by Sarah Dell
He closed the gap between us. I ran my hands up his chest, letting them rest on his shoulders. We just stood there looking at each other, waiting. Maybe we were waiting for the moment to be right, or maybe we were waiting for the moment to pass, but it didn't. When his lips touched mine the flame inside me became a full blown fire.
“What happens now?” I asked.
“Now we get some sleep. You take the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor” he said, and I wanted to tell him that I wasn’t tired so that we could have more time until I realized how tired I was. I had almost forgotten what it was like to be tired.
CHAPTER 9
I slept well for the first time in ten years. I woke with the faint memory of a sweet dream in my mind. Through my small window I saw that the day was blazing with late morning sun. I rose from the small bed and winced when my feet hit the cold wooden floor. I was going to have to start wearing socks. I looked over to where Matthias had slept, but he wasn’t there. My heart sank. I knew he had to leave, but I had hoped he would say goodbye. I wondered if the last few days had meant anything to him, or if he had just done everything so that he could be free from the blood bond with the Brotherhood.
I turned when I heard the door open. Then I saw Matthias’s smiling face as he walked into the room. My heart skipped at the sight of him. He hadn’t left yet; I would at least get to say good bye. My heart sank again at the thought of saying good bye to Matthias.
“You missed breakfast, but I saved you something. I remember you used to like these” he said as he held out a large bright red apple. I stared at it and tried to remember what it would taste like; I remembered that I used to eat apples, but it seemed like a different life. I took the apple from his hand. I savored the crisp tartness as I bit into the waxy skin. When I looked up I saw that Matthias’s smile had widened.
“How is it?” he asked.
“Amazing” I said in-between bites. Nothing had ever tasted as good as that apple.
“Aren’t you supposed to be gone?” I asked.
“I have to leave tonight, but today I’m taking you to the beach” he said. I followed him out of my room and into the cool morning; we didn’t have to walk far till we were standing on the rocks watching the clear blue waves crash against the white sands. Matthias smiled at me and held out his hand. I took his hand and savored the warmth I felt. It was odd to be able to feel the warmth of skin and the chill in the air.
As we climbed down the rocks to the beach I slipped, and I would have fallen hard onto the rocks if Matthias hadn’t been there to catch me. I laughed; human reflexes were just one more thing I was going to have to get used to again. Matthias looked at me like I was going crazy, but then he laughed.
“I guess I’ll have to get used to walking as a human again” I said.
“It’s a good thing I’m here to catch you” he said. I smiled; it felt good to not be alone, to know that there was someone to catch me when I fell. After today I would be alone, and there wouldn’t be anyone to catch me.
When we were back on the beach I watched as Matthias removed his shoes, and I did the same. The sand enveloped my feet in its soft, warm embrace. I closed my eyes and wiggled my toes in the sand. When I opened my eyes I saw Matthias staring at me. His face didn’t wear the same smug grin that it usually did. In its place was sadness.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him.
“I wish things could have been different with us. I can’t imagine what your life has been like” he said.
“Worrying about the past doesn’t change it. What happened to us happened, and there is nothing we can do about it, but you can let me enjoy this day” I said. The last thing I wanted to think about today was the last ten years, and I didn’t want Matthias’s pity. I shot him a smile before turning to run into the ocean. The cool waves felt good under the hot sun. I let the waves submerge and wash over me. Then I felt a hand pulling me out of the water.
“You’re not immortal anymore. You have to be more careful” he said. Then I splashed him in the face. I didn’t mean for it to be that high, but the look on his face made me laugh. Then he splashed me back even harder. I smiled and raised my hand to splash him back, but before my hand touched the water a wall of water raised itself between us. I looked at my hands and raised them even higher. The wall mimicked my movements. I lowered my hands hoping that the wall would fall back into the ocean. The wall did fall to the ocean, but first it fell on Matthias and knocked him flat on his butt. I covered my gasp with my hand as I gave him a hand to help him up.
“I didn’t mean to do that” I told him.
“Sure you didn’t” he said with doubt in his voice.
“I promise; I didn’t” I said, and we both laughed. I didn’t even notice that I was in his arms until his lips were on mine. His lips were soft and firm on mine, and I felt a warm ache start in my core. I felt his hand stroke the back of my neck and a shiver ran down my spine. Then I felt his lips leave mine to kiss a trail down to the base of my neck. The tips of his fingers made a trail up and down my arms. He led me back up to the beach and then down onto the waiting blanket. We laid on the beach quietly, long enough for the sun to move just slightly west.
“Do you remember senior skip day?” he asked me. I hadn’t thought of that day for a long time.
“How could I forget the first time I saw the beach. We drove to the Gulf and walked on the beach” I told him.
“I thought vampires forgot their human lives” he said.
“We do, but it takes time and people or things can trigger memories” I said.
“So one day you would have forgotten me” he said.
“Yes” I said. He didn’t know how close I had come to forgetting. “But now that I’m here…” I trailed off. Now that I was here I wouldn’t forget about him. I wouldn’t become the monster that I could have become.
“Yeah, now that you’re here…” he said. Matthias had brought me to this beautiful place where I could be human. He had given me this wonderful new life, but it didn’t mean anything if he wasn’t in it. He had made me human again, but he was taking away the only reason I wanted to be human.
“But we have today” I said. I chose not to think about tomorrow. I chose not to think about how I was going to live as a human, knowing that I would never see Matthias again. When I was a vampire there seemed like there was always hope that I would see him again, but now I knew that I would have a life without him.
“Yes, we have today” he said then he took my hand and together we ran into the ocean, letting the waves crash against our bodies. I noticed how our bodies just seemed to fit together like they were made for the other. I tried not to think about the fact that this would be our last day together. This would be the only chance I had to feel the warmth his body lent mine as he held me. This would be the last time I would feel the stubble on his cheek as his face nuzzled mine. This would be the last time I kissed the spot next to his ear lobe, and the last time I would hear the resulting groan that escaped his lips.
Then his lips were on mine. His lips moved with my lips in a dance that was older than time. His kiss filled me with a warmth that I thought I would never feel again. My body felt heavy, but my head was light. I felt like he was anchoring me to the ground and floating into the heavens with me at the same time. I wanted to be closer to him; I needed to be closer to him. I wanted to stay in this moment forever. I would remember this feeling for the rest of my life. I would cherish this memory every day of my life.
CHAPTER 10
I woke up to the sounds of crashing waves and realized that I must have drifted off. The sun had moved lower in the sky, threatening to end my last day with Matthias. Matthias was still sleeping next to me. The weight of his arm gave me a comfort I couldn’t understand, but it also filled me with sadness because I knew I would never feel this way again. I would do anything to make this never end.
Then I heard something like a voice calling to me from the water. It was like the water itself was calling to
me and I couldn’t resist. I walked out into the waves, hesitating when I felt the chill of the water penetrate my skin all the way to my bones; but the call was too much to resist. I kept walking until the I was completely submerged in the water. I wasn’t used to the feeling of powerlessness that I felt as the waves took me deeper and deeper under the water. I realized that without my vampire powers I should be drowning, but I wasn’t. It was as if the ocean was giving me just enough air to breath.
They saw me before I saw them; they were all beautiful young women with hair to their waists. Then I noticed that they were all naked. The one I had first seen made a motion with her head as if she wanted me to follow her. I copied her movements as she took me even deeper under the ocean. The other women followed behind us. I could feel the pressure of the ocean bearing down on me as we swam deeper and deeper. Just when I thought I couldn’t go any deeper we came to a cave. The woman I had been following stood on the ledge of the cave and motioned for me to go on without her. I stopped and looked at her wondering if she would follow me into the cave. She shook her head as if she understood my thoughts.
The cave was dark and without my vampire sight I was completely blind. I had to feel the cave wall to know where I was going. I was beginning to think that this was madness, but what could I do now. I just had to keep walking. The woman had to have led me here for a reason. I just hoped it wasn’t so that I could die.
Just when I was about to turn back I started to see faint shadows. They started as just gray flashes, but then I saw the streaks of light. I walked faster and the light grew brighter the farther into the cave I went. I realized that I was no longer in the water, but had walked into a pocket of air. I found that the light was coming from a fire.
The fire was lit in an ornate hearth in the center of a large room. In front of the hearth was a woman lounging on a velvet covered couch. She was intently watching the flames dance in the hearth as if she had been there for hundreds of years just waiting for me to find her.
“Come and sit with me in front of the fire so I can see what you look like” she said. Her voice was like honey, it was sweet and it clung to the air. As I came closer I saw that her skin was pale and looked as if it would be cold to the touch. Her hair was a warm chocolate brown, and it hung in loose curls around her heart shaped face. Her eyes were the palest green I had ever seen. I sat on the couch opposite from the woman.
“I thought you would be prettier” she said once she got a good look at me.
“I’m sorry…” I didn’t know what else to say.
“Oh well… I suppose there is only so much bloodlines can do, and it's not as if you're ugly, I just thought you would be…well… I guess that’s not important” she said. “I see you found the Island” she said.
“Who are you?” I asked. It sounded rude even as I asked it, but I did want to know and she didn’t seem to be volunteering the information.
“You already know who I am” she said.
“You’re my mother” I said.
“Yes”.
“I saw you when I was with the fortune teller, but you looked different” I said.
“You saw me thru her eyes so you saw what she imaged me to look like” she said. “This is the first and last time you will ever see me, but I had to warn you that you can’t stay on the Island”.
“But the Brotherhood says it is the only way” I said.
“Of course they did” she said. “Those idiots will never understand destiny” she said. “You can’t hide from what you are. You have a destiny and you have to find it. All that waits for you there is death” she said.
“The Brotherhood told me I could have a normal life” I told her.
“They lied to you. They aren’t going to risk keeping you a alive. They are planning to kill you” she said.
“How do you know?” I asked.
“Caligari is my grandson and your nephew” she said. “His mother was one of my descendants, the last descendant before you. She died because she couldn’t control the power and she took Caligari’s father and his sister with her. Caligari is not going to risk letting you live” she said.
“If descendants are so dangerous why would you risk making another one?” I asked.
“I made you because you are different” she said.
“How am I different?” I asked.
“You just are” she said. “Now go.”
“But where will I go?” I asked more to myself than to her. For a day I had believed that I could have a normal life, but now my mother was telling me that I had to give up this life. She was telling me that I had to risk the destruction of the world or let the Brotherhood kill me. Maybe this world would be better off without me. Maybe I should just let the Brotherhood kill me. It wasn’t the first time I had thought that death was the better option. I wished that this day had never existed, that I had never been allowed to see the life I was giving up. It had been easier when I hadn’t known what was taken from me.
“Once you leave you will find your way. I wish you could have had a real mother who would have taken care of you and given you advice, but all I can do for you is to tell you to leave the Island. Don’t try to find this place again because you won’t be able to” she said. Her tone made it clear that our conversation was over. I stood from the couch and walked to the opening of the cave. I was suddenly emerged in water again. I looked back, but the opening to the cave was gone. I swam to the surface alone. Apparently the water women had better things to do.
I walked back up to the beach to find Matthias waiting for me. I wanted to see his lazy half grin that I hated, but his face was far from happy. There was sadness in his eyes that I didn’t want to see. I didn’t want to remember him this way. I only wanted to think of him as being happy. I didn’t want to remember this moment. I didn’t even want this moment to happen, but I knew that I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t have had last night without having today. I couldn’t have had the sweetness of that one perfect day without the bitterness of goodbye. Even though I would not be staying on the Island I could still never be with Matthias. Our lives would be too different. Once I left the Island I would be a vampire again. I knew Matthias wouldn’t be with me as a vampire.
“You should just leave now. I think it will be easier” I told him. “I don’t want to say goodbye”.
“If that’s what you want” he said. I felt a wealth of emotion welling up inside me. I wanted to make the feelings stop. I wanted to not care that I would never see Matthias again. I didn’t want to think about what was going to happen the moment I left the Island. I just wanted to enjoy the last moments I would ever have with Matthias.
“I love you” it was the first and only time I would ever say those words.
“I love you too” he caressed my cheek as he brushed a lock of my hair from my face. I felt the feelings welling up again, but I managed to push them down. He pressed his lips hard against mine and I savored the touch. I drank in the sweet taste of his lips. I wanted to remember this feeling forever.
“I’ve wanted my freedom for so long, but now all I want is you” he said.
“You have to go and be with your family” I told him.
“You’ll be safe here. Promise me you’ll stay here. Promise me you will make a life for yourself here, and that you will forget about me” he said.
“I promise” I lied. How could I tell him the truth? How could I tell him that I would never be safe? I couldn’t tell him that I would never have the happy life I wanted. He would have a good life. He would be with his family again. He would find someone else, someone who made him happy. All I ever wanted was for him to be happy, and I knew that I would never make him happy. he needed to find someone else to make him happy.
“I have to leave now. I won’t say goodbye, but I am going to kiss you one more time” he said. I lost myself in that last kiss. I lost myself in the way he molded his body to mine; in the way that our lips just knew what the other wanted. I wanted to stay lost forever, b
ut all too soon I felt him pull away. I wanted to resist; I wanted to hold him there, but I wouldn’t do that because I knew that would only make it harder for him to leave.
Once he pulled away my mind began to resister where I was again. The portal that would take him to the freedom he had always wanted was a few paces behind us. He picked up the bag I hadn’t noticed he had been carrying. Just before he left he looked back at me and shot me a lazy half grin, and I almost cried. He was giving me the one thing I wanted. He was giving me a good last memory and I would give him the same; so I held back the tears that threatened to fall, and I gave him the biggest smile I could muster. He knew I was faking it, but it didn’t matter as this last look was all we would ever have. I watched as he disappeared thru the thin veil of the portal.
I felt the weight of a hand on my shoulder. Normally this feeling would give me comfort, but it didn’t this time. I knew the hand belonged to Caligari before I turned to look at him.
“I need you to come to my office so we can discuss your place on the Island” he said.
“What is my place here?” I asked.
“I’d prefer to talk in my office”.
“I’d prefer not to die”.
“I wanted to do this quietly, but if you want to do this here we can do this here” he said. I noticed that Caligari was not alone. There were two large looking members of the Brotherhood behind him. Two days ago I wouldn’t have been afraid of three humans, but now I was realizing how small and frail I was as a human. I had wanted this, to be human again, but I didn’t want to feel this helpless. For the first time I wanted to be a vampire again. I wanted to feel the power I felt as a vampire. I didn’t want this to be the way it ended for me.
“You don’t have to do this” I told him.
“You have to understand” he said. “It’s not that I want to kill you”.
“Then don’t, just let me stay here on the Island” I said.
