The Wife

by S.P. Cervantes

  Mike leaned down and kissed the side of my neck as he played with the tie at the back of my bathing suit. “How can you still drive me so crazy?”

  “Um, because I’m amazing.” I leaned back and kissed his hot, smooth lips. He drives me just as crazy.

  “Such a smart ass.” He nipped at my bottom lip.

  “You love it.”

  He laughed sadly as he flipped me around so that I sat in his lap; our tanned, hot skin pressed against each other in an intimate way but the look on his face snuffed out the excitement that had begun to build inside me.

  “I love you, Alexa.” He pressed his lips to mine with desperation in a way that seemed to reach my soul. When he pulled away before I could get my fill, I began to get even more worried why he was acting this way. Was he sick? Was he breaking up with me?

  “I love you too, Mike.” I wiped a drop of sweat that began to fall from his brow. “What’s going on?” My voice cracked with fear. This was not looking good.

  Just then, my favorite song, “One” by U2, plays and I smiled. Before I could turn to see where the music was coming from, I noticed the beach around us is filling with hundreds of pink and purple balloons, my favorite colors. Tears instantly gushed over my lids as I realize what was happening. Last year, on one of the nights when Mike and I first began working on the project that brought us together, I had told him about my dream proposal. It seemed he had remembered every detail: I noticed the balloons being carried by my friends and family. I turned to Mike, who reached behind his back and pulled out a little blue box.

  “I’ve known since the first day we met that I wanted to be with you forever. Make it official and be my wife.”

  I kissed his smiling lips and laughed through my tears as the crowd around us erupted. “I love you. Yes! I’ll marry you!”

  I kissed Mike again, and for a moment, let myself wonder whether it was too soon to agree to marry someone else. I knew a piece of my heart still belonged to Jamie, but he’d been gone for so long and made no attempt to come back to me, much less apologize for killing our dream.

  As our friends cheered loudly, I looked into Mike’s eyes and promised that my heart belonged to only him.

  That was a promise I intended to keep for the rest of my life.

  My morning was a rollercoaster of emotions, and I’m increasingly nervous about my meeting with Frank and Tommy from the C.J. Fox Company this afternoon because nothing has gone quite as planned, and anything that has to do with Jamie reeks with the possibility of things going badly.

  When I left the gym today, I thought the worst thing that could happen was my epic treadmill fail and having to come face to face with Jamie after it happened. Oh, no—that wasn’t good enough. I came home to find out Mike really had cheated on me and my marriage was in worse shape than ever.

  I decided to take a quick shower after Mike’s confession so I would be ready for my meeting later, wishing the water would wash away the feelings of disgust that were building towards Mike. When he was still sitting on my bed, waiting to talk to me about everything, I told him I was running late and ran out the door. I had to get out of the house and clear my head after everything Mike just told me, and I didn’t want to hear any more excuses. They only made me more upset. I still had so many questions that I was too flustered to ask when he finally admitted the truth to me, but wanted to make sure I was thinking with my head and not my heart before confronting him with them. For so long he has made me feel like I was paranoid and being unfair about questioning his fidelity when he was working late nights. It had been one of our main focuses in therapy sessions and his biggest problem with our marriage. He said I was driving him away with my accusations and jealousy.

  I decide to go on a drive instead of stay home and face More of Mike’s excuses, trying to make sense of the last seven hours, listening to “Say Anything” on repeat just to twist the knife in the wounds a little.

  In my mind, I want to believe what Mike said. I want to believe he’s ready to try to make our marriage work and is truly sorry. The thing is, I’m having difficulty getting my heart to agree with my mind. My heart keeps asking me whether what Mike said is enough. Is his heart in it?

  I want it to be.

  I have to remind myself that I can’t be selfish and think only of myself. Our two boys deserve parents who will fight for our family. They need their dad in their lives, and I should be fighting for that as much as I’ve been fighting for Mike to fall in love with me again.

  If he’s really willing to give our family his everything, then don’t I have to do it for my kids?

  Just then, my phone rings and my sad song stops booming through my car. Lee’s name comes up on the screen and I sigh. I’m going to have to hide the sadness and confusion I’m feeling right now. I can’t tell her everything that happened with Mike today. Not yet.

  “Hey, Mama! I can’t wait for tonight. Should I pick you up or meet you there?” I try to cut her off and focus the conversation on our get-together later before she can ask about Mike. She always starts conversations with me asking where Mike is, trying to point out the obvious—he’s never with me.

  “Who cares about that? I’ve been trying to call you all afternoon. How come you ran out of there this morning? The hottie Irish guy was following you out after class. He must’ve asked Ashlee your name because he was calling out your name like he was freaking Braveheart. His accent made me wet all over.”

  “You’re disgusting, Lee. And Braveheart was Scottish…” I can’t help but laugh at her crudeness. “Mike left me a message and I had to get home to meet him there,” I lie.

  “What did Senor Absentiso have to say for himself?” Her annoyance is palpable when I mention Mike.

  “Absentiso isn’t even a word.” I am annoyed at her constant ridicule of Mike. A man she used to love. A man who she’s known almost as long as she’s known me.

  “It sure is; it means absent in Spanish,” she answers confidently, as usual.

  “Whatever. No, it doesn’t. My God, didn’t you grow up learning Spanish? How is it you have a doctorate in engineering again?” I say teasingly. She always can make me laugh again just when I think she’s going to make me scream with frustration. “Listen, I’m about to go into my meeting. You can talk all the shit you want about Mike at dinner. Meet me at Javier’s at seven, okay?”

  “Fine, snappy pants. Go kick some ass in that meeting and I’ll see you at seven!”

  I take a few moments in the car to review my notes before I go into the trailer sitting on the land where the restaurant is going to be built. I look up from my sketches and take in the beauty of the landscape around me. This acre lot is set atop a beautiful, grass-covered hillside. At one side, I’m overlooking a beautiful view of the Pacific Ocean, with the evening sky reflecting the calm water below. When I get out of the car and look behind me, I see the adorable beach community below, and imagine the beauty of the view at night from the restaurant once it’s built, with all of the lights below leading to the majestic Saddleback Mountains.

  When I make my way to the large, gray trailer, I’m glad I decided on flats instead of heels as my feet slip and turn on the unsteady gravel. Just as I finish my treacherous walk and take a step up the stairwell of the trailer, the door swings open.

  “Let me help you with that.” Frank takes my portfolio from my hands and holds out his other hand to help me up the rickety steps.

  “Thank you.” I take his hand and smile at his kindness.

  “Sorry, we’re still getting things worked out here. We just got the trailer yesterday. I promise to at least have a walkway cleared out for you next time.” His thoughtfulness always puts me at ease.

  I walk through the doorway and am instantly surprised by the vastly different appearance on the inside of the trailer from the dull, sterile gray metal of the outside. A large wooden table was in front of me, with laptops and drinks set out before leather chairs. The walls were painted a light sea-foam green that induced a se
nse of calm and peace. The room was decorated with beautiful hydrangeas, my favorite flower, and the walls were all adorned with black-and-white pictures of a city—New York City, in fact—making me feel more at home and welcome. All of the details of the room feel as if they were plucked from my mind. The small kitchen area was all stainless-steel; the sitting area was spacious. As beautiful as this room is, it makes my stomach instantly fill with butterflies because it makes me think of only one thing—Jamie. Of course, I knew by taking this job I would have to talk to Jamie. I wasn’t sure whether Jamie knew the company he’s hired to construct his restaurants belonged to my husband, or that I’m the interior designer they’re thinking of hiring, and I’m not sure how he’ll react when he does. My guess is that he and Mike have talked about all this and that Jamie probably wants to talk with me too. I’m prepared for that. Just not now.

  Not today.

  “How’ve you been, Alexa?” Frank asks sweetly as he leads me to a chair. I love how he can instantly make me feel at ease, as if we’ve been friends for years. That must make him very savvy in business.

  “I’ve been great, Frank, thank you. I’m just excited to show you all I’ve been working on.”

  “Your husband has been raving about what you have to show us.” He smiles with a little sadness, as if he knows everything that’s happened. “He’s very proud of you, you know?”

  I nod my head and smile as if everything between Mike and me is perfect, but can feel myself blush with embarrassment. I don’t want to be someone consoled. Now I’m beginning to wonder whether they hired me just to give me some sense of worth. Jamie knowing what is going on in my marriage would be the ultimate humiliation for me.

  Frank smiles as he pours some cabernet into my glass, realizing that his words struck a chord with me, and changes the subject. “Tommy is running a bit behind, but I thought we could look over what you have, and I’ll share it with C.J. and Tommy later.”

  We spend the next few hours talking about my ideas and drinking a few glasses of wine together. I normally wouldn’t drink this way with a client, but Frank just makes me so comfortable, it isn’t until he pours my third glass that I stop him.

  “I have to meet my girlfriend for dinner. I can’t have any more. Besides, you haven’t told me what you think.” I slap his hand away from my glass that he keeps reaching for, ignoring my request.

  “Want to know what I think? I think the guys are going to love it. This is exactly C.J.’s taste. It’s like you had a direct line into his brain when coming up with this shit.”

  I look away, smiling to myself. If he only knew. Clearly Jamie hasn’t told him we know each other and that gives me a little sense of relief.

  “How about you show what I have here to the guys then, and call me tomorrow to tell me if I’m in or out.” I slide out of my seat; if I don’t leave now, I’ll be late for dinner with Lee.

  He looks at me and laughs, as if what he’s about to say is common knowledge. “You’re in. C.J. already decided that. When he has his mind set on something or someone, he just goes with it. Hasn’t steered him wrong yet.”

  I feel sick. I don’t want to talk about Jamie. Especially after two glasses of wine. I tuck away my feelings and smile, trying to feel grateful as I slide out of my seat. “Fantastic. I’m so happy to hear that. Then, I’ll call you tomorrow to set up a meeting to go over all the details with Tommy. Or are you taking the lead on this?” I ask, still unsure who I’ll be working on my part of the project with.

  Just then, the metal door slams open and Tommy stumbles in, followed by Jamie. Our eyes lock immediately and I know I’ve stopped breathing. He stops dead in his tracks and doesn’t break his gaze from mine. Frank is saying something to the both of us, but I’m too caught up in the buzzing in my ears at the shock of being face to face with Jamie, with no escape in sight, that I can’t focus on anything but those green eyes that beg for me to speak to him.

  “A-Lex-A!” Frank steps directly in front of my face with wide eyes and a giant shit-eating grin. “Can I come crash your dinner with your friend? Tommy here needs to sleep off whatever he’s been drinking, and I’m starved for food and company other than these two fools.” He jokingly pinches Jamie’s face as he watches for my reaction.

  I notice Jamie glance down at my legs, and at first think he’s checking me out and recoil, but then remember my accident on the treadmill when I see the scratches on my knees and realize he’s checking to see whether I really was alright, like I pretended.

  I’m too stunned by Frank’s imposition to know what to say. “Um, sure, but…” I look over his shoulder to see Jamie watching me now like I’m his prey. “It’ll probably be boring for you, though. I’m sure Jamie…uh, I mean, C.J. can go get something to eat with you.”

  When I said Jamie’s name, Frank instantly realizes that we know each other, because he looks back and forth between us with a sleuth-like grin, as if he’s just solved a puzzle. Before he can answer, I try to get past the three of them. “Thanks again for this opportunity.” I accidently look up at Jamie and know right away he’s not letting me out of his reach this time.

  “Why don’t we all get dinner together? We’ll just get Tommy settled and meet you there. I have some things to discuss with you anyway.” Jamie’s Irish accent is as powerful as ever as his green eyes light up with his suggestion. He knows how uncomfortable I am right now and clearly loves every second of it. Little does he know how being with him only complicates an already complicated situation.

  “Great! Where should we meet you?” Frank gives me no chance to say no as Jamie slides past us and gives me a look that I know well. He’s trying to tell me not to worry. He would look at me that way when we were young every time that I was worried about a test or my dad.

  “Javier’s. In Crystal Cove,” I say blankly.

  “Awesome.” Frank kisses my cheek, oblivious of my discomfort. “See you in a few!”

  I walk out the door in a haze.

  “Hey, is your friend hot and single?” Frank calls behind me.

  Here we go; that’s all I would need. After I finish this job, I don’t ever want to see Jamie again. That would certainly complicate things. “See you at dinner,” I reply without answering his question.

  I don’t look back and get in my car, wondering what else could possibly go wrong today.

  “So you’re trying to tell me that the hot Irish dude from the gym—your future boss—is your long-lost love, Jamie?” She takes a giant gulp from her margarita, looking at me as if this is the best soap opera she’s ever heard. Lee came into my life after Jamie left me, and has only ever heard bits here and there about him when I was drunk in college and feeling sentimental. “Ho-ly sh-it!” She exaggerates each syllable dramatically.

  “He’s not a long-lost love, Lee. Stop making this out to be more than it is. He’s someone who I once cared for and also someone who treated me like an ass.” I match her drink from my own margarita. Jamie could walk through the door any second, so I’m trying to calm the butterflies battling inside me. I haven’t even gotten to tell Lee a word about what happened between Mike and me today yet, and perhaps it’s for the best. If I’m going to stay with him, it’s best as few people as possible know that he’s actually confessed to cheating on me. I’ve been using the fact that I don’t know for sure as my reason for staying to them.

  “Here he is,” she whispers excitedly as she takes another sip from her drink, looking like she’s ready for a show. “And, who’s the other hottie he’s with? I don’t want your leftovers anymore. His friend is pretty delectable too.”

  Here we go.

  Luckily, she doesn’t wait for my answer because her attention is solely on Jamie and Frank when they walk through the dimmed entrance. It feels like some twisted, weird dream as I watch Jamie, the boy from my past, walk toward me, looking so much more like a man. The softness of his face was gone, replaced by a look that was more forlorn. Perhaps it’s the light layer of beard he’s let grow out
; perhaps it’s the sadness that is hidden in his eyes. I didn’t look away when his eyes met mine this time. I didn’t want him to think his being here was affecting me in the way it seemed to be. It really was like seeing a ghost from my past walk to me. He has been dead to me for so long, nothing but a faint memory that lingers in my soul, that as I watch him now, it’s hard not to surge with emotion. Part of me wants to run in his arms and tell him how proud I am of all he’s accomplished, and the other part of me wants to kick him in the balls and tell him what a selfish asshole he is.

  I don’t do either.

  Frank approaches the table eagerly, kissing my cheek before he quickly introduces himself to Lee and takes a seat at her side, much to her pleasure. My heart’s in my throat and butterflies battle out World War III inside me when Jamie is left no other option than to take the seat next to me. I nervously take a sip from my drink, trying to quell my anxiety and quietly cursing myself for caring that he’s so close to me now, after so long apart. After I thought I’d never see him again, and now he’s unavoidable.

  This is all too weird. I need to just think of him as another business associate and not the man who stole a piece of my heart and never gave it back.

  Jamie reaches for the chair beside me with a slight grin at the side of his mouth, bringing me right back to our time together in camp. It was a smile that I knew well. A smile that told me he knew the crazy thoughts going on in my head right now. Accidentally, his hand brushes against mine as he pulls out his chair; we both flinch back as if touched by a live wire. He tries to ignore the reactions each of us have when our skin meets and he takes his seat next to me.