by Barbara Goss
One day, during one of the roughest climbs, they saw all sorts of discarded items on the ground from previous trains: yokes, chains, harnesses, and a whole, discarded wagon, with only three rusted wheels, and no canvas top. Often, they saw furniture and household goods thrown aside in order to make a travelers’ wagon lighter and easier to push uphill. Caroline and Henry pushed and pulled alongside Simon to get the wagons over the mountains, and Caroline felt that Simon had made a smart decision to keep Henry with them.
On the night that Jesse claimed would be their last night on the trail, Caroline groaned after eating dinner. “If I ever see another plate of fish, it'll be too soon.”
Simon smiled. “I do believe I’ve grown fins.” He made his mouth like that of a fish, to be playful.
They laughed together, and then both stopped, and found themselves simply staring at each other.
“What happens now?” Caroline asked, fearing his answer.
“What happens now is…I’ll have another cup of tea.”
“You know what I mean, Simon.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m not ready to think about it just yet. How about we play it by ear tomorrow? I need to get to Portland to sell my flour.”
Caroline nodded. “And what about the other wagon?”
“It is full of home furnishings. I’ll either sell them or build a place and furnish it. Henry will drive it to Portland, and we can part company there.”
“It’s so wonderful to see green grass again.” She poured more tea for Simon. “What do we know about Oregon Territory?”
“It’s no longer Oregon Territory. Since February of last year it became a part of the United States. I'd hoped that would happen. It opens up even more opportunities. There are trees, trees, and more trees. I hope to open a lumberyard there, like my father’s. I know the business, and now I’ll have the finances. Still, the United States government enacted the Donation Act, which gives public land to settlers willing to cultivate it, so I may become a farmer, instead.” He sipped his tea. “What about you, Carrie? What are your plans?”
“I have the directions to my cousin’s settlement. I need to find her. Her name's Harriet, but we call her Hattie. She and her husband settled in Oregon City. I can’t wait to see them.”
Simon stared at his tea without speaking. They both realized this would likely be their last night together.
Caroline collected the dishes and walked to the Columbia River to wash them, maybe for the last time. She wondered if she should make her feelings known to Simon. It’s now or never, she thought. After tomorrow, there won't be another chance. The thought of never seeing him again left a lump in her throat. She thought it felt like when she'd tried hard not to cry.
Simon checked on his animals for the last time. He wondered why he didn’t feel elated. They’d traveled well over two thousand miles to reach their destination, and were none the worse for wear, yet he was reluctant to part with Caroline. She’d almost become a part of him.
He thought about the story of creation, and how God had made Eve from one of Adam’s ribs. Caroline had become his rib. If only she’d give him a sign she felt the same way, he'd try to somehow remedy the situation.
8
How could she make her feelings known to Simon without scaring him away? Before Simon fell asleep, she wriggled a bit closer to him and whispered, “Simon, I’m cold.”
“I don’t have any more blankets. Do you want me to grab a shirt or apron to throw over you?”
“That won’t help,” she said. “I’m freezing."
“Strangely, I’m not,” he answered. “It’s quite warm tonight.”
“I may have gotten cold water on me when I washed the dishes." She made herself shiver.
Simon sighed. “Come here.” He put his arms around her and held her closely, but loosely.
“Oh, Simon that’s so much better,” she purred.
Simon held her, but he did so stiffly. Caroline thought he simply didn’t care for her and didn’t want to snuggle with her. She felt sure the feeling was not mutual and that he wasn't attracted to her. After a few minutes of being stiffly held, she wriggled away. “Thanks, I’m warm now. Goodnight, Simon,” she said.
In the morning, after everyone had eaten a cold breakfast, a lot of commotion ensued. Everyone was preparing for the final leg of the journey, this being the junction or turning point, depending on each family’s travel plans. Fortunately, Ella and Charles were going to Salem, which meant they would pass near Oregon City, and they invited Caroline along with them.
“You’re going without your husband?” Ella asked, while Caroline and Simon were putting away their breakfast things. Caroline looked to Simon for whatever answer he wanted to give.
“I have to go to Portland on business, and she’s going on to her cousin’s. I’ll meet up with her later,” Simon explained with a grimace. She knew he hated telling lies, but there was no other way to explain their situation.
“Oh, I see,” said Ella, who then turned to Caroline. “Then we should make a copy of those directions to your cousin’s house, so we can give it to Simon. We wouldn’t want him not to be able to find you.” She smiled brightly.
“I almost forgot,” Caroline said. She recalled he'd never even asked for them. She pouted, but she scribbled down the directions and Hattie’s last name. She handed the paper to Simon and whispered, “Just in case you're ever in the area.”
He nodded and put the paper in the breast pocket of his shirt.
Simon, Caroline, Ella, and her family stood by Ella and Charles’s family wagon. Since the wagon was nearly empty, Ella had made a seat in the back for Chuck and Caroline. She’d ride with Charles up front. They'd removed the oxen and harnessed their horses to facilitate faster travel. Simon did the same. There were farmers at the camp buying up the oxen that the travelers no longer needed.
Caroline had already said goodbye to Daisy. It felt awkward saying goodbye to Simon, especially in front of Ella’s family. Finally, Ella and her Charles took the hint and turned away, so they could say goodbye.
Simon swallowed hard. One of the hardest things he ever had to do was to say goodbye to Caroline. She hadn’t shown him one single hint that she might want for him to stop and see her in Oregon City. Simon had to pray for extra strength when he warmed her up the night before--she’d felt irresistible.
Caroline blinked back her tears. “Well, I guess this is it. I want to thank you for letting me tag along on your journey.”
“You pulled your weight.”
“Thank you,” she murmured. “Simon, I think people who might be watching are expecting us to hug and kiss goodbye. Isn’t it what a husband and wife of only a year would do?”
Simon looked around. There didn’t seem to be anyone watching, but since this was the first hint of affection she’d shown him, he eagerly jumped on the opportunity.
“My pleasure,” he said. Gently, he took her into his arms, and lightly touched her lips with his own. He’d meant it as a quick peck goodbye, but when he lingered a fraction of a second too long, Caroline returned his kiss, slowly putting her arms around his neck as she did. Did she return his kiss for the benefit of the people who might be watching? If so, she was putting on one heck of a show. The kiss shook him from his hat down to his boots.
Caroline mumbled, “Bye, Simon,” and she sped over to the waiting wagon, and climbed inside. Charles whipped up the horses that were to forever separate Simon from Caroline.
Simon stood watching the wagon disappear around a bend of tall trees. He stood staring at the place where the wagon had disappeared, feeling as if his heart had been ripped out, and was riding away on that wagon with her.
It suddenly dawned on him that Caroline’s return of his passionate kiss could have been the hint he’d been waiting for. Was that what it was? Or had it just been the emotion of having to end a long and memorable relationship? She’d turned and ran from the embrace so quickly, that he hadn’t a chance to even consider what her kiss migh
t have meant. Well, he’d never know now. The only thing he had to remember her by was the most wonderful kiss he’d ever received.
Once in Portland, people clamored for Simon’s flour. The going price, far higher than he'd anticipated, made him a wealthy man. Strangely, he didn’t feel as elated as he should have. Without Caroline's companionship, life seemed to have lost its luster.
He shook off his emotions. What to do now? Stake out some land, or look for a place to build a lumber mill?
Caroline had regretfully been the one to break the kiss from Simon, but only because she felt herself tearing up, and she didn’t want him to see her cry. All the way to Hattie’s settlement she felt the loss.
In Oregon City, Caroline merged into family life with Hattie, Ben, and their three children, Eliza, Joey, and Sarah. Hattie and Ben Ansell lived in a small, log cabin, with a large, sleeping loft above the living room, accessible only by a ladder. She wished Simon could have come with her, because to her surprise, Ben’s occupation happened to be in lumber, cutting trees for a lumber company. Perhaps they would have gotten along famously. She would have to try harder not to think about Simon.
Everyday life in Oregon was not easy. Hattie, over the moon to have another pair of hands, loved having Caroline, as did Ben and the children. Caroline still felt sad, and not because she didn’t feel wanted or needed, but because she missed Simon.
The Ansells woke each morning at the crack of dawn, and worked until sundown. So much had to be done, they wished for more hours in the day. Ben worked cutting down trees with a team of men part time, and also worked on building a barn, behind the house. Hattie did most of the gardening. This being October, they were still picking vegetables from the garden, which Hattie and Caroline canned and dried in preparation for a long winter.
Even the children had jobs. Eliza, at ten years old, fetched water from a well Ben had drilled, and she also helped with the mending. Joey, a sturdy lad of eight, had the job of milking the cows in the morning, fetching eggs from the coop, and Ben was teaching him how to chop wood. Sarah, at six, set the table, helped with the dishes and folded the laundry. After harvesting, the children walked almost two miles to the one-room schoolhouse. School lasted until spring planting season.
While they weren't poor, the Ansells did live economically, making their own soap, spinning wool into yarn, and making and mending all of their clothing. Though many of these items could now be bought in Oregon City, they saved by making their own, so that one day they could build a much-needed addition onto the house. Hattie told her they lived in a tent while Ben was building the house. Caroline fondly remembered the tent she'd shared with Simon. Caroline sighed. Everything, it seemed, reminded her of Simon.
Their cabin sat on a parcel of land about two miles from the actual business section of Oregon City. It reminded Caroline of the area in which she'd grown up. They had no close neighbors, but there were plenty of fields, and plenty of fresh air.
Keeping busy helped Caroline to keep her mind off Simon. Thankfully, by nine at night, she was more than ready to hop into her bed and welcome sleep. Luckily, she had little time to pine over Simon. She always felt that lump in her throat and chest when she did think about him, though.
Caroline felt a bit uncomfortable with the sleeping arrangements, however. Everyone slept in the loft. She and the children slept on one side, with only a curtain separating them from Hattie and Ben. Some nights she was embarrassed to hear Hattie and Charles talking in low, confidential tones. She also heard hear them quietly expressing their love for each other, which made her feel lonely. Fortunately, most nights she fell fast asleep before they even came up to bed. Oh, how she missed Simon.
Simon sat on his hotel bed, counting his money. He finally had enough to start his lumberyard, but still wondered if he should stake out a homestead instead, but it would be impossible to farm three hundred and twenty acres and work all day in a lumberyard. He’d have to decide between the two.
He blew out his oil lamp and snuggled beneath his blankets. After having such close company for months, he felt suddenly alone. He swiped his hand across the empty side of the double bed. He wished Caroline were laying beside him. He wished… his eyes flew open.
Was he about to wish himself married to Caroline?
One afternoon while canning tomatoes, Hattie leaned over and tapped Caroline’s hand with a wooden spoon. “Wake up, Carrie. Dreams are for nighttime.”
Caroline jumped at the tap. “Sorry, Hattie,” she said, and resumed ladling tomatoes into the jar. Hattie had caught her thinking about what Simon might be doing that day. She studied Hattie as she worked. She was tall, lean, and strong, yet attractive, the way she'd tucked her auburn hair into a neat bun. Even after having three children, she still appeared fit and healthy. Hattie always wore a smile on her face, even when there was nothing evident to smile about. Caroline mused that she must have been born smiling.
“What could possibly cause you to daydream so much, Carrie? Is something troubling you?”
Caroline wondered how much she should reveal. She’d led the Ansells into thinking she'd traveled from Missouri with Ella and Charles, since they were the ones who had brought her to the Ansells' front door.
Hattie continued. “Did something happen on the trail besides the Indian kidnapping you told us about?” Hattie laughed. “It’s funny now, but I bet it wasn’t then, right Carrie?”
Caroline simply smiled.
“Who rescued you? The wagon train master?”
“No.” Caroline felt the ache in her chest grow the more she thought about Simon, especially on the day he’d rescued her. She had known that he would, yet when she saw him—
"Then who?" Hattie said, interrupting her thoughts.
Caroline sighed, “A man named Simon.”
“A scout?”
“No, just a wagon train neighbor, but a very kind and thoughtful neighbor. Look, Hattie, can I be excused? I need to use the outhouse.” She practically ran out of the house. Instead of going to the outhouse, she took a long walk through what would one day be the orchard. Small seedlings had been staked against the wind and lined up in rows, like proud soldiers. She skirted around them.
Caroline used the time to scold herself. She had to stop thinking about Simon. It was time to get on with her new life. Simon was gone, gone forever. Pining over him was pulling her down. She'd never been much of a praying person, but she recalled how often Simon had prayed out loud before he went to bed. On Sunday’s he’d get up a bit earlier so he could sit and read his Bible before breakfast. Would prayer help her?
She wasn't sure she even knew how to pray. Her aunt and uncle weren’t religious. Hattie and Ben didn't go to church. Perhaps that’s what was really missing from her life. Simon got so much comfort from praying and maybe that was what had made him such a remarkably decent, sensitive and caring man. What other man could sleep side by side with a woman for five months and never make even the slightest pass.
Was it his faith, or that he wasn’t attracted to her? She supposed she’d always wonder about that.
Eating breakfast in the hotel dining room brought back memories of when Simon had first met Carrie. He’d been thinking about it all night, and had finally decided that he would find Carrie, and ask her to marry him. He wanted her by his side, every day, for the rest of his life. He would let her decide if it should be a lumberyard or a farm in their future. After all, she’d be a big part of that future. He badly needed his “rib."
Once he'd made his decision, he felt his heart about to burst with happy energy. He couldn’t wait to begin searching for her.
When the middle-aged waitress came to collect his money, she asked, “You all alone here, honey?”
“I…I have a woman I plan to marry, but she’s visiting family in Oregon City while I finish business here.” Simon stuttered when answering, because the question had come as such a shock to him. Where he came from, strangers didn’t ask such personal questions.
“Y
ou aren’t married yet?” she asked.
“Not yet…” he left his words hang in the air, surprised at her boldness, once more.
“I’m not asking for myself, mind you. It’s for my coworkers. Since I’m the most outspoken of them all, I told them I’d ask. I think there are a few who'd like to meet you.”
Simon glanced at the doorway to the kitchen where he saw two young women in kitchen uniforms, peeking around the corner, giggling. “I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. I need to finish my business here and then join the woman I plan to marry.”
“Well,” she said. “I wouldn’t sit on that for too long if I were you. The male to female ratio here is ten to one. There'll be men knocking themselves over to grab her up soon, if you don’t hurry.”
It wasn’t what Simon wanted to hear. Now he began to worry. A young woman as beautiful as Carrie wouldn’t last long without someone after her. He had better move, and move quickly.
He returned to his hotel room, and tossed his clothing into his bag. He fished into the pocket of the shirt he’d worn that last day, searching for the paper on which she'd written her cousins' address, but found no paper there. He shook out every shirt he owned, and dug deeply into every pocket of all the pants he owned. Had he lost the paper with Carrie’s directions?
After scouring the entire room, he sat down on the bed and rubbed his forehead. What did he do with that paper? He wondered about the square footage of the Oregon City area. Would he be able to find her? “Oh no!” he slapped his head and said aloud, “I don’t even know her family’s name!”
Caroline learned that at the end of harvest season, there was a yearly celebration at the town square. Since she'd decided to move her life forward in Oregon, she looked forward to the event. She was eager to meet new people and make her own friends. Hattie and Caroline worked on dresses for the occasion whenever they had spare time. They went to town and the bought material. Caroline chose pink, her favorite color, and Hattie decided on green, which was her favorite. Caroline thought the green would accentuate Hattie's large, green eyes. An elderly neighbor agreed to stay with the children so Hattie and Ben could both attend. Caroline had meant for this occasion to put an end to her mourning for Simon, whom she felt sure she'd never see again. She needed to begin a new life, find friends her own age, and maybe even be courted. She could see no point in holding onto a dream that would never come true.
