by SM Olivier
Suddenly, I felt a panicky feeling take hold of me. I cared for him. I cared for the others, but was I ready to relinquish pieces of my heart by loving them? My heart had already taken too many beatings over the years. I was afraid of any more.
I took a deep breath in and decided to put my fear on the back burner for now and reexamine it later. I needed to deflect, needed to go back to safer shores. “So, no peeing on you?” I deadpanned.
His face looked truly horrified and uncomfortable for a moment before he shook his head and smiled. He knew I was only teasing him to get a rise out of him because, honestly…Yuck!
“You are borderline insane, you know this, right?” he asked me.
“So, is that a hard no, or like you could never get into that kink?” I gave him an impish smile. “How do you feel about sex in public? I was thinking like a dressing room,” I finished on a whisper as we finally joined our group.
I was only trying to tease him, but after I said it, I realized I really wouldn’t be opposed to dressing room sex. My sexual curiosity was growing, and I wanted to experiment with someone I trusted, and who better than the guys that had accepted me and took me in?
I knew I had to still maintain some boundaries—I just had to find them.
I heard him hiss out a breath but was unable to look at him as Anya handed me a schedule.
“You’re going on in an hour and a half. Once Alex gets set up, I want you to get in your costume and get made up, then you can stretch out. We’ll go through your number one more time.” She smiled at me before turning to Zane. “Here’s the boys’ schedule. I highlighted their show times. Call me if you need me.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said before handing me my duffel bag and kissed my cheek. “I’ll see you soon,” he murmured.
I felt Anya’s eyes on me and turned to look at her. I still wasn’t used to how openly affectionate he was with me in front of his mother. She gave me an understanding smile and wink.
“You make him happy. That makes me happy,” she murmured before turning to talk to the other girls.
It was already predetermined that Alex would be staying with the girls and helping us get ready, while Zane and one of the male instructors would help out with the boys. Anya, Star, and some of the instructors I had yet to work with would be splitting their time between the two rooms until each of us performed.
“Follow me, girls,” Alex chirped.
“Boys with Sergei and me.” Zane stood in front of the group and held up his hand with the schedule in his hand.
His eyes scanned the group before he gave me a pointed smile. Swoon. Yeah, definitely falling for him slowly but surely.
I found Renee once more and linked my arms through hers. “Showtime, baby.” I smiled at her.
She looked on the verge of a breakdown. “Yeah,” she mumbled.
“Why do you dance?” I inquired.
“Because I love it,” she said without hesitation. “Because my mother was a professional dancer before she got cancer, and it’s where I… feel her the most. When I’m dancing for those few minutes, I can be whoever I want to be.”
Wow. That was deep and heartbreaking.
“Then that’s what you need to focus on. Forget about all the negativity and find that place,” I murmured to her. “You’re an amazing dancer, and I couldn’t think of any greater way to honor your mother than by taking first place today.”
She looked at me with shock. “Even if I beat you?”
I grinned at her. “I’m not going to give it to you,” I teased. “But I know you have the ability to. When I first visited the school, I couldn’t take my eyes off you. You have the ‘it factor’ when you’re dancing.”
She teared up. “Thank you, Peyton. I really was leery at your friendliness at first, but now I see you’re a genuinely nice person.”
I ducked my head and smiled back at her. “Thanks, Renee, so are you.”
“Peyton!” I heard my name being called.
I turned around and nearly stumbled on my next step.
A petite blond that could easily grace any magazine cover, with a beautiful tan and bright blue eyes, was headed my way followed closely by a tall half-Asian and Caucasian guy with a man bun.
It was Madison and Lucas.
●
“You stopped taking our calls and texts,” Madison said with tears brimming her eyes.
I still couldn’t believe they had driven all this way to see me today. I had thought about the close proximity to them, an hour’s drive, but I was still in limbo with my feelings for them. Life had become such a whirlwind, that I hadn’t had time to process any of that.
After I got into costume and makeup, I had met them out in the hall in front of our dressing room. Since our schedules were hectic, I figured I would talk to them as soon as I could since they had made an effort to come to see me.
“We’re really sorry. We miss you, Pey,” Lucas said.
I looked up into his face, and I could see the truth there. They really felt remorse for how things had gone down. I had never seen them both look so…un-put together. Both prided themselves on their looks. Madison loved her designer clothing, and Lucas never could “just run to Walmart in pajama bottoms” or leave the house without his contacts in.
“I miss you, too,” I finally admitted. “I… it… I mean…” I stuttered. “Finding out you guys went behind my back like that really hurt me, and I was at an emotionally low point in my life. I felt like I was just thrown in a snow globe, and someone came up and shook it all up.”
I leaned back against the wall and grabbed my ankle so I could stretch out my hamstrings. As if it was the most natural thing to do, Lucas stepped up and took my ankle and assisted me in getting my foot to touch the wall. It had been something he had done for me a thousand times. He may not have always been there for me, but he was still … there.
“You know I would have never intentionally hurt you, and if I knew your stepdad really was coming after you, I would have been there in a heartbeat. I hate that I hurt you, and I wish I could take it back,” he said, his voice breaking. “Can you please forgive us?”
“We know we’re going to have to earn your trust again, but we’re begging for your forgiveness.” Madison wiped her eyes. “We want the three musketeers back. We need you back, Wendy.”
I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled forth. Lucas went through a brief stage when we were about seven, where he obsessed over anything Peter Pan. He claimed that he was Peter Pan, Madison was Tinkerbell, and I was Wendy. We spent hours playing in the treehouse fort/ play set in Lucas’ back yard, pretending we were in Neverland. Then Lucas jumped off from the landing, broke his arms, and realized he couldn’t fly, no matter how hard he imagined he could.
“I forgive you guys,” I said after a brief hesitation. I really couldn’t throw away years over friendship over a lot of little slights and one somewhat horrible mistake.
Madison shrieked and clapped her hands in true cheerleading fashion. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! We won’t let you down ever again, we promise!”
I smiled over at her as I shifted my hips. Lucas automatically took my other leg to stretch out. “Lucas, I still can’t believe you hacked into the database to see if I was performing today!”
Lucas shrugged somewhat cockily. “They really need better firewalls. It took me less than ten minutes to get into their systems.”
“OMG!” Bailey scoffed from the doorway. “Are you serious right now? You have been all over Zane today and Kyler the other day. You just got rid of Crew’s baby, and now some rando is all over you?”
I stifled my moan as I looked over at Madison and Lucas, knowing they would have a thousand questions now. I had so much to fill them in on, and knowing Lucas, he wouldn’t be patient waiting for the answers.
“That’s Bailey, the resident Mean Girl,” I informed them dryly. “She also so happens to be one of my cousins. Long story, but most of what she said…ignore it.”
; “Oh, Zane!” Bailey straightened and flashed a broad smile over my shoulder. “How do you feel about your…thing letting some man feel her up?”
I turned and looked over at Zane. He had a dark frown on his face. Admittedly, this wasn’t the best way for him to meet Lucas, but Lucas’ hand was only on my ankle and calf, and my body wasn’t up against his.
“Hey, Zane,” I said softly, hoping he wasn’t upset. “This is Lucas and Madison. They drove over to see me today.”
Even though they had met via Facetime, I thought the introductions were necessary.
Zane shortened the distance before us as Lucas stepped back from me and held out his hand. I could see Lucas checking him out in full big-brother-mode, and I barely refrained from rolling my eyes. I could only imagine their reaction once they found out I was with more than one guy, Zane included.
Zane took his hand, his scrutiny still stern. “Hey, man. Madison.” He turned to her next. “Peyton has told us a lot about you.”
He reached out and grabbed my hand before placing a kiss on it.
“I hope it wasn’t all bad,” Madison commented with the normal clichéd response.
Zane gave her a crooked smile. “No, most of it was good. You sticking around today?”
I watched as Madison batted her eyes at him, and I shook my head at her. She was such a flirt!
“That was what we were hoping. We even packed our bags and hoped we could follow ya’ll back so we can celebrate Peyton’s birthday. I mean…” She suddenly seemed uncertain as she looked at me.
I nearly gaped at her uncertainty. Madison was generally a steamroller. She took what she wanted, and if you weren’t on board, she pushed until she got what she desired.
“If that’s okay with you, Peyton,” she added.
I was genuinely excited to spend some time with them. I wanted to replace the bad memories with new good ones. I just didn’t know how or where we would be staying. I knew the guys said to treat their homes like mine, but now that Mr. Isaacs’ house was off limits, I didn’t know how they were going to react to my new situation. I didn’t want them to judge me, but at the same time, I needed them to understand that it was a relationship I was content with.
“We stopped at the bakery and got those cupcakes you loved,” Lucas added hesitantly. “We don’t have to be back to school until Tuesday. Do you still have Monday off?”
Monday was a Teacher Inservice day for us, as it was for them. I didn’t even have dance on Monday. Anya was giving us a couple of days to recover after today’s competition.
We had been stoked about the coincidences when we initially compared our schedules. I looked up at Zane.
“I’ll have to text Ky,” I said finally. “My room’s completed at the cottage but… yeah, I haven’t been able to go back there.”
I didn’t know if they knew about Claire’s disappearance or if they had seen me on television. The reporters may have ditched following me to school and dance, but they still camped out at Grandpa’s.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine with it,” Zane reassured as he dropped a kiss on the top of my head. “If you want, I can text him.”
“If we have to, and if you want us to, we can get a hotel.” Madison worried her bottom lip. “We just want to spend your birthday with you.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Zane hastily reassured them. “We’ll work something out.”
“Ms. Anya needs you in here,” Bailey sneered.
I had forgotten her presence, and from her look of animosity, I guessed Zane hadn’t given her the response she liked. I assumed she thought Zane would be pissed at Lucas touching me. I wasn’t sure if Zane was or not, but he wasn’t going to cause a scene over it.
“I’ll catch you all later.” I turned to go, but Zane grabbed my hand and pulled me in to drop a tender kiss on my lips.
“You’re going to be amazing,” he whispered to me.
I smiled up at him before hastily entering our dressing room.
I could hear Zane as I was closing the door. “I’ll show you guys where we’re sitting, if you’ll follow me.”
I smiled to myself. Maybe my birthday weekend was going to be a great one!
●
I paced, closed my eyes, focused on my breathing, and said silent prayers as I heard the announcer introduce me, along with the song and type of dance I was performing.
I took a quick second to make sure my headpiece was in place. It resembled a wedding veil that clipped into my hair and was attached to a silver band. The veil, however, was much shorter and narrower than a typical wedding veil.
I looked down to make sure my tattoo was concealed completely. The white top was connected to my neck like a choker, with tiny silver rhinestones embedded in it. The hem of the top was elastic and had silver rhinestones on it as well, conforming to my breasts. My skirt was a shorts-skirt combo that clung to my narrow hips and rounded rear, which was covered by sheer white fabric.
I heard the opening notes to Almost Lover by Fine Frenzy come on, and I immediately got into character. I was the jilted bride. I was mourning the loss of my love, saying goodbye to my almost lover as I remembered our past and how he’d brought me heartache.
I tried to remember to emote the feelings I imagined the writer had when they wrote this song. I knew technique and difficulty level weren’t the only things the judges would critique; they wanted to believe the story my body and facial expressions told.
As the song neared the end, I did my fouetté turns. I knew they’d gain me difficulty points due to their tough techniques. Mastering them flawlessly took a lot of effort. My working leg had to pass behind my body while spinning, requiring a lot of balance, something that had taken me numerous hours to accomplish when I was younger.
I heard the finishing notes, and I remained in character as I tried to run to a lover that I knew I had to let go of while still wanting him. I fell to my knees dramatically and reached my hands out as if I were begging him not to leave. I sat back on my heels, embraced myself, and looked longingly out at the audience, pretending my lover had disappeared among them.
I took a few seconds to gain my breath, the sound of my ragged breathing loud in my ears as I tried to catch it. My whole body was trembling with the after-effects of adrenaline. I knew that, win or lose, I had done my best. Usually, the dancing wouldn’t have winded me, and the shaking was nonexistent. It was when I fully connected with the performance that my energy soared.
I heard the loud applause erupt, and I stood up, smiling. I curtsied and sashayed off the stage as Anya had instructed me to. Most schools had different preferences on how they wanted their dancers to exit the stage.
“Beautiful!” Star praised me as I found my way backstage. She kissed my cheeks, and I smiled in return, nodding my head.
I was still out of breath, and delicate rivulets of sweat trickled down my body.
I walked down the stairs where Anya directed all her performers to meet her before we either changed or took our breaks. I didn’t have to be back onstage again until after lunch, so I had hours yet.
My eyes were focused on Anya and Alex as they clapped for me quietly and smiled. I knew I had made them proud, and there was no greater feeling.
“Amazing,” Anya praised.
“Even better than practice,” Alex added.
“Thank you.” I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Simply beautiful,” I heard a deep, rugged voice pronounce.
My head snapped up, my jaw dropped, and tears sprung to my eyes as I noticed Kyler standing ten feet away, and behind him was Grandpa, his assistant Henry, Mr. Isaacs, Maisie, Clay, Crew, Golden, and Paxton. Every single one of them had a flower or bouquet in their hand.
“You guys lied to me,” I nearly sobbed. “You weren’t busy!”
Happy tears fell down my face, immensely touched by their subterfuge.
They all converged on me, and I felt arms encircling me.
“Did you really think we would have missed this
?” I heard Mr. Isaacs’ voice murmur against my ear before his lips brushed my cheek.
19
●
Introductions
“Lucas, Madison,” I said, “This is my grandpa. And this is Henry, his... my friend,” I corrected from introducing him as my Grandpa’s assistant. He really was more than that. “You met Zane. Then there’s Renee, Crew, Kyler, Paxton, Golden, Maisie, Mr.−” I stumbled over introducing him as Mr. Isaacs “—Lochlann, and this little guy is Clay.” I kissed Clay’s cheek as he sat in my lap. He was happily grabbing fistfuls of my hair as he sucked on his thumb. “Everyone, this is Lucas and Madison. They’re my best friends from…home.” I almost frowned; funny how it didn’t feel like home anymore. I brushed off my weird thoughts and continued. “I met Madison in dance class in preschool, and Lucas became our friend in Kindergarten.”
“That’s a long time to be friends.” Grandpa smiled as he shook their hands.
I could see the look of distrust on Crew’s face, so I gently squeezed his thigh since he was sitting the closest to me. He really was overly protective of me, and until I could reassure him that they wouldn’t hurt me again, I knew he was going to be even more quiet than usual.
“Hi, my name is Jules, and I will be taking care of you today,” the waitress announced as she came up to the table. “Can I start you out with something to drink?”
Renee and I had over two hours before we had to return to the civic center, so Anya gave us permission to go to brunch. Most of the younger kids were performing their solos and group numbers, so she didn’t think it was as essential to support the Mini and Junior teams. Luckily, Renee was the only one in the Elite squad left to compete, so we had plenty of time before she needed to return for her solo. After that, our group performance was scheduled.
“Coffee and water for me, please,” I stated, realizing the girl was waiting on me. “And do you have whole milk?” I asked, remembering Clay in my lap.
I initially thought he was less than a year old because of his size and developmental milestones but I’d found out recently that he was fourteen-months old. Apparently, his mother had been an addict. She hadn’t found out she was pregnant until she was five months along. They still weren’t confident the long-term effects Clay might have developmentally, but so far, he was slightly behind in weight, height, and physical milestones.
