I align my body on hers, but hold my weight off of her by my forearms resting on each side of her head, so that I can look into those gorgeous eyes. They have a depth I've never seen when looking at someone. It's as if she is begging me to read her, the real her, and not the girl on the surface. I've never wanted to know more about someone, but with her it's becoming vital. I don't like the missing link between who she is and myself. I want to know everything, but what's bothering me the most is that I'm starting to want her to know me too.
Hearing a man tell me that he needs me would usually piss me off, but hearing it come from Haddox leaves a flutter in my chest that is confusing the hell out of me. My mind has been detouring toward him all day. I was thinking that by not seeing him this week it would be a good distancing tool from the slight attachment that is trying to form, but now here he is and the rush of excitement that is pumping through my veins is even more nerve racking, because he came to me.
I shouldn't look into it too much though. He probably just wants a release, and one that I will give him, because I like sex with him. It takes me out of my head and allows me to escape into a beautiful oblivion; something I need desperately. I'm just not sure why he would say something that could have a double meaning when he's already fucking me.
"Okay," I say. "I'm here." I'm not sure myself in which context of that phrase I'm answering, but I'm leaving it open to interpretation. We lie here, looking into each other's eyes as if we are both battling an internal war of questions and concerns.
He traces my lips with the tip of his thumb in the lightest way, creating a tickling sensation in its wake. I continue to watch him, waiting for him to touch me or to say something, but he doesn't. He just stares at me in the darkness of my room.
The nightlight glows against his face, creating a silhouette. I've never thought of darkness being beautiful, but he is. Most people want color and light, because they are two happy things, but I like lying in the dark if I'm lying with him. He's a mystery that I want to figure out. Something happened to him that has thrown him into the pit he's lost in, and the thought of wanting to find out what it was is chipping away at the ice in my veins. That scares me.
I was a warm person until I was frozen solid by someone that betrayed me, along with every promise ever made to me. Living in the cold may not be fun or enjoyable, but it's predictable, because it's always the same. I wrap my legs around his waist and push his erection into me with my heels, my panties the only thing separating us from penetration. Our eyes never veer from each other.
"Go on a date with me, Piper."
My lips part and my heart starts to race. It's beating so hard it's starting to hurt. It's becoming harder to breathe in an effort to keep up with the pace. I haven't been on a date in years. The last was Cole. I haven't wanted to. I'm not sure what to say. Do I want this? What's changed? Sex is easy and it's something I can control. I can keep it separate from my emotions, or at least I could before. I'm starting to feel lost in my own mind. It's becoming harder to differentiate the two when it’s in regards to him. "Why, Haddox?"
"I don't know."
Okay... that's not exactly the answer I was anticipating or expecting. I'm not real sure of what answer I was expecting, but that wasn't it.
"Why complicate things? Isn't this what we both want? An escape through sex is what we were after. You're intense, Haddox. I'm still just a girl. Don't confuse me. I'm okay with being your fuck buddy. That's what I agreed to. You don't have to do this."
He shifts his weight and trails his index finger over the script of my tattoo. "I'm not him."
"I never said you we-"
He cuts me off by placing his lips to mine, nipping my bottom lip. "Let me finish," he says, as he inches away again.
He whispers into the dark. "I don't know why I want to, because I never have, but that doesn't change the fact that I do. I don't feel things, Piper, because of years of fire inside burning me from the inside out. The only way I can explain myself is like a vineyard after a fire. Visually it still stands and each vine still looks like a plant, only physically altered. I thought I was completely dead inside from the flame, but I'm starting to wonder if maybe my roots were deep enough that far beneath the surface I'm still somewhat alive. I want to try this. I want to take you on a date. I'm offering you my first."
I feel like I'm thawing, slowly but surely. My damn stomach is doing somersaults and my heart is screaming at me to do it, but my brain is laughing. I don't want to look like a fool again. I'm becoming overwhelmed quickly. I don't know what to do. I hate that Cole has done this to me. He's controlling me without even trying.
I close my eyes to try and calm down. I can't think with him boring into me. No matter how many different ways I dissect it I still want this. I'm terrified, because for the first time since Cole left me I'm not thinking about him. The pain is still there from the destruction he caused, but the longing for him has dulled some since I met Haddox.
It's a scary thing to try again when you've been burned, but the only way to heal is to take the first step. No one ever said the road to recovery would be easy, but dammit at least I'm not alone. Two charred hearts are fighting for oxygen in each other. If I listen to the rules in simple math, two negatives cancel each other out and form a positive. Maybe it's a dumb analogy to compare math and two fucked up people, but it's all I have to bargain with right now.
I open my eyes and the sexy man before me is clearly waiting on me to answer. "Will you go on a date with me?"
"Yes," I whisper. A one word response and I feel like someone took a sledge hammer and hit the center of my heart, shattering the layer of ice that has been there for so long that I no longer noticed it present. As if I've barely been breathing, I inhale deeply and feel completely clear and free of debris for the first time in years.
He smirks at me and runs his hand down my side, stopping on my panties. He lays his lips over my nipple and flicks his tongue back and forth over the hardened center. A release of moisture occurs between my legs, lubricating it for what it wants, what I want.
He narrows his tongue into a point and traces it over the curve of my breast and down the center of my tattoo, continuing downward. I suddenly get nervous as I realize where he is going. He shifts onto his knees and scoots down my legs, taking my panties with him. The comforter falls from his back at the foot of the bed as he uprights himself, completely removing my underwear from my body.
He grabs my ankles and sets them to the outside of each hip, spreading them wide. He studies my body as if he's memorizing each seam, each line, and each curve. It's a little intimidating, even for someone who is confident in their physical appearance as I am on most days.
He lightly brushes his fingertips up the frame of my leg, stopping on top of my knees. The pace change from what I'm used to with him is excruciatingly slow, making me shaky. Slow sex with him has never been this slow. It's more of a toned down fuck fest. This, well, I'm not sure what to make of this. He's taking his time, drawing it out, and driving me into a tizzy.
He slides his hands to the inside of my knees and pushes outward, making the spread wider. "Don't be nervous. I just want to taste you." I hate feeling so bare and open. My stomach is expanding and constricting rapidly as a result of my erratic breathing. Again, I find myself embarrassed at the crazy affect he has on me.
His hands fall down the inner seam of my thighs, stopping at the juncture of my limbs and torso. My muscles between my legs keep contracting with want. He spreads the folds apart, revealing my clit. He bends forward and swipes his tongue in a straight line from my wet center to my clit, causing me to moan out.
He narrows his tongue into a point like before, making the soft muscle hard. He begins flicking it back and forth in a fast motion. It feels so good, but it doesn't fill that void that I want filled, that vacant channel. "Haddox, please, fuck me. I want your dick inside me."
He sucks my clit into his mouth and releases it. My back arches off the bed. Oh my hell.
He actually knows how to use his tongue beautifully. I don't know why I'm surprised since he is an amazing kisser, but going down on a woman is an art that not all men hold the skill for. They either do it well or they butcher it.
He changes his hand formation, holding me open with one instead of two, then dips two fingers from his free hand into my opening, allowing them to completely disappear. I feel like I'm coming unglued. He finger fucks me while he continues his assault on my clit. Hell yes that feels amazing. Each time he inserts his fingers, he curls upward hitting against that spot I didn't know was capable of such an amazing feeling before him.
I'm completely out of control of my movement, pressing my bottom further into the pressure he is exerting from his tongue. He stills his tongue, allowing me to rock against the end, but continues pleasuring me with his fingers. I can feel the orgasm building from both places.
I clutch the sheets in my fists waiting for the fall. It doesn't take long and it comes, sending me into a spiral. He inserts one last time and presses the ends of his fingers into my G-spot as both orgasms consume my mind, body, and soul, taking me to Nirvana.
My head presses into the soft mattress as my back arches as far as it will go. "Fuck, Haddox."
Before I can even register what is happening, still at the end of my two simultaneous orgasms, he shoves his cock into my pussy, amplifying the pleasure that is unfolding and the extra blood flow pumping through me.
He places his hand against the side of my face and kisses me, pressing his tongue into my mouth, forcing me to taste myself, something I have never done. I normally would find that completely disgusting, but right now he has me so turned on that I like it. My taste and his mixed together is a natural aphrodisiac, driving my arousal higher.
He thrusts slow but hard as he kisses me. I pull my bent legs up to rest against his sides, allowing him to drive deeper. He sucks my tongue into his mouth. "Fuck, I love your hot, wet pussy enveloped around my cock. Squeeze me."
I do as he says and he releases a sexual growl that turns my insides into liquid. "I'm about to fill you, but I want to look at that beautiful body; all of it."
His voice does things to me that should be deemed illegal. He slides his arm under my back and rotates us completely, flipping our positions. Resting each knee beside his hips I begin pushing myself up and down on his dick.
He places a hand on each hip. "Faster," he commands. I do as he says. I want to please him. My thighs are starting to burn. I look down at him. "Grab your breasts." Again, I do as I'm told. "Fuck, you're beautiful."
He pushes his hips into the air as I come down, burying himself as deep as he can go, and emptying himself completely. My knees are no longer touching the mattress. I'm sitting on him like a person would sit on the back of a horse. His abs tighten from holding my weight. I can feel the light pulsations inside me as he releases himself. I have no idea why, but for some insane reason I like that he isn't pulling out. He’s leaving a part of himself for me even when he’s not in me.
He lowers himself back on the mattress. I place my palms on his pectoral muscles. I look down at his chest and start drawing circles on his chest with my index finger. I'm sure things are about to get awkward now that he's gotten what he came for. Every guy sweet-talks before they get in your pants to some degree. It's expected.
He glides his hands up my back and wraps one around my hair, pulling it so that I look at him. "Stop it."
"Stop what?"
"Doing what you're doing."
"Which is?"
"Over-analyzing everything."
He pulls me toward him by the base of my neck, stopping just before our lips touch. "I meant what I said, Piper. I want to try to date you like a normal person. Just don't expect me to be good at it. Actually, I may be pretty shitty at it."
I feel like I'm dancing inside, but trying to stay serious on the outside. I still want to be careful. There is one thing I want to know. "Why all of a sudden? Why me?"
He rubs my bottom lip like he does frequently. "It may have started out as just wanting to fuck you, but in the midst I figured out that you chase away my nightmares. That has to mean something, right?"
And like a volcano, my heart just erupted. Please don't hurt me.
"Something." I respond and he pulls me in to kiss him, but this time he rolls me until I'm beneath him, and in the only way Haddox knows how he begins to thrust again, slowly, as if making love to me. It may not be love, but it churns my emotions more than I've ever experienced in my entire life, including my time with Cole, and that scares the fucking hell out of me.
I knock on Alyvia's door as quietly as possible. "Go away," she mumbles.
"Liv. Let me in. We need to talk."
"Haddox?"
"Yeah. It's me."
I can hear shuffling on the other side of the door and then it finally opens. Alyvia is standing with her hand against the frame of the door in pajama pants and a tank. Her hair is messy and sticking out all over her head. The look of a woman when first waking up compared to when she’s completely dressed to go out is priceless. Sometimes it’s like two different people.
She rubs her eyes with the heels of her hands before inspecting me from head to toe. She begins shaking her head. "From the looks of you and the moaning on the other side of the wall all fucking night, I'm guessing you made a stop at door number one on your way to mine?"
I hold my hands up to surrender. "Can we discuss a peace treaty?"
She rolls her eyes. "Do I really have the option to say no?" Her tone is sarcastic and she's clearly agitated.
"Not really, but I did think of what you said, hence me standing at your door in nothing but boxers and sweats. I need to talk to you, preferably before she wakes up."
She backs up to let me enter and I do. How these two are roommates, I'll never know. From the excessively clean and organized room next door I would say Piper is a clean freak. Alyvia on the other hand is an organized slob. It looks like her closet threw up all over the floor.
"What do you want, Hayes?" I turn at the sound of her voice behind me.
"Don't be a bitch. It doesn't look good on you. Whether you like it or not, we're having a little chat. Now is your chance to play the best friend card. The vibe you’re giving off is the jealous crush and I know that’s not your intentions, so drop that shit."
She huffs and her shoulders fall as she rolls her eyes again. "Fine."
She walks to the edge of the bed and sits, crossing her legs like a pretzel. "Go on. Plead your case. I'm interested to hear it. She must have some sweet candy between her legs to have you coming back for seconds. It's definitely a first."
I reach back and lightly scratch the back of my head. I can't help but to smirk at her sexual analogies. "Yeah, well, I guess there's a first time for everything..." It seems like I’m saying that a lot lately.
A smile finally breaks free. "You like her, don't you?"
"Maybe..."
"Holy shit! Haddox fucking Hayes likes a girl for something other than getting his rocks off. Am I dreaming? Pinch me..."
She holds out her arm and I do. I'm a literal guy. I believe in the phrase, say what you mean and mean what you say. It's a good rule to practice. "Ouch. Okay, I was joking."
I shrug my shoulders. "Okay, so what did you want to talk to me about? I'm listening now."
"I need to know about taking a girl on a date. What exactly does that entail? Do not dare fucking laugh at me."
Her mouth drops. She says nothing. Her eyelids flicker, so I know she's still listening. I'm still waiting after almost a minute of silence. "Are you going to actually answer my question or just sit here staring at me, making me feel like a damn idiot for asking you instead of Reese?"
She lightly slaps her cheek as if reviving herself. "Sorry, I was a little caught off guard. I may mark this day in my calendar, making it a holiday, because I doubt you will ever ask me for advice again. This is fucking monumental."
I can see now this is going to be
a lengthy conversation. I might as well make myself comfortable. I walk forward and sit on the bed beside her. "Can we do this free of judgment? I don't make a habit out of asking people for things. You know me well enough to know that, but I'd like to do this right if I'm going to do it at all. I just figured since you're a girl you'll give me the answer straight up and free of cheesy bullshit that makes me uncomfortable."
She lightly pushes my shoulder. "Hey, you know I would never judge you. I'm just joking. I'm flattered you would ask me. It puts our friendship on a totally different level. I think you two would be good for each other. I'm just throwing that out there, but don't hurt her Haddox. You need to decide if you're totally in or out, because she's been through enough tug of war with her heart. I know you don't see it, but you have a lot to offer a girl. It wouldn't take long for her to fall for you. That's a compliment."
Those statements are cringe worthy. I'm not sure I can discuss feelings yet. I don't even know if I'm capable of feelings; too much too soon is going to make me change my mind about this whole idea. "I'm here aren't I? Just tell me what to do. We can pick up on all that other in a few years, if ever."
"Okay. Let me think. I'll tell you the secret to every woman, but so help me, Hayes, you better take it to your grave. Got it? Women have murdered for less."
"Shit, woman, fine."
"Simple is best. You don't have reserve some five star restaurant or set up a candlelight dinner in the middle of Central Park to woo a woman. That’s trying too hard. We would actually rather go to a Knicks or Giants game, or even walk and eat ice cream with simple conversation."
I'm completely out of my comfort zone. This sounds like Calculus to me. That is the total opposite of what every man thinks a woman wants. What the hell am I supposed to talk about? I'm not one of those guys that talk a lot. I'm more comfortable talking without clothes on than with.
Fight for You Page 13
