Dark and Dodd were already sitting on the couches in the living room when I arrived. I think being in the penthouse made them feel closer to Cormac, somehow, and I liked the company. I still hadn't told either of them the truth but kept the lie going that Cormac was to return.
As I warmed my hands near the raging fire, I filled them in on the most recent visit from the senator. After he started to come regularly, I'd felt it was best that they knew. If I disappeared one day, I didn't want them to think I'd abandoned them.
"What's that?" Dark asked, looking at the back of my pants where I'd forgotten I'd shoved the bracelet case. I dug it out and tossed it to him. "Token from the senator."
He lifted it out of its velvet and dangled it in the air.
"Whoa, those are high quality," Dodd said. Even with just the light from the fireplace the warm glow of the rubies showed the silk of the large stones. "I knew it."
"You knew what?"
"That's it, I get your next fresh fruit ration," he said to Dark.
"Knew what?" I repeated.
Dodd sat smugly while Dark explained. "Dodd bet me the senator had a thing for you."
"No, he doesn't." I hoped.
"Oh, yes, he does. I, of all people, know what a man after some tail is like," Dodd said, laughing boisterously now. "He's not stopping by to just chat with you this often if he doesn't want in."
I ignored that he was laughing at my expense. It was the first time I'd heard him laugh at anything in months and it lightened my mood.
That was until they started their Cormac game.
"If Cormac was here, he'd kick his ass," Dark said, more to Dodd than me.
"He wouldn't have to. He's so badass the senator probably wouldn't come visit her at all," Dodd replied.
I kept my face toward the fireplace as they continued the, if Cormac was here game. I'd been listening to it for months and it seemed to get worse with each passing day. Cormac's pedestal was getting higher, and the taller it got, the thinner my patience ran.
I turned and headed toward my room, to escape from the game, not wanting to hear any more about how the almighty Cormac would've handled it when I wanted to spew the ugly truth that he'd abandoned them. He was probably lying on a beach somewhere warm, having the time of his life.
I knew I was getting a bit carried away in my delusions, but it had been three months. He was either dead, the thought still feeling like a fist around my heart, or doing something he deemed more important than all of us. Either way, I wasn't optimistic.
I'd almost made it out. And in five minutes from now, I was going to have wished I'd left the room just a few seconds earlier and avoided what was about to come next.
"Jo! When do you think he'll be back?" Dark asked.
I sighed and turned back to them. Maybe I should just tell them now. I couldn't keep this lie going forever. They'd eventually succumb to the suspicions as the time grew longer and longer. I was getting more and more questions about when. Why was it taking so long? Even if I could manage to stop myself from counting the days, someone would remind me of how long he'd been gone.
But I saw their hopeful faces and I lied. "I'm sure he's doing everything he can to find a suitable place." A suitable place on the beach with a cocktail and a hot little chickie serving it to him. I turned to leave again but Dodd stopped me.
"I bet you're sorry that you guys didn't get together sooner, huh? All that wasted time while you were figuring things out and then he had to leave."
I felt it coming, the sanity and calmness I kept locked tight around my natural instincts started to strain and crumble under the pressure. And I snapped. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep up this charade and protect him with my lies.
I walked back into the room and stood in front of the couch where they sat. I decided to get it out as quickly as I could.
"He didn't leave to find a new place for us. He just left." Their jaws dropped. They'd been deifying him and Cormac didn't deserve that. He'd abandoned them, just like he had me. "He never went to find a better place. I lied. I made it up to keep everyone calm."
"I don't understand," Dodd said.
The logic I'd told myself a minute ago had seemed so sound until I watched their faces go from shock to devastation. I still longed for the escape my room offered but instead, I collapsed on the sofa opposite them, not able to abandon them now that I'd ripped the blinders off.
"He was having issues with the magic changing him and he left," I tried to explain and lessen the harm I'd done. It softened it just as much as it had for me. Pulling the knife out didn't undo the stab wound. I looked at their horrified expressions and wished I'd kept my secret.
"He left us?" Dark asked in a soft, child-like voice.
"Yes, I'm sorry." Their faces betrayed their feelings. They were crushed, and I wished I could rewind time and rip out my own tongue. I hadn't done them a favor giving them the truth. I'd been selfish. I had so much anger toward Cormac it was blinding me and corrupting my choices.
"He didn't say he wouldn't come back." I'd thought of his words that day over and over again.
"What did he say?" Dodd asked.
"That he needed to get away." I looked down at the floor as I answered, having a hard time seeing the hurt in their eyes.
"Did he say anything else?" Dark asked.
I shook my head. "I don't think we should tell anyone else about this, okay?" Telling them was bad enough. I couldn't imagine a castle full of these forlorn faces.
Dark nodded and I heard Dodd utter a soft "Yeah," under his breath.
Dodd stood, muttered something about having to check in on Sabrina and left. Dark just sat on the couch.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"I left my people, in part because I believed in him, in his loyalty."
He hung his head, shoulders drooping. I mentally berated myself again for telling him.
"He loved you, you know that."
"Not enough to stay." He shook his head, now the one avoiding my stare.
It was hard to defend Cormac against the exact same betrayals I felt myself. But I would do it for Dark.
"He wouldn't have left if he hadn't felt like he had to. You know him; he's loyal to the bone. He wouldn't have made this decision unless he felt he didn't have a choice." I spoke the words and I wished I could believe it myself.
"Really? You think so?" His eyes darted up to me, a glimmer of hope.
"Yes." I forced the lie out and didn't look away.
"You think he'll come back?"
"I know he will." I stood, and stretched my legs, hoping I was right, if only for his sake. "Hey, why don't you crash in the extra room? I know you guys are tight in Dodd's suite."
"You sure?"
"Positive. The company would be nice." I walked into my room, Cormac's old room, and shut the door, promising myself that was the last time I'd tell the truth. This honesty crap was for the dogs. I never should have tossed out my lie about Cormac to all and sunder policy. I'd learned the hard way. From now on it would be lie, lie and lie some more, if it had anything to do with him. Let them figure it out on their own when he never came back.
Chapter Four
Top Dog
Dinner in the great hall was an odd affair. I didn't normally dine there; too many eyeballs trained on me made it hard to chew. But with all the new residents, and one in particular that liked to play power games, I was trying to keep my ears open. I also wanted to see how the wolves would fall in line, or not, with Kaz as the official alpha.
There was also the spy issue I needed to ferret out. At some point, it wouldn't work in my favor.
I feigned a great interest in my plate of warm canned peas, tuna and instant potatoes. It wasn't a pairing I'd give much praise but, it beat out the spam and applesauce duo of last night. The brownies, thanks to a recent soar in egg production that I still couldn't quite figure out, had saved that meal from becoming a complete loss.
I found an unoccupied shadowy nook and tuc
ked myself in. It was still early in the evening, but even during the day it was getting darker and darker in here, with no electricity. The fireplace was piled with logs to bursting, the tops of the flames so tall they disappeared into the chimney. In normal times, you might have said the heat was on full blast.
As I settled farther into my shadowed corner, I waited as the few people watching me slowly forgot my presence and went back to their idle chatting and dining.
I scanned the entire room, taking in as much detail as I could. The very first thing that struck me was that we lived together and struggled as one, but were more divided than ever.
Fae sat with Fae, humans with humans, and Keepers with Keepers. Changed, whose numbers were growing almost daily now, sat in their own spot. The wolves...well, nothing new there. No one ever really mingled with them. They were the big smelly bullies on the playground who the other kids avoided.
I waited, hoping the divide wasn't as bad as it appeared. I watched, looking for any interaction, but nothing. What kind of life would we build if we couldn't even speak with each other? Would we have anything left to rebuild if we couldn't get along, or would we be picked off by the senator, one weak link at a time? Or maybe we'd start picking each other off. I couldn't place blame when I was no better, guilty myself of wanting to shed some blood.
Once again, I wondered at the person I'd become. I was as bloodthirsty as the wolves these days, with maybe even more suppressed rage. Keeping our numbers healthy was the only thing that kept me from exacting my own revenge. That and the fact I didn't have the names of my mother's murderers.
Losing my appetite, I stepped out of the shadows and handed my plate to a changed passing by, who willingly took it and thanked me. You didn't leave uneaten food on your plate, and offering a share of your meal was actually considered a gift. I waved off the thanks and left.
I took the stairs two at a time as I headed up to the conference room where we were having our meeting. I paused at Dodd's floor; I desperately wanted to see Sabrina but I wouldn't push. She hadn't left Dodd's rooms since the night we'd gotten back and word had it that even Colleen and Dark, who were in the same suite, didn't see her.
I'd feel out Dodd tomorrow on whether Sabrina was up to visitors yet. I got it, she’d been through an ordeal; but at some point, regardless of what happened, she'd have to join the living again.
I walked out onto the stone floor where the conference room was located. Like almost everything else in this place, it had morphed into some sort of medieval strong hold. I pushed the solid wood of the door open and the full volume of the room hit me as everyone bickered amongst themselves.
Kaz was already there. I guess he decided not to push me any further by coming late, or worse, pulling a no show. Vitor leaned against a wall and was looking better than he had in months, probably due to his sister being here, one of the many refugees who had survived. Burrom was half sitting on the side table and looking, God forgive me for saying this, pretty damn hot. The idea made my skin crawl a bit. I never thought I'd ever view Burrom as attractive. It just felt wrong. Adam was there as the humans’ main spokesperson. And Colleen. A little tingle of pride made me smile that Colleen was there as the changed representative.
And then there was me, currently in charge of this chaotic and quite often disobedient group. I stepped over to the head of the table and leaned a hip on it. When I'd first stepped into Cormac's shoes, everyone assumed I'd try to copycat him - cold, aloof, all business and badass. I'd kept the badass part, but that was all.
Where Cormac had been cold, aloof and all business, I was casual, and nonchalant...until you crossed me. That's where my temper took over and kicked into the badass. Occasionally, that same temper blocked out the logical thought process and I went from badass straight to dumbass. So far, I'd been able to keep those occurrences to a limited amount and the dumbass part of my persona was still, for the most part, flying under the radar.
"As everyone here knows, with the new additions and the continuous stream of refugees, we’re running tight on room. I'd like everyone to go to their people and see if anyone is willing to double up. Also, I'm having a group go through the old casino shops and see which ones would be suitable for conversion into living quarters." The Lacard had once had a grand shopping mall inside its walls. Most of the store contents had been distributed to those in need and the surplus stored in the basements - now dungeons - for future use.
"What about food?" Adam asked, stepping forward. "This cold weather isn't going to help with the current shortages. All the leftover crops out there will be dead before we even get to them."
He stood there, arms crossed, and like everyone else, expecting me to solve all the issues like everyone else.
"The food isn't going to be an issue, at least for a while." And, not for the first time, I started to wonder when it had become my sole responsibility to clothe, shelter and feed these people. How much of the burden was I supposed to take? I didn't have any previous head honcho job experience, but was this really how this leadership thing was supposed to play out? Who would want this job? If I hadn't cracked up the world like a drunken teenager on a joyride gone bad, I'd have been out of there. But this was my equivalent to the crappy job you take until the damage is paid for and I'd stick at it until my debt was paid.
"How?" Adam asked.
"I won't say, but I'm working on something." I wasn't going to tell them that I'd sat down with Chip and zeroed in on the location of several canned food warehouses. If I did, there'd be nothing left by the time we got there.
Another issue we had was trust. While I was eating canned tuna and spam, a lot of people seemed to have some weird paranoia that I was dining on filet mignon every night, after I snuck up to the penthouse alone. I often wondered if it was because that is what they would do. Another reason I'd continue to drive the wrecked up car of a world.
"You need to be more open with us." Adam slammed a fist on the table.
"And you need to chill out." I waved my hand toward where he hit the table. "And save the dramatics, will you? I'm not sharing anything because I don't like when my plans are ruined and that's the end of it." I'd learned quickly to keep the important things to myself, after a food warehouse had been raided before we got there.
"After you stole from us, you owe us," Kaz said, the new top dog in charge.
I looked at him where he was sitting pretty close to me. Another issue with him gaining power was that stupid book. I knew he was riling up the wolves with tales - okay, maybe truths - about how Cormac and I had stolen from the wolves, working up the pack against me for purely political reasons.
"Yeah, a lousy boring book that was near to worthless."
"You don't steal from the wolves." He growled at the end of the sentence and I heard and answering growl from Dark, who I hadn't even realized had joined us.
I hopped off the table and grabbed the dictionary from underneath the shelves. I dumped it in front of him. "Here, we're even. Actually, you owe me, now, because this is probably better reading and a hell of a lot more useful." I walked away to his deep growl, and laughter from everyone else, as I stretched my legs in the front of the room. "Oh, and the person who wrote it could actually spell, too."
I saw the tell tale sign of Kaz's skin pimpling, a known indication of a werewolf close to the changing. But, for some reason, I didn't think he was really as mad as he was putting on. His face was too relaxed for someone who was supposedly in a rage.
If he wanted to continue this charade, I'd oblige him.
"Do you have a problem?" I walked back to the table again and rested a hip, leaned my head back and puffed out a set of four smoke rings. Except it wasn't smoke, it was pure magic, a new trick I'd been working on as I paced the halls alone at night.
Everyone watched the rings dissolve into the air with a bit of awe. Good, it was better if they were a little scared of me.
"No." His voice was low and I thought I saw a tic by the corner of his mouth.
<
br /> "That's good. As the new leader of the wolves, I'll expect a list of names you'll be supplying for your portion of the work duty."
He nodded, his eyes still lingering in the air where the rings had disappeared.
"Now, does anyone else have something they need to discuss?" I searched the faces in the room. No one else spoke.
"Okay then, see you guys next week." Once I'd taken over, I'd instituted weekly meetings to try and stay on top of everything. It might not have been one of my brightest ideas.
"I'd like a moment alone," Kaz said, drawing my attention back to him.
I nodded toward the door, silently signaling for him to wait as everyone exited.
As soon we were alone, I leaned against the wall, not overly concerned. "What?"
He closed the six or so feet between us and leaned close, resting a hand by my head. "I heard you're rolling solo these days." Then the smile I'd seen him fighting lit up his face. He wasn't a bad looking guy, wolf man, or whatever. He definitely had the swagger that I unfortunately found so appealing, but my life couldn't handle another complication and I'd had one alpha too many crush my heart.
I didn't mean to insult him but I couldn't help but laugh. A death threat I would've expected. He joined in and laughed as well.
"Are you a schizophrenic, or is all that other stuff an act?"
"The wolves follow strength. In your face, ball breaking strength." He shrugged as if that was all the explanation necessary.
"Do you enjoy acting like that?"
"I don't really mind. Comes pretty natural to me. I'm sure as hell not letting anyone else make the choices I'll have to live by. So how 'bout it? You and me." He leaned slightly closer but didn't actually touch me, just hovered. "It's not even how hot you are. I've got hot chicks falling all over me on a daily basis. But girl, you've got bigger balls than my second in command. I bet you're a firecracker in bed, too." When he ran his knuckles over my cheek, I knew it was time to stop this little game.
Redemption: Alchemy Series Book #4 Page 4
