveness from burning inside him. He didn’t want to be that guy. One of the beautiful things about his relationship with Rhoda was he’d felt secure in who they were. They’d had an easy, fun connection.
She looked into his eyes, and even though he still had concerns about her feelings for Samuel, she was right. He had to accept some of the responsibility for what had taken place.
Disappointment pressed in on him. He glanced at Samuel, seeing a man caught in a storm he wasn’t prepared for. Still, something about Samuel’s rash behavior nagged at him, but he couldn’t quite grasp what it was. “Okay. I’ll carry my share of the blame. But you seem so confident in your loyalty to Samuel. Where am I in all this?”
Her gentle smile gave him hope. He’d let his disillusion with Sandra change what he knew to be true about Rhoda. She wouldn’t hide the truth from him. That was encouraging.
Then another realization hit. What if she was unaware of her real feelings for Samuel?
She moved closer and caressed Jacob’s face. “Friends enrich our lives. Business partners add to who we are. But you are the foundation I want to build my life on.”
Her words dropped understanding into his consciousness: people make mistakes and need grace for their relationships to continue to grow. The chip on his shoulder fell, and the weight that was lifted surprised him. He slid her hand from his cheek to his lips and kissed her palm, taking a welcome sigh of relief.
Besides, he knew Samuel drove her nuts by being hardheaded. Her gratefulness for all Samuel had done could not erase the reality that the two of them were oil and water. Some days they were dynamite and matches. She and Jacob were like sunshine and vacation. Some days they were the ocean and scuba diving—a favorite pastime of his, discovered during his time with the Englisch.
And like him and the ocean, he and Rhoda were a perfect combination that had been separated too often and for too long.
Regardless of what his lawyer had to say to him, Jacob wouldn’t do one more thing that would hinder building a life with Rhoda.
He turned to Samuel but couldn’t bring himself to offer his hand. Despite whatever peace Rhoda would fight to gain between Samuel and him, could he risk the three of them remaining on the same farm? He didn’t think so.
But that was trouble for another day. For now he wanted to forget about Samuel and have some time alone with Rhoda.
“How about that buggy ride?”
SIX
Rhoda hurried, putting on her stockings and shoes. Jacob had wanted to wait for her in the buggy, but Camilla stepped onto the porch and insisted he at least step inside for these few minutes. As Rhoda pinned up her hair and secured her prayer Kapp, she could hear that they were still standing in the foyer. Jacob had probably politely refused to come in and take a seat in the living room. She imagined Camilla had far more questions for Jacob than he’d ever answer.
She stepped out of her bedroom and into the foyer.
Jacob looked her way. “You ready?”
She suddenly remembered she wasn’t. “The dishes and apple butter … I need to clean up the kitchen.”
Camilla hugged her. “You go. I’ll clean up. It’ll be payment for that year’s worth of salsa you’re going to make for us.”
“Deal.” She put on her coat again.
As she walked toward the rig, she went through the Cranfords’ yard just ahead of Jacob. The disquiet between them was as uncomfortable as when her sister had hidden her shoes on a church day and Rhoda had to wear a pair entirely too small.
Jacob stepped ahead of her and opened the carriage door. When she stood mere inches from him, staring into his green eyes, she wanted to put her hands on his face and pull his lips to hers. But she didn’t feel he would welcome that. Was it her imagination? As she climbed in on the passenger’s side, she could no longer deny that everything between her and Jacob had changed.
How long would it take to get back what they’d once had?
There was no way to know, but she was a nurturer at heart. It’s why she loved tending herbs and fruits. All she needed to do was understand what nutrients and natural elements—like sun and water—were missing and instill those daily in the right amounts. With time and effort she could regrow and replenish almost anything that harsh conditions had caused to wither.
“You ready?” He flipped on the new headlights and tapped the reins against the horse’s back.
“Absolutely.” She smiled, using one of his favorite sayings.
He pulled onto the road, and she searched for something to talk about. “The buggy looks great. Lights, mirrors.”
He pushed a fleece blanket her way.
“Denki.”
“I’ve been fixing it up for you so you’d have a better way to get back and forth between here and the farm.”
Several emotions churned, mixing into one that was relatively new and yet entirely too old. Knowing he’d been thinking of her and doing something kind during the two weeks of silence was like a balm on her heart. But disappointment fought against that. He still didn’t want her to move back to the farm? Heartache and optimism swirled into what could best be described as hopeful torment. Was that to be her new relationship with Jacob?
“I would need a paddock for the horse.”
“I’ve been thinking about that. There’s one not too far from the Cranfords’ house. It just needs some fixing up, a little fence mending, and I’d be glad to do it. Or I could come get you each morning and … take you home each evening. It’d be more like us having a real courtship.”
He didn’t look at her. Was he afraid she’d turn him down? What had his life been like during those long months they were apart?
“It’d be really nice to have some time alone with you before and after the workday.”
He reac
hed across the seat, and she thought he was going to hold her hand, but their fingers barely touched before he withdrew his hand. The warmth of his touch made her long to slide in closer, but she didn’t dare. They rode in silence. Was Jacob doing the same thing she was—biting his tongue in fear of saying the wrong thing? Did he have accusations against her? She still had a few grievances she wanted to air, but morally speaking, she was in the wrong, not him. Still, they would have to talk honestly with each other if they wanted to heal.
“How are Sandra and Casey?”
He grimaced. “I haven’t talked to Sandra.” When he spoke, his voice was heavy. “I need to … for Casey’s sake. Sandra gets along better when I stay in contact, but I can’t seem to pick up the phone.”
Insight dropped into her heart: despite his sense of humor and gentleness, Jacob wasn’t good at facing the harder side of any relationship. “Can I do anything?”
He shook his head.
She slid her hands under the blanket. “Maybe I could call her for—”
“That’s not a good idea, even though I’d like to have some answers without having to talk to her. But you wouldn’t know any more afterward than you know now. That’s the way it is with Sandra.”
“Oh.”
Had she become useless to Jacob? That was a silly thought, rooted in insecurity. Sandra was just a part of his life that wasn’t open to her. Or anyone. He’d just shared more than usual. But what could they safely discuss?
“Jacob, I’m lost here. Everything I want to talk about, I’m afraid to bring up, afraid it could break us. I have no experience with relationships. You know that. Please, I … I need your help.”
He looked thoughtful. “Confusing, isn’t it?” He sounded sympathetic. A few minutes later he pulled off the road onto a graveled area. After staring ahead for several long moments, he turned to face her. His presence drew her as it had the day she first kissed him. She’d known then that he had secrets, but she hadn’t realized that meant he was so skilled at holding back his thoughts and feelings from her too.
He squeezed the reins. “I’m not sure what to tell you, Rhodes.”
She placed her hand over her aching chest. He’d used her nickname and done so with tenderness. Emotions pressed against her like water against a dam.
His attention moved to her lips before he lowered his eyes. Was he thinking of Samuel kissing her? He took a deep breath. “The awkwardness between us can’t be resolved with a single decision or a brief conversation. It’ll have to fade on its own, little by little. Until it does, we have to act as normal as we know how. We need to spend time together until we stop thinking about that day.”
She wanted him to kiss her. She longed to forget about Samuel’s lips against hers. “I’m glad you came to me.” Her voice cracked.
“Me too. It helps … some.” He clicked his tongue, urging the horse back onto the road.
What they needed was a little laughter. That’s what had drawn them together. Jacob had taught her to laugh. Something she’d long forgotten, even before her sister’s death.
She inched closer. “What did the girl octopus say to the boy octopus?”
A hint of a smile crossed his lips. “I’m a gurgle, gurgle, gurgle?”
“No.” She freed her hands from the blanket and held them out. “May I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?”
He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “Is that the best you have?”
“No. The best I have is you.”
He splayed his fingers, and she intertwined hers with his.
He gazed into her eyes, a smile slowly spreading across his face. “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”
She grinned. “Are you hinting that I’m an angel or Lucifer?”
He laughed. “Rhodes.” His correcting tone was pure jest, and hope filled her that he’d find his way through the darkness and to their future.
The barn loft smelled of hay, and every movement caused a hollow, sandpaper-like echo against the old wood. Leah stood near Steven and Landon, searching through boxes they’d brought from Pennsylvania and trying to ignore Landon’s incessant whistling. They were hunting for the containers to make snares for codling moths. The contraptions weren’t needed right away, but Samuel wanted to know what supplies they had so he’d know what to order. After all, combating apple-eating pests throughout each season was nonstop work.
Her hands ached. Her back hurt. She was hungry, tired, and cold. But she couldn’t stand to hear any more of her own griping, even the silent kind. “It was good to see Rhoda and Jacob arriving together.”
“Ya.” Steven opened a box. “That was a welcome sight.”
Rhoda’s brother didn’t sound as relieved as Leah thought he should be. It sort of confirmed some of her worries. Jacob and Rhoda were stiff throughout the day, and even though Rhoda had stayed for dinner the last two nights and Jacob had driven her home, they were more like strangers trying to get to know each other than a couple who’d had a spat.
Leah decided to change the subject. “We’ve checked the attic and here. Landon, have you stored any boxes somewhere else?”
“Nope.” He shifted more boxes, whistling as he went.
“Hey, Landon.”
He stopped. “Yeah?”
She raised her eyebrows. “You’re doing it again.”
“What? This?” He started whistling again.
She pointed at him, and he grinned. Landon was breathing a sigh of relief now that Jacob and Rhoda were talking again. If only the same could be said for Samuel and Jacob. On Rhoda’s first night to rejoin the family for dinner, Samuel had made an appearance after everyone else had eaten. He spoke and was friendly as he fixed himself a dinner plate. But about a minute after Samuel’s arrival, Jacob said he needed to get Rhoda back to the Cranfords’.
The room went silent as it dawned on everyone that Rhoda would continue living with the couple.
Suddenly a walkie-talkie popped and crackled. “Steven?” Phoebe’s voice filled the loft.
Steven yanked the radio out of his pocket. “Ya?”
“Did you take my kitchen ladder?”
Steven made a face. “Ya. Sorry. And then I forgot to bring it back.” He paused before pushing the button on the walkie-talkie again. “Don’t climb a chair. Do you need it right now?”
“Sort of. I can wait a bit, but I’ll need it to heat up supper.”
All Phoebe was going to do was throw leftovers in a pot? They’d had cold cereal for breakfast and sandwiches for lunch. Leah’s stomach was already growling, and it was only two-thirty.
“Coming.” Steven turned. “You two let me know if you find the box.”
“Sure thing.” Landon gave a half wave. When the top of Steven’s head disappeared from the haymow, Landon turned to Leah. “I’ve known him for years while working with Rhoda, and I’ve never heard him get frustrated with Phoebe.”
Leah arched an eyebrow. “I hope you’re taking notes.” She rubbed her back, sighing.
Landon strode to a bale of hay and grabbed it. He set it in front of the loft window, grabbed an old blanket out of a box, and tossed it over the bale. “Sit. Take a load off.”
“It’s about time someone made such an offer.”
He smiled, pulling a couple of granola bars from his pocket and passing one to her. “You seem distracted.”
She unwrapped the bar and took a bite. “Just grumpy and trying not to share it with everyone around me, so hush up and eat.”
“I’m not everyone. If something’s on your mind, I want to know about it.”
“It’s just that I woke up realizing I keep waiting for things to get easier, and they don’t.”
“What things? Relationships or work?”
“All of it. We seem to wander from one storm to the next. I’m trying to have a good attitude, because I really don’t want to spend the next five years hating my life.”
“Five years?” Landon stared at her for sever
al moments. He drew a breath before he sat next to the window and leaned against the barn wall. “I didn’t realize you were planning on staying that long.”
“Me either, but let’s face it. I’ve been dreaming. I came to Maine under false pretenses, thinking I was only staying long enough to help my family recover from the tornado and then I was going out on my own. The harvest may start in five months, but there’s always another storm on the horizon. It feels as if my brothers and the business are going to need me forever. Maybe it’s God letting me know I’m meant to remain Amish.”
“If you want to stay, you should do so, no matter what anyone else wants.” He stared at the ceiling as if thinking before speaking. “Even though it’ll take me a while to get over it.”
She wanted to smile and cry at the same time. That summed up most of what she felt about Landon—joy and sadness. “You say the nicest things.”
He scoffed. “What I just said wasn’t nice. Actually, it sounded like a lot of heartache for both of us.”
“Really?” Did he care for her more than she realized?
“Fine.” He shrugged. “Apparently just one of us. Me.”
“I didn’t mean it that way. I’m surprised you feel that way. We haven’t even had a real date yet.”
His eyes grew large, and he stared at her. “We’ve been going somewhere a night every week and attending church on Sunday evenings and on your between Sundays. What exactly constitutes a bona fide date for the Amish?”
“You never asked me out on a date. I thought that’s how you Englisch boys did things.”
He shook his head. “I’m confused.”
“I thought we’d agreed to just be friends.”
“We did, but then …” He sighed. “When I heard other guys complain that women are hard to understand, I thought they were exaggerating. I guess that’s something else I’ve been wrong about.”
For Every Season Page 6
