I cup my hand over her mound, pressing the tip of my middle finger inside her. She does what I expect and goes for my hand on her neck, trying to pull my fingers away. It does nothing, because I'm twice her size. "I don't like this. Stop."
Her voice is changing in pitch. She's getting worked up. Good. "Fight me, baby. It helps me get off faster." She tries to turn, but I tighten my hand around her neck. I walk forward to the closest wall, pressing her against it until her cheek is pressed to it.
I push her pants down to her thighs, followed by my own. I rub the head of my dick up the crack of her ass. "You ready for it, baby?"
She's frozen, just like anyone in a state of fear they've never experienced before. I hear her sniffle and then she whispers, "Red."
She remembered she chose a word. I drop my hands from her body and turn her around, replacing each hand on her cheeks. I close my eyes, removing the hood, and sending him to his cage where he will remain on lockdown until I call for him again. I open my eyes. Her cheeks are wet from her tears.
"Do you understand how fast things can escalate when you don't know how to protect yourself, especially when he has the advantage of size? Women shouldn't have to be the weaker link, and with proper training they have a chance when faced with assault. I've witnessed a similar scenario first hand, Piper. Sociopaths and psychopaths don't care about your fear or your begging, let alone crying, because they thrive on it. They're sick bastards or they wouldn't be trying to harm you, taking away your free will to choose. Learn your strength. I would never hurt you, but I will teach you how to defend yourself. This is the one passion I have, the one beam of light in the pit of darkness I live in. This is my hard limit...and now I know yours."
Tears continue to trickle down her face. I look deep into her eyes. I can see the fear. "Haddox?"
"Yeah..."
"I'm not in the mood to workout anymore. I'll let you teach me things, but later. Will you get that vision out of my head? Please. I need you to."
All she has to do is ask. I always tend to give in; I did with Breanna, but this is different. Instead of giving in to her out of guilt or to cope with my own shitty life, I actually want to...just because.
"Ask and you shall receive, beautiful." I place my lips to hers and let the euphoria take over...once again.
I walk in my apartment and shut the door behind me. I place my back against it and slide down until I'm sitting on the floor, staring off out of focus. "Piper, are you okay?"
I turn at the sound of Alyvia's voice. She's sitting on the couch in the dark. The only light is the flickering of the television. "I have a major fucking problem."
She stands and walks over to me, stopping in front of me. "What is it? Are you hurt?"
I could cry at the thought, but I'm almost positive it's the truth. "I think I'm falling in love with Haddox." My voice won't rise above a whisper as if the words coming out are sacred.
She says nothing. She just stares back at me as if she is stunned. I don't know why but I feel the need to defend myself or to check myself into an asylum one. "Tell me I'm just crazy. I barely know him. Shit, I just met him. My mind is just playing tricks on me...right? I didn't want this. Actually, I wanted the complete opposite. Just tell me I don't know what the hell I'm saying. Please, Alyvia. I need to hear you say it. This is that moment when I need your level headed best friend advice...for my sanity."
She turns and walks into the kitchen, confusing me. That wasn't a rhetorical statement. It required an answer. Opening one of the upper cabinets, she grabs two wine glasses and sits them on the counter. I watch her as she reaches into the small wine cooler and pulls out a bottle of Moscato, our favorite. Last time we had a wine night I told her about Cole. Wine nights never end well, but right now I need the fermented liquid fruit coursing through my veins, altering my state of mind.
She pops the cork like a pro and pours both of us a glass half full. She picks up both glasses and walks slightly past me, but stops. "Balcony night? I'm kind of in the mood to people watch."
"Sure. Let me grab a hoodie first. I'll meet you out there?" She nods and starts walking toward the balcony doors on the other side of the living room. I stand and drag myself to my bedroom.
I pull open my dresser drawer and take out a hoodie, but notice something on my floor. I always keep my room clean and organized, so I notice when something is out of place. It's a black hoodie that is too large to be mine. I pick it up and turn it over. A nationally known logo is inscribed on the front in large red letters. You don’t have to be a fan to know what those three letters represent. If he teaches defense classes I guess it goes with the territory. I'm sure it's something all males like with their need to control and conquer.
The light smell filters through my nostrils, reminding me of him in my bed. Without thinking I toss mine down and pull his over my head, letting it fall just below my butt. It's comfortable, like it's been washed several times. The collar has been cut as if he doesn't like anything tight around his neck. I grab it and lift it to my nose, smelling it for a moment. The smell relaxes me.
I take a deep breath. This is ridiculous. It has to be some kind of an attachment forming because he's the first person to really take my mind off of Cole. I don't believe in love at first sight and falling instantly. It seems too fictional when real life is shitty most of the time. Real people don't love each other to those extremes, at least not anymore. Everyone is greedy, constantly wanting more, in every aspect of life from money to partners.
I walk out of my room and open the door, taking a step onto the balcony where Alyvia is already sitting in one of the chairs. She turns to look at me as she picks up her pack of cigarettes off of the small table between the two chairs. She removes the plastic from the box and starts packing it on the heel of her hand. "I guess he told you what he does for a living..."
My eyebrows scrunch in confusion. "The studio he owns?"
A smirk turns up on her face as she places the filter end of the cigarette between her lips, lighting it. Alyvia only smokes when she drinks. I keep telling her she needs to quit before she forms an addiction, but she always brushes the idea off. She never takes her eyes off of me as she inhales, letting the smoke fill her lungs. She removes the cigarette from her mouth and blows into the night air. "No, sweetie, the shirt you're wearing."
I look down at the name across the front. "I don't understand what you mean."
Her smile broadens as if she finally gets to unveil a secret she's been keeping against her will. "He's a fighter. Unlike a troubled juvenile with nothing better to do he gets paid for it, and he fights for everyone to watch on television. He's fucking loaded. When you turn on the TV and you see two guys beating each other to a pulp in the middle of a ring at the center of thousands of people, that's what he does. Why else would he have a shirt like that?"
My eyes widen as I realize exactly what she's talking about. Everyone knows what that is, whether you watch it or not. "So, those guys that fight raw, bare-knuckled, and hitting each other until one is basically knocked out-"
She starts nodding her head. "It's such a damn rush to watch. The first few times I went I was a little squeamish, wanting to close my eyes like the girl I am, but when you see someone you know out there beating the shit out of someone else, it triggers some kind of adrenaline release."
"And Reese?"
"Yep."
"But they're friends."
"They don't have to hate each other to fight against each other, but they are in different weight classes and Haddox doesn't fight heavyweight. They never end up in the ring together."
I take a seat beside her and grab my glass, placing the rim to my lips. I take one big gulp, then another, and just chug the damn glass until it's empty.
"Easy girl. You know wine can be your friend or your enemy and we have class tomorrow."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I've known Haddox since right after I moved here and he's given me one rule about him: not to discuss his shit
. He tells who he wants to know, so out of respect I didn't. You remember when I told you my parents made me take self-defense classes if I was going to move to the city while they were footing the bill?"
I nod. It's all starting to click into place. "Well, Haddox ended up being my instructor. He hit on me in class and I shut him down real quick. He's hot and all, but it just didn't click. It felt like my stepbrother or best friend hitting on me, or something. It was weird and a little creepy. I guess I know why, because now he really is like an adopted brother to me. There is no attraction whatsoever."
A smidgen of jealousy sparks hearing her tell me he hit on her. It rubs me the wrong way. I need to shake it off. She's my friend and it was before I knew either of them. "I've never heard of him; like his name. I've had a few friends that watch that, so I've had to endure it a few times."
"He goes by a different name in the ring: Houston Walley. I'm not sure why; that he's never told me, but I'm sure it's for privacy or something. If you haven't figured it out by now, Haddox is a very private person. I suppose it's no different than an author with a pen name or a famous person with fake names when they have to stay at hotels and such."
That name definitely rings a bell. I've heard it somewhere. I'm sure from a guy friend. I think Nick watches that a lot, and well, I've been over at Nick's several times in the past.
I sit back and pull my legs up into the chair. I might as well forget it. A guy like that, that's made his mark in fame, will always be ready to move on to the next hot girl in line. It's a heartache waiting to happen. I'm not going back down that road. I'm just something to peak his interest right now. "Why are you telling me now?"
"If he left his clothing with the company name on it then it's public information. He can kiss my ass. I've held that secret for so long I was itching to tell someone."
She continues to smoke her cigarette, but now in silence. I look at the next building over. Most of the building is dark because it's late, but there are a few random lights on making it look like the word board on the Wheel of Fortune game show.
She breaks the short silence. "He's different with you, you know."
"I'm sure there is an ulterior motive as to why."
"No, you don't understand what I'm saying. He's different as in you're the first. Haddox is very predictable if you watch him. He doesn't like change. He doesn't like to be caught off guard. His ulterior motive is to stay away from something. What that something is I'm not sure. What I know is that I asked him not to sleep with you and he promised me he wouldn't. He's never lied or broken a promise to me...until you, because he didn't have to. He's does what he wants and doesn't give a shit about what anyone else thinks."
She tilts her head back, her chin pointing up at the sky. She slowly releases the smoke into the atmosphere as she thinks. Reaching over for her glass of wine she hands it to me. I take it, because right now I need it. "Then, I asked him to walk away. You can hate me for it if you want to, but you've become my best friend. I don't usually meddle, but I've watched that asshole drain you of your spirit and I wasn't going to contribute to it when I knew how Haddox was, so I gave him an ultimatum: something more or move on, and yet here he is. Men don't do that just for a good fuck, babe."
"I don't know, Alyvia. It's stupid to set myself up for more heartache when he bluntly told me he would never love someone. What would that even turn into? Casually dating until I'm so far gone I can't find myself? Always wanting more until he's bored and leaves me? The smart thing would be to walk away now when my feelings for him are making themselves known."
She smiles as she puts out the cigarette butt in the small flowerpot full of sand and stands. She walks to the doorway like she's about to walk inside, but halts as she places her hand on the doorknob. She stares at the door momentarily as if she's gathering thoughts. She turns to look at me. "I'm not going to sugarcoat Haddox. He's fucked up, but you opened yourself up to accept that when you slept with him. We can't do what we've never been taught. I don't know his background, but I'm going to guess it isn't good. I've never heard him mention family or where he came from. He's never discussed that chick on his arm. I can't sum him up in a few sentences. The only advice I can give you is that we must walk before we run. He already knows how to do the most important thing when it comes to a relationship, something that Cole's never done, and that's how to fight. He just hasn't figured out that they sometimes go hand in hand. A fighter can be the greatest lover when faced with the right opponent. He may do a lot of wrong things before he does one right, so be prepared, but give him a chance, Piper. You may be surprised and find what your heart is looking for, but first it must be set free."
She doesn't say another word and walks inside, shutting the door behind her, and leaving me to marinate in her words. I sit and sip on her glass of wine, trying to unscramble the garble in my head. "See where it goes, huh," I mumble in question.
My heart rate picks up at the question spoken aloud. It's been a long time since I wanted something from a man aside from sex. It's been even longer since I did something just because it was crazy. "What do I have to lose?"
Everything.... but I still want to go.
My phone starts to ring, causing me to jump. Who on earth could that be this late at night? I'm really not in the mood for a late night booty call. I'm completely over them.
I remove my phone from the front pocket of the hoodie and look at the screen. It's an unsaved number, but it's local. I usually don't answer calls from numbers I don't know. My thumb hovers over the answer option as I debate in my mind. Before I can stop myself I touch it. The call timer begins to count as I raise it to my ear. "Hello?"
"Hey." The voice is flat, not laced with any emotion.
My lips turn up into a smile as I recognize the voice on the other end, but I instantly get nervous. Why do I get nervous every time I hear him or come in contact with him? Hell, he's seen me naked for crying out loud, and on several occasions. This never happens and it should have worn off by now anyway. "How are you?"
How are you? Is that the best you could come up with, Piper? It hasn't been that long since you saw him.
I sit silently, waiting for him to respond to my stupid question. "Can't sleep."
"That sucks...."
I roll my eyes at myself. I am never at a loss for words. I'm a talker; I always have been, so this is not me at all. Find your words, Piper!
"What are you doing?"
"Laying in bed. Like I said, I can't sleep."
Oh, right. I need to focus. "Why can't you sleep?"
He sits silently, breathing. I drain the rest of my wine as I wait, not so patiently. The nerves from waiting on his responses are going to drive me insane. This is the first time we've ever talked on the phone.
I place the glass back on the side table. He doesn't make any immediate attempt to speak. I'm not sure why he called me if he's going to sit here and breathe on the phone. I guess neither of us have much to say. I place my middle finger on the wet rim of the glass and trace it along the circular shape. "I have nightmares."
My finger stops at the end of his voiced thought. I'm either being tested or he's starting to open up to me. I'm really hoping it's the latter. "What kind of nightmares?"
"I'm trying, Piper, but I can't go there...yet."
"What do you usually do when you have them?"
"Lose sleep. What are you doing up? Shouldn't you be sleeping? It's late."
"I'm a night person. I can't sleep before midnight."
"That's not a good habit to have. You should be getting more sleep than that."
"Says the person that doesn't sleep..."
"Not by choice."
I suddenly feel guilty for my comment. That probably was low, even for me, but I really don't like being talked to like a child. "I'm sorry. That was rude."
"How did studying go? Did you get a lot done?"
After Haddox freaked me out with that rape scenario I needed to think, away from him. He gave me what I aske
d for against the wall of his studio, but after, I told him I needed to get some studying done if we were going to be spending any amount of time together. I cannot let my grades fall behind. This is everything I've worked my ass off for. I need to sit with my sketchpad. My portfolio isn't going to create itself.
Everything he presented earlier was the truth and it was realistic. Maybe that's why it scared me so bad. Rape is a real thing. I've been promiscuous for a while, but I've never had my free will taken away from me. My right to choose has never been stolen. Every time I’ve laid with a man previously, it's been because I chose to. I made a decision and the action followed. There were times I wasn't proud of myself and regretted it immediately after, but it wasn't anyone's fault but my own.
The way he transformed into something so monstrous in the matter of a second didn't help the panic that was brewing at the start of a role-play activity. He wasn't Haddox anymore. It was as if he was possessed. I couldn't see his eyes, but I would bet my trust fund that they were cold and distant. I didn't like it, but as much as it scared me I didn't want to run. Instead, I wanted to know what could make a person outwardly appear good, but have something so evil lurking inside. That either makes me just as fucked up as he supposedly is or I'm naive and turning a blind eye to something dangerous for me.
In that moment I had to use my safe word. I may not have wings, but if I did they wouldn't be black. I keep remembering the things he's said over the past week: to be prepared, at some point it will get worse, and his dark cravings. I may dip my toes in the black water, I may even walk in waist deep, but I'm not ready to completely submerge into the dark yet.
The mere fact that I'm delaying instead of turning from should be cause for concern, but he's luring me and the only thought is to follow. I may be a fool, but I want him. I want him more than I've wanted anything. I thought about it the entire time I was at study hall. In fact, I couldn't think of anything else.
Fight for You Page 16
