“To which one?” Sam wasn’t sure why he imagined her coming to her senses and heading back to the city, especially in a moment like this when Avery was chasing a better view of otters instead of worrying over dark woods, muddy knees or whatever else might be in the dark with them.
“Neither.” She sighed. “You know, it’s easy to tell myself that all the noise and convenience of city living is worth the trade-off, but when I’m out here, I wonder how in the world I managed to stay gone for so long.” She turned to face him, her face lit by the pink of sunrise. “Thanks, Sam. I needed this to stop my mind from...running away with me.”
He got that. His mind was doing its best to confuse him. “So, no Chicago, but you shouldn’t dismiss law school altogether. You know you’d be an awesome lawyer.”
“When I decided I was going to become a lawyer, I methodically researched law schools at the library. The University of Chicago is one of the finest schools in the country and I had this idea that it would be easy and not too expensive to travel home from there. Then I rarely did it.” Avery eased back down on the rock. “Now I can’t imagine being so far away from home, from places like this, again. I can’t even explain it, but that first day, even as ragged as I was, when I made it to the top of Yanu it was like I’d been holding my breath for years and I could finally breathe deep. It’s like...that was a previous life. I don’t want to go back to that Avery. She worked hard and she still ended up...alone, with nothing to show for it. New Avery is doing life differently.”
Sam frowned and then pointed out a small group of floating otters. “Mamas and babies. See? They’re holding hands.” Avery made the aww sound he’d expected. He heard it from females of all ages when he pointed it out. “What was wrong with that old Avery?”
Since they hadn’t kept in touch after she went away to college first in Knoxville, then Chicago, he had no idea who that Avery had become. What was the reason the Avery he’d met at the top of Yanu had been so miserable?
“That Avery was necessary, at least to get me to this point, but I think of how easy it was to leave, to turn my back. Robert asked me to marry him and I...stopped. Now, sitting here, it makes no sense. I gave up me to be us. I hope that was because I was young and he offered everything I wanted. Now I know I’ve got to find something I love so much that no man will be able to convince me to leave it behind.” Avery wrapped her arms around her legs. “I want to find the greatest job in the world. A wise man once said we all deserve to find the job that makes us feel that way, and I believe he was right.”
Sam rubbed his jaw. “Wise? That’s the first time you’ve ever called me that.”
She frowned. “I’m sure I’ve used it before, but in combination with another word or two. In any event, it was less complimentary. Now I mean it as the highest compliment to you. I needed this. You knew that.” She stretched out her arms. “I needed these mountains and this air and the sound of happy otters.”
“Well, what if Chicago is the problem? There are law schools in all kinds of places.” Sam had no idea if there was a law school in the entire state of Colorado, but he was certain there were lawyers. They had to come from somewhere. “Will you be happy at the library?” Why was he pushing this? Did he want some of her planning to rub off on him?
“You and my mother,” Avery grumbled. “Why can’t I be for a while? I went through some hard stuff. Do you know what it’s like to be told someone you love has weeks to live? That there’s nothing to be done?” She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’m not angry at you. I...”
“You’re angry. You have a right to be angry. You loved him.” Sam took a chance and put his hand on the middle of her back. Some of the tension eased as he rubbed small circles. “Anger at losing someone you love is right. I’ll never forget when Gee died. We nearly tore the tree house down, one angry kick at a time.”
“Yeah, I learned when my dad died, anger is so much easier to turn on and off than tears.” She was silent as she watched the otters. As the sun rose higher, it was easier to make out the playful dashes and tumbles of happy animals secure in their environment.
“Tell me about Robert.” Sam stared out over the lake, determined to rip off the bandage in one yank. When she confirmed her husband was the kind of guy no other man could measure up to, it would be easier to put her right back in the friend box instead of...whatever she might be someday.
“He was older. So smart. He knew minutiae about intellectual property and talked about it so often that I sometimes wanted to pull my hair out.” Avery rocked slowly. “He would have made a good father, one who came home at the end of the day instead of dying in a crash because he refused to pull his truck over and rest.” Avery didn’t turn to Sam but he squeezed her shoulder. Losing her father in an instant had shaped her as a girl. Now, as a woman, she’d had to deal with losing someone she’d loved one day at a time. “But he had opinions, so many of them. We could fight over what to have for dinner like it was life and death.”
“Did he actually win?” Sam asked, determined to lighten the mood.
“Sometimes I let him. He wasn’t a gracious loser.” Avery tucked her hands at her sides. “Not like you. I taught you early how to lose properly. Robert never had that, so he...he was pretty good with the silent treatment.” She turned back to stare out over the water as golden sunshine highlighted the gentle waves hitting the shore. “That family we were planning? Yeah, can you even imagine what the kids would have been like?”
Sam could. They would have been so smart, courageous, and kind at the same time. Avery might tease about sore losers, but she’d always been such a likable winner because, deep down, she didn’t take it too seriously.
Sam wanted to ask about her hopes for the future. Would she ever change her mind about dating and return to her plans for a family?
Probably not with a guy who took risks with his life every day on the job.
“When we were growing up, we never got to see anything like this.” Avery shook her head. “There are too many otters to count.”
“Yeah, sometimes reintroducing animals works. River otters in the Smokies are a success story.” Sam thought about rolling a few of the facts he had memorized for speaking engagements, but it wasn’t necessary.
“Do you know how hard it is to figure out what you want to be for the rest of your life?” Avery asked, her voice quiet in the pink light.
“That’s why we’re here. I don’t even have a job offer yet and I’ve almost convinced myself that leaving here would be the worst decision I could make. My family. My memories. My friends. Why would I leave that?” Sam didn’t look at Avery but knew the second her eyes landed on his face.
“What?” she asked too loudly in the silence. “All the trouble you gave me for leaving, and now you’re too chicken to even consider it?”
Sam didn’t answer. There was nothing to say.
“Listen, Sam,” Avery said, then paused. “I can’t believe I have to say this to you, but none of that will change. Your family will still be your family, even if you’re in Colorado. These mountains? They will stand tall after you leave and be waiting whenever you want to come back. Whatever you do, it’s not forever. You can go and decide it was a terrible decision. That’s okay. I thought, of the two of us, you would understand so much better than I do that being afraid to take a step is unacceptable. Decide what you want most and go for it.”
Then she stood up to pace. “Now I get it. This isn’t about me needing you. It’s about you needing me. And I can do that. That’s so much easier than figuring out what I want to do for the rest of my life.”
Sam laughed. “Could you do both? Help me get it in gear and figure out what will make you happy?”
She braced her hands on her hips as she stared down at him. “We’ll see. Here’s what I know. You set me on the first path, the one to becoming a lawyer. My husband was the fork in the road that led to..
.this mess that I’m in. When I figure out the next phase, it’ll all be on me. Win or lose, this is my choice this time.”
Sam rubbed his chest. The notion that something he’d said mattered enough to her to set a course by was a sweet encouragement.
If he didn’t get his mind off how much he liked Avery, he was going to do something stupid, the stupid thing he’d been chasing away every single time it floated up to the surface of his tangled thoughts.
One kiss could settle everything.
“What did you do in Chicago? After law school and before your husband got sick?” Sam stretched his legs out. If she didn’t like his question, she could give him one hard shove and he’d go rolling right into Otter Lake. He wanted to be ready to swim if it came to that.
“I volunteered, provided legal aid.” Avery wrapped her arms tightly over her chest. “Actually, I filed, answered phones and tried to comfort people who were desperate for help. I loved it. All the help I gave, none of the pressure of law school or passing the bar or dealing with a husband who deserved my time. If I’d known how little we were going to have, I might have spent more days at home.”
“You feel guilty for doing something you loved, that helped people who needed it, because your husband, a grown man who ought to have enough to keep him occupied...” Sam grunted. “I never would have seen that coming from Avery Abernathy, the girl who insisted she could climb the face of Yanu and would have done it if I hadn’t called her mother.”
“Yeah, me, either. It’s depressing.” She turned to stare back out over the lake. “I wouldn’t have guessed I’d need my mother to rescue me from my own grief, either, or that a hike to see these otters would have made it clear that I don’t care what anyone else thinks. Not anymore. If I’m happy working at a library doing story time...” Avery waved her hands wildly. “Okay, so I’m not good at it, but if I’m happy, then who cares that I never finished law school or live at home with my mother or feel...?”
Sam waited for her to finish her thought. How did she feel?
Then he sighed and stood up next to her. “You know who cares you didn’t finish law school? Those people you were helping at Legal Aid, the ones that made you happy. That’s it. That’s all.”
He ignored her ugly glare. “You want to get closer to the otters? Pretty soon, they’ll head for quieter spots for the day.”
For half a minute, tense silence nearly convinced him that she wasn’t going to let it go.
“When the time comes and you get that job offer?” Avery said in a mean voice. “Don’t you dare expect me to pull my punches, either. Got it?”
Sam offered her his hand and then led the way down the rocky shore to the lake. They both squatted near the water to watch the otters frolic around the fallen logs that framed their cozy cove.
“I’m going to find what makes me happy, Sam. And then I’m going to do it.” Avery tipped her chin up and met his stare. “Dare me.”
She might as well have been seventeen again, but the feelings he had were so different. Instead of wanting to beat her in whatever race they cooked up, he wanted to help her, to encourage her. A breeze sent one curl over her forehead to land across her eyes. Before she could brush it away, he smoothed it aside, happy to see the spark of determination in her eyes. “Do it, AA. You’re the only one who can.”
Sam knew there was never going to be another moment to try it, the kiss that could settle everything. The woods were quiet. The water was turning golden with sunrise. The two of them belonged in that spot at that time.
So he slowly pressed his mouth against hers, the sweet taste of her lips completing the most perfect moment in time.
And instead of shoving him headfirst in the water, Avery wrapped her hands in the loose sleeves of his sweatshirt and held on, so Sam deepened the kiss. He pulled her closer, hands solid on her hips, and tried to memorize the wonder of holding Avery Abernathy in his arms.
When he ended the kiss, Avery pressed her forehead against his shoulder and held on tight, so Sam crossed his arms around her back, content to stand there as long as it took for one of them to come up with something to say.
She won that race. “Sam, I can’t believe you...that we did that.” She eased back, her fingers pressed over her mouth, the concern on her face enough to worry Sam.
Sam shoved his hands in his pockets. “I wanted to. It’s all I could think of ever since you picked me up at the airport, how nice it would be to have a greeting like this every time I came home.”
Avery shook her head. “I’m not that sweet girl, though. The two of us together? We’re no good. You have to do this job, Sam, and I can’t...” She inhaled slowly. “I nearly had a panic attack before you picked me up because I was reliving losing my husband. Two of those nightmares to ambush me every night? I can’t. I won’t.” She grabbed his hand. “But I love you so much, Sam. You’re the friend I’ve needed forever. Please, don’t doubt that I need you.”
The desperate plea on her face was impossible to ignore. She believed what she was saying. He wanted to argue that there were no guarantees to life, that he might outlive her by decades but that was a risk he’d take. Instead, he held out both hands. “Listen, it was the...atmosphere. Otters are so romantic, am I right?”
Avery wanted to argue, but she nodded. “Yeah. Romantic.” They both knew they were lying but the friendship depended on going with the lie.
“I couldn’t ever fall for a girl who couldn’t beat my time to the top of Yanu,” Sam said, “even if she should be a lawyer but gave up.”
“Wise words from a chicken who wants to back out on his dream?” She waggled her eyebrows at him and shoved his shoulder so quickly he bobbled in response. She was going to play along.
If that didn’t say enough about his stupid assumption of what they might be to each other if only she weren’t grieving and he weren’t hoping to move across the country, nothing would. They both needed this friendship too badly to let anything, even attraction, mess it up.
To shake off his disappointment, Sam said, “Last one to the truck is the chicken and gets to explain why we’re here when the park’s closed.” Then he took off in a mad scramble up the hill.
Her angry “You cheater!” was followed by loud hoots that scared away every wild animal in a half-mile radius along with all the otters. Sam was still chuckling when he turned to help her up the steep incline. Avery, true to form, accepted his help and then sat him down on the rock with a hard shove and took off at a dead run.
Sam stood slowly and stared out over the lake. Whatever happened, this was his home. Avery was right. It would still be here when he came back. And she would be...somewhere in the world. He wouldn’t lose touch with her again, no matter where the two of them lived. Some of the anxiety that had been slowly building in his chest at the idea of saying goodbye to Sweetwater eased.
Wherever he went, Avery could still be a part of his life.
Now he knew enough not to let that go. Time was all they needed to make this work. With no other choice, he could wait.
“You’re losing!” Avery’s voice was farther away than he’d expected, so Sam turned on a heel and poured on the speed. Win or lose, he had to give it his best shot.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“YOUR STORY TIMES are getting better, Avery,” Astrid lied as she waved at Miranda, who was marching out the library door with a backpack filled with books. “I mean, you almost managed to keep everyone’s attention for the whole thirty minutes this time. Only Justin nodded off. It was a good thing that you knocked that chair over. Loud noises make it harder to sleep.”
Avery lifted her head from the circulation desk and propped her chin on one hand. “At what point do we decide that I do not have what it takes for this job?”
“Listen, that’s on you, not me. I’m glad to have the help.” Astrid scooted up on the desk a
nd picked up Pippi. “Still, I’m going to guess ‘soon’ is the answer.”
“A book about pirates should be exciting. I tried the voices. I even wore an eye patch.” Avery popped the patch that had landed somewhere over her right ear.
“But you didn’t prepare for Miranda.” Astrid patted Avery’s arm. “It’s okay. I’m not sure anyone can prepare for Miranda.”
“Yeah, I mean, that defense of the pirates and their way of life as a direct reflection on how society has failed them?” Avery rubbed her hand over her forehead in the vain hope that she could iron out the “what is happening here?” wrinkles. “How old is she, again?”
“You did a good job of defending the justice system, but I’m pretty sure that’s where you lost the rest of the room.” Astrid sighed as Pippi stretched out in her arms, a long, orange feline statement of “don’t care, keep scratching” that was cute and as good an answer as any.
“I ought to start looking for my next job,” Avery said slowly, “even though the choices here in Sweetwater are limited.”
“What about Knoxville? I guess it might be hard to make that commute every day.” Astrid motioned with a shoulder. “We have the paper if you want to check it.”
“Thanks, Boss,” Avery said as her lips twitched. “Nothing like your current employer encouraging you to find other work.”
“You’ll be much more interesting when you come back for a career day. Once you find something that you can talk about passionately, other than the reason our legal system fails innocent people, then you will have those kids hooked.” Astrid smiled sweetly, a dimple winking in her left cheek. “Did you see what I did there?”
“Yeah, arguing passionately about our legal system... What kind of job would that be?”
She’d discarded a dozen different careers in her plotting of what to do with the next three or four decades of her life.
Librarian was out, and while she was at it, Avery crossed off teacher. Being able to command a room of kids was beyond her, and both professions depended heavily on the skill.
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