"Don't try to change the subject," she said. "I can't tell if you're being arrogant and solitary or if you're really seriously just scared of being an alpha."
"I am scared, Ros. I'm not like you. I didn't come into this and find a pack to call home. I was infected and the only person there for me was Rupert, and he couldn't help me learn to control my beast because he's human. Everything I know, everything I've learned, I've learned fighting tooth and nail with this thing inside of me."
"Do you resent being what you are?"
"Every day? No. Sometimes, yes. The wolf and I are on much better terms, but there are still times when I don't understand her, don't understand this, this thing I am, this thing I'm supposed to be."
"I don't understand why you're scared, Kassandra. I really don't."
"Because, Rosalin, I'm not completely wolf. I'm human too and there are times when I'm afraid. Maybe, because of what I do for a living, I shouldn't be."
"Are you scared of Sheila?"
I had to think about my response for a moment. "I'm not scared of what she could do to me, because given the chance I'd pump several rounds of silver into her as fast as I could, but I'm scared of what she could do to those I love and care about. I'm supposed to be an alpha, and yet, I wasn't there for you when you needed me last night. I didn't even know what she'd done to you."
"How could you?" she asked. "It wasn't like I told you I was going to a pack meeting. I'm the one that idiotically tried to carry on as a member of the pack after you'd…"
"Go on," I said. "Say it. After I accidentally marked you. And look what that mark did, Rosalin. It brought you harm. It put you in danger. I promised to protect you and I failed at that. Some alpha I'm supposed to be."
"No." She stubbornly shook her head. "Sheila brought me harm, not you. You couldn't have known that she was going to punish me."
"But you did," I said. "You knew she'd punish you."
"I've been to a couple of meetings with the pack after you marked me. She didn't do anything then, so I thought she hadn't sensed it."
"She had, though?"
"Yes."
"Why did she wait?"
"I don't know. Sheila is unpredictable. She probably waited for that reason alone-unpredictability-to catch me when I'd finally let my guard down and stopped worrying about it."
"And now neither you nor Carver nor Claire can return to the pack."
"And you don't want to be our alpha."
"I didn't say I didn't want to, Rosalin. You're making it sound like I don't want to be your friend. Just because I don't want to pin a sticker on my shirt that says, 'Hello, my name is Alpha,' doesn't mean I don't care about you, any of you."
"It's the title?"
"And the responsibilities," I said. "As I said, if I'm supposed to be your alpha, I failed miserably last night."
"Kassandra," she said, and I looked at her.
"What?"
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Yes. Doesn't mean I'll have an answer though."
"Take out the title, and if the same thing happened to me last night, would you still feel the same?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're beating yourself up for not protecting me, though you did protect me. Hell," she said, "you knocked Sheila halfway across the clearing. If I was just your friend and you hadn't marked me, would you still have done that?"
I licked my lips.
"You would've killed her, wouldn't you? If you weren't a lycanthrope and didn't have to play by our rules, what would you have done? Lied to the cops, tell them I'd been attacked? Figure out a way to set it up so that the execution was done cleanly? What lengths would you have gone to to protect me, as a friend?"
"I don't understand whatever point you're trying to make," I said, "and murder is illegal. Being a lycanthrope isn't the only thing that stopped me last night."
"The rest of the pack?"
"That certainly crossed my mind."
"Well, aside from that. The point I'm trying to make is this, lycanthrope or no, metaphysical binding or no, would you still have protected me? Would you still have thought to avenge a wrong that was done to me just because I'm your friend?"
"Yes."
"How different is that from being an alpha?"
"I…I don't know," I said.
"Obviously, you get my drift," she said. "So stop questioning it."
I scoffed. "That's easier said than done."
"Kassandra Lyall, you can turn into a fucking bird. If you can accept that," she said, "I am pretty sure you can accept this."
I laughed.
"And," she said, "if it's any consolation, I don't think you'll botch the job as badly as Sheila."
"Thanks, Ros. I guess that's supposed to be comforting."
"I can make it more comforting," she said, raising the blanket between us. "Wanna come in and cuddle?"
"Um, no."
"Why?"
"I don't trust you."
"Why don't you trust me? I promise not to grope."
"Yeah, you say that now. You'll probably let a little werewolf biscuit slip and try to cover my head with the blankets."
Rosalin laughed then, the first genuine laugh I'd heard from her since I stepped into the room. I smiled hearing it.
"Oh my God," she said.
"You're considering it now, aren't you?"
"Well, now that you said something…yeah, a little bit."
I patted the blanket. "I think I'll stay out here then."
"So," she said, "did you feed Lenorre?"
I crossed my legs at the ankles, folding my hands over my stomach. "Actually, I did."
"And?"
"And what?"
"How was it?"
"It was…different," I said.
"Yeah, but did you enjoy it?"
I remembered the dark and intimate look on Lenorre's face, remembered her licking and biting down my body. Apparently, something showed on my face because Rosalin bolted upright.
"Oh my God," she said again. "You totally enjoyed it. You got all hot and bothered, didn't you?"
"Okay, how the hell did we end up having this conversation?" I asked, blinking.
"Don't you dare try and change the subject. I want details."
"Tough. You're not getting any."
"So Lenorre bit you and you thought it was hot, huh? Hot enough you don't want to share details." She grinned. "You can go back under your covers now."
"Oh, hell no," she said. "I'm happy here where I can watch you blush."
"I'm not blushing."
"Yeah, you are. Do I need to get a mirror to prove it? Where'd she bite you?"
"That's none of your business."
"She gotcha in the nether bits, didn't she?" I laughed, shaking my head. "No, no, she didn't get me in the nether bits last night."
"Then where'd she-wait, are you implying she's bit you in the nether bits before?"
"I didn't say that."
"You're blushing again. I'm going to take that as a yes. That's hot. Keep going…"
"You do realize Carver and Claire are right outside your door?"
"I can fix that," she said, and called Claire's name. The door opened and Claire peered into the room. It looked as though she'd been laughing.
"Yes?" she asked.
"Can you guys give us some privacy?" Rosalin asked.
"Sure thing," Claire said. She shot me a quick grin. "Don't protest too much, Kassandra. You know what they say about that."
"Oh, go," I said, shooing her out with a hand and trying not to laugh.
I waited until I sensed Carver and Claire leave their post outside the door.
"You know, Ros, I never pegged you for such a voyeur."
"This is what friends do, sweetheart. We share juicy details."
"Uh huh, like you were so keen on sharing juicy details when you fooled around with Eris?"
"Oh, that," she said. "Eris just bit my neck. When she bit me, I got off. Now, your turn."
&
nbsp; "Fine," I said. "If you must know, Lenorre bit my wrist."
The excited expression she wore turned completely upside down. "What! She just bit your wrist? You made such a big deal out of it and all she did was bite your wrist?"
I pretentiously pouted at her. "Aww, you got your little voyeur hopes up, didn't you?"
"Yeah, and you're intentionally trying to spoil it! Seriously, that's all she did?"
"She's bitten other places."
"Better." She leaned back. "Much better. Keep going."
"Rosalin, I'm not going to divulge every single detail of my sex life."
"Did she enchant you?"
I shot her an impatient glance.
"No."
"Did it hurt much without the enchantment?"
"I can't exactly make a comparison, as I've asked her not to enchant me. It hurt a great deal less than I thought it would."
"I've heard there's a numbing agent in vampire spit."
"They have an anticoagulant in their saliva, but aside from that I haven't heard of a numbing agent. They share the same anticoagulant as vampire bats, and with vampire bites, their bite is less painful because of the sharpness of their fangs, not spit."
"Really?" she asked.
"I think so, but that's probably a question better aimed at Lenorre. She gave me some books to read."
Rosalin laughed. "You haven't read them, have you?"
I grinned. "Nope."
"Learn as you go?"
"Pretty much. I've flipped through them. They're thick," I said, emphasizing the size with my hands. "When am I going to find the time to sit down and actually read them? Especially when all I have to do is ask her if I have a question?"
"Still, if she lent them to you, she obviously wants you to read them."
I shrugged. "Probably. One of these days, maybe I'll get to them. So you let Eris enchant you?"
"Yes, that's how I was able to get off when she bit me."
"They don't have to enchant you to do that, though, do they?"
Lenorre had used her energy to bring me during sex and both times, she'd assured me she hadn't enchanted me.
"I don't know," she said, "I can tell you, that's where the thrill is."
"Being enchanted?"
"Yes."
"Lenorre's projected on me before. Does that count?"
"Yes and no. I think it would be a mild form of enchantment. The enchantment part is more where the vampire makes you feel what they want you to feel, but also to think what they want you to think."
"And how the hell do you know when a vampire has done that? If they're forcing their will on your thoughts…"
"There's fogginess afterwards. A feeling of weightlessness, drunkenness, a high. I don't know how to explain it, but you'd know. While it's happening, every sense heightens like that second before orgasm, and everything, every thought, every feeling, every worry, sadness, every emotion, just gets abandoned and washed away in this tide that carries you."
"And you're okay with that? With completely abandoning yourself?"
"Kass, some of us need that. We're not all the control freak that you are."
"I'll give you that," I said, because it was about control with me. I didn't like the idea of surrendering that completely to anyone or anything. I needed my ground to stand on.
"It'd probably be harder for a vampire to enchant you."
"Why do you say that?" I asked.
"It takes a strong vampire to enchant a lycanthrope as it is, throw a bit of fey blood into the mix and they've got their work cut out for them."
"Well, that's good to know."
"You would think that." She smiled.
I brushed a strand of auburn hair out of her face. "So," I said, "are you going to stay in bed and hide all day?"
"I'm feeling a little bit better."
"Only a little?" I asked. "I have an idea and I think it might be one that will make you feel even better."
"You're going to take your clothes off and get under the covers with me?"
I pulled her hair. "No, silly, but nice try. There's a wooded area around here, isn't there?"
"Yes, most of it's on Lenorre's land."
"Is it enough to provide cover?"
"Depends on what you need the cover for."
"Would you like to go run with me?"
Her lips parted in disbelief. "You're serious? I've asked you to go run with me and you always tell me no."
"I haven't showered. If you want to go run, now's the time to do it."
"I'd like that," she said, her expression tender.
"Then, get off your ass," I said, standing and offering my hand. Rosalin took it and I helped her out of her monstrous blankets.
When she got to her feet, she wrapped her arms around me. "Thank you, Kassandra. I appreciate the distraction."
She kissed my cheek and I touched her face. "You're welcome, Rosalin."
Truth be told, with the murder investigation, relationship dynamics, and bullshit with Sheila, I needed the distraction too.
CHAPTER eighteen
told Lenorre where we were going, and even though the woods were on her land, she'd insisted Zaphara and the others accompany us. I had argued with her until she pointed out the fact that it would make Rosalin feel safer. I couldn't exactly argue with that. After what Rosalin had endured at Sheila's hands, I wanted her to feel safe. Rosalin, being more familiar with Lenorre's land, led the way to the woods. Closer to the house was a heated swimming pool and a beautiful gazebo, but this far away, there was only trees and the quiet murmur of night. Before heading into the dense coverage of trees that did not shed their garb for the winter, I'd managed to catch sight of the pond at the southern line, of the stars spread out across it.
I tried not to recall the Blevins's celestial sheets soaked in blood.
Tonight was a night to be free and wild and I was claiming it, not solely for myself, but for the others that needed it as well. For a long time, we ran with no clear destination. We used the trees as cover, circling back into their thick shelter when the woods threatened to end. The night was alive with its own music, with the song of crickets and other insects, of wind and leaves.
The dry grass crunched beneath my paws. My tail caught on something behind me and I turned, skittering to jerk it loose of the small patch of burs.
Great, now Lenorre's going to be picking stickers out of my ass.
I shook my tail in irritation, hoping to shake some of them out.
That's going to make it worse, witch.
Zaphara caught up with me, amethyst gaze framed by the black fur of her wolf form.
Someone gave a delightful yip that caught my attention. I cast my gaze to Rosalin's and Carver's large forms ahead. Claire threw her head back, let rip a tiny howl, and bounded through the trees.
Carver nipped at Rosalin's leg, signaling for her to move it.
Rosalin jumped, following after Claire.
I heard someone's paws skid in the dirt before they sounded like tiny drums again.
Claire came rushing back, chasing after a black-tailed jackrabbit like it was a bouncy ball she wanted to chew on. Rosalin pushed past her, cinnamon fur like gray ash in my night vision. She lunged forward, trying to get the rabbit's tail during an upspring, and missed. She shook her furry head, ears flapping as she blew dirt out of her nostrils.
This is a sad sight, Zaphara's voice flowed through my mind.
Claire and Rosalin didn't seem to think so.
They're playing, I thought to her. It's not an actual hunt.
Claire had taken over chasing the rabbit, which was conveniently heading toward Carver's direction. Rosalin had disappeared into the trees and I sensed her waiting, waiting for Carver and Claire to guide it through.
Carver sank as low to the ground as his massive body would allow, and the rabbit, heart hammering in its chest, veered away from him.
He joined the chase when it passed, encouraging it through the break in the trees ahead.
She lowered her snout, gently releasing the rabbit.
When it just lay there, frozen with fear, she gave it a push with her nose. Finally, it reacted, scurrying frantically away. Claire made to start chasing it again and I gave a low, warning growl.
Wolves in the wild probably would've eaten it, but we were not so desperate for food, and the rabbit had experienced enough torment. I headed toward the house, following the same path we'd come. My clothes were in the gazebo. Zaphara was still teaching me how to shift and call to the faerie magic in my blood. I'd stripped because I hadn't felt like another lesson when we came out to run.
Now, only two things sounded good: a shower and some food.
Though I wasn't opening a vein for Lenorre, as Zaphara had fed her when I'd gone upstairs to see Rosalin, we would all need to eat something when we returned to the house. For a new wolf, Claire was doing surprisingly well and seemed to have gotten the hang of shifting at will. It was impressive. Carver and Rosalin didn't surprise me so much. I'd seen Rosalin come close to being able to hold a partial shift, but she couldn't do it for long. I wondered if I was the only one in the group who could call the beast to my eyes and hands without giving over entirely to her every single time. Did that also contribute to the role I was supposed to play, to the mark of being alpha?
We made it to the gazebo and shifted then quietly donned our clothes. When we finished dressing, the only one that wasn't covered in dirt and twigs was Zaphara. Carver's hands were as covered in dirt as mine and the others. Rosalin had a dirt mustache and Claire's hair was a windblown riot.
We made it to the dining room and Rosalin slipped into the kitchen, opening the fridge door and returning with what appeared to be about twenty bags of lunchmeat, turkey, beef, ham.
"Chow time," she said, dropping the bags on the table.
We ate in silence, all except for Zaphara, who'd slipped away as soon as we made it inside the house.
Claire reached for the bag of roast beef when Carver growled at her.
"Split it, you two."
Surprisingly, they listened to me.
I'd completely finished off two large Ziploc bags of meat when I heard Lenorre laugh from the doorway.
[Kassandra Lyall Preternatural Investigator 03] - Bloody Claws Page 14
