“You and the rest of the male population of the world,” she joked as she fell onto the other couch.
“So, come on, I didn’t expect you home for hours. What happened?”
“Oh, the poor guy. I went to the track with him, and all was going well. He had a bit of success, and I met a nice woman in the crowd. On the last race, though, he had a wardrobe malfunction, and he let it ruin the rest of our afternoon.”
Luke looked confused. “A wardrobe malfunction? I don’t even know what that means for a man.”
“Same as it means for a woman,” she laughed as she put her feet up on the armrest. “Let’s just say that I, along with a few hundred spectators, got a sneak peak of everything Geoffrey has to offer.”
“Oh, wow. You didn’t?”
“Oh, yes, I did. It was hilarious, and he still won his race. He couldn’t get over the embarrassment, though, and he left our meal early. Another opportunity lost, I guess.”
“Maybe. You don’t want anyone who’s overly sensitive, though, do you? I would have laughed my ass off and invited you to check out the same thing in private.”
She threw her cushion at him—not for the first time since he’d taken to lying on her couch. “Yes, you probably would have.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“It’s not something I ever think about.”
“Maybe you should,” he said quietly.
She looked over at him to see he was watching her. “We’ve been through this already, Luke. You’re not him. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, right, I keep forgetting about the bike thing. I assume Geoffrey had a car?”
She sighed and turned her attention to the television. “You know he did. I had to get a taxi home, though, since he left in a hurry.”
“You should have called me. I would have come and gotten you.”
She got up from the couch and bashed him with her other cushion. “If you picked me up on that bike, we’d still be on our way home tomorrow. Now stop baiting me and tell me what you want me to cook for dinner.”
***
“We’re all going to watch Boyd play football on Saturday. Do you and Luke want to come?” Jordan sat on the kitchen bench, watching Luke flick through her television channels.
Does that man ever go anywhere or do anything with anyone besides me? When did we start getting invited places as a couple?
“You’ll have to ask him.”
“Come on, Jordan, I can hear the idiot box going. You never watch it, which means he’s there.” Andrea was way too smart for her.
“Luke, do you want to go to Boyd’s footy game on Saturday?” she called to him.
“Yep, love to. Can I ride with you?”
She nodded at him and rolled her eyes as he made steering wheel signs with his hands. “We’ll be there. What time?”
“Starts at two. See you then.” She hung up and watched as Luke helped himself to a drink from her fridge. She would have been annoyed, except he had stocked the fridge with groceries and drinks yesterday, and she couldn’t very well tell him off for drinking his own drink.
“Want me to cook dinner for us?” he asked as he leaned against the bench.
“I’d love that. I’m tired of eating out all the time.”
He waved his hand in the direction of the lounge room and she slipped off the bench to leave him to it. She’d changed into her pyjamas by the time dinner was ready, and they sat at the table to eat their meal. Rex folded himself over Luke’s feet, and she made faces at him as she chewed. “You’re a traitor, dog. Next, you’ll want to go home with him at night.”
“Oh, he’s already had a trip to my house.”
“When did that happen?”
“I had a few errands to run yesterday, and he was due for a walk. So, I killed two birds with one stone: we did my jobs and he got his walk and a ride in the basket on my bike. He loved every second of it.” He smiled at her as she shook her head.
She couldn’t remember a time she’d seen Luke without that wide smile on his face. She’d gotten used to him being here whenever she got home, and his grin was contagious. It always cheered her up to talk about her latest awful date and what they were going to have for dinner.
“At least one of you loves me, Jordan.”
***
The football game was a disaster. The day was overcast with heavy rain threatening, and some of the opposing team hadn’t shown up. By half time, the girls were bored and Andrea announced she was going home. The other three women decided to go to Emily’s house to watch scary movies, since she lived three streets away. Jordan offered to drive Luke home first, but he insisted that he would get a lift with one of the other men, and she left feeling slightly guilty.
We’re not a couple. We don’t have to leave together just because we arrived together.
She stopped at the supermarket to get chips and dips to share, and a few minutes later, she was knocking on Emily’s door where Cape Fear was already cued up on the DVD player and ready to start.
“I’ve never seen this movie,” Jordan commented.
“Oh, it’s so good. Terrifying in parts. Robert DeNiro is amazing.”
They put their snacks on the coffee table, pulled the curtains, and settled in to watch. Jordan and Emily were curled up on the couch, while Shelly stretched out on cushions on the floor.
The movie had only been playing for twenty minutes when the phone rang. Emily reached for it without taking her eyes from the screen, “Hello? Hello?” She hung up the phone and shrugged at Jordan before returning her attention to the screen.
A few minutes later, the same scenario was replayed. The phone rang and Emily answered, but no one was there. The third time the phone rang, she’d had enough. She paused the movie and insisted Jordan call her home number from her mobile; she answered the phone and could hear Jordan perfectly. They laughed nervously and started the movie again, and Jordan noticed Emily’s fingers digging into the couch, which made her smile.
She’s already seen this movie and she’s still jumpy!
The phone continued to ring with no one on the other end. Shelly tried to laugh it off, but the calls had shaken them. “We’re grown women. Why are we freaking out like this?”
“It’s weird, that’s all. Remember, you guys will go home later, and I’ll have to stay here on my own with the creepy calls.”
“How about I call Boyd?” Shelly checked the time on her phone. “He should be finished playing, by now. I’ll get him to come over, so we can finish this movie without crying like school girls!” They laughed as she made the call, and Emily switched on the light and refilled their drinks. Boyd arrived ten minutes later, and they settled down again with the light off and the movie turned up loud.
As they watched Robert DeNiro’s character slide under a car and strap himself to it, they heard running footsteps outside Emily’s lounge room window. The girls were wide-eyed as Boyd laughed at their nervousness. “Relax, ladies. It’s just kids playing outside.” As the words left his mouth, a fist started pounding loudly on the front door and the girls screamed. “Oh, stuff this. Emily, do you have a baseball bat or a tyre iron?”
“What?” she cried, looking like she might start sobbing. “Why would I have a baseball bat?”
“Just something heavy, in case I need some kind of weapon. Maybe your iron?”
“An iron is not a weapon, Boyd,” Jordan chimed in as she stood in the tiny space looking terrified.
“I’m calling the police!” Shelly had her mobile out, and Boyd put his arm over the screen.
“They’ve gone now.” He looked around the room, trying to calm the nerves of three frantic women. “Come on, it’s more than likely kids.”
“How do you explain the hang-ups, then?”
“Coincidence. Come on, sit down and let’s finish the movie. Nothing will happen while I’m here.”
The three of them laughed nervously, and Emily got up and put her iron on the coffee table as Boyd nodded
his approval at her. She sat next to Jordan and looked at her wide-eyed. The remote was aimed at the TV and the movie restarted, but their heart wasn’t in it, anymore. Jordan spent the next thirty minutes nervously glancing at the door as they watched the family on the screen lurch from one terror to the next.
She was almost relaxed again when there was another loud bang on the door. The three women jumped to their feet as Boyd put up his hand to shush them. He picked up the iron and walked silently toward the door. He opened it slowly and peeked through the opening as the door swung open. A loud crack—almost as loud as a gunshot rang out—and Boyd fell back from the door.
With the front door wide open and Boyd flailing behind the wall, they couldn’t see what was happening. There was a thud, sounds of a scuffle and a moan, and then Shelly started screaming. Her panic was infectious, and with every bang from the doorway, the three women screamed again. Jordan looked around for a weapon of her own as her heart hammered in her chest.
What the hell do we do?
She grabbed Shelly’s phone from where it had fallen to the floor and tried to call the emergency number. She had to dial and cancel several times, however, as her hands were shaking so badly that the phone kept registering the wrong number. As she was trying for the third time, a new sound made its way into her consciousness. Someone was laughing.
What the…?
The laughter increased, and she recognised Boyd’s voice as he giggled. She lowered the phone and handed it to Shelly, who was crying while being comforted by Emily. She strode forward and shoved the front door closed, so she could look into the hallway. There she saw a sight that took her breath away.
Boyd, Luke, and a man she didn’t know were doubled over, howling with laughter. They were holding each other up and giggling like children, and tears rolled down Luke’s cheeks as he snickered. She stood there, open-mouthed, until Boyd managed to get himself under control enough to speak.
“Oh my God, Jordan, you should have seen your face!” She leaned forward and slapped him over the head with her open hand, which set the three of them off again.
Behind her, Shelly and Emily had finally realised this was a practical joke. Shelly stood in shock, her tear-stained face slowly changing into a mask of fury. “What the fuck, Boyd? What were you thinking? We nearly called the police! What if one of us had hit one of you with the damn iron?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, baby. Luke told us you’d come here to watch a horror movie, and we couldn’t resist freaking you out.” He struggled to catch his breath as he was overcome by laughter again.
“So the calls were you, too?” Emily asked. Relief that she wouldn’t have to worry about them for the rest of the night showed plainly on her face.
“Yep,” Luke giggled. “You fell right into our trap, too. We had a bet about how long it would be before one of our phones rang.” He looked at Jordan, “I’m a bit offended you wouldn’t call me in your hour of need.”
“Fuck you, Luke. I wouldn’t call you if you were the last man on Earth.” Jordan returned to the couch to collect her handbag.
“I’m pretty sure I’ll never call you again, either, Boyd.” Shelly chimed in with a sniff. “How could you do this?” She turned away, and he realised how upset she was. He was suddenly offering her soothing words, where a minute ago he’d been laughing.
Luke tried the same with Jordan, but she was having none of his apologies. “Get out of my way. I’m going home.”
“Oh, okay.” He turned and high-fived Boyd. “See you, man. I’ve gotta go, too.”
“Oh no you fucking don’t. I’m not taking you with me. You said you’d get a lift, and that’s exactly what you’re going to do.”
“Come on, Jordan, it was a joke.”
“It wasn’t funny. I thought Shelly was going to have a heart attack, and she thought Boyd had been bashed or killed. Now move. I’m leaving.” She turned to Emily, “Call me if you’re scared later and you need to come to my place. Don’t let these idiots stay too long.” Then she swept out the doorway to her car.
August
“You’re going on a date with somebody you met on Facebook?”
“I am. He asked me out last week.”
“I’m impressed that you’re being so brave. I don’t know if I could have followed through like you have. We’re eight months in and you’re still saying yes.” Emily smiled as she sipped her milkshake through a pink straw. “I have to admit, though, when you said you were going to date like crazy and find a husband in a year, I thought you would be having much more sex.”
Jordan laughed loudly, and the woman at the next table shifted in her seat. “I kind of thought so, too. I had images of sleeping with a few guys to work out who was most compatible with me. It hasn’t turned out like that, at all, though. I’ve had more dates and less sex than ever! The one encounter that I did have, I can’t remember! The only one I’d even consider sleeping with now is Richard, and I won’t see him again until next week.” She stirred her coffee and watched the black liquid swirl around.
“Are you talking to Luke, yet?” Emily broached the subject they’d all been avoiding whenever Jordan was around.
“Barely. He keeps trying to come over, but I make sure I’m not home. It’s lucky I didn’t give him a key, like I’d planned.” She didn’t meet Emily’s eyes as she continued stirring her coffee.
“Shelly and Boyd made up.”
“That’s good. She’s been upset for weeks about that stupid prank. I was worried the wedding would be cancelled.”
“You should probably forgive him.” She slurped her drink again while watching Jordan’s face.
She closed her eyes for a second before she answered. “I’ll think about it, but I think we’re done. We were just friends, anyway. There’s a chance that Rex misses him more than I do.”
“You miss him?”
“That’s not what I meant. You can stop it now—I know what you’re trying to do. I’ve been noticing all of you mentioning Luke these past few weeks, but he’s not the one.”
Emily couldn’t use her quiet voice, anymore. “Oh, come on, Jordan! He’s perfect and you know it. He’s handsome, tall, and has a fabulous sense of humour, except for that awful practical joke, of course. He told me he loves kids, and he wants to go to New Zealand for a holiday. He’s so perfect, it’s not even funny. Plus, you know how he fills out his jeans.” She grinned as Jordan smiled at her with a look of sadness in her eyes.
“Yes, he is all those things. You make him sound amazing. The list said he had to have a car, though, so, no.”
“Can’t you make an exception for someone that our group particularly likes? Why don’t you ask him on a date and see?”
“I don’t want to.”
“Why not? You’re worried he’ll turn out to be perfect, aren’t you?” She raised her eyebrows in a knowing way as she took in Jordan’s sad face. “You’re convinced you’ll fall for him.”
“Nope. Not true—not even a tiny bit. I don’t even think he has a job, Em.” She took a sip of her coffee, because stirring it was starting to look silly. “He’s always available for me. He’s there every single time I get home from a date, ready to hear the post mortem of what went wrong this time. He cooks me dinner, walks the dog, and spends all his spare time on my couch watching movies.” She looked at Emily again, “Do you know he can tell you anything about your favourite movie—even the chick flicks? I think he must be living on unemployment benefits, and, and,” she spoke faster as her case grew momentum, “he’s never invited me over to his house. He probably shares with someone, or a few people. Who knows?”
“Yeah, umm… he sounds like a terrible human being, Jordan. So attentive and always there when you need him—totally awful. Why don’t you ask him where he lives and where he works?”
“No, no more talk of him. He’s always been just a friend, and nothing has changed. It’s time I weaned myself off being dependant on Luke, so let it go.”
***
Jordan’s Facebook date picked her up right on time. He held the door for her and closed the car door gently behind her once she was settled. They were going to the theatre, and he was dressed to impress in a well-made black suit. His car was warm inside, and Jordan snuggled into the soft leather. When he’d settled in the driver’s seat, he turned to her with an earnest look on his face.
“It’s lovely to meet you, Jordan. I’m glad we could get to know each other tonight.”
“You, too, Charles. Thank you for taking me to see this play; I’ve been wanting to go for a long time, and I missed out on seeing it with a friend back in April.”
The night I almost died in an underground chop shop!
“Great. You should enjoy it, then. There’s one thing before we leave, and I already know it’s going to seem a little odd to you.” He reached over and opened the glove box in front of her knee. He pulled out a small box and looked at her without opening it. “I have a tradition when I have a good feeling about a date.” He flicked open the box and Jordan suddenly realised it contained a ring.
Woah there, tiger!
He pulled it out and lifted it up, so she could see it. It was platinum and set with three diamonds, and as he turned it, she realised that it spelled out the word “love” on the top. “I like to have my dates wear my ring. You know, as a kind of good luck gesture.”
Jordan was speechless, and she couldn’t stop her eyes from skating sideways to look longingly at the entrance to her building. If she handled this right, she could be inside and kicking off her shoes in two minutes. She did want to see the play, though, and tickets had been rare ever since she’d made Emily take Andrea the night she’d gone out with George. If she didn’t go now, she might never get to see it. Was it so bad to humour him and wear the ring?
Yes!
She pasted on a smile and held out her hand, and he grinned at her and let out a sigh. She guessed he was relieved that she hadn’t run, and she wondered how often this tactic worked for him. If nothing else, it would stop his date from sneaking out when she went to the bathroom.
Married This Year Page 10
