Something cold touches my forehead and I jolt awake. Alyvia is standing beside the bed. "Can you breathe in there? The only thing showing is the tip of your nose. Do you sleep like that?"
I sit up, allowing the blanket to fall down to my waist. "I like to snuggle. Your hands are freezing."
"Geez, I wonder why. You made me get out in this shit. Have you been outside lately? You forget I'm from Tennessee. We have cold winters, but then there is what I just walked through outside. Cold as balls out there."
"Balls as in a male's genital parts? Aren't those actually warm?"
"Whatever, shut up. You know what I mean. Here." She shoves a bottle of Sprite toward me and I take it, but set it on the table. I feel like I could eat a horse, but then that thought makes me feel like I want to vomit. Damn bipolar mind.
She pulls the sleeve of crackers from the box and opens it. "Here. Consume. I need your stomach with substance, because we need to talk about this mystery sickness."
I take it and remove a handful of squares, placing the corner of one in my mouth. The salty mush as my saliva softens the cracker coats my tongue. What is it about salty things that hit the right spot with your taste buds? I swallow. "What's mysterious about it?"
She sits on the bed and crosses her legs, before leaning forward. She's still holding onto the bag from the store. "Don't freak out, but I got to thinking. Why the hell this dawned on me I have no idea. I think because I actually had this scare once. It scared the ever-living shit out of me, but that's because my relationship was standing on sand and not stone. That would have been a disaster. Plus, I know you're not a sickly person. Twice in less than two months is just hard for me to wrap my head around."
I continue munching on my crackers. "Spit it out."
She's looking straight ahead. "I thought this would be easy, but it's not. Oh hell..." She reaches in the bag and pulls out a pink, rectangular box. "I think you should take this."
She hands it to me and I take it. A pregnancy test? I instantly start shaking my head. "That's not possible. I'm on the shot. I get it faithfully. I wouldn't do that to Haddox, married or not."
"Piper, stop. I'm not finished. When we went to Vegas weren't you taking something?"
"It doesn't matter. Broad-spectrum antibiotics don't interfere with Depo-Provera. That was one of the first things my doctor told me when we discussed birth control options. It's why I'm on it. It's more effective than the pill. I don't want kids. I don't fuck up my birth control...ever. As a matter of fact, I got my last one as soon as we got back from Vegas."
She starts rubbing her forehead. "Okay...well if there is no possible way then you'll take it and it won't be a big deal. Either way we're both happy, because it'll omit it as a possibility. I just have a weird feeling."
She is so stubborn. I throw the blankets off of me and crawl to the foot of the bed. "You don't listen to me. I'm telling you there is no fucking way I can be pregnant. I'll pee on the stupid stick, but you wasted your money."
I stand from the bed and walk toward the bathroom, stopping at the door. I turn around to Alyvia still sitting on the edge of the bed. "Are you coming?"
"Where? In there with you?"
"Yes. We've lived together, we have the same parts, and I'm not modest. You are going to witness it so you know that I'm not making it up." She stands and follows my previous path until she's right behind me. I open the door to the massive bathroom and walk inside, stopping in front of the counter. Peeling back the first flap I open the box, removing the plastic wrapped stick. I tear into it and carry the test with me to the toilet. Alyvia is leaned against the counter looking straight ahead as I bare myself and sit down, giving me a little privacy. "So I just pee on it, right?"
She looks at me as I remove the plastic cover from the tip. "Yes, place the cotton tip in the stream, but make sure you leave it for at least five seconds so it gets enough to read."
It's a good thing I always pee when I wake up or this might not work. It's not that easy to just pee on command. I can't believe I'm even doing this. It's insanity...or possibly even the virus controlling my stomach, now getting to my brain for me to even agree to this. Haddox would kill me if he knew this was even a topic of conversation. There is no confusion when a man says he will do virtually anything he can to prevent the possibility of an offspring. He does not under any circumstances want children...and neither do I.
I follow the instructions until I've finished. Removing the stick, I cover it with the cap and lay it face up on the counter while I finish and cover myself. "Now what," I ask as I flush the toilet and wash my hands.
"We wait. It only takes up to three minutes."
"Well, there you go love. I'm going to bury myself in the cozy blankets, also known as my bedding. Make sure you discard all of that outside of my place. I really don't need Haddox to find it. Please. He would never be the same after that. I'd probably never get laid again."
I walk out of the bathroom, leaving her with the test results. I'm not worried. I know there is no physical way possible that it could say yes. My method of birth control is idiot-proof. I am not that two in a thousand women that gets pregnant on Depo. The odds are too rare, because I'm always on schedule.
I grab my phone and climb in the bed, smiling as I see the message from Haddox when I press the button to light up my screen.
Haddox: I love you, beautiful. Hope you're feeling better. I hate that I had to leave you in less than mint condition. I'm going to be a little later than expected. Got some shit to resolve with staff, but bringing soup home. I'll make it up to you tonight. Rest up. -Your husband.
Me: You're amazing. I love that you spoil me. I love you. Soup sounds delicious actually. Resting, because I fully expect you to make it up to me on the skirt of the Christmas tree. XOXO- Your horny wife.
The message doesn't even seem like it had time to send when I get a response back.
Haddox: Horny is fine as long as it's only for the swinging dick between my legs and no one else. Call and I will come. No pun intended. -Your now hard husband.
I laugh as I scroll through my emoji keyboard, trying to figure out what to retort with. Perfect. Christmas tree, hand pointing index finger to the right, and hand signal for okay, the only one with a hole, all sent in that order. Again, I don't have to wait long. I open the message to the purple devil face with a mischievous grin.
I bite my bottom lip as the dirty thoughts start to take over my mind. "I'm glad you're in a good mood, because you're going to need it."
I look up at Alyvia standing in the doorway of the bathroom looking at me. "What do you mean?"
She walks forward, not saying a word. Her face is void of emotion. She reaches the side of the bed and holds the test I had already forgotten about toward me. "Read it."
I take it and look at the small window on the front. In black digital letters it reads: Yes+. I blink over and over, trying to focus. I don't understand. I look up at her. "Do you want me to call Haddox?"
My eyes widen. "No! Let me get this straight...so you're saying this is telling me that I'm pregnant?"
"I didn't think the word yes was confusing, but in the case that you're in shock I'll move on. Yes, that's what it means. I paid more for the digital one so there was no chance we misread it with the stupid lines. The First Response brand is supposed to be the most sensitive, so that's the one I got."
My heart is pounding in my chest. "That's not possible. It has to be wrong."
She shakes her head. "Piper, you're more likely to have a false negative than a false positive. This isn't the end of the world. Y'all are married."
I feel like I can barely breathe. I throw my phone down and jump up. Oh God, what have I done? He will never forgive me for this. "It has to be wrong. It just has to be. I cannot be pregnant. I cannot lose him over this."
I rush to the closet and grab a pair of leggings and a long sweatshirt from my dresser, changing into them before pulling on my warm boots. I rush into the bathroom, Alyvia follo
wing closely behind. "Where are you going?"
My eyes are filling with tears. This cannot be happening to me. I'm so careful. I fucking set an alarm to go off three different times from the day of my appointment back to the week before. I do not forget things like that. I grab the brush off the counter and yank it through my tangled hair, not caring how much I break off in the process. Each time the bristles stop on a knot I pull harder, yanking it through. Tears are streaming down my face.
Alyvia grabs my hand over the handle, stopping me. "Piper, stop. Let's talk this out. Why are you so upset?"
The dam breaks. I loosen my hold on the brush, allowing her to take it from me. I cover my face, falling into her. She hugs me as I cry, trying to catch my breath enough to tell her. Snap out of it. You will fix this. Some things you take to your grave.
I get a second wind, calming me. My breathing pans out. I stand upright and look at her. "I'm going to ask you to do something I never thought I would. I need you to take this to your grave. Do not tell anyone, especially not Haddox."
Her eyebrows scrunch. "But it's kind of hard to hide it when you start to get a bump for a belly."
I shake my head. "I won't make it that far. I need you to take me to a doctor. I'm terminating this pregnancy. Better yet, I'm sterilizing myself too. I won't lose him over this. He's the best fucking thing that's ever happened to me. He doesn't want this. He made that perfectly clear when we started having sex. I promised him this would never happen before he stopped using condoms and pulling out. This.... is one hundred percent my fault. He's been through more fucked up shit over the course of his lifetime than any normal person could fathom. This would destroy him. He's finally living. I. Will. Not. Do. That. To. Him. He comes first. I promised that before God, him, and a minister. This baby means nothing to me. Did you hear me? Nothing. He means everything."
A tear runs down her face, but mine continue to pour. "Please don't do that," she whispers. "It's a part of both of you. It's alive. It probably already has a heartbeat. Please, Piper, at least tell him first. He deserves the right to choose. I know your heart. You don't mean that. This baby would mean a lot to you. You're just upset. That baby deserves a voice until you can think straight. Just tell him. If he doesn't want it then the rest is your business, but you're asking me to keep something like that from one of my two best friends. It's his baby too."
I straighten my posture. "I don't want this baby. Even if I did, I will not think twice about sacrificing my wants for his. I'm sacrificing one life for another. He can't handle this, Alyvia. This will send him into a pit he won't come out of. I need you to trust me. I'm begging you to. Under normal circumstances I would never consider this, but you have no idea the valley of death he's walked through. A girl will do anything to protect the one she loves. This has to be done."
My face is soaked. It's hard to believe I'm standing here saying all of this, but it's as if something else has taken over my body altogether. I'm just a puppet playing along. She wipes her face when she realizes how much physical pain I'm in over this. "I'll take it to my grave if you're sure this is the right decision, because one day I'm going to pay for this. I believe that with everything that I am."
"There are no doubts."
"Okay. Let me get my keys."
I want this over. I want to put this behind me and pretend that it never happened. The thought that I'm carrying something created from Haddox and I has been shoved to the back of my mind, locked away. Most importantly, I want answers. I want to know how in the fucking hell this even happened. I want a doctor to look me in the eyes and tell me I'm that rare percentage, because that's the only possible way. I will never keep another secret from him...but this I have to.
***
I stare at the white room. It's cold. Alyvia hasn't said anything since we left home. I hope and pray that Haddox doesn't come home before I return. If he does I'll just have to make up something. I feel like a really shitty person for putting her in the middle of this, but she kind of walked in it herself. "Alyvia, if you don't feel comfortable in here then you can wait in the lobby. I'll understand."
She's sitting in the chair beside the doctor's small counter space for the consultation portion of a visit, staring at all of the posters on the wall. She's squeezing the life out of her purse in her lap. "I'm fine. This is what friends are for. They wait with you when things arise, even if it's for matters that they don't personally agree with. I love you, Piper, no matter what you choose. You've been here for me since I moved here. I knew no one and you were kind to me. You've become my best friend. Now I'm choosing to be here for you."
A knock sounds at the door and it opens. A middle aged blonde female walks in wearing a white coat: my doctor. "Hello, dear. Have you been doing okay?"
"I was perfect until this morning."
"That was my next question. The appointment records say that you took a positive home pregnancy test. Is that correct?"
"Yes. Is there a possibility it could have been wrong? I'm on the Depo shot."
She walks further into the room and sits down in the rolling stool in front of her computer, logging in. She introduces herself to Alyvia and then carries on without stopping. "It's happened before, but it's unlikely." I'm starting to get excited as she clicks through different things on the computer, reading my medical records. "However, your blood test is also positive. You're definitely pregnant." My heart plummets to my stomach. I was hoping there was a speck of a chance that I wasn't.
"How did this happen? I need to know for my sanity."
She continues studying the electronic records before her. I don't know how she's reading so fast. By the time I can focus on what she's even looking at she's going into something else. “I'm showing you were two weeks late getting your last shot. Is there a reason? Any lapse lowers the effective rate."
"That's not possible. I've never screwed up my dates."
"I'm afraid you did, Piper. You were due for a shot six to seven weeks ago and it's only been five since we administered the shot. Our records do show that you were seen in Family Medicine around the time you were due for another one. Maybe you got the appointments confused."
Oh shit. I start crying all over again. I totally did mess it up. I was in Vegas when I was supposed to get another dose. The sinus infection threw me off. I was trying to get in to see a doctor at the last minute before we went out of town. I had been rushing all day to pack and have everything ready. How did I forget something so important? I promised I never would. I look up at her. "I need to know what steps I have to go through to terminate this pregnancy."
She stops looking through the computer and spins around on her stool to look at me. "Are you sure that's what you want? There is no doubt in your mind that you may regret it? There is no reversal for that procedure once it's done. How does your husband feel? I saw that you've married since your last exam."
I love my doctor. Really I do. She's an amazing doctor and her bedside manner is impeccable. There have been times that I've come to her just for an annual exam and she sat and talked to me about other things in my life that didn't relate to the visit at hand, as if she didn't have hundreds of other patients waiting for her. That is something that she isn't required to do. She chooses to, and that's also why I've been coming to her for years.
I can tell Alyvia wants to say something by her mouth opening, but she refrains. "Neither of us wants kids. This is the only option."
She nods and stands. "I'll do a pelvic exam and then you'll go to ultrasound to confirm gestation. I won't be the one to do the procedure because of personal reasons, but my colleague will take care of you and I will follow up with you after to ensure you're okay. We do require you take at least twenty-four hours to think it over before the procedure. It's a precaution in case you change your mind."
"I won't change my mind. When is the soonest it can be done?"
"Mid-morning tomorrow. I'll have to consult with him to make sure his schedule allows, but I'll do that while you're in
ultrasound."
She stands and grabs a pair of gloves from the box on the supply table, pulling them on her small hands. "I want you to take time and think about it tonight, Piper. This is a huge decision. This isn't one to take lightly. I want you to listen to me. You can back out at any given time until it starts. If there is any increment of doubt do not go through with this procedure. It has to be absolute."
She presses a button on the wall and a tech walks in. "Lay back and let's do the pelvic exam."
There are no other options. There is no time to think if this is what I want or not. I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing this for him. That is the only thing I will allow myself to feel: his happiness. Nothing else matters...but him.
I throw my bag and coat down on the floor beside the door as I walk in. I'm exhausted and pissed. I found out through a client slip-up that one of my best trainers has been training clients in my studio and not putting it in the books, pocketing the cash. I'm not even hard to get along with. I charge my trainers a small commission off every client for facility and supply use. They get to keep the rest. That's the reason it's in the books, so I can take out my part and give them the rest.
I'm not a shitty boss, but I have overhead. I don't reap any profit off of their clients, but I sure as hell am not taking money away from my family to pay for them to use the building and equipment I've worked hard to obtain. I've worked my ass off for everything I have. I'm not a pushover. Fuck that. No one is going to use me. I've never allowed it and I'm not going to start now, so I fired his ass and it's eating at me.
Barry has been with me since I opened my doors. He basically ran my company when I wasn't there. I trusted him with something important to me and he shattered it. Everyone deserves second chances, so I confronted him about it to see if he would tell me the truth. That was his chance to come clean and turn everything around. Instead of telling me the truth, he tried to put it off on someone else. That's another damn thing I don't allow. If you're going to do something wrong, at least have the balls to confess when you get caught. It made him a coward to me. That's something I don't have room for in my company. He's gone. Now I have to deal with finding a replacement. That's not that easy to do.
Fight for You Page 38
