by Maggie Cox
‘After that…what?’
‘Dios mio! Just stop wasting time and tell me!’
‘All right. I—I wanted to tell you not long after you’d proposed…There’s no easy way to soften this, but the truth is I’d begun to seriously realise that I was only kidding myself that a marriage between us could ever work.’
The sense of rejection and pain that had never left him since Briana had walked out coiled like a band of steel round Pascual’s chest and squeezed as tight as a deadly cobra, intent on crushing it.
‘You only have to start with our backgrounds,’ she continued, unable to disguise her apprehension. ‘You were born into the most extraordinary wealth and privilege, with all the expectations that go along with that, and I came from much more…shall we say ordinary beginnings? I was never going to fit into the incredibly elite lifestyle you were used to, Pascual! Your family made me quite aware of that very early on. They saw me as a drifter. Someone with no purpose or direction because I had taken time off from my usual routine to travel and work at not very prestigious jobs to keep myself.’
‘Why bring my family into this? You are just using them as a convenient excuse. You clearly did not feel the same way for me as I felt for you, and were simply too cowardly to just come out and say it!’
‘No! That’s not how it was at all.’
‘Then why did you not tell me that you were pregnant? How could you have left, knowing that you were carrying my baby? What kind of man do you think I am that I would not be interested in such an incredible piece of information? Did you not think that I would want to know my own child and have some say in how he was raised? You must either have taken temporary leave of your senses or you are even more heartless than I thought!’
The lovely face before him crumpled a little, but quickly she appeared to gather herself and determinedly returned her gaze to Pascual’s. As he studied her, his heart was thundering as fast as a racehorse galloping for the finishing line. Years of turmoil and anguish over her desertion had just reached a crescendo, and he had no intention of reigning in his emotions now. Especially since he had so shockingly discovered that Briana had had his baby and had deliberately kept him in ignorance of the fact.
She pressed her hand to her chest. ‘I didn’t know I was pregnant when I left. I only found out a couple of weeks after I got home…The thing is, Pascual…’
For a moment the depth of pain that glimmered in her ethereal grey eyes and the small catch in her voice unexpectedly got through the armour he had erected and pierced him.
‘This is the truth. I had personal experience of what it was like, coming from parents from two different worlds, and it made for a very schizophrenic upbringing…a painful one too. My mother was from an ordinary working class background but my father went to public school and when they met was training to be a barrister. Unlike you and I—’ heated colour swept into her face ‘—they did marry…But somehow their initial strong attraction for each other couldn’t bridge the social and educational divide between them and the relationship quickly got into trouble. They rowed a lot, and my mum says that my father started to put her down by making fun of where she’d come from and her lack of education. But even when he was cruel to her she still loved him, she said. Then he went and made things even worse by having an affair…the first of many.’
Pushing some of her tousled hair away from her flushed cheek, Briana gazed into the distance for a moment, clearly haunted by what had happened.
‘When I was just five years old they broke up. I grew up spending two weekends a month with my father, in his ancestral family home in Dorset, and the rest of the time with my mother in a tiny mid-terrace house in Camberwell. When I was with my father he got his housekeeper to take care of me. He used to call me his “regrettable mistake”. After the divorce he quickly remarried…someone from his own class. None of his family ever welcomed me or made me feel at home, and after every painful visit I couldn’t wait to get back to my mum’s! We no longer keep in touch, in case you’re wondering.’
A heavy sigh fell on the air.
‘When I met you, Pascual, I really wanted to believe that where we both came from wouldn’t sabotage our future together. But then I started to have the most terrible doubts…doubts that just wouldn’t go away. The dinner parties and polo matches you took me to with your wealthy friends, the disdain I saw in your family’s eyes because I was not from the same background…Well…it finally got to me. And because of the way I’d seen things play out between my own parents I knew I was only kidding myself that our relationship could work. Then I saw you with your ex that night, and suddenly I knew the hell my mother must have gone through when the man she loved had an affair. I knew then that I could never be with someone who might have the capacity to be unfaithful…that it would likely destroy me.’
‘Dios mio! I told you what really happened!’ Pascual interjected with frustration. ‘She had had too much to drink—the woman was just making mischief. She was jealous because it was you I wanted to marry and not her. I thought I showed you in so many ways that I genuinely loved you and wanted no other. And yet you judged me so quickly over that stupid incident, and did not even give me the chance to defend myself before you chose to walk out!’
‘I saw what I saw and I was devastated. Given my background, surely you can understand that now? I just couldn’t take the risk that once we were married you might quickly grow tired of me and have affairs. You see, I didn’t want what we had to turn into something ugly and painful. Nor did I want to be someone else’s regrettable mistake either! As for Adán…When I found myself pregnant with him, I anguished for a long time about what to do for the best. Obviously I had to make some decisions about his future. I found myself asking how, in all practicality, he could go to and from Argentina every month to visit you. The situation would have been impossible. All a parent wants for their child is for them to grow up feeling loved and secure, and I finally came to the conclusion that I could only do that for him if he stayed with me. In the cold light of day I know it sounds utterly despicable to have made that decision without involving you. But, having walked out on you, I simply had to make it.’
‘You keep referring to the child as your baby, but I had a part in making him too—did I not?’ Emotion locked inside Pascual’s throat and he struggled to speak past it. ‘Why did you not tell me all this about your background before? You should never have just left without speaking to me first. To have a note thrust into my hand the day after a party that had been meant to celebrate our upcoming marriage and read that you had left was unbelievable. I thought I was having a nightmare!’
Staring briefly down at the floor, Pascual recalled the devastation that had for a time driven him to the very pits of despair and shook his head.
‘I—it was hard to think straight at the time,’ said Briana. ‘Preparations were going ahead for the wedding, and every day I got more and more scared that I was making a dreadful mistake…Then that incident with your ex happened.’
‘And you could not talk to me about any of these things? I was not some uncaring stranger…I was supposedly the man that you loved!’
‘You were! I mean, you—’
His glance was withering. ‘I fear your explanations have come far too late, carino mio. You should know that nothing you can say to me now could ever regain you my trust or respect. Any feelings I might once have had for you have been crushed to dust by what you have done!’
Moving across the room, Pascual tried hard to clear his head. The rain outside thudded with force against the old-fashioned leaded windowpanes, echoing the sensation of pressure building up inside him. So many thoughts, regrets and painful feelings were crowding his mind and his heart that he almost could not stand it. But out of all the turmoil, one thought gripped him more than any other. He had a son.
Recalling how passionately his friend Fidel had felt about his only son, he was deluged by the strongest determination to make things right in that quarte
r at least. He might have not been present in the first four years of his child’s life, but by God he would be more than present in the rest of it!
Turning back to survey the lone slender figure standing in the centre of the room, he ruthlessly stamped out any fleeting feelings of sympathy that arose inside him. It was true what he had told Briana…her explanations had come too late. Whatever happened next…she had brought it all upon herself.
‘I do not want to discuss this any further tonight. I need time to think. It has come as the greatest shock to me to learn what I have learned…that I have a son. A son whose cold and selfish mother decided that I did not have the right to know about him! We will talk again tomorrow, after the polo match…By which time I will have come to some important decisions where both you and he are concerned.’
‘Any decisions about the future are not just up to you, Pascual!’
‘If I were you, Briana,’ he said, his furious glance utterly scathing, ‘I would not risk saying anything more on that subject tonight. You have already had everything your way for far too long. You should know that I do not intend to let that situation continue…believe me.’
Striding to the door, realising that a serious explosion of temper was imminent if he stayed in the same room with her for even a second longer, Pascual let himself out into the narrow dimly lit corridor and did not look back…
‘Rough night?’ Tina’s relentlessly cheerful tone almost made Briana snap when she joined her for breakfast in the kitchen the next morning. Her nerves were on edge as she poured herself coffee from the generoussized cafetière on the ornate sideboard, and she threw the other woman a wry glance. ‘You could say that.’
Carrying her cup across to the sturdy oak table, she pulled out a chair and sat down. Reaching for the milk jug and sugar bowl, she absently added some of the contents of each to her drink. It was clear the dark shadows beneath her eyes must reveal she’d hardly slept a wink—but what woman could possibly sleep after that distressingly painful scene when Pascual had woken her from sleep in the middle of the night? And exactly what important decisions had he reached about her and Adán after he had left her? she wondered anxiously.
Last night he had been beyond furious, and a big part of her acknowledged that she deserved his condemnation. She should never have kept Adán a secret from him, no matter how scared she was of her future life repeating her mother’s. The tragedy was that she had loved this man so much—with all her being, in fact—and seeing him again she had shockingly realised that her love had not died. It had merely been lying dormant.
There had been a few moments during their unhappy confrontation last night when Briana had wanted to reach out to Pascual and beg his forgiveness…to ask him how she could start to make amends. But so fearful was she of what he might demand that she hadn’t been able to bring herself to do it. Now she anguished over whether he might seriously contest her for custody of their son, and the icy tentacles of fear that were running in the back of her mind and in the pit of her stomach clutched at her even more. With his incredible wealth and powerful family Pascual had all the means necessary to take Adán from her, and there would be nothing Briana could do about it. In the light of this most worrying crisis of all going to court for an outstanding business debt couldn’t be less important!
Hardly knowing what to do about anything right then, she gazed despondently into the beverage, watching the curling wisps of steam from the delicate porcelain cup in front of her as if she was staring into a dark tunnel with little prospect of ever finding a source of light at the end. If only her father had not been so incapable of staying faithful to her mother—had put her and his daughter’s welfare above the snob value of class and money he had grown up with—then maybe Briana wouldn’t have found herself in the heart-rending situation she was in now with Pascual.
‘What’s the matter, Bri?’
As she dropped down into the seat opposite, there was genuine concern on Tina’s pretty face. Mindful of what the girl had unknowingly revealed to Pascual last night, Briana felt naturally reluctant to discuss anything personal. Her young colleague hadn’t meant any harm, she was sure, but she shouldn’t have been quite so free with her conversation.
‘I’m fine. I just didn’t sleep very well, that’s all.’
‘Our gorgeous Mr Dominguez was asking me about you last night. In fact every time I tried to turn the conversation around to something else he turned it back to you! I think he really likes you, Bri.’
‘It’s neither here nor there whether the man likes me or not. I’m just here to do my job and that’s all. And in future I’d be very grateful if you wouldn’t tell all and sundry about my personal circumstances. Especially not people I’ve been hired to work for.’
Appearing genuinely shocked at her boss’s uncharacteristic burst of temper, Tina shrugged apologetically. ‘I’m really sorry. It was just that he was being so charming, and before I knew it he’d got things out of me that I normally wouldn’t tell anyone under pain of death! About the business being in difficulty, I mean, and you being a single mum…’
‘I accept your apology. But trust me…if you want to get on in this business as well as in life, Tina, you need to learn to be a lot more discreet! Now, I’m going to finish my coffee and then we’ve both got things to get on with. And if Mr Dominguez asks you any more questions about me just tell him to come and ask me himself, will you?’
CHAPTER FIVE
HE’D sat up nearly all night mulling over events, thinking what to do. Finally, needing some air, he walked out of the still sleeping house and headed off—hands deep in the pockets of his trenchcoat—down one of the winding country lanes that led away from the house. Dawn was just breaking, and a silvery mist was draped over the trees and hedgerows like a diaphanous cloak. The air contained just enough frost in it to make Pascual shiver. The English countryside in the autumn was a sight to stir the heart, he silently acknowledged, his shoes flattening damp golden leaves deep into the gravelled lane as he walked, and he experienced the first real pleasure he had had since arriving.
Back home in Buenos Aires the temperature would be a predictable twenty-two degrees, warm and sunny. But strangely at that moment he felt no particular longing for the place of his birth. Where he was right now was perfect because that was where his son was, he realized—that was enough to make Pascual content to be there. What did he look like, this boy of his? Did any of his features resemble his father’s? What characteristics might they share? Feeling his throat tighten almost unbearably, he muttered something impatient into the frigid air.
How could she have done it? How could Briana have deliberately kept his child from him? Even if he had cheated on her with Claudia—which he most definitely had not—was he deserving of such unbelievable treatment? And just because her faithless father had had affairs, did it naturally follow that Pascual would do the same? He was a different kind of man entirely…an honourable, loyal man. If only she had seen that. And he was even less likely to have an affair knowing he had a child to think of! How was it possible that he had once loved such an untrusting woman—a woman who had preferred to leave him rather than stay and hear his side of the story?
Preferring to focus on solutions rather than regrets, and for the moment determinedly putting the past aside, he concentrated on some of the decisions he’d reached last night about the future. When he returned to Buenos Aires in a couple of days he would be taking the boy back with him. No question about it. ‘When you become a father,’ his friend Fidel had once told him, ‘everything changes. In a way the path becomes much clearer. You are less concerned with your own needs and ambitions. Instead almost every waking moment is given over to this precious child you have helped bring into the world…’
Sadly, his friend had not lived to see his own child grow up. Having already missed out on Adán’s infant years, Pascual was determined that from now on it would be a very different story for him. And if Briana made it difficult in any way, then he
would not hesitate to take a legal route to claiming what was his. But he hoped it would not come to that. Much better that she saw she had done both him and his son a grave injustice in keeping them apart, was ready to right a wrong rather than make that wrong even worse by obstructing him.
Taking a moment to expel a long, troubled breath, he continued on his journey up the winding lane. He almost stumbled when he remembered the kiss he had stolen last night—before he had found out about his son. Heat coiled in his belly with a fierce demand that shocked him. How could it be that she could still arouse such lust and need in him even after five years of being apart? Feeling betrayed by his own body, Pascual impatiently lengthened his stride. He would walk hard for a while and burn up some of the nervous heightened energy that throbbed through him, he concluded grimly. His treacherous and inconvenient desire would give him no peace if he did not.
And there was something else he had made a decision about. The planned visit to a polo match at one of Britain’s most elite sports grounds today no longer held any appeal for him, he realised—end of the season or no. No…He had far more important upcoming events commanding his thoughts—the first one entailed putting Briana in the picture about his plans, and the next was visiting his son…
Dumbfounded, Briana stared at her fresh-faced colleague. ‘What do you mean he’s decided not to go to the polo match? The others are all waiting outside in the car for him! What reason did he give you?’
Looking uncomfortable, as well as bewildered, Tina frowned. ‘He just said that he’d changed his mind…that something more important had come up and to send his apologies. He’ll meet the others at dinner tonight, he said. In the meantime…’
The younger girl hesitated, and Briana’s heartbeat quickened with apprehension. ‘In the meantime…what?’ she demanded, fear making her tone impatient.
