Yawning, I poured myself one more cup of coffee before sitting at the kitchen table to wrap the Magic 8-Ball. With all the other gifts already set up in the other room, he needed to be able to unwrap at least one present. Five minutes and half a cup of coffee later, it was wrapped and I was ready to crawl back into bed.
I softly shut the door to my bedroom and turned toward the bed to find Gabe sitting upright against the headboard. I let out a small scream as I jumped back into the door and my hand flew to my throat.
“Jesus.”
“Scare you?”
“No.” I rolled my eyes. “That’s just a new ritual I’ve decided to start every time I walk into my bedroom,” I said as I made my way to the bed after placing his wrapped gift on my desk.
He growled and lunged forward to drag me across his body and into bed. Gabe wasted no time as his lips came down on mine. They were smooth and soft as they brushed over my lips, down my neck, and across my collarbone. I shivered in delight but instead of arousing me, it was actually lulling me to sleep a little.
“Are you falling asleep on me?” he asked a few minutes later after I started to nod off.
“Never,” I mumbled through a yawn. He laughed as he placed a few soft kisses on my mouth before lowering down to his back and settling me against his side. “Maybe we could sleep for just a few minutes.”
He was quiet for so long that I assumed he fell back asleep, but just as I went under I heard, “Take all the time you need. We have forever.”
…
When I woke up a couple hours later, I panicked. It was close to eleven and even though Gabe was asleep now, I had no way of knowing whether he went out there earlier. As if he sensed my distress, he woke up a few minutes later and smoothed the lines gathering between my eyebrows with his thumb.
“What’s wrong?”
“Did you, uh…” I trailed off as I looked toward the door.
“No.” I looked back to find him shaking his head. “With all the bumping and whispering out there earlier, I figured I wasn’t to know.”
Relief flooded my chest as I gave him a quick kiss. “Thank you.” He gave me a warm look in response before asking whose gift we should open first. “Yours, let’s do yours first.”
He nodded as he shuffled out of bed and pulled on his boxers and a T-shirt before moving toward the door. I put a hand to his chest before darting to the desk and grabbing the present. “Open this first.”
I shifted around nervously as he tore into the paper and revealed the Magic 8-Ball. He gave me a curious gaze, like what the hell am I going to do with this? He didn’t look disappointed, just confused. And it was at that moment I realized I had nothing to say. I hadn’t thought of a reason I would be giving this to him, at least not without explaining the rest. As the moments passed and I said nothing, he merely shrugged and opened the box.
“Hmmm…” He tapped his lips as he thought of a question. “Am I handsome?” Gabe grinned as he shook the shiny black ball. His smile multiplied as he read the answer before turning it to me.
Without a doubt.
I groaned as he asked another question, “Am I going to find out why I got this gift?” He shook quickly. “Outlook good,” he read.
I blushed a little as he asked, “Will I ever figure this girl out?” He was laughing as he turned it toward me.
My sources say no.
We both laughed. He set the ball down before wrapping me in his arms and placing a kiss on my forehead. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“You don’t even understand what it’s for.”
I felt his head shake against mine. “It doesn’t matter. You could probably give me a sack of dog shit and I’d love it.”
“I’ll keep that in mind next year, that’ll certainly be less expensive.” He pulled back from me and revealed the beautiful smile that had taken over his face. “What?”
“Nothing, beautiful.” His smile remained as he nodded toward the door. “Shall we?” he asked. Lacing my fingers with his, we walked to the door. I had just put my hand on the knob when I realized what the smile was for. I said next year. Two words. Two simple words. But they held so much promise. I was promising someone my future; I was looking forward to my future.
She watched as my eyes took everything in. The assembled train set that ran from one end to the other, the Play-Doh and Legos waiting on the coffee table, water guns leaning against the wall by the kitchen, and the two games laid out on the floor in the middle of the track.
My gaze spent an especially long time on the train set. I knew it the instant I saw it—it was the one I’d begged my dad for two years in a row. One of the things I had wanted that I had hid from my mother.
“How?”
“Sam.”
My heart lurched as I felt myself fall even more. Sam’s acceptance and inclusion in Alara’s life wasn’t my gift, but it still felt like the best thing Alara could have given me. She leaned forward to press her soft, warm lips to mine.
“She said this could be like a do-over,” she whispered against my lips.
I stayed silent as I thought about her words, the past few months, and my mom’s letter. Would I want a do-over? Could I truly regret the sadness of my past if it brought me to this moment? A do-over wouldn’t guarantee happiness, it wouldn’t guarantee love and contentment, all of which I had right now.
Shaking my head, I turned to cup her face in my hands. “I wouldn’t do anything over.” I paused and stared into her wide, green eyes. “I’d do it all again if it got me here. If it gave me you.”
Alara’s lips tipped up into a trembling smile as a few happy tears fell from her eyes onto my hands. I bent down and left a breath of air between our lips as we continued to stare at each other. Her tongue brushed against my lips as she licked her own and shut her eyes. After a few chaste kisses she whispered, “I wouldn’t either. Sometimes I felt so… out of touch with everything. Like I had no purpose, but I’d go through all that pain again. For you.”
I smiled and couldn’t refrain from giving her another quick kiss before speaking. “It’s ironic, isn’t it?”
“What is?” she asked as her eyelids fluttered open.
“That the girl who thought her life had no purpose gave me mine.” I barely caught her smile before she was kissing me. Just as my eyes drifted shut, something caught my eye, and I suppressed a smile as I moved us toward the kitchen. I pinned her to the wall right before the kitchen and moved my mouth down her throat; my hands roamed until I was squeezing her hips. Glancing up, I saw her eyes were closed and her head was thrown back as she gripped my shoulders. I slowly lifted my left hand and moved it until my palm settled on the barrel of a water gun. I backed away quickly and shifted until the gun was aimed at her heaving chest. Alara’s head tipped forward and her eyes sluggishly opened until they landed on the object in my hand and widened.
“What are you—AHHH!” She jumped to the side and grabbed the other gun as the water from mine seeped through her shirt, and the fabric clung to her chest. “That was cheating.”
“All’s fair in love and war.”
She glared as she aimed at my forehead, and three quick pumps later my hair was soaked. We ran around the apartment for another ten minutes until the guns were empty and our tops were drenched.
“I don’t think this tiny apartment was the best place for this.”
“No, definitely not.” I smiled as I stripped off my T-shirt. She shivered as she pulled off her own top, leaving her in only a light blue bra. I immediately walked over and began rubbing my hands up and down her arms, trying to warm her up. Pausing, I brought my hand up to her chest and delicately traced her collarbone; this time she shivered for a completely different reason. “Stay here.” Leaving her in the common room, I went back to the bedroom and dug around in my bag until I found what I was looking for. I stopped to grab a towel, her sweatshirt, and my shirt before returning.
Silently, I dried her off as she stared at me with nothing but love in her
eyes. “Up,” I commanded as I nodded toward her arms. She smiled and lifted them over her head, allowing me to slowly work the sweatshirt over her head and down her chest. After drying myself off and fixing my own T-shirt, I led her over to the couch and placed the small red box with a gold bow on her lap. Alara fingered the gold ribbon before slowly pulling it off and lifting the lid.
My hands twitched as I stared at her face, trying to gauge her feelings, and the paper crinkled as she pulled it back to reveal her present. We sat in silence for several minutes, her staring at it and me staring at her, both of us giving nothing away.
“It’s an olive branch,” I said stupidly. Her eyes lifted to mine as she stroked the simple necklace, but her face was still infuriatingly impassive. I cleared my throat and looked down toward the silver five-leaf olive branch nestled on a thin silver chain. “It’s a symbol of peace and forgiveness.” I lifted my eyes to hers and all the emptiness from moments ago was gone. “I know you struggle with acceptance and I know it’s going to be a daily struggle, but I just wanted you to have a reminder, something with you all the time. I want you to know how strong you are, even when you feel weak. I want you to know that you deserve peace, even when all you feel is chaos. And I need you to know that I love you, even when you get scared and think I don’t.”
She nodded as her eyes watered. “It’s beautiful. I love it. I love you.”
“You’re beautiful. And I love you too. Don’t cry, pretty girl.” I thumbed away her tears and kissed her nose.
“They’re happy tears.” She pulled the necklace from the box and held it toward me. “Will you put it on for me?”
I took it from her hands with a smile. “I think that’s half the reason I bought it.” Alara smiled in return and shifted until her back was to me. I slowly swept the hair from her neck until she gathered it at the side and lifted it off her soft skin. My hands ghosted over her warmth as I brought the chains up her neck and connected them at her nape. After pressing a gentle kiss to her neck, I let go and turned her around.
“Thank you.”
I leaned forward and captured her lips with mine. “So no more talk about going back or do-overs, and no more worries about the future, okay?” She nodded as I ran my fingers over her necklace. “We’ll just focus on now. Not the beginning or the ending, just the middle.”
I felt her smile against my lips as we kissed once more and her arms wound around my neck. We stayed that way for seconds, minutes, maybe even hours, I honestly couldn’t say. Every few minutes I’d taste her smile and breathe her joy and I’d fall in love all over again. And despite my words I knew that the past, present, and future would always be a part of who we were. I loved all of her, who she had been, who she was, and who she would be.
That night as we lay in each other’s arms and I watched her slowly fall asleep, I placed a light kiss on Alara’s forehead and whispered, “I’ve found her, Mom, and I think you led me to her. Is that crazy?” I laughed softly. “Of course you wouldn’t think it’s crazy, you’d love it. You’d love the idea that even after you were gone you were still helping me find my way.” I paused as I ran my fingers through Alara’s hair. “Honestly I love it too. I love that you’re not really gone. I love that I can still feel your love. I hope you can feel mine.” I lay back and let my eyelids slowly shut as I thought about my mom’s letter.
I was going to bed with a smile on my face; I woke up this morning to Alara’s laughter, and I’d given my heart away with no intention of getting it back.
I was finally over-the-moon happy.
My smile widened.
“That is all I want in life: for this pain to seem purposeful.”
– Elizabeth Wurtzel
Soft fingers trailed along my scar as we drove in silence toward my apartment. We had just left his place where Derek had been hosting a small New Year’s Eve party. After about two hours Gabe told me he was proud I made it that long in a room filled with only a handful of people I knew, but he didn’t want me to suffer anymore. I tried to convince him I was fine, even if I was going out of my mind, but he was insistent.
I rolled my head to the left as Gabe drove one-handed with a small smile on his face. His fingers stopped tracing and his hand tightly gripped mine, bringing it up to his mouth for a light kiss before resting our joined hands on his leg.
“What are you thinking about right now?” I asked.
His smile widened as he shot me a brief glance before returning his eyes to the road. “Last New Year’s Eve. What about you?”
“Me too, actually,” I said softly, my eyes going to our hands.
He gave my hand a squeeze. “Everything okay?” I looked up to see his eyes nervously flickering between the road and me. He relaxed a little when I squeezed his hand back, but his eyes continued to detour from the road to my face. I nodded my head and whatever was left of his tension melted away as his eyes remained forward.
I wasn’t naïve. I didn’t suddenly, magically think that I was going to be okay now that I had Gabe. But somehow things did feel better. I was done (or at least trying to be done) being neurotic and pessimistic. I wasn’t going to continue waiting for the other shoe to drop. It was pointless—it wouldn’t stop the bad things from happening, all it would do was keep me from enjoying the good things.
We arrived at the apartment ten minutes later and as soon as we walked in my eyes found an almost identical setup to our first date: food, flowers, candles, and wine. I smiled as I turned around, but it quickly left when his lips touched mine, soft at first then more demanding. The next hour passed quickly. We ate, drank, laughed, loved, and all too soon the New Year crept up on us.
Gabe lifted his glass to mine as the television announcer began the countdown.
“Ten… Nine… Eight…”
I paused as the rim of the glass touched my lips and I saw an alternate reality. It was easy to imagine. A year ago I would have sworn that the rest of my life would look the same as it had every other day. I would just be going through the motions of life. Getting up, doing what I had to, lying around when there was nothing to do, and going to sleep wondering if tomorrow would be better. Repeat.
“Seven… Six… Five…”
And it went so much further than my depression, because even when I wasn’t “down,” even when I was supposedly “happy,” I wasn’t happy. I let my depression strip me to nothing. I let it take away everything. And I was done letting people tell me it was nothing, that I was blowing it out of proportion or weak. But I was also done telling myself that I could hide it, that I could handle it alone. It wouldn’t be easy; maybe it would be even harder now that I had more to lose. But I couldn’t go back. Not when I realized what true happiness was. Not when I realized that not being depressed wasn’t the same as being happy.
So maybe beating this disorder wasn’t about conquering it; maybe it was simply about continuing the fight. Refusing to give up, even when I wanted to most, even when I saw no happy end in sight.
I smiled at the thought, and as Gabe drew his glass away and pulled me toward him I felt victorious, even if it was just in that moment.
“Four… Three… Two…”
“Here’s to the middle,” he whispered as his lips hovered above mine.
“To the middle,” I echoed.
“One…”
Unveiling The Sky Playlist
“Nobody’s Home” - Avril Lavigne
“Human” - Christina Perri
“Skyscraper” - Demi Levato
“Story of a Girl” - Nine Days
“Dark Side” - Kelly Clarkson
“You Hear a Song” - Cassadee Pope
“Arms” - Christina Perri
“Fix You” - Coldplay
“Who You Are” - Jessie J
“I’ll Stand By You” - The Pretenders
“Cecila and The Satellite” - Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness
“Come To Me” - Goo Goo Dolls
“Fight Song” - Rachel Platten
Acknowledgements
This is crazy. I honestly can’t believe I’m writing this. I can’t believe I’m finally finished. There are so many people I need to thank, so many people who helped make this a reality. I think this goes without saying, but my first thanks has to be to my family. My wonderful and loving parents who, despite not knowing anything about this industry, encouraged me every step of the way as I stumbled through this journey. My sister, Kayla, who always provides some comic relief and helps keep my stress levels low.
To my best friends who are always there when I need to vent. Bridget, Denali, Josh, Stephanie, and Zack—you guys keep me sane.
To my editor, Stephanie Parent, who swooped in and edited this in a week when my other editor fell through. It literally felt like you saved my life, I am so incredibly grateful for your promptness and all your hard work.
To Sarah at Okay Creations for making this beautiful cover! It came out better than I ever imagined.
I also want to give a HUGE thank you to the first bloggers who took a chance on my book and read it. To Traci from Book Plus Heart, Nichole from Sizzling Pages Romance Reviews, and Carol from StarAngels Review—it was incredibly hard finding people to take a chance on this book, and I’m so grateful you three did. Your kind words and encouragement really lessened my anxiety these last few months.
And lastly, thank YOU, the readers! Time is the one thing we can never get back and I am grateful that you spent yours reading my first novel. I hope you enjoyed it.
About The Author
Jeannine Allison is an author of contemporary and New Adult romance. After waffling between many degrees in college, she finally graduated with a BA in English Literature from Arizona State University. She loves writing and reading -- obviously :) -- but when she's not, she enjoys playing with her two dogs, watching her favorite YouTube beauty bloggers, drinking coffee, googling new tattoos, and pretty much anything else that allows her to wear yoga pants and a sweatshirt! Unveiling The Sky is her first novel.
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