by Nikki Landis
I could see the same understanding reflected in his eyes as they looked intently into mine. I slowly lifted my hand and placed it against his cheek. His hand covered mine for a brief moment, before he took it and placed a kiss on my palm. I felt so perfect in that moment. My eyes started to tear up as I thought about how much I truly loved him. I thought my chest was going to burst with the strength of my emotions.
I finally got it. I understood for the first time what it meant to love someone this much. I understood what it meant to love someone enough to lay down your life for them. To give everything, every part of yourself. To relinquish control and give in completely. I knew if I ever had to make that choice, I could do it without hesitation.
Losing Gramps had proved one very important point to me. You have to make the most of the time you have with the people you love. You never know how long you are given. And life was much too short for regrets. Love was too important to let go, especially once you found it. Love was the anchor of all life, all true and amazing experience, and all good and infinite happiness.
I realized something important at that moment. Something life altering, something simple. Love. Perfect, all consuming, and all encompassing. The truth of love resonated inside me. It gave me sudden clarity. The love of two people, deeply and unequivocally attached to one another, unable to be broken by any human weapons. A bond forged so strong nothing on earth could break it. It was everything.
Love didn’t have boundaries. Love didn’t have limits. I thought about 1 Corinthians 13 from the bible. It says: “Love is patient; love is kind and envies no one. Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; never selfish, not quick to take offense. Love keeps no score of wrongs; does not gloat over another’s sins, but delights in the truth. There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, its hope, and its endurance. There are three things that last forever: faith, hope and love; but the greatest of them all is love.”
People could be all of these things, like rude and selfish, but never love. Love could only be pure. Love was the embodiment of everything good. Love could conquer anything. I had never thought of those words this way before. I guess you could not fully comprehend the true meaning of love unless you were in love. Maybe parents and grandparents, and probably people of deep faith, but no one else. You had to be touched in a deep place to fully comprehend it. When love really touched you, it changed your life forever.
I lifted my hands to place them on either side of Kellen’s face. I made sure he was looking at me before I spoke. His eyes locked with mine.
“I love you,” I told him simply. I said it with every ounce of conviction I had.
I was unprepared for his response. His eyes glistened. He slipped down on the floor and pulled me close to him. He slid his arms around my waist, encircling me, and leaned his head down to bury it in my lap. We stayed that way a long time. Both of us breathing quietly and saying nothing. I stroked his hair absently with my fingers, eliciting a contented sigh from his throat.
Eventually he sat up. His face looked so glorious, like the sun itself had kissed him with warmth. His smile was unlike anything I had ever seen. He truly beamed as he looked at me.
“Thank you,” he said, “for loving me.” His voice broke slightly.
My throat was so tight that I couldn’t answer. I just nodded. He was still kneeling on the floor next to me. He leaned in close and kissed my lips, long and gently, a world of meaning conveyed in that one sweet act.
“I love you too,” he whispered softly, “more than I ever dreamed possible.”
I smiled. I knew exactly what he meant.
He stood up slowly, his eyes watching my face. I heard a noise next to the stairway and looked over. It was Gran. She had a strange expression on her face. How long had she been standing there?
Kellen looked at her and smiled. Silent communication passed between them. She looked back at him with a puzzled expression which quickly changed to understanding. She nodded to him in return.
“I saw everything. I’m sorry dear, I came down to check on you. It’s late and I thought you might be hungry,” Gran admitted.
“It’s ok Gran,” I said, since I did not mind. All the better. She would understand the depth of my feelings for him now. “I am hungry.”
“Why don’t you take a shower? Breakfast will be ready by the time you are done.”
“I will. Thanks Gran!” I jumped up and placed a quick kiss on her cheek and blew one to Kellen as I ran up the stairs to my room.
I quickly gathered my robe and a towel and skipped into the bathroom. Humming to myself, I closed the door and turned on the hot water. I paused in front of the mirror and nearly fell over. I looked terrible. My hair was a tangled mess of curls, my cheeks were flushed, and my eyes were red. My clothes were all wrinkled from having spent the night on the couch. I probably had morning breath. How did Kellen miss that?
I grabbed my toothbrush and started brushing. When I was done, I brushed them again just in case. I stayed in the shower longer than I meant to, letting the hot water relax my stiff muscles. I eventually turned off the water and got out. Toweling off quickly, I ran the brush through my hair. I decided to keep it simple. I put some mousse in my hair and scrunched it up with my fingers. It looked let the curls dry loose. I blew it dry half way and pinned a strand away from my face on each side with a thin barrette.
I wanted to look special today. I had a hard time finding something to wear. I finally chose a long maxi dress. It had thin straps with a sweetheart neckline and an empire waist. It was a cream background with gold and roses splashed all over on it. The design looked like a watercolor painting. It was brand new. I put a pair of small thin gold hoops in my ears and then added my necklace from Kellen and Gran. Lastly, I threw a few gold bangles on my left wrist and some cherry lip gloss on my lips. I looked in the mirror for a moment and then skipped down the stairs toward the kitchen.
I paused in the living room as I passed the new pictures Gran had added to the coffee table. There was a collage of pictures of Kellen and I that had been taken by Gran here at the house on prom night. One photo was just the three of us: Gran, Gramps, and me. In a separate frame the professional prom photos were also displayed. I smiled as I looked at them, thinking of how special that night had been for us, at least before the phone call. I quickly dismissed it from my mind, determined to make this day a happy one.
I skipped into the kitchen, jubilant with the knowledge of newfound love. My heart was light as I entered. Kellen and Gran both looked up when I came in. They smiled at me.
“Rhiannon, you look beautiful.” Kellen complemented, his eyes widening in appreciation.
“Very lovely dear, I really like the new dress,” Gran agreed.
I noticed Kellen had already showered and changed clothes as well. How did he do that so fast? He was looking very handsome in tan cargo pants and a deep green polo shirt. The color really set off his eyes.
I smiled. Then I smelled the food. My stomach growled loudly. Kellen jumped up and placed a kiss on my cheek. Then he took my hand and led me to the table. He pulled out a chair for me to sit and then sat next to me.
Gran started heaping food on the table. She had outdone herself. There were scrambled eggs with ham and cheese, a tower of toast, sausage links, a big bowl of fresh fruit, and another tower of pancakes. There was warm syrup in the gravy bowl and fresh squeezed orange juice as well. It all smelled so wonderful. My mouth was watering.
Gran said a quick blessing and we started filling our plates. I put a little bit of everything on my plate and started eating. I noticed with humor that Kellen was actually eating off of two plates. I guess he didn’t have enough room on one. I still couldn’t believe how much he could eat. I guess all of that strength required a lot of fuel for energy.
He caught me watching him and grinned at me. Ridiculous. He was so easily placated. I rolled my eyes at him. After we were done eating, Gran poured some coffee for herself and Kellen.
“Don
’t you like coffee?” He asked.
“I love the smell but not the way it tastes.” I made a face. “Surely you have seen my morning fruit, avocado, and almond milk smoothies?”
He grinned at me again. I don’t think my answer surprised him any. “Of course.”
“So, what are you kids doing today?” Gran asked.
Kellen spoke up. “I wanted to take Rhiannon out this afternoon and come back for dinner if that’s ok.”
“Sure,” Gran smiled. “How about pot roast tonight?”
“You are spoiling me Gran.” He grinned.
I looked at him with one eyebrow raised in curiosity.
“Gran said I may as well call her that too,” he explained.
“Why not? It looks like you have been adopted anyway. Look how much she feeds you,” I said with another eye roll.
“True.” He did not even have the decency to look embarrassed.
Kellen and I got up and started clearing the table. But Gran told us to go on.
“Go enjoy yourselves this afternoon. I’ll see you this evening.” Gran looked at me and winked.
I gave her a hug and went to get my shoes. I slipped my feet in the thin sandals. Then I ran upstairs to brush my teeth again and put on more lip gloss. When I got back to the stairs Kellen was standing there waiting for me.
He opened his arms as an invitation. I skipped down the stairs and ran into them. He crushed me into a giant bear hug and then swung me around several times before setting me down on the ground. I looked at him, laughing breathlessly. His mood was just as light as mine. He took my hand and we headed out the front door.
“How about my place?” He asked.
I still hadn’t seen his house yet. The thought was a little intimidating.
“Ok,” I said nervously.
He laughed. “I just want to be alone with you for a while. No interruptions.”
“Oh, that’s fine with me,” I told him. Probably too fine with me. All alone at his place? I was excited and scared at the same time.
Kellen opened the door for me and I sat down in the Hummer. He was around and in the car himself before I had finished buckling myself in. We drove in silence while I messed with the radio. I found a rock station and let Radiohead blast through the speakers.
Something suddenly occurred to me. Why did Kellen never mention his family? Why didn’t I know more about them? And why did he always change the subject and distract me before I could really ask him? I think I had my answer. He was hiding information, maybe he didn’t trust me. Maybe he was just protecting me but that didn’t matter anymore. I already knew the truth. I knew about the enemy. So why be so mysterious? After all of the declarations of love, we were passed the secrecy now, right?
I didn’t want to ruin the mood but I was too curious to let it go.
“You’re not really staying with family are you?” I asked him once we had merged onto the highway.
“No, but these are people who can be trusted. I have known them a long time…the Hummer came from them,” he replied hesitantly.
I stared at him for a minute. He wasn’t staying with his family? “You lied to me?”
He didn’t say anything and continued driving, looking very uncomfortable. I continued to stare at him, daring him to ignore me. He sighed.
“I didn’t lie exactly. I just…shared what I could and left out what I couldn’t.”
“Kellen, are you serious? That is the same thing as lying. Are you really trying to get out of telling me the truth?” I asked him, irritated and annoyed, and trying not to be.
“Rhiannon, don’t overreact please. It’s not what you are making it out to be,” he responded quietly.
Overreact? Now I was getting angry. He was purposely not answering my questions. I gritted my teeth for a moment and then continued.
“A lie is a lie. It doesn’t change because you want it to be something different. You don’t trust me. You are deliberately not answering my question. Why would you do that?”
His eyes narrowed. “So now you are going to hurl accusations at me because you are not getting what you want? That is very childish Rhia.”
That was it. I was done. I sat back against the seat and scowled.
“Rhiannon, please don’t do this right now.”
I didn’t answer him. I just sat staring straight ahead. He looked upset, glancing at me often. We finally reached the house and he pulled up into the driveway, turning off the ignition. He reached for me but I unbuckled the seat belt and moved away from him.
“Dammit, what do you need to know? She’s just a girl and they are just a family I know, ok? No big deal.” His voice was tense, bordering on yelling.
That perked my interest. “Who is she? Who is this family?”
“A family that has known us for many years. They chose to remain on this side of the portal. I was Guardian to…their family for a time,” he explained.
I still had the feeling he wasn’t telling me everything. By “us” did he mean his family or her or what?
“Who’s ‘us’?” I asked quietly.
“My family Rhiannon, in my world. Their family is from across the portal too. They made a choice to come here. It’s not that important,” he told me, betraying some annoyance in his voice.
“Were you…together?” I asked hesitantly.
“We dated a short time. It didn’t work out. She wanted different things than I did.”
“Like what?” I couldn’t imagine not wanting him.
“Rhiannon, that is not important right now. You’ll understand someday. Just forget about it, for now, ok?”
“But Kellen, why won’t you tell me?” I couldn’t help feeling a little hurt.
He looked even more upset. “There isn’t much to tell. Please believe me.”
I folded my arms and slumped back in the seat. I wasn’t happy that he still wouldn’t tell me the whole truth. What didn’t he want me to know? It irritated me since I told him everything. Really. I couldn’t think of one instance where I was hesitant or less than forthcoming. No lies. No secrets.
I didn’t like the idea of having words left unsaid between us. I instinctively knew there was more than he was telling me and his reluctance chafed at me. What was he hiding?
“Rhia, darling, please…stop pouting,” he chided me quietly.
“Kellen…I’m not pouting. I’m hurt. There’s a difference,” I told him sarcastically.
“Rhiannon, baby, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings.”
“Ok, then why won’t you confide in me and tell me the truth? What are you keeping from me?”
He looked surprised for a second and then quickly recovered.
“Rhia, I…there really isn’t anything…” He paused. “Will you please trust me?”
He sounded slightly annoyed again so I gave up knowing I was getting nowhere. I sighed and agreed, still not satisfied. We would talk about this later. I was not done with this conversation yet. We got out of the car and he took my hand, leading me inside. For now there were other things to discuss.
Chapter Sixteen
Kellen and I sat down in the living room on the sofa. I let my guard down and opened my heart. He wanted to discuss something important and I needed to listen. We talked a long time about his life. He told me about being a Guardian and reminded me about the oaths he took and how much it meant to him. He lingered on this subject a long time.
“I understand your commitment Kellen,” I assured him. I really did.
“Oaths are important in my world. I wouldn’t break my word Rhiannon, not for anything, ever. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you out of danger and away from harm. Even if it means leaving you, I would do it. Your safety is my greatest concern.”
I couldn’t believe he was telling me this right now. It made me upset again and angry. I shook my head at him.
“Rhia, I don’t think you grasp the seriousness of the situation.”
Was he for real? I knew exactly how
dangerous and severe the situation was, I had almost been killed several times now. I didn’t even dignify that comment with a response. I was only upset about him considering the idea of leaving me.
“So, just like that, you’d go? So easy for you to do, huh?” I was hurt, for the second time in the last hour.
“Rhiannon, don’t be upset with me please,” he begged.
I couldn’t answer him. I was too choked up. How dare he spring that on me? He was not going to be so noble just to save me. I wouldn’t let him leave me. I was furious. Tears were in my eyes and starting to brim over. He was still staring at my face. He noticed my tears and immediately threw his arms around me.
“I’m sorry love, I made you cry.”
I pushed back with my hands against his chest, frustrated and angry. What was with him today anyway? He looked down at me, sighing.
“Kellen you can’t do this. You can’t even consider it. I won’t be able to handle it. I…” I couldn’t finish the sentence.
The tears were really coming now. He wiped them away with his fingers. I could see the struggle in his face. It wasn’t easy for him either. Then why was he saying this to me? Why would he put us through this kind of pain?
“Kiss me,” I told him urgently, “please.”
His mouth came down on mine with a fierceness that took my breath away. I wound my fingers up and through his hair, pulling him closer to me. It was always the same, lightning and heat, fire and passion. My body reacting faster than my mind. I wasn’t the only one.
He responded immediately, wrapping me in his arms and picking me up. He never stopped kissing me as he walked across the house and into his bedroom, and then as he laid me gently down on his bed. I didn’t have time to think it through. I only knew that the ache burning inside me, crushing my chest, would only be lessened by being with him.
He lay down and pulled me down on top of him, his hands clenching around me, his face a mask of concentration. He continued to kiss me passionately, his lips searing my mouth with heat. I felt the plunge of his tongue into my mouth and I melted into him. His hands were at my waist, clutching my body close to his. He rolled with me in his arms and I was suddenly lying back against the bed. He was careful not to let his weight crush me as he continued to press his warm lips against my flushed skin. My shoulder. My neck. Back to the spot beneath my earlobe.
