by Lily White
Day and night didn’t pass in this room. There were no windows that gave away where the sun or moon sat in the sky. Even realizing what this room was designed to do, it was difficult for me to maintain my strength, to keep from falling into a state of confusion so deep that eventually I would give in to my captors in order to feel human once again.
Given what I know, what I’ve studied and what I’ve learned through my career, even I was starting to crumble to the conditions in which I was being forced to live, to the abuse and humiliation and to the pain of knowing that not even Holland was immune to Aiden’s torment and games. The realization changed the playing field for me. It gave me hope while at the same time destroying that hope. Holland could be manipulated to see where all of this was wrong, but he wasn’t in a position to correct it. He was as much a slave to Aiden as me.
The door creaked open and I peered out from behind barely open eyelids to see Holland step into the room, backlit by the light in the hallway behind the door. He carried a glass of water with him and only wore a pair of torn and tattered jeans. The end of a bandage peeked over his shoulder and I instantly remembered what had been done to him because of his effort to protect me. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right. I had no doubt he deserved to be punished for his involvement in whatever this was, but no person deserved for that punishment to split his skin. No person deserved to be tortured.
“Good morning.” Reaching over to the wall, he flipped the switched that turned on the single bulb that hung from the center of the ceiling in the room. The light was so dim that it lent to a seedier feeling in the space. Minimal light battled against shadow instead of the all-consuming darkness that had been there before. Even though it was a scant amount of light, I still found my eyes blinking against it after having adjusted to not being able to see anything at all.
After placing the glass on a table that was out of reach of the bed, he went to work releasing my wrists and ankles from the cuffs and the shackles attached to the iron frame of the bed. “Sit up.”
My body screamed in protest at the movement, but I did as I was told, leaning against the warmth of his body to support my weight. I felt so small in comparison to him. Regardless of how many times I was near him, the difference in our size was always glaringly apparent.
He moved aside almost immediately after I’d settled against him and the freezing cold air washed over me somehow colder and harsher than it had been before. Grabbing the glass, he moved to stand in front of me. “Drink this.”
Desperate for water, I took the glass from his hands, shivering so violently that the glass lip rattled against my teeth as I drank down the cool liquid inside. Handing it back to him, I said, “I really need to pee.”
I expected him to chuckle or react with the boyish sarcasm that was typical of him, but he remained distant, his voice void of inflection or concern when he answered, “Let’s go.”
Grabbing my arm, he lifted me from the bed, pushing me out in front of him and releasing me to walk on my own. I was so dizzy, I almost toppled over, but I grit my teeth and put one foot in the front of the other to walk out of the room and down the long hallway.
Reaching the bathroom, I rushed to sit on the toilet as Holland moved to turn on the shower. “You need a bath. You stink.”
The utter lack of emotion in his voice struck me physically. What the hell had Aiden done to him last night after I was locked away?
“Are you in pain?” I asked tentatively, keeping my voice low and my eyes directed to my feet. He didn’t answer and I breathed out heavily realizing that whatever small bond we’d formed the night before had been abolished.
I flushed the toilet and forced myself back into a standing position. Holland moved aside so I could step into the shower. The warm water felt like pinpricks against my freezing skin, but eventually the blood in my veins heated to a point of no longer being sluggish.
“Turn around, Pet.”
There was emotion in those words, but it was something raw and unbridled, a heat that I’d heard in him the last time we were in this room. I knew there was no point in arguing, knew that there was a camera filming our every move. I could argue and resist, fight against him until I was forced to submit, but I didn’t want to give that to Aiden. I wasn’t willing to provide the sick bastard any more masturbation material to watch. I shook my head at how ridiculous the situation was, but I knew that Aiden enjoyed seeing the women fight. It’s what got him off and I wouldn’t give it to him. Not now and not ever.
Doing as I was told, I saved Holland the energy it would take to give any more instructions. I placed my hands against the wall, bowing my head down to look at the water pooling at my feet. He was behind me in seconds, his chest pressing against my shoulders and his cock pressing against my ass. I shivered against him, against the contact that was starting to give me comfort. I didn’t like that it did that, but I couldn’t deny it was true.
He leaned over me, placing his hands over mine where they were splayed against the tiled wall. With his mouth to my ear, he whispered, “You need to fight.” His teeth nipped at the lobe of my ear and his knee came between my legs to force them apart. I grunted in response to his effort, but I couldn’t bring myself to scream.
His lips trailed along my neck and I kept my voice low so that it wouldn’t be heard over the spray of the shower. “What did he do to you?”
His teeth scraped along where my neck met my shoulder and I shivered. I was completely covered by him, my small form hidden from the camera’s view by his large and muscular body. The steam from the water hit against him, sweeping up the earthy scent of his skin. He didn’t answer me and I hadn’t really expected that he would. His hands released mine, his fingers running along my arms until grasping my breasts. I flinched at the contact, but didn’t move to pull away or fight against it.
The way he touched me today was different from yesterday. It felt more personal…more sensual than before. His mouth continued to travel along my shoulder, his tongue flicking out to lick the water from my skin and his teeth nipping and biting at the now over-sensitized parts. My knees weakened, but I couldn’t fall, not with him holding me and not with his warm body pressing mine against the cool tiles of the wall.
Angling my head down, I rested my forehead against the wall and held still as his mouth moved over the back of my neck. I didn’t know what was going through his head, why he was acting so tenderly and so strange. Perhaps by giving him what he needed, I could reestablish the small bond that I’d found in him the night before. I could regain his trust and find a way to save us both. It was a long shot, but it was all I had.
His hands moved from my breasts to my hips and he spun me in place, his green eyes heated and burning into me. I reached up, tracing my hand along his jaw until my fingers were pressed against his lips. From where I stood, I could see his jeans on the floor and the bandages that had been on his back now piled by his clothes. The water must have been painful against his split skin and I grabbed him in an attempt to turn him so I could see the damage.
He refused, overpowering me as usual and leaning down to press his forehead against mine. In a hushed tone, he said, “No. Don’t worry about that. Fight me, Claire. Aiden knows you’re pretending.”
“Am I?” It was a lie, but one intended to bring him back from whatever distance Aiden had forced between us.
He laughed, a quick burst of humor that wasn’t louder than a whisper. “You don’t fool me, beautiful. And you don’t fool him.”
Grabbing my hands, he pulled them from his body and held them above my head against the wall. His knee came between my legs, forcing them apart and I stared up into his face, letting my eyes trail over the cut of his cheekbones and the shadow of stubble that peppered his skin.
The black of his lashes swept down as he blinked water from his eyes, but when the piercing green locked to mine, the breath was forced from my lungs. Regardless of everything he’d done, he was still beautiful. Now, that beauty was made even more
striking by the pain I saw in him. I’d studied deviants and criminals for so long. With most, there was a back-story of pain and abuse. I hadn’t believed it was possible in Holland’s case before, especially not with the arrogant and self-assured way he carried himself in public. However, after having witnessed for myself the atrocities of this house, after the small hints that he’d given me in moments of weakness, I finally believed it was true. Just like the patients before him, I felt for sorry for him. What would he have become if it hadn’t been for those that abused him first?
He closed his eyes again, but I pushed up onto the tips of my toes and kissed his mouth. It was only a small brush of my lips over his, but it was enough to force his eyes open once more. He was trying to refuse the connection between us, but I was adamant to strengthen it.
“Is the camera on?” I whispered.
“Yes.” He answered.
“Then I hope Aiden enjoys the show.”
We were two allies against one opposing force and that realization must have sparked something to life inside him. Without another word, his mouth was on mine, hot and needy, as I parted my lips to give him entrance. Releasing my hands to grab my body, his fingers dragged roughly over my skin until they gripped my hips and I was lifted from the floor. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I melted into him, my back crushed against the cold wall creating a jarring contrast against the heat of his skin.
I could feel him pressed between my legs, the tip entering me slowly at first, but it was like he couldn’t allow himself to take this slow. I ignored the pain when he forced himself inside me fully, allowing the rhythm in which he moved to sooth the hurt and burn of my torn skin. It wasn’t difficult to focus inside myself, to enjoy the emotional connection between us instead of feeling the reminder of Aiden’s previous abuse.
A moan escaped my lips, only to be swallowed by his mouth. The taste of coffee coated his tongue, but there was still the hint of mint from when he’d brushed his teeth earlier. I suckled on his tongue, my body sliding against the wall with every thrust of hips. Releasing my mouth, he gripped his fingers against the cheeks of my ass, holding me up as his mouth slid down my jaw, tickling my ear before biting down on my shoulder.
The muscles inside me gripped his cock, the first hint of pleasure finally rippling through me, lighting a fire in my body that I feared would consume me if I wasn’t careful. It would be easy to lose myself to Holland. In the time I’d been here, he was the only safety I had. Left to Aiden alone, I’d be beaten and broken, used and tossed aside as nothing more useful than trash.
His chest felt solid against mine, the muscles perfectly toned and tense from how he held up my weight. My eyes opened and I looked down at his face just as he bit down on the tip of my breast. A small cry shot up my throat. Part pleasure, part pain and my head fell back against the wall. The heat of his tongue against my nipple soothed the sting of the bite.
The rhythm between us became more raw and unbridled. An infectious need burst through both of our bodies and my thoughts swam in the sensation of his skin on mine and the way he moved inside me. This was wrong, in so many ways, yet it was still a small bit of solace in the nightmare my life had become.
His fingers loosened against my skin. Crushing me between his body and the wall, he no longer had to hold me up with his hands so he slid them up my body, massaging my breasts before rolling the nipples between his fingers. Soft, yet desperate, his mouth was on mine again and I reached around him, lost in the moment and completely forgetful of everything he and I had endured up to this point. He flinched when I brushed over a wound on his back and I was returned to reality, pulling my hands away quickly and opening my eyes to find his staring directly at me.
“It’s okay.” Two simple words that released the sudden tension in my body. My head fell back against the wall and his rhythm picked up to a fervent speed, the desire between us finally rocking both of our bodies and pushing us into a shared climax that left me breathless and dizzy where he held me.
What had I done?
It shouldn’t be the first thought following sex, but it was mine. As the traces of a fading orgasms burst through me and as the waves of euphoria died away, I opened my eyes and looked out over Holland’s shoulder at the mirror by the sink. I could barely see myself, but what I could see were the jagged and angry lines across Holland’s back. They’d started to bleed again. Light, but still noticeable, the red of the blood turned pink as the water beat down his back, washing it away from his skin.
I laid my forehead on his shoulder and was comforted by the way his heavy breath pushed his chest against me so that I could feel the beat of his heart coursed beneath his skin.
In the comfort I felt being held by him, I realized right then that I hadn’t been careful. I’d allowed myself to forget his part in this. I’d let down my guard and found peace in a man who’d hurt me.
Was the fact that he protected me enough to wipe away his own guilt?
In the end, I guess it doesn’t matter when you are in a situation like this. Trapped and alone, with nowhere to run or find an escape, it’s normal to seek out the one thing that is better than the rest.
Holland is, by far, better than anything I’ve found in this hell, so far.
Releasing the tension in my legs, I slid down until my feet were back on the floor. Looking up into his eyes once again, I saw pain. He pushed away from me, stepping out of the shower and grabbing a white towel that was stained pink when he wiped the blood from his back. Pulling on his jeans, he refused to look at me and the distance grew between us a little more.
I wanted to call out to him, to ask what had changed in the few seconds that passed since he’d held me, but I knew he wouldn’t respond. Not with that damned camera in the room.
Once he was dressed, he turned off the shower, grabbing my arm and pulling me out with such force, I tripped over my own feet.
A towel was shoved in my face and I took it, drying off quickly only to be escorted out of the bathroom and back to the cold, dark room where I was being held. Once we were inside, he sat me on the bed and kneeled down in front of me.
“Are you hungry?”
“No.” I whispered. “I’m confused. I’m hurting. I’m cold, but I’m not hungry. How can I be in this place?”
“You have to eat.” Spoken as a simple fact, he didn’t react to anything else I’d said. “I have to attach the shackles to your legs, but if you can be good, I don’t have to attach the cuffs. I know how uncomfortable that must be.”
His hands fastened the shackles to my legs as a tear slipped from my eye and a lump in my throat prevented me from speaking. I nodded, refusing to make eye contact with him due to the realization that whatever had just occurred was a momentary weakness on his part.
“I’ll get you something.”
Standing up, he didn’t bother to look back as he crossed and exited the room.
Lying down on the thin mattress, I curled into myself, glad to not be held in position with the cuffs, but even more upset by what I’d just allowed to happen.
Chapter Nineteen
Holland
It wasn’t fair to her, allowing her to think that I thought any more of her than the courtesan who would be trained and sold in less than a month’s time. Nothing about this business was fair. It couldn’t be. We had to use what we could to our advantage at all times and if that meant allowing a woman to fall in love or feel protected, we’d do it; regardless of whether the emotion or the safety was true.
Closing the door to her room, I wandered down the hall looking out at the night sky as I passed the entrance foyer. It wasn’t morning like I’d told Claire. In fact, I’d only allowed four hours to pass from the time I’d left Aiden’s office to this moment. I realized that in order to disorient her, I had to keep her confused, run down and tired. I couldn’t let her have a full night’s sleep and I couldn’t feed her enough to keep her strong.
What I could give her was enough to keep her alive and healthy…bu
t not strong. She was too strong already.
Entering the kitchen, I noticed Rebecca sitting quietly at the table. It was almost midnight and I wondered why she was out here instead of in Aiden’s room or her own.
“You’re awake.” I casually noted as I passed her.
She didn’t answer, choosing instead to lay her head on the table. I could tell she’d been crying by the smudged mascara that dripped down her cheek.
Pulling open the fridge, I wanted to ignore her, simply grab a small amount of food for Claire and haul ass out of the kitchen. I wasn’t in the mood for her issues, but she looked so pathetic. After making Claire’s plate, I sat down at the table to talk to her.
“Why aren’t you with Aiden?”
“He’s working.”
I had to stifle my laughter. The way her cheek was squished against her arm when she spoke made her look even more pathetic. The movement of her jaw caused her entire head to bounce when she spoke.
A heavy silence hung in the air, weighted by my unspoken knowledge that what was hurting her right now wasn’t exactly true. I’d never tell her what Aiden was doing, but it was hard talking to her while having to make sure I didn’t say anything that could remotely hint to the fact that she wasn’t being sold.
Not that what Aiden was doing was any more kind than selling her would have been. I wouldn’t wish a week with Edward Clarke on my worst enemy. The man was so repulsive that even the memory of him was enough to make me cringe.
“Your behavior right now is unbecoming of a Courtesan. Have you ever considered that?” Spoken softly, I put the thought out there for her to ponder. “I have to run this food to Claire. Are you staying here? I have something I want to talk to you about.”
Her eyes finally looked up at me and widened almost immediately. “Damn it, Holland. Why did you remove the bandages?”
