Being a holiday and all, the parking lot was relatively busy, but not as crowded as I thought it would have been. Apparently, people had better things to do with their day off than spend hours shopping. If it had been solely up to me, we wouldn’t have been here, either. But considering how bleak my holiday had looked just twenty-four hours ago, simply having him by my side was a vast improvement.
We proceeded to walk around the shopping center much like those people I envied. Will dutifully followed me from store to store, simply shaking his head at me when I’d try on a dressing room full of clothing, then walk out empty-handed. When I did find something worth buying, he carried my bags for me.
More telling perhaps was how when I was flipping through hangers on a clearance rack, my hand brushed up against his. Without thinking, my fingers laced through his and once the initial shock wore off, they stayed that way. We held hands for the rest of our expedition, breaking occasionally out of necessity but always going back for each other.
Gift card depleted, we loaded back up into the Jeep and headed in search of food. I racked my brain to think of some place different that only a Indianapolis local would know about. Here was my opportunity to look knowledgeable and trendy, and I was drawing big fat blanks. So we ended up at a chain burger joint he could have easily gone to in Fort Wayne. I doubted he cared, but I was sufficiently upset with myself.
“I think we should set ground rules,” he stated as he unwrapped his sandwich. He focused his attention on his meal, so he wouldn’t have to look at me staring at him from across the booth.
“About?”
“About what we’re doing here.”
“Oh.” I couldn’t help it. My voice sounded more crestfallen than I wanted to let on. “So this is the part where you tell me ‘Thanks, but no thanks’. And here I was really thinking we would at least use the whole box.”
“Gracie, just listen.”
I filled my mouth with a giant bite of hamburger in order to convince myself to be quiet. As I chewed, he bolstered his courage to continue on with whatever spectacular idea it was he had.
“This isn’t serious,” he pressed on. I half expected him to use air quotes around the word “this” but he didn’t. Maybe that’s just how I emphasized his words when I heard them. I nodded, just to show him how seriously I was taking not being serious.
“Of course it’s not,” I confirmed, taking a drink from my soda. I bit down hard on the straw to stop the flow of words I really wanted to say. I was having a hard time not becoming the kind of clingy, insecure girl I normally hated. Instead, I offered the best response I could come up with on the fly. “So are you going to whip out a contract for me to sign like we’re characters in a smut novel?”
“No, nothing that extreme.” The amusement on his face was evident, which made me soften towards him immensely. “I like you, Gracie. And I had fun last night and today. And the first night that we spent together.”
“But?”
“But I can’t offer you anything above and beyond what we’re currently doing. The ink is barely dry on my divorce, and I’m just not in a good place. I can’t give you what you deserve when I’m still in love with Stephanie.”
“Your wife?” I assumed so, but it wasn’t like the woman and I were on a first name basis. Hell, I was still adjusting to there being an Emma in the picture.
He nodded, then amended my statement. “My ex-wife.”
At least he had the terminology down pat. He ran a hand nervously through his mop of hair, waiting for me to scream or toss my drink at him. His arm froze, bent at the elbow, as he waited for my reaction.
I reached across the table and grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand back down to the surface, interlocking my fingers with his.
“It’s okay,” I whispered, “I understand.”
And I did. It all made sense, the withdrawn, brooding guy he’d become. The way he’d rather sit at a bar drowning his sorrows in watered down beer than spend the night back at his place alone. The way he wanted no part of beginning a new relationship. He just wanted someone to fuck, and he had chosen me.
“So,” he continued with a painful sigh, “if you tell me to go to hell, I can’t blame you.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
His brow furrowed for a split second before he focused his attention on my face. We stared at one another, him gauging my sincerity as I stood my ground. Even though he couldn’t be accused of smiling at the revelation, his face looked considerably more at ease than it had moments before.
“We have to be discreet. It will just be easier that way. How could we explain this to our friends? To my daughter?”
I nodded in silent agreement. I was getting tired of envisioning the air quotes, even though they emphatically belonged in the discussion. “This” was some deep shit we were getting ourselves into.
“When you’re in town, if you want to hook up, you can text me. If it’s not my weekend with Emma and I’m free, we’ll work on making good on that promise. And I’ll come down to Indy sometimes if you want me to, if you want to pretend like we’re together or use me to hold your stuff or something.”
“Okay.” I shrugged, figuring it was as simple as that. I could memorize his custody schedule fairly quickly and conveniently plan my visits up north accordingly. And he was throwing some skin into the deal as well by agreeing to make the trek down to me. He’d done it once already, so I believed he’d keep his word.
I wasn’t certain which scenario I was looking forward to more: my next visit to Fort Wayne or his second trip to my place.
“We’ve got to get back to your apartment,” he said suddenly.
I pulled my cell from my purse and checked the clock. Our time together was drawing to an end already. In a few short hours, he’d need to drive back home to Emma, before the Jeep turned into a pumpkin and exposed us all. And the look he gave me suggested that he didn’t want to spend the last minutes with me talking.
I wadded my sandwich wrapper into a ball and tossed it onto the tray. He disposed of our trash and wrapped his arm possessively about my waist as he led me to the door. I leaned into him, allowing him to be in control, to show off a bit for the patrons in the establishment. He’d noticed the heads that turned when we walked in together, the looks of “how’d he end up with her?” on some people’s faces.
They should have been asking how I’d ended up with him.
Will pretended as if he wasn’t completely lost. I played along, then saved him at the last second before he made a wrong turn that would have led us half an hour out of our way. He laughed it off, acting like he knew what he was doing the whole time.
“I was just seeing if you were paying attention,” he smiled.
The sound of his laughter was beautiful and unexpected at the same time. I couldn’t remember ever hearing something come out of him that was so happy, save for when we were naked together in the heat of passion.
“You should do that more often,” I said quietly.
“What?”
“Laugh. It suits you.”
He’d glanced over in my direction when he’d questioned me. Now, his eyes swung back to the road. The jovial expression was gone, replaced by something far more somber. “Not many reasons to.”
“You don’t have to feel bad about finally being happy.”
“What’s that? I don’t remember.”
“I’ll help you refresh your memory.”
We were approaching a red light, but my comment prompted him to brake a bit harder than he would have otherwise. His green eyes slid over to me, looking me up and down, then up once more before he needed to step on the gas and focus on driving again.
I wondered what he was thinking. I knew what I was. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, attempting to hide the fact that I was getting hot and bothered already. He ignored the obvious, being the gentleman he was. Talking was kept to a minimum, directions only for the rest of the journey. By the time we pulled into my apartment complex
, I was ready to hop into the back of the Jeep and take him right there.
Somehow we made it indoors, throwing the bags that contained my new clothes down just inside my place. The clothes on our bodies came next, leaving a trail of discarded fabric leading the few short steps into my bedroom. By the time we reached my bed, we were both in our underwear by our own accord. With a communal laugh, we fell onto the mattress.
Our bare skin brushed against each other, the most wonderful combination of hot and cold. Chilled by the January temperatures outside, burning with the thought of what was about to happen. A shiver coursed down my frame, something he felt quite clearly. I cocked my eyebrow at him, letting him read into that whatever he wanted.
He responded with a kiss that stole the breath from my lungs. My eyes fluttered closed, my hands searching out his face, running across his goatee. Our lips moved together like we’d been doing this for years, our tongues exploring and committing each other’s taste to memory. When we both came up gasping for air, he focused his attention on my neck.
One of his hands pushed my curtain of hair away from my skin, the other slid underneath my bra strap, dangerously close to my breast. I tilted my head to allow easier access. He trailed kisses from my shoulder to below my ear, alternating soft presses of his lips with periods of both tongue and teeth. I attempted to stay as still as possible, afraid to discourage him from continuing. It tickled in the most wonderful way, covering my skin in goose bumps and making the tiny piece of satin I typically referred to as my underwear damp.
Something in my body language alerted him to the fact that I was majorly turned on. I refused to believe that we’d gotten to the point where we could anticipate each other’s movements. Seriously, I figured I was having a pretty universal reaction to what he was doing to me. It didn’t mean that we were crossing a line into uncharted territory.
The silence of my apartment was punctuated only by the sound of our ragged breathing as he unhooked the clasp on my front closure bra and exposed my breasts to the elements. I shifted my weight to allow him to pull the straps from my shoulders, even while he brought his mouth to my already hard nipples, taking one then the other between his lips.
My hands reached down to position themselves in the waistband of his boxers, struggling a bit with the elastic until I pulled them from his waist and down his ass. My fingers found his length, relishing the sensation of the blood flowing to his erection, knowing I was the one who caused it. Before we reached the boiling point, he broke away just long enough to slide on the condom that had appeared out of nowhere. He must have had it at the ready on the corner of my bed or something. It didn’t matter. It was there now and we were more than ready to use it.
We’d made it an unwritten rule that we didn’t speak to one another during the act. No dirty talk, no potential for us to ruin the moment by saying something unexpected. After all, it would totally wreck the whole friends with benefits arrangement if a declaration of love slipped out on my part. Or an ex-wife’s name on his. Instead, we held eye contact as much as possible.
Perhaps it would have been better if we’d just given each other the whole porno play-by-play treatment. The way he stared into my face, it was like he was entering my soul with every thrust. Maybe it was my own overactive imagination playing tricks on me, but he looked at me with the same kind of devotion that I’d witnessed Matthew give Lauren or Chris give Blake. I squeezed my eyes shut to rid my mind of such thoughts. He could just be a good actor, or I could have my head in the clouds. I might be looking at him in much the same way without even meaning to.
When my eyes opened again, his were closed. I seized the opportunity to drink him in, to watch his body as it moved inside mine. Being a cop and all, I knew he was in relatively decent shape, though a bit on the less muscular side. He was lean, not a bodybuilder type.
I reached out my hand and ran my fingers down the smooth skin of his bare chest. He wasn’t hairy in the least; this I appreciated. The goatee I had no issues with, but I didn’t want to bury my face in a pillow of body hair or worse yet, see it creeping out of his shirt. Will was perfect in that respect, exactly what I would have ordered if I had made a list.
He moaned, giving me another dose of those impossibly green eyes as he grabbed one of my ankles in each hand and hoisted them up so they rested on his shoulders. Then he pressed deeper, my voice joining with his as we found our release together.
He stood over me, my legs still up in the air for a moment as we gained composure. He gave me a grin, which I returned. Then he lowered my feet so they hung over the edge of the mattress and he was gone.
I stayed put, trying unsuccessfully to calm myself down. He came back faster than I expected, condom disposed of and still buck naked. His cell was clutched in one hand. I bit my lip in a silent question, which he answered as I felt the mattress dip under his weight. Friends with benefits who were keeping things discreet didn’t take bedroom pictures and post them all over social media. Or even have them anywhere on their phones.
“I set an alarm,” he explained, “so I’m not late getting back home.”
I nodded, his intention making perfect sense. I’d lost all concept of time and I wasn’t about to ruin the mood by asking how limited his stay was becoming. His responsibility to his daughter was something that I understood and I couldn’t argue with.
“Come here,” he urged, not waiting for me to follow directions. He pulled me into his arms, assuming the position we’d fallen asleep in last night. Or this morning, however one chose to look at it. I settled back against his now sweaty chest, relishing the smell of his exertion, the scent of the sex we’d just had. He held me tightly, his hand cupping my left breast. There was no doubt he could feel my heart racing; it was about ready to pound out of my chest. If I couldn’t feel his own heart beating just as frantically, I might have been embarrassed. Instead, I covered his hand with mine and pressed it tighter to my flesh.
Was it bad to hope that the alarm never sounded?
Chapter Six
“We need to talk to you,” Blake announced.
She exchanged a knowing glance with Lauren, who nodded eagerly.
My stomach dropped into my feet, fearing the worst. What could I possibly think, staring at the two of them with those shit-eating grins on their faces? And here I thought Will and I had been impeccable at keeping whatever the hell we were doing under wraps. How in the world had they figured it out?
We were sitting in Lauren’s kitchen, Sadie in the baby swing beside the concrete island. The three adult members of the girls only party had pulled up barstools, leaving Matthew and Chris to their own devices elsewhere in the house. Since it was easier for everyone to come to Sadie instead of the other way around, their house was going to be the scene of most of our get-togethers for the time being. Not that I minded.
What I did mind was that they’d planned this little meeting on a weekend where Emma was staying at Will’s. I’d checked almost as soon as I’d gotten the invite from Blake. Never mind that it was odd that Blake was asking me to my best friend’s house and not Lauren herself, but they were kind of weird like that. And Will and I had played it off like it wasn’t a big deal. He told me he had to work anyway. I’d given the phone equivalent of a shrug and hung up, spending the next hour or so moping. But he wasn’t about to find that out.
“Okay.” I did my best to act like I was totally clueless about the inquisition that was about to take place. Internally, my head was spinning with excuses, denials, anything that could possibly take the heat off of me and Will. I wasn’t ready to give up having sex with him and I was sure that if the truth came out, that would be the end of us. Unless, of course, I could diffuse the attention and make them discount their theory.
“We were thinking,” Blake rubbed her hands together as though this was the best plan in the world, “that maybe you could help us out.” She looked to Lauren for approval. Clearly, the blond one was the ringleader of this, but Miss Cool and Collected looked
like she was about to hyperventilate.
For this reason, Lauren took over.
“So,” she began, smirking at her sister-in-law’s ineptitude, “I have this house that I’m not using.”
“Uh huh.” I tried not to look relieved, noting that unless she was going to offer up her place by the airport for illicit affairs, Will likely had nothing to do with the subject of our conversation. “And?”
“And I was thinking about putting it up for sale. There’s no reason to have two houses, right?”
“Right. I guess.”
“But I’m having a hard time giving it up. That’s why I’ve held onto it for as long as I have already. And Matthew’s been cool with it, but I’ve always felt guilty about spending all that money to have it sit pretty much vacant - especially since we got married.”
“Okay.” I stole a glance at Blake and rolled my eyes. Maybe it hadn’t been a good idea to pass the baton to Lauren. We both knew her propensity to drag things out much longer than they needed to be. Starting with her relationship with her ex, Eric, her refusal to admit her feelings for Matthew, her getting to the point here.
Lauren pretended she didn’t see my gesture and continued. “I considered just calling a realtor and getting rid of it - hoping for a quick sale before I thought too much about what I’d done. Then I thought about renting it out. That way, I’d be reducing my expenses but I’d still technically be keeping it. But it would have to be to someone that I could trust. I wouldn’t want anyone trashing it. And this left me with very few prospects, considering that Blake just married one of them.”
Blake beamed at that mention, looking down at her recently acquired engagement and wedding rings as if she had trouble believing it, too.
She wasn’t alone. I imagined it would be a cold day in hell before Lauren would ever really offer her home to Chris, or that Chris would actually enter into an arrangement that gave Lauren even the slightest bit of control over him.
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