She looked over at Devon. He was grinning at her and her chest threatened to strangle her. This was it. This was Sam’s moment. And she knew with perfect certainty, that she wanted to take it. “Devon?” she whispered.
“Yeah?”
“You were right.”
“About what?”
“I don’t want to be almost anymore either.”
He sat up so fast his covers fell to his waist. “Sam . . . are you serious?”
Her heart was thumping in her chest so hard she worried it might crack open. But she was sure that she wanted the real thing. And she wanted it with Devon. She’d never been more sure of anything in her life. She nodded her head. “Yes.”
Devon exhaled her name. It was barely a whisper. He raised a trembling hand to stroke her cheek. She caught it and kissed his palm, then his wrist, then his arm. Then, she was crawling into his lap so she could kiss all of him. Everything was a frenzy and she couldn’t get enough. She lay on top of Devon, letting him hold her tightly against him while they pulled at each other’s clothes, kissing as if it were the only way to breathe. And maybe it was, because Sam had never felt more alive. Was this what she’d been missing all these years? Was this what not making choices cost her?
She wanted more. She wanted everything. And she wanted it with Devon—now. Sam pulled his shirt off over his head and started to pull off her own.
“Sam . . .” His voice was husky with desire.
“Yeah?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
He looked like he didn’t believe her, so she kissed him again, deeper and greedily, until he let go of the hem of her shirt. She pulled it over her head, shivering as the cold night air raced across her bare chest. Devon’s eyes were tethered to hers. She tried to pull herself back into his lap but he tensed. “Sam, wait.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just . . . I’ve wanted this for so long. But I don’t want to rush you. I don’t want you to think you have to do this.”
“I want to do this, Devon.”
“But, have you ever . . . done this?”
Sam’s cheeks flushed and she shook her head slowly. “But I want to. And I want it to be with you, Devon. I want to remember this-us, forever.”
His tension eased and he pulled her to him, stroking his hands down her back while he kissed her. She twisted her fingers in his thick hair and pulled him on top of her. Everything escalated to a frenzy of lips and hands again, and soon she was tugging at the waistband of his pants. He sucked in a breath and stilled as her fingers found the band of his boxer-briefs. “Hold on a sec,” he said jumping up from the disheveled sheets.
Disappointment flooded Sam. What had she done wrong? But Devon was back in a flash with a square foil packet between his fingers. Sam’s insides squirmed as she felt her whole body flood with nervous excitement. This was really going to happen.
“Do you always carry condoms with you?” she asked mildly embarrassed.
“Yes. I’m a guy.”
That was Devon, open and honest, and proud of his manhood. And at that moment, Sam was so grateful for it, because she didn’t want this to stop.
Devon slipped under the covers with her and pulled her gently to him, kissing her forehead. “Promise me you’re sure.” he whispered.
“I Promise.”
Devon was patient and gentle. He made Sam feel sensations she didn’t know she was capable of. He made her feel warm, and safe, and most of all, loved. When she was with Devon like this, the world stopped rushing ahead without her. Sam felt like she’d finally caught up, maybe even surpassed where she was meant to be. When they were together like this—just Sam and Devon—they were untouchable. They could do anything. They weren’t trapped by someone else’s plans or expectations. Their future was now! They were in it, and it was endless, in the best way she could imagine.
As Sam drifted off to sleep in Devon’s warm arms, she gazed up at the winking stars. Plato said every soul has a companion star they return to after death—Sam only knew this because one summer Megan had been obsessed with Plato. But now, as Sam stared at the blank space between the stars she’d picked out for herself, she found she was hoping there might be space for Devon there with her.
26
Devon
Waking up next to Sam was a dream. Devon felt like he’d captured an angel. Last night had been beyond his wildest fantasies. He’d never expected to have sex with Sam. Of course he’d wanted to, but all he’d hoped for this weekend was time with her—just to be near her. But somehow, between drinking whiskey and gazing at the stars, something had changed. He’d felt the shift in her—like she’d finally let that last little bit of her guard down. And it let all of her flood out, almost overwhelming him—almost. But he couldn’t get enough of her. If Sam were a well, then Devon wanted to drown in her.
Sometime in the night Sam had curled into his chest and fallen asleep. He wrapped his arms around her, never wanting to let go. He loved the way her eyelashes fluttered against the hollow of his throat. And the feel of her breath softly on his chest. He could lay like this forever, listening to the birds greet the sun while he held happiness in his arms.
Unfortunately, Eggsy had other plans. He wanted breakfast. Devon had already pushed his impatient dog away twice, hissing at him to wait. But finally Eggsy had enough and started howling, rousting Sam from her sleep. Her eyes fluttered open drowsily. Devon waited for her to panic when she figured out where she was. But to his surprise, she didn’t shove him away. Instead she grinned, her cheeks glowing pink.
“Morning, kitten,” he said, kissing her head.
“Morning,” she murmured.
“I’ve gotta feed the hell hound,” Devon said rolling his eyes when Eggsy started pawing at him.
Sam giggled and swatted playfully back at Eggsy.
“Remind me never to bring you camping again, Eggsy,” Devon growled as he climbed out of the warm covers.
“Yeah, Eggsy. Don’t be jealous. I love you both.”
Devon froze, one arm shoved into his heavy jacket. He knitted his eyebrows together in surprise. “Love?” he asked.
Sam looked mortified as she tried to stutter a response. “No-well-you know what I meant-I . . . shit.” She threw the covers up over her head and hid.
“You love me!” Devon teased. He knew she only meant it innocently, but it was too good to let go. Friend-Devon wouldn’t let a comment like that slide, so more-than-friend-Devon wasn’t going to either. And after last night, they were way more than friends.
“I knew it!” Devon continued leaping on top of Sam’s bed with Eggsy hot on his heels. “Sam Connors loves me!”
“No!” She squealed when he started tickling her through the blankets. “I. Do. Not,” she managed to get out between fits of laughter. Eggsy had totally forgotten about breakfast and was now pouncing on the squirming blankets like it was his favorite new game.
“Mercy!” Sam screamed and Devon hauled Eggsy off of her.
She popped her head from under the covers. Her toffee-brown hair looked like it had been caught in a tornado and Devon burst into laughter.
“Well, we love you too, Sam,” Devon said ruffing up her hair even more, before placing a kiss on her forehead. She blushed. “Let me feed this beast before he starts drooling,” he said, pulling Eggsy from the tent. “I’ll start breakfast,” he called over his shoulder.
Sam
Sam sat huddled under the covers, waiting for the strangeness to take over. After having sex with Devon last night, she expected to feel different when she woke up. And she did, but just not in the way she thought she would. Sam felt stronger somehow, more sure of herself. She expected she’d be embarrassed or feel strange around Devon, but it was just the opposite. Sam felt more connected to him than ever. It was like sex had fused more than just their bodies, but their minds and hearts too. God! She couldn’t believe Megan hadn’t told her how magical sex was!
She stood
up and stretched, dressing quickly so she could join Devon outside. She couldn’t wait to wrap her arms around him and kiss him, again and again! She sighed, as visions of last night floated back through her mind. Sex certainly changed things. Sam didn’t feel scared about anything anymore. All she felt was alive, and hungry. And maybe a little preoccupied with plotting how she could get Devon back in bed so they could do it again.
Devon
Sam waltzed out of the tent with a toothbrush in her mouth. She was still in her pajamas and had added a pair of boots and a blanket around her shoulders. Her hair was still a mess, and Devon was sure he’d never seen something so adorable in all his life. She finished brushing her teeth and joined him by the fire. He pulled her into a crushing hug, kissing her head and face all over.
“What’s that for?” she asked.
“For last night, for this morning, for having sunshine in your smile, for everything,” he said squeezing her tighter. He just couldn’t help himself. His chest felt like it had blown wide open and if he didn’t hold Sam tight, he might just float away. How could one person make him this happy?
“It really happened, right?” he asked.
She laughed nervously. “Yeah.”
“And is everything still okay?”
“Almost,” she said shyly.
Devon’s brows furrowed, wondering what she meant. “What’s wrong?”
“This,” she said standing on her tippy toes to kiss him.
Devon wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off the ground, deepening their kiss until he forgot where he ended and Sam began. When he finally set her back down they were both breathless.
“Okay, everything’s good now,” she grinned.
Devon was pretty sure if he were smiling any wider his face would crack in half. “Grand.” He handed her a mug of coffee.
“You remembered coffee?” she exclaimed.
Devon didn’t drink it, but he knew Sam loved it. “Your dad told me you’re dangerous without it.”
She laughed. “You still think I’m dangerous after last night?”
“You’re even more dangerous.”
“Why?”
“Because I’d pretty much give you the world after last night.”
She beamed. “Lucky for you I think I’m still on a natural high from last night. I only require coffee and food, for now.”
Devon grinned, pulling Sam into another hug, careful not to spill her coffee.
They couldn’t keep their hands off each other, and Devon almost burnt their breakfast—bangers and mash—his father’s favorite. And another thing Cara wouldn’t let him have.
Devon and Sam sat next to each other by the fire and ate. He kept stealing glances at her. She looked so beautiful with the sunlight turning her hair into strands of bronze and copper. Then he was staring at her lips. Her perfect, plump, ruby lips. Good Christ, he couldn’t stop wanting to kiss her. Now that they’d started, how would they ever stop?
“Put that thing away,” she said jokingly when she caught him smiling.
It only made him smile more and his heart felt too big for his chest. “Come here,” he said pulling her onto his lap. He kissed her again, forcing himself not to get too carried away.
“So, is it safe to say you like camping?” he asked after he traced feathery kisses from her ear to her mouth.
“Yes.”
“And what about me?” he asked. “Do you like me?”
“I’ve always liked you, Devon.”
“Liar,” he teased tickling her.
She laughed. Christ, he loved that sound. And he loved being the one to make her make that sound. He loved making her smile. He loved everything about her. And he wanted to carry her back into that tent and show her all the ways he could love her. But he couldn’t—not yet. She still felt as flighty as a bird. Devon could feel her little heart pounding into his chest every time he held her. He wanted to make her feel safe first. He wanted her to be sure about him first. Last night had been perfect—beyond perfect. But he hadn’t been planning to move so quickly. He wouldn’t rush this. It was too perfect. And he’d waited too long. They had all weekend to explore what this was between them. But there was something he did want to know.
“I want to ask you something,” he murmured between tender kisses.
“Devon, I don’t know if I can handle any more revelations,” she mocked. “I mean we already went from zero to I love you. What else is there?”
He grinned. “Well, this will be easy then. Go to the Grad Ball with me, Sam.”
“Really?”
“Yes. As my girlfriend. I want to take you on a real date, Sam.”
Sam looked up at him, her big blue-green eyes wide. “Girlfriend? Is that what I am now?”
“Only if you want to be.”
Her eyes had been bright all morning, but Devon watched a bit of fear creep into them now. “Hey,” he murmured, softly taking her chin. “Don’t be scared, Sam.”
She shivered under his touch. “This feels big,” she whispered.
“It is, Sam. It’s us. And I know we’re worth the risk.”
She blinked. He could see her on a precipice and he held his breath, waiting to see if she would jump. Jump! Please for the love of Christ, jump, Sam. I’ll always catch you.
She slid her hands up his chest. They felt like they were pushing him away and he closed his eyes trying to contain his disappointment. But her hands kept going until they were around his neck and in his hair, pulling his forehead to meet hers. He opened his eyes. He was almost too close to look at her. Her lips brushed his for a moment and then she whispered, “Okay.”
Devon disintegrated as Sam kissed him without restraint.
It was like breathing underwater. It was like magic. It was everything.
They were back in the tent, quickly headed for a repeat of last night, when a loud ringing startled them apart and Sam tried to slide from Devon’s lap.
“Ignore it,” he said pulling Sam back to him. Their lips had scarcely left each other’s for the past twenty minutes.
“Devon . . .” she warned. She didn’t have to say it. He knew what she was thinking. He was thinking it too. What if it’s your dad?
But he didn’t want anything to ruin this perfect moment. Everything was perfect and he didn’t want it to end. But his phone kept ringing. Sam slipped off of Devon and he reluctantly got out of bed to rifle through his pack for his phone. When he saw Cara’s name on the screen, his heart stopped.
No! Not now. Not when everything is perfect.
27
Devon
Everything was perfect. Until it wasn’t.
Devon and Sam rushed home after he received the call he’d been dreading. Cara said they didn’t have much time. They weren’t far away now. They’d run to the car and left everything but their phones and Eggsy behind. Sam still hadn’t let go of Devon’s hand. She’d taken it when they left camp at a run. And she was still holding it as they drove silently back toward the house.
Devon wasn’t ready for this. He knew this was already borrowed time with his father, but he still wanted more. There were so many more things his father was supposed to share with him. Devon wanted his father to see him graduate, get married, have children. He wanted time to make him proud. But there wasn’t enough time.
Devon suddenly felt like he was falling into a wide-open abyss and no one was going to reach out and save him. He had no one. His mother had left by choice and now his father was leaving too. How could this happen? What had he done wrong? Why did he have to be alone?
I’m not ready. Please, please, please, Lord, I’m not ready. He begged over and over in his mind as tears streamed down his face. He gripped the steering wheel tighter. I’ll do anything. I won’t leave his side again. Just give me more time!
Sam
Sometimes the thing you’re looking for is right in front of you. And Sam almost had it—almost.
For a few hours Sam had everything. She had Devon, she had
happiness, she had a home. She let go of all her doubts and believed that everything would work out. But then, Cara called, and it was gone again.
As soon as Sam and Devon pulled up to the house, she knew it was bad. There was an ambulance with lights on in the driveway. She and Devon barreled into the house through the front doors, with Eggsy chasing them. Thorton caught them in the foyer and sternly told them the dog was not allowed into Henry’s room. Devon shoved past the butler like he wasn’t even there and jogged down the hallway toward his father’s room. Sam apologized and took Eggsy to her room. She didn’t know what else to do.
Devon was in Henry’s room with Cara and the kids, but she didn’t feel right about going in. Even though she lived in Henry’s home for months, Sam still didn’t know the man that well. Plus, she didn’t want to intrude during such a tragic time. And selfishly, she didn’t want to watch cancer steal another person’s last breath.
Sam searched the house for her father, but he was nowhere to be found. She ended up back in her room, stroking Eggsy’s head in her lap while she prayed for Devon and his family. Today had started out so good. Why of all the days did this have to happen today? It wasn’t fair. She didn’t want Devon to have to lose his father. She knew how awful saying goodbye to a parent was. It broke a part of you that could never be fixed. And Sam was just beginning to realize that she loved every part of Devon. What if this broke his kind heart? Or his good humor? Or what if it broke something worse and he couldn’t go on?
Sam had lost her mother as a child and that was hard enough. But she realized she’d been lucky. As a child, her emotional range wasn’t very deep. She pretty much bounced from happy to sad to scared to mad. But now, she felt so much more. There were hundreds upon thousands of feelings that flickered through her mind at lightning speed. Especially at this very moment, as she evaluated what this meant for her and Devon’s new relationship. Sam put in her ear buds and blasted Adele, trying to silence the doubts running through her head. But there weren’t enough Adele songs in all the world to cover the emotions she was going through right now.
The Almost Boyfriend (The Boyfriend Series Book 2) Page 16
