by LuAnn McLane
Rachel grabbed her friend by the wrist and dragged her back into the bathroom. The movement took Nikki by surprise and she skidded on the tile floors with her stiletto heels.
“What’s the rush?” Nikki asked as she pulled away from Rachel and regained her balance.
“Wait.” Rachel gave a cursory look under the stalls to see if anyone was around.
“I’m sure Justin isn’t here,” Nikki said, placing her hands on her hips.
“I know that.” Although she wouldn’t put it past him.“I’m just checking to see if we’re alone.”
“Really?” Nikki leaned against the wall. “How very odd. What’s the favor?”
“I need a ride to the airport.”
“Now?” Nikki checked her watch.
“Tomorrow. I have to get out of this place,” she explained in a low voice. “It’s time for a full detox.”
“Honey, I’m sorry. I can’t make it. I’m going out of town to spend Christmas with my parents.”
Right. She forgot about that. Rachel puffed her cheeks and gave an exasperated sigh. “Know anyone who could give me a lift?”
“I’ll ask Danny,” she suggested, her on-again, mostly off-again boyfriend. “He’ll do it.”
“Thanks.” Rachel was already feeling her tense muscles relaxing. This was all going to work out.
“What brought this on?”
Rachel wasn’t sure how to say it without sounding insane. How did one explain that she needed to leave town because of a sweater? “Have you seen Justin today?”
“No.” Nikki frowned. “Why?”
“He’s wearing a Christmas sweater and whistling carols,” she answered as calmly as she could.
Nikki’s mouth fell open and her eyes widened with alarm. “He knows!” she whispered fiercely.
Rachel was glad Nikki said that. It was good to know she wasn’t completely paranoid.“He acts like he doesn’t, but there’s no other explanation.”
Nikki ran her fingers through her hair and looked at the bathroom door. “How did he find out?”
“That doesn’t matter.” Rachel waved her hands in the air, dismissing the question.“What matters is that I need a complete Christmas detox. I’m going somewhere hot for the holidays. Somewhere that doesn’t look like a Thomas Kinkade painting. Somewhere that doesn’t have snow or Christmas sweaters or smell like gingerbread.” Or that included Justin.
“Where is that? Hawaii? Florida? Las Vegas?”
“I don’t have a plane ticket yet,” Rachel admitted. It wasn’t like the new and improved her to do something impulsive, but this was an emergency. “I’ll just go to the airport and get the first plane out of here.”
“Oh, that sounds like the Rachel Bartlett I used to know.” Nikki clasped her by the shoulders and peered into her eyes.“I knew the old you was in there somewhere.”
Rachel shrugged her off. “Don’t say that.”
“Fine.” Nikki sighed. “What if going away doesn’t work?”
“It worked the last time I did a detox.” She had gone cold turkey and went from a wild party girl to a woman with a good future ahead of her. Sure, there had been a few withdrawal symptoms in the beginning, but she made it through.
“It worked because you didn’t go back to your old lifestyle,” Nikki argued. “Once you return from your Christmas vacation—”
“Christmas detox.”
“—you’re still going to see Justin.”
“Yes, but I will have broken the addiction by then,” Rachel explained. “I’ll be stronger, and it won’t be Christmas.”
Nikki rolled her eyes and groaned. “There are so many holes in your theory, I don’t even know where to start.”
“You can start by calling Danny.” She guided Nikki out of the bathroom with a confident spring in her step. By this time tomorrow she would be far, far away from Christmas and Justin. “Don’t worry, this is all going to work. I can feel it.”
Chapter Four
Rachel checked the stove again and turned off all the lights. Danny should be here any minute to take her to the airport. She hated not having a car and depending on friends and friends of friends. One day she’d have her own car, Rachel vowed, but first she had to get her life back on track.
She walked into the sitting area and felt a pinch of disappointment. Her apartment was small with very little furniture, but the miniature Christmas tree and deep red poinsettias had made the place bright and cheerful. She had taken down the decorations last night and packed them away. For some reason it made her place look smaller.
It was probably because of the curtains, she decided. They were drawn tight to keep the neighborhood Christmas lights out of sight. That was why her apartment looked dark and uninviting.
Don’t think about it, Rachel warned herself as she started to pace. One more hour and she’d be somewhere hot, sunny, and exotic. A place where there was no snow and no Justin. This was a major detox. She was using all her savings, but it was necessary. Once she got Justin out of her system, she could get back to her quiet, safe life.
She heard a car pull up to her apartment complex, the tires crunching in the snow. That had to be Danny. Grabbing her weekend bag of bikinis, shorts, and tank tops, Rachel stepped out of her apartment, locked the door, and headed outside.
The cold air stung as the snowflakes swirled around her. She squinted as the bright white blanket of snow reflected the sun. Rachel frowned when she saw the silver sports sedan parked at the curb. The car teased Rachel’s memory. She’d seen one just like that in the office parking lot. It looked a lot like ...
Rachel stopped to a halt as Justin stepped out of the driver’s side. Yep, a lot like Justin’s car.
He was wearing his olive green coat, a charcoal gray ribbed sweater, battered jeans, and boots, so there was nothing Christmasy about him. She should be thankful, but she was too busy fighting off the need to walk up to Justin and greet him with a deep kiss. Why did she long to curl up against his warmth and slide her hands under his sweater when he wasn’t wearing anything remotely festive?
It was a sign that she was getting out of town in the nick of time. It was weird that he showed up right when she was leaving. This is simply a coincidence, Rachel thought as she took a deep breath to combat the excitement building up inside her. Justin was here for another tenant. Or . . . her mind couldn’t come up with another reason. She just knew he wasn’t here for her. He better not be.
“Hey, Justin,” she greeted him cautiously. Dread started to twist her stomach as she watched him go to the passenger-side door. “What are you doing here?”
“Danny can’t make it,” he said as he held the door open, “so he asked if I could drop you off at the airport.”
Rachel wasn’t aware that Justin knew Danny. It was a small town, but not that small.What were the odds? “You don’t have to. I can ask—”
“Get in the car, Rachel,” Justin said firmly. He saw how she bristled at his tone. She still didn’t move.
Maybe this was a mistake, Justin thought as he studied her. She was smart not to go anywhere near him. Not after the sweater stunt.
Rachel was still hesitating and actually glanced back at the safety of her apartment.That didn’t bode well for him. He tried to decode her body language, but she was bundled up in a bright red woolen hat and striped scarf. Her hands were stuffed into red mittens and her black coat was about a size too big. Rachel’s baggy jeans and thick boots hid the rest of her body.
The only things he could see were her eyes and nose.The nose was pink from the cold, and her eyes were glittery with anger.
Yeah, it probably wasn’t his best idea to take the job over from Danny. All this time Justin thought it had been pure luck that he had gone to the corner bar and heard Danny complain about driving Rachel to the airport. Justin hadn’t even known Rachel was making a run for it. He called off work and wanted to talk Rachel into making other plans for Christmas.The kind that included him.
“What happened to
Danny?”
“Too much eggnog.” That was the story he and Danny decided on. Justin wanted to make the drive, and Danny didn’t want Nikki to know he bailed.“The guy had a major hangover and he is in no state to drive.”
“Oh.” She stared at his car. He knew his presence unsettled her. He needed to keep her moving before she tossed up any more obstacles.
“It’s getting cold,” Justin prompted Rachel. She walked to the car with great reluctance. As she sat down in the passenger seat, he could practically feel her mind whirling, looking for an excuse to get another ride.
Yeah.Terrific idea. Justin closed the door and walked around the hood of the car. It was time to retreat. He wouldn’t make a move or say a word. His instincts told him to play it safe and play it honest. He’d never tried that before. It’d probably kill him before it did him any good.
Once they got on the freeway, Rachel risked a glance in Justin’s direction. The guy was unusually quiet, focusing on driving through the harsh winter conditions.The roads were slick and the snow was coming down harder, but that shouldn’t take all of Justin’s concentration.
“Thanks for doing this,” Rachel said, breaking the awkward silence. She should have thanked him and was ashamed of her lack of manners. Justin might be the burr in her side lately, but he was going out of his way to take her to the airport.
Justin didn’t take his eyes off the road.“It’s the least I could do since I made this past week uncomfortable for you.”
Rachel raised her eyebrows. And he decides the best way is to share a small space together for at least a half an hour? “Don’t worry about it.”
“So, where are you going for the holidays?” he asked.
“The first plane out to somewhere warm and tropical.” It sounded perfect, especially as the cold air whipped the snow around them.
“And where’s that?”
She shrugged. “Haven’t decided yet.”
That got his attention. He looked at her with surprise. “You don’t know where you’re going?”
“As long as it’s not here, I’m good.” She grimaced when she realized how that sounded. “There’s nothing wrong with here. But it can get a little claustrophobic.”
“Especially when I’m around,” he muttered.
Rachel drew her arms closer to her body and looked out the window. “I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to,” Justin said. “I know you’re leaving because of me.”
She didn’t want him to know that. She didn’t want Justin to know how much power he had over her. “No, I’m taking a vacation,” she lied. “People do it all the time. And what about you? What are you going to do this Christmas vacation?”
“Same as always,” he said as he slowed down the car to accommodate the amount of snow on the road.“Sleep in, hang out.”
She turned to him. “That’s it?” She knew Justin didn’t really do holidays, but what about a small tradition? Didn’t he do anything that made him connected with his family and friends?
“That’s all I need.”
“It sounds . . . relaxing.” But it also sounded like a regular day off. Not special at all.
He glanced at her and flashed a smile. “You know, you could always join me.”
A week of sleeping in, hanging out with Justin would not be relaxing. Mind-blowing and life-changing, but far from peaceful. “That’s very tempting, but I can’t.”
His smile grew wry. “I’m that scary, huh?”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m why you’re running away.”
“I’m not running away.” Okay, maybe she was. It was what she used to do best. Whenever she had made a mess of things, it was an indication to leave and make a fresh start elsewhere. The idea that she was falling back into an old habit didn’t sit well with her, but at least this running away was temporary.“I’ll be back in a week.”
“You’re running away from Christmas, and I know why.” Justin locked gazes with her.“Because everything about Christmas reminds you of us.”
“Don’t flatter yourself.” How did he figure this all out? Was she that easy to read? The thought was horrifying.
“I know, Rachel,” Justin said emphatically. He hesitated before he said, “I overhead you talking to Nikki.Why else would I wear that horrible sweater?”
Her infuriated gasp rang in the small car. “I knew it!” She wanted to move, to leave, to get out of this car. He knew! He knew how she felt about him. He’d always known and used that knowledge!
Rachel slapped her gloved hands on her seat, but it didn’t do a thing for the anger and embarrassment rolling through her. “Well, don’t think you can have your way with me by singing ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’!”
Justin laughed. “That wouldn’t do the trick. ‘Santa Claus Is Coming to Town,’ on the other hand, would....”
“Not funny.” She fidgeted in her seat and searched for a sign to see how much longer she had to stay in this car with Justin O’Rourke. It didn’t matter how many miles were left; she already knew it was too many.
“Or how about ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’?”
“Shut up.” She made a show of looking out the window.
“‘Santa Baby’?” Justin asked, laughter wobbling his voice. She turned quickly, her seat belt tightening around her from the sudden move. “I’m going to bury you in the snow if you don’t stop making fun of this situation.”
His smile grew impossibly wider. The creases fringing his mouth and eyes deepened. She couldn’t tear her gaze away and her heartbeat skittered to a stop. The embarrassment she felt started to seep away, replaced with something warm and tingly.
“You have to admit that you’re being”—he paused to choose his words carefully—“irrational. You didn’t have sex with me because it’s Christmas.”
Her heart started to pump harder than ever. She wasn’t sure what just happened, but she didn’t need her emotions going all over the place. She needed to be calm, cool, and collected. “I wouldn’t have had sex with you any other time of the year.”
“Don’t bet on it.” Justin’s smile faded. All the teasing was gone. “I’ve been on my best behavior all year.”
Somehow she believed that. “That’s as good as it gets?”
“I kept my hands off you because it was obvious you were trying to be some sort of good girl.That all changed at the office party.”
“What? Did I have a ‘Do not open until Christmas’ sticker on me somewhere that I’m not aware of?”
“No.” His expression softened as he remembered that night. “It’s because this time you came on to me.”
“I flirted back.” With the subtlety of exploding dynamite, she admitted to herself. She was trying not to think about that. It had been impulsive and it’d felt natural. She had wanted Justin and went after him with reckless abandon.
“You were feeling good and relaxed,” Justin said as he cranked up the heat to defrost the windows.“You were feeling like your old self.”
“You are not qualified to say that,” Rachel said as she pulled her coat tighter around her. “You didn’t know me until this year.”
“You were wild before I knew you,” he said with supreme confidence. “You still are.”
“No, I am not.”Why didn’t anyone believe her?
“I can tell it by the way you walk. It’s a strut.” Justin’s voice dipped low. “You also can’t tame your laugh, and when you yawn, you put your whole body in it. It’s a very erotic sight.”
“There’s nothing wrong with the way I walk. Or—”
“Never said there was,” Justin said, his eyes twinkling with pleasure. “I also can tell a lot about you by how much you restrain yourself.That much self-control over the littlest things tells me how wild you really are.”
“Okay, Justin. Maybe you don’t know that you are on dangerous ground. I prefer my quiet little world, and if you mess with it, I will fight hard and dirty.”
Justin gave a
nod as if he understood.“You feel safe in your quiet little world, but you still miss your wild days.”
“No, I don’t,” she argued. She didn’t miss feeling like a loser, never making ends meet, and never finding her place in the world. She didn’t miss her impulsive, destructive behavior.
“Your wild ways show in your work,” Justin explained. “The only time you go all out is in your art. Well, also in sex. But your artwork reveals every one of your bad-girl fantasies.”
She didn’t want to hear this anymore. “I’m warning you....”
“I can make every one of them come true.”
Yeah, that was what she was worried about. Justin’s husky promise tempted her, and she shifted in her seat, warding off the delicious heat that billowed inside her. “I don’t need your help in tapping my inner vixen.”
“Don’t be too sure about that. I’m the only guy in your quiet little world who can give you what you want.”
“What is it you think I want?” Rachel rolled her eyes. She was used to guys offering to rock her world, but they had been too interested in their own fantasies to care about her own. “Multiple orgasms? A dominant lover? A long weekend with multiple partners?”
“No,” Justin said as he concentrated on the road,“you want something you haven’t had before.”
She gritted her teeth and pressed her lips together tightly. What had Justin heard about her? And who told? “And what do you think that is?”
“A guy who is still there once you wake up.”
She whipped her head around and stared at him. Whoa. She knew Justin was smart, but she didn’t think he was this insightful.
“You want someone who is strong enough to hold you back when you’re feeling reckless,” he said, catching her gaze. The sincerity in his eyes took her breath away. “But you also want someone you can be wild with in bed.”
How did he know? What did she say that gave herself away? And would he use that secret wish against her? She scooted closer to the door.“And you think you’re that guy?” she asked, hoping she sounded cool.
“Oh, I know I am. I’m waiting for you to know it, too.”
“Don’t hold your breath,” she mumbled.
