by Lily White
I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
None of what she was saying made sense. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
I remained silent as I comforted her. She didn’t need my anger on top of everything else she was feeling at that moment. In truth, I couldn’t bring myself to speak. I hated myself for what I’d done. By my own selfishness, I’d doomed her to the hands of my stepfather.
Minutes passed, but they felt like hours, the world spinning on its axis as reality shifted and changed. I considered going to Aiden anyway, but if he would punish her for having admitted the truth to me, I didn’t want to be the cause of that as well.
“I’m sorry too, Claire. This wasn’t supposed to happen.” They were the only words I could say, the only thing I could do to heal the wounds I’d caused her. I destroyed her life just because I wanted her for myself.
I decided that that I would hold her until the moment I was forced to let her go. If nothing could be gained any longer, and if our time together was finite because of the games I played, then I would hold her and protect her while it was still in my power to do so. My own body shook with the raw heat and anger of Aiden’s betrayal, from the knowledge that he would cast her to the wolves without any regard or concern for what he’d done.
Lifting her legs from where they were hooked over the bed, I placed her in the center of the mattress, crawling to curl my body around hers. Her body shook with the tears she couldn’t stop crying and I held her close, keeping my eyes focused out the window, watching as the wind blew softly through the ornamental grass.
I felt weak, completely drained of my energy and willingness to fight. We were cornered by Aiden and by the power of the society that backed him. I considered taking her away from the house, making the desperate attempt to get off the grounds in order to hide her away where Aiden would never find her.
It would be impossible, I knew that, but I wondered if losing my life would be worth the attempt. In the end, if we were caught, at least I’d tried to make things right. If for nothing else, it would be an attempt to show her how sorry I really was.
While holding her trembling body, I whispered to her the only words I thought were important enough to be said.
“You are strong, Claire, stronger than Aiden or me or any other member in this fucked up group. They might have money and power, but none of those assholes would survive what you’ve survived. None of them could keep going despite the pain and heartache you’re being forced to live through. You are the only one who hasn’t lost their head to all of this…the only one who, despite what you’re being told or forced to do, adapts to survive, but doesn’t get lost to the cruelty and greed…”
“Why are you saying this, Holland?” Her words were spoken on a weak voice, but still managed to interrupt my train of thought. Turning slowly in my arms, she looked up at me with tear-stained eyes and I was caught suddenly by the truth of what I said to her. Despite everything: the pain, the abuse and the bruises and marks, she was still the most beautiful, the strongest of any of the courtesans I’d ever known.
Her chapped lips parted and she asked, “Why are you grouping yourself in with that man or with the society he represents? You’re as much of a victim as I am.”
She reached up with her small hand and cupped my cheek, chasing away the single tear that had escaped my eye. I blinked to keep from releasing another, to keep from scaring her with the symptoms of my own fear. However, given what I already knew about her, there was no amount of fear that would cripple her. She was too full of life, too full of resilience, to break apart fully. Even in this moment, she was stronger than I could ever be.
“I’ll fix this.” I promised her. “I’ll fix this and I’ll find a fucking way to set you free.”
If her tears hadn’t been enough to rip my soul from my body, her next words were the final crushing blow that tore me apart, that took everything I thought I knew and turned it inside out.
“Fix yourself, Holland. If you want to do something that will make me smile, then the only promise I want you to make is that you’ll escape this. They’ll always chase me and I realize that my life will never return to what it was. You…you’re young enough to change, strong enough and smart enough to escape. I’m not as important as you. I’ve witnessed the type of darkness that has crushed the light inside me, but you…you still have a chance. No matter what happens to me, I can remain strong with every beat of your heart, with the knowledge that, through the pain of my destruction, I somehow set you free.”
Closing my eyes, I hugged her close, hating to hear her acknowledge what I knew was truth. Even if set physically free, she would never escape the memories or the nightmares of the abuse. I knew without a doubt that Aiden Oliver had made sure of it. Beyond that, the society would find her and they would silence her when they did.
“Just hold me. Give me one last night pretending that everything is going to be okay. No more words, no more promises…just give me as many hours as we have left to pretend.”
I didn’t respond, couldn’t respond, because there was nothing left to do but give her the remaining hours of peace that were mine to give her.
Chapter Thirty
Claire
It was only the second time that I’d slept well since I was taken. The second time that I felt safe and warm, wrapped in the arms of a man who I realized wasn’t as evil as I’d believed he could be. Opening my eyes to the first light of dawn, I watched the sun come up over the horizon, casting bands of brilliant color across the brightening sky.
Holland slept soundly beside me, the rhythmic movement of his chest comforting me and hurting me all at the same time. I knew it would be the last time I was embraced, the last time someone would hold me that didn’t hurt me at the same time. I knew that the final blow was coming and like an approaching storm, I could feel the negative charge in the air, setting every hair on my body on end with the grim reality that I was helpless to stop it.
I don’t know how long I lay there awake beside him, but in that time, I had the opportunity to think clearly and free of the pain that, until now, was a constant cross for me to bear. I didn’t know what was worse, the torment itself or the knowledge that it would never end because the men who had me wouldn’t let it.
Death would be a simple thing. Releasing my final breath would be the same as releasing myself from their hold, from their eyes and their touch. Built into every person is a driving fight for survival. It’s hardwired in all of our minds and hearts, in our ability to adapt and endure. It would be harder for me to release myself from life than to walk blindly into whatever nightmare that awaited me. I’ve given up on the thought of freedom, but I’d never be so weak that I give up on life.
Nobody, including Aiden, could make that happen.
Two strong arms pulled me closer and I realized that Holland’s rate of breath had increased with his emergence from sleep. He didn’t speak at first, just cradled me against his chest, his heart beating with as much pain and fear as mine.
Once the sun had set the sky on fire with its brilliant light, I finally forced the words from my mouth that hung like a heavy weight between us.
“Today will be my last day here. You would think that for how much I hate every square inch of this house, I’d be happy to know I’m leaving. Somehow, I realize that wherever I go from this moment forward, it will be worse.” My cursed tears welled in my eyes with each word that passed over my trembling lips. “I’m scared…”
“Don’t be.” He interrupted, his voice rough with sleep. “I’ll get you out of this somehow. There has to be a way.”
A sad smile creased my lips, the horrendous truth that there was no way to escape flashing in my mind like a brightly lit neon sign. “No. Getting me out is an exercise in futility. You’ll only end up getting us killed…”
“Then it will be worth it…”
“That’s just it, Holland. It won’t be worth it. We’ll both be bodies buried in shallow graves with no voice to
scream about what’s going on. If you die because of me, the only thing I’ll gain from that is the added guilt that I was the cause.”
Shifting in his arms, I turned my body so I could look up into his youthful green eyes. “If you want to give me something that will make me better, than just let me know that I’ve changed at least one small thing about all of this. Tell me that I’ve changed you.”
He looked at me for several minutes, searching my eyes and face for any sign that I wanted him to fight. He wouldn’t find it and finally realizing that, he said, “You have. I’m not the same person I was when all of this started. I’ll never be who I was before and I will do everything I can to give back what wasn’t mine to take.”
Nodding, I angled my face back towards the sunlight streaming softly through the window. “Then that’s something I’ll carry with me. I may not have been able to save myself, but at least, in some small way, I was able to save you.”
He didn’t respond except to pull me against him, holding me until we would be pulled apart for the final time.
…
I must have fallen asleep in his arms because I woke to an empty bed with a different person sitting in a chair in the room. After turning over and realizing I was alone on the soft mattress, I opened my eyes to the familiar and striking face of Rebecca. She looked beautiful, her long blonde hair flowing down her back, small bits hanging across her shoulders and brushing along the lace top of the red corset she wore. She smiled when she saw me, a look of sadness on her face that I only recognized because I looked past the feigned sincerity of her expression.
“Good morning.”
I wanted to hate her, but couldn’t bring myself to hold her in contempt for giving into a system of abuse and shame that had weakened me as much as it had her.
“Hello.” I couldn’t help my curiosity about her presence. “Where’s Holland? Why are you here?”
With one hand, she brushed her hair over her shoulder so that it all fell down her back in one beautiful wave. “He’s with Aiden preparing for the presentation tonight. I’ve been assigned babysitting duties for the star of the show.”
Sitting up in bed, I pulled the blanket up to my chest, more for comfort than to hide my body from her view. I was wearing my clothes from the night before, but even with them, I still felt naked and exposed. “Do you know what’s going to happen tonight?”
It was probably a stupid question to ask because I knew in my heart she wouldn’t answer. Even if she did, it would be a lie. I couldn’t blame her, however. She was only protecting herself from the same monsters as me.
“You’re being given to your new owner and demonstrated for the men of the society. It’s your turn to show how wonderful a Master Aiden is.”
She spoke his name with reverence and love and the sound sent chills along my spine. It was obvious that no matter what he did to her or how he treated her that she loved him, that she would always love him, until the day he sold her away.
“Did you enjoy your time with him?” There was a razor sharp edge of contempt to her words.
“I didn’t want that time,” I answered honestly. “He hurt me badly. He took me from the man I actually care about and he laughed while doing so. He doesn’t care for me, not like he does you.”
Her expression softened at what I’d said, just like I knew it would. Jealousy was a horrible creature, the actions people made as a result of it even more cruel and tortuous than what was done by someone who doesn’t care. Jealousy, in truth, was nothing more than hatred; the worst kind, in fact, because it blinded and destroyed the soul of the person who felt it.
“You think he cares for me? Even after sending me away?”
I smiled. “He brought you back, didn’t he? What does that tell you?” In truth, I had no idea what Aiden felt towards his courtesan, but if a pleasant lie was enough to ease her suffering, then it was worth it in the end. “He never wanted me, Rebecca. I was only a means to an end.”
There was an odd look in her eyes suddenly, a question behind the gorgeous blue. Eventually, she nodded in acknowledgement of what I said and a sly smile curled her lips. “You’re smarter than you realize. I just don’t think you know it.”
She stood up and moved into the closet before giving me a chance to respond. Stepping back out, she carried clothes and shoes in her arms. “The guests will be arriving soon. It’s time for us to get you ready.”
…
After showering and getting dressed, I sat in a chair looking into the brightly lit mirror of a dressing table in what I assumed was Rebecca’s room. She didn’t talk much the entire time, but the jealousy that had been in her eyes before was noticeably absent. When I’d asked questions about what to expect at the presentation, she’d been forthcoming and honest with her responses. I didn’t push the subject, but would ask them every so often in order to prepare myself without overstepping my bounds.
“Do you know who my new owner will be?”
She looked at me through the reflection in the mirror and grimaced. “Aiden tells me nothing. I’m sure you’ll be okay with whoever takes you. Edward isn’t the best example of what the members of the society are like. You’ll see that tonight. Hell, even Edward is better than the man who bought me.” She visibly shivered and scowled as she remembered something. “My first owner, Duke, was a psychopath. He killed women for fun. Their death is what turned him on.”
“I thought…” Shutting my mouth, I didn’t voice my confusion at what she’d told me. Holland had said that no women had died as a result of the society, but if what she was telling me was true, he’d lied.
“Duke was killed for what he was doing. Aiden killed him and took me back as his courtesan.” Stroking a brush through my hair, she seemed far away when she said, “You’ll be fine as long as you do as your told. Although I’m sure you’ve learned that by now. Aiden can be very giving once he gains your submission.”
“Aiden was never kind to me, Rebecca. Not once.”
A smile threatened the corner of her lips. I wouldn’t fault her for it. I knew that she viewed Aiden as her own and it only strengthened her esteem in herself and her love for him to hear that he’d treated me so poorly. If I’d gained anything from my profession, it was the knowledge of what drove most people; together with the realization that they couldn’t always be held accountable for the way they felt.
“All ready. You look amazing. I’m sure you’ll stand out amongst the other courtesans.” Curling a strand of my hair around her finger, she added, “You’re like a shiny new toy tonight.”
I stood up from the chair, exiting the room and walking beside her through the halls of the house. By the time we neared the foyer, I could hear several male voices talking and laughing. Fear shot along my spine despite my attempts to calm my body. My heart threatened to come through my chest with every frantic beat.
I only had a minute to look out at the group of men while Rebecca led me quickly to the kitchen. In that second that we passed the hall, Holland looked over at me from within the group of men where he stood. My heart fell into my feet to see him looking so handsome, but so lost at the same time. He would play his part tonight and I understood it, but I would never believe he enjoyed the role he played.
Crossing through the kitchen, Rebecca led me down through another small corridor that the staff used to travel to the dining room. As soon as I entered the room, my breathing sped to a point where I believed I would pass out from hyperventilating. The table was set normally with a white tablecloth and fine dinnerware and silver candelabras that flickered softly, lending a soft romantic ambience to the room. The carpet was freshly vacuumed and there wasn’t a thing out of place. However, on the walls hung artwork that I only recognized because it had been my pain that created it. My face was never shown in the photos, but every intimate part of me was put on display for the perusal of Aiden’s guests. I stopped dead in my tracks, my knees weakening to see the cruel and erotic display.
Rebecca looked back at me
without a lick of sympathy in her expression. “They aren’t as bad as the ones he took of me,” she commented with a casual voice. “And lucky for you, you won’t be stuck in a frame for every man to see and fondle as they pass.”
“Is that what he did to you?” I couldn’t even imagine what types of horrors she’d faced. “He stuck you on the wall?”
“He did much worse than that.” She answered softly. “He’ll make it up to me. I have no doubt about it.”
“How can you be so sure?”
She winked at me before answering, “Because for as much as Aiden wants to believe he has no heart, I know that there is one beating in his chest. You’re a psychologist. You, of all people, should know that sometimes a person reveals more of themselves by their actions than by their words.”
Walking farther into the room, she looked over at a group of what I assumed were other courtesans. Each was dressed just as provocatively as Rebecca and I, and one extremely handsome and dark-skinned man stood with them.
Grabbing my hand, she pulled me out of my stupor, mentioning quickly, “Come on. We need to prepare the other courtesans.” She turned to me and smiled. “Tonight we’ll be the wait staff and each of you must know your place.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Holland
“Thank you for joining me this evening, gentlemen. I’m always happy to host a gathering of extraordinary people such as yourselves.” Aiden stood at the head of the table with a glass of red wine held in his hand. He wore a black tuxedo with a white shirt and white tie, the only color at all being the ruby cufflinks secured in place at his wrists.
“I’m sure you are all familiar with one another from previous society presentations and meetings, but I would like to note the attendance of all five of the area Masters tonight. It’s quite rare to have all us together at one time. However, it is necessary for both the demonstrations that will occur this evening, as well as a matter of business that also must be addressed.”
