“I, for one, have no idea what’s going on,” Chris allowed. Obviously, Blake hadn’t shared her intentions to fix me up with Will with her husband. “But it seems to me that most of it could be fixed if the two of you got into each other’s pants.”
Then again, maybe she had.
A gasp came from Lauren’s mouth, not stifled soon enough by her hand clasping against her lips. The rest of us, Will and myself included, stood in shock at what had been suggested. True or not, it was still unexpected to hear.
“December ninth,” Will announced cryptically. A riddle for everyone else to solve, but not for me. I knew exactly what he meant.
“Will,” I breathed in warning.
“Shut up, Gracie,” he snapped, “I’m talking now.”
I shut up.
“December ninth,” he repeated, “was when it first happened.”
“When what happened?” Chris took the bait.
I closed my eyes and waited. It was so quiet in the seconds before Will outed us that it wouldn’t have surprised me to learn that our whole audience could hear my heart pounding a mile a minute. Maybe Matthew did, for his hand came out from nowhere, encircled my wrist and pulled me back to the couch. When I felt the sofa bump into the back of my legs, but more when Matthew’s hands rose to my shoulders to push me down, I perched upon the cushion. Prying open my eyes, I waited some more.
By the look in Will’s eyes, I knew he had watched the whole thing unfold with more than a bit of amusement. He also knew that Matthew knew something was up given his reaction to protect me, comfort me, whatever, but none of that mattered now because Will was about to speak the whole truth.
“Was the first time we got into each other’s pants,” Will finished, copying Chris’s terminology. “Also the second and third time, too. But that’s beside the point.”
“Dude,” Chris enthused, “you scored with Gracie? Three times in one night? That’s awesome.”
“Dear Lord,” Lauren muttered.
Blake inexplicably covered Sadie’s eyes, possibly because both ears were too difficult to.
Matthew laced his fingers through mine and squeezed my trembling hand.
“We didn’t tell because nothing was going to come of it,” Will explained. “It was one night of getting totally shitfaced and being tired of being alone. And a drunken hookup would totally have eclipsed the whole engagement ring in the underwear drawer, quickie wedding vibe going on. So Gracie pretended that she drove all the way back up from Indy to see Blake and Chris get hitched, when she’d never left Fort Wayne the night before.
“I’m not stupid. I got her number, but I never really intended to use it. Sure, I talked like I was a stud and I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t. I was embarrassed, ashamed that I’d been the recipient of a pity fuck from someone completely out of my league. But I couldn’t get her out of my head.
“So New Year’s Eve was a big risk on my part, but it wasn’t alcohol induced. Not when I drove down to Indianapolis unannounced and knocked on her door. Surprisingly enough she invited me in like she wanted me to be there. And for the first time in ages, I kissed someone at midnight and felt nothing but hope for the year ahead.
“We made plans, arrangements, not to date, but to have this uncommitted commitment to one another. That if she was up here and I was around that we could screw if we both wanted to. That I could come down to Indy and we could do things together, like go to dinner or the movies, things that you would normally do on dates.
“Then things changed. She got a job up here, and our time in Indianapolis was cut short. So we took every opportunity that we could to be together until her lease ran out. That month we practically lived together was quite possibly the best month of my life. We did everything together; even the most mundane tasks were somehow magical when she was with me. And I could write a book about the quirky things I learned and filed away for later, never to be used again. Like she doesn’t eat onions, or what brand of toilet paper she buys at the grocery store. It’s the cheapest kind they make, and she hasn’t upgraded even with the promotion. Jesus, Gracie, you drive a Lexus now, buy better stuff - we’ll all thank you for it later.”
My eyes shifted to Blake, curious what her response would be to the unveiling of Indy Guy’s identity. She didn’t disappoint. After she had picked her jaw back up off the ground, she tried on a shit-eating grin for size.
“It was when the move was finalized that things fell apart,” Will mused, “because of logistics. Because of me. She wanted me to let her in, but I wouldn’t. And she wanted to come clean to all of you, but I refused to let her. So don’t be mad at her, because she kept it from everybody because I asked her to.
“In the end, she walked away from me because I made her. But I couldn’t stay away. And I didn’t, not really. I couldn’t stop caring, couldn’t stop wanting, couldn’t stop protecting her.”
His words so far had been directed to everyone. But clearly, his piece had been said and the group was effectively dismissed, even though they all stayed put.
“Gracie,” he addressed me, only me, and everyone else in the room fell away. With the way those green eyes bore into mine, we were the only people in the house, on my street, in Fort Wayne, in the universe. “I’ve said some awful things to you. I’ve done even worse. And apologizing for them doesn’t change anything, but it might help explain where I was coming from.”
From somewhere very far away, Matthew’s grip on my hand tightened, and I returned the favor.
Will noticed, his eyes sliding downward, his eyebrows knitting together as he considered this for a moment. Then his expression cleared and he was back to me, fully and completely.
“I’m not good with relationships. I’ve got the divorce to prove it. I’ve got baggage so heavy that it physically hurts to keep carrying it. But I clung to it, because it was all I knew and it was all I thought I had. But damn it, Gracie, you are so good at making me forget that I don’t know why I even wanted to remember.
“And it scared me. Scared me that I would even think about getting involved again, especially with someone like you, who could have anyone you wanted. Who would just leave me when something better came along, which I knew it would. But a part of me still wanted to believe that we could work.
“I feel like I know everything about you, darling, because you don’t hide who it is that you are. You’ve never been anyone other than yourself. And I haven’t given you the same courtesy. I hid who I was, what my feelings were, because I didn’t want to get hurt. By doing that, I only hurt you in the process.
“Emma told me that you’re beautiful. She’s not wrong. But she doesn’t know the half of it. Because I wouldn’t let her see it; I wouldn’t let you get to know each other. Because I couldn’t stand the thought of you forging a relationship with her and what would happen later when you decided that you didn’t want to be involved with a man with nothing on his scorecard but a failed marriage and a teenage daughter.
“But I should have known that you would never do that. If I had paid better attention, it wouldn’t have surprised me that you were curious about her, because she’s part of my life. And that you would handle her with care. Because even when I made you upset, you still watched out for her. That’s just who you are. You’re the person who drove her home when her car broke down, pretending that you didn’t know where I lived and making her give you directions. You’re also the same person that sat outside my house in your car that night for God knows how long, wanting to come in but refusing to.
“Now that I’m removed from things a little bit, it’s so much easier to see things clearly. It’s so easy to understand that I’ve spent so many months lying to myself. And that led to an equal amount of time where I made you pretend you didn’t feel anything because you wanted to make me happy.
“I know who you are, Gracie. I know what you feel. I know that right now if I go into your bedroom and lift up your pillow, I’ll find my favorite t-shirt there, unwashed, which you�
��ve slept with every night because it reminds you of me.”
I winced, because even though I knew for a fact that he had found it the morning after the accident, it was the first time he brought it to light. I couldn’t plead ignorance any more, couldn’t convince myself that he hadn’t really seen it. I couldn’t skate around the fact that he knew he was my weakness, and that I had epically failed in staying true to the terms of our arrangement.
“Look at me, darling,” he whispered.
I obeyed.
“I know I broke your heart, even though I did everything I could not to. I warned you that this would happen. But I wasn’t strong enough to stop it. I wasn’t brave enough to take my own advice and let you go.
“I’ve told you some of this already, but I don’t think you understood the depth of it. That last night we were together, after you totaled your car, do you remember what I said to you?”
He paused long enough to allow me to nod in confirmation.
“I told you that I couldn’t imagine living in a world without you,” he shared, perhaps for the benefit of our audience. “And you didn’t say anything back. Instead, you grabbed my hand and brushed kisses on my knuckles.”
His hand threaded through his hair as his voice cracked. I knew then that he wasn’t there in the present with me any more; he had rewound back to the moment in question and was reliving it like it was something pivotal.
“And then you pressed it against your heart, like I was the reason that it was still beating. And then I felt you relax, each muscle in your body releasing its tension. And you snuggled up against me, like you couldn’t get close enough to me. And right before you fell asleep, you sighed in contentment like you did before, every single night we shared a bed.
“I stayed awake most of that night, alternating between being worried sick that you’d never wake up again and enjoying you being in my arms. And knowing with every heartbeat I felt, every breath that you took in, that I was falling deeper and deeper in love with you.”
I wasn’t sure who voiced the gasp at his confession. I assumed it came from Lauren or Blake, but it could have just as easily fallen from my lips. My eyes clouded over with moisture as his words sunk in. I squeezed them shut, swallowing hard and trying to prevent the one single tear that escaped from sliding down my cheek. It didn’t work.
“Oh, shit,” Will breathed.
What he meant by that wasn’t clear. Was he upset that he’d bared his soul in front of our collective friends? That he’d clued me in at all?
What was crystal clear was that by the time I had recovered enough from the shock of his sentiment, he had vacated the space in front of me. Panicked, I swung my gaze first right, then left, only to be made aware of his whereabouts by the slamming of my front door.
Chapter Thirty
Stunned silence filled my living room - mine and everyone else’s. The sound of Will leaving reverberated in my ears, loud and insistent, on a constant loop in my head. I was so numb I couldn’t think, so full of emotion that I couldn’t feel. I needed a moment, and fortunately those that remained were considerate enough to allow it.
“What?” I finally snapped, addressing the four sets of eyes that were fixed intently on me. “You mean it’s not every day that something like that happens? People don’t randomly show up at your house and tell you they’re in love with you?”
Yes, I was totally being facetious, because both couples had experienced exactly the same thing in their history. Just not as bluntly, or in front of as large of a crowd. Our little group knew how to create spectacles, those sort of jaw dropping moments of admission. But Will had perhaps bested them all.
Once the shock had dissipated, everyone began talking over one another.
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard him say that many words total in the time I’ve known him,” observed Lauren.
“I think that’s the most romantic thing I’ve heard in my life,” Blake said, eyeing both her brother and her husband pointedly. “And I thought you guys were good. I’m freaking swooning and I’m married.”
“I’m in awe that he managed to declare his love for her in nearly the same breath as he ridiculed her choice of toilet paper.” That was Chris.
“I told you so,” whispered Matthew in my ear, his words meant only for me.
“Are you okay?” Lauren asked the million dollar question, the one that we had all casually thrown her way too many times to count.
She was right. When it was directed at you, it was damn annoying.
I nodded, gaining confidence with each movement of my head. “I’m good,” I said when I could finally make it believable.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Lauren asked, even though Will had spelled it out for them. She still wanted to hear it from me, and I couldn’t fault her for that.
“I did!” I sighed, looking her straight in the eye and waiting for her to catch up with me.
Eventually, her eyes blazed with recognition. “That night. On the phone. You weren’t joking.”
“No, I was being dead serious.”
“You carried on a conversation with me while having sex?”
Chris snorted and Lauren glared at him. Clearly, he found the humor in this, at her expense and not mine.
“Yeah, pretty much.” I verified.
She shuddered. “I talked to both of you while you screwed each other. I feel dirty.”
Chris didn’t even try to hide the laughter this time.
“And Blake,” I continued, “you hit the nail right on the head. I was hung up about Indy Guy. I just fooled you with the location. But setting me up with Will wasn’t about to help it.”
“No, obviously not,” she replied.
“So, what now?” Lauren prodded.
“The poor guy left looking like he was going to shit his pants,” Chris added helpfully.
“I need to go,” I said with determination, shrugging off Matthew’s hold on me and stumbling to my feet. I waited for someone to try to stop me, to tell me this was a bad idea, but no one did. I swiped at the lone tear that had semi-dried on my skin, then brushed past Blake and Lauren as I made my way into the kitchen to grab my purse.
“I’m not going to take my cue from any of you guys and wait forever to tell him how I feel,” I vowed upon my return. My confidence was slowly returning, replacing the more sensitive side that Will had somehow uncovered. “I mean, it’s out in the open now. Why wait six months?” I turned to Lauren. “Or ten fucking years?” I directed to Blake. “This shit ends tonight.”
“That’s my girl,” Blake encouraged, “go get your man.”
“Give me your keys,” Chris demanded.
“Fuck no. I’m not drunk, you idiot. I’ll be fine to drive. Don’t even think that you’re coming to chaperone and watch Round Two.”
He ignored me, reaching over and grabbing Blake’s purse. He rummaged around for a moment before pulling out her key ring and holding it out to me. As I stood staring at him, he caught his wife’s eye and they engaged in some silent conversation.
“Trade me,” he said, his eyes flitting to my car keys. “Take my car.”
I stood, dumbfounded, even after we’d swapped keys. What difference did it make what freaking car I drove there?
Chris rolled his eyes. “Your driveway’s full, Grace. Knowing you, you’re parked in the middle of your garage like a jackass.”
He was not wrong.
“Instead of you waiting for everyone to play musical cars to let you out, just take mine. You and Blake can swap back on Monday morning; there’s no rush. Her keys are practically the same as yours - your house key, keys to the shop. You’ll have everything you need. Catch my drift now?”
His random act of kindness made another lump form in my throat. I blinked and swallowed past it, saving my new softer side for someone that I actually wanted to see it.
“Are you sure you want to do that, Chris?” Matthew chimed in, allowing me time to compose myself. “Gracie’s a notoriously bad driv
er.”
“Seriously?” I played along, grateful for the trip down memory lane. “One ill-fated lesson with a stick shift and you’re holding it over my head years later?”
“You’re lucky the Mustang isn’t scarred for life. She almost had to enter therapy.”
Not one to be outclassed, Chris brought up a blast from the past himself. “At least she has permission to drive it. I figure she’s one step ahead of you if she doesn’t get it impounded and I don’t have to bail her ass out of jail.”
If anyone else had said that - excluding Blake, perhaps - I would have been wary of Matthew’s reaction. Since the three of them had that bond of being through thick and thin together, I needn’t have worried. Matthew took it all in stride, though a different kind of tension had invaded the house.
“Well, people, I hate to be a bad hostess, but I think I have places to be.” I shook Blake’s keys for emphasis, as if everyone could possibly have forgotten what just transpired. “Please promise me that you won’t come to blows on my property and someone remember to lock up when you leave. All of you have freaking keys, so just draw straws or something but don’t forget.”
“See? She’s not planning on sleeping here tonight,” Chris stage whispered to the audience.
I elbowed him on the way out, leaving to a chorus of well wishes. All were sincere, even his.
Their encouragement didn’t help calm the nerves that instantly reappeared when I closed myself off from them. Alone on my front porch, I began to tremble, the gravity of everything I’d just learned washing over me full force.
Will loved me.
Then he’d walked out before he’d gotten a response from me.
“What the fuck, Will?” I asked aloud to no one, as though he could hear me.
I hadn’t formulated a plan yet on what would happen next. Granted, I was going to track Will down. I doubted he’d fled anywhere else but home, so that was where I was headed. If I was wrong, I’d sit and wait until he came back. And I’d force him to listen to me. But what I’d say when I came face to face with him, I had no clue.
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