Driven To Distraction

by Judith Duncan

  She looked away and adjusted the position of the strap across her shoulder. “Sheer arrogance,” she answered, her tone short.

  She could tell Tony was grinning by the tone in his voice. “His or yours?”

  She looked up at him, prepared to give him a sharp retort, but he reached out and placed his finger against her mouth, the twinkle in his eyes intensifying. “I’ll be damned. I do believe you were showing off, Burrows.”

  She knew he was right and wished she hadn’t been quite so obvious. Bracing one hand on the wall behind her, he looked directly into her eyes. Then he grinned again. “I don’t know how he’s feeling right now, but you shocked the hell out of me.” Leaning down, he brushed a light kiss against the corner of her mouth. “What other surprises do you have tucked up your sleeve?”

  The touch of his mouth against hers set off a flurry in her chest, and her eyes drifted shut. It took every ounce of willpower she had to make herself answer. “Just an arm,” she answered unevenly.

  He laughed against her mouth, then gave her a little squeeze. “You’re pretty damned cute, do you know that?” He kissed her again, then straightened, sliding his arm around her shoulders. “Come on, hotshot,” he said, hugging her against him, his tone suddenly husky. “Let’s check out what’s happening in the bar.”

  By the time they made their way back to the table, Spider was giving Mark and Cathy a play-by-play of the game. Kennedy and Dennis Larson had joined the others, and Dennis Larson stood up as they approached the table, giving Maggie his chair. Knowing she was in for a hard time, she sighed and sat down. Cathy had to have the whole story, and Maggie finally relented and told them about her father giving her her first cue.

  Tony disappeared just as the lights dimmed and the MC introduced the main act. The band started to play, and the wail of a tenor sax filled the darkened room, the soulful sound moving through the semidarkness like a living thing. Maggie felt the loneliness of that solitary horn right down to her bones, the haunting sound touching her in the most elemental way. Glancing away, she spotted Tony along the back wall, standing off by himself, his arms folded. The light from the bar slanted across his face, and Maggie’s heart went very still.

  He stood apart, and even from that distance she sensed his solitude, as if he had deliberately isolated himself from the rest. There was something somber, something heavily introspective in his face, and it struck her that there was an intentness, a complexity, a depth of emotion in this man that few people realized. It was a side of him she had never seen before, and her throat contracted.

  She abruptly looked away, a fierce ache expanding in her chest. The thought of him isolated and alone sent a huge wave of emotion washing through her, and she rested her head back against the wall and closed her eyes, locking her jaw against the awful knot in her throat. He made her feel things she shouldn’t feel, and he made her want things that she had no business wanting. But the image of him standing there alone did something to her heart that she had no defense against.

  She sat there until the ache eased a little, then slid the strap of her handbag over her shoulder, pushed her chair back and got up, slipping away from the table unnoticed.

  For once not considering the right or wrong of it, she went over to where he was, knowing that no matter what, she could not leave him like that. He was so intent on the music that he didn’t even realize she was there until she touched him. His gaze swiveled to meet hers, a flash of surprise registering in his eyes.

  Maggie managed an uneven smile. “Do you mind if I join you?”

  He stared at her a moment, his gaze almost guarded; then he exhaled sharply and straightened. “No,” his said, his voice unnaturally gruff. “I don’t mind at all.”

  He pulled her in front of him, then slid his arms around her waist, drawing her back flush against his chest. Maggie covered his hands with her own and tipped her head against his jaw, her throat suddenly so tight she couldn’t swallow. God, he touched her in ways she’d never thought possible.

  Taking a deep, unsteady breath, Tony tightened his arms around her, tucking his face against hers. It was almost as if he was trying to absorb her warmth.

  Experiencing another rush of emotion, she closed her eyes, hugging his arms closer, the sound of the music suddenly not quite so lonely.

  It was nearly one a.m. when Tony pulled into the parking area behind his shop. They sat in the car for a moment, neither one of them speaking, as if they were both reluctant to break the mood. The illumination from the light at the top of the steps slanted through the windshield, and Tony took her hand, his profile solemn and unreadable as he rubbed his thumb back and forth across her knuckles. He had been strangely quiet for the past several hours, ever since she’d gone over to stand with him. But it wasn’t a withdrawn silence; it was as if there was no need to speak.

  Finally he lifted his head and looked at her, his gaze dark and unsmiling. “I want to take you to my place, Maggie,” he said, his voice steady.

  The pulse in her neck suddenly beating in double time, Maggie stared at him, knowing what he was really asking. She thought of all the reasons she should say no. Her daughter, for one, who was at home asleep in her bed. Her own state of mind, for another.

  But she simply could not bring herself to say it. And she couldn’t even use raging desire as an excuse. He had not exerted an iota of pressure on her, not even in the subtlest way. He had simply held her; that was all. But he had touched something infinitely tender inside her in that darkened corner, and she couldn’t bear to lose that now. The thought of never experiencing that kind of feeling again made her whole chest hurt. So it boiled down to one final conclusion, that one fear outweighing all the others.

  The wild frenzy in her throat compounding, she drew in a deep, shaky breath and tightened her hand around his. Feeling almost paralyzed by the momentousness of what she was about to do, she gripped his hand harder. “I’d like that,” she whispered, her voice wobbling.

  He stared at her a moment, then gave her hand a firm squeeze. “Just stay there,” he said, his tone gruff; then he opened his door and got out. The minute he shut his door, Maggie closed her eyes and tried to take a full breath, her hammering heart suddenly five times too large for her chest. Lord, she was so inept at this. And it had been so long. So long.

  Tony opened her door and helped her out, maintaining a tight grip on her hand. He didn’t say anything as he led her up the stairs, and he didn’t say anything as he unlocked the dead bolt on his door. But he didn’t let go of her once, not even for an instant.

  Entering the apartment, he tossed his keys on a stand that Maggie could barely see in the faint glow from the streetlight outside. Releasing an uneven breath, he caught her by the back of the neck and pulled her into a fierce, enveloping embrace. Maggie slid her arms around him and turned her face against his neck, trembling from head to toe. Grasping her head, Tony tightened his arms around her. “Don’t be scared, babe,” he whispered unevenly. “We’re going to take this slow and easy, and if you change your mind, that’s okay. Okay?” When she didn’t answer, he gave her a reassuring hug. “Okay?”

  She drew a shaky breath and nodded her head against his neck, a panicky feeling unfolding in her, doubts about her own sexuality warring with a nearly unbearable longing. She wanted this more than she’d ever wanted anything, but the process scared her to death. She did not have a beautiful body, and her experience was limited, to say the least.

  As if reading her mind, Tony rubbed his hand across her back, then spoke. “This isn’t a contest, Maggie,” he said, a soft reprimand in his tone. “Or an inventory of assets. So I don’t want you worrying about that, okay?” He gave her another light squeeze. “Okay?”

  Some of the awful tension let go, and she managed an uneven smile against his neck. “Okay,” she whispered.

  He continued to rub her back, his touch making her breathing uneven. He didn’t say anything for the longest time, then he released a raspy breath and tucked his head
against hers. “God, but this feels so damned good,” he whispered, his voice rough with strain.

  Closing her eyes tight, Maggie drew a deep, uneven breath, a frenzy of sensations making her pulse hammer. Swallowing hard, she cupped the back of his neck, her doubts giving way to an onslaught of emotions.

  Tony exhaled sharply and pulled her hips hard against him, then roughly turned his face against the curve of her neck. He took a couple of deep breaths and smoothed his hand across her buttocks. “I need to hold you,” he said, his voice strained, “but I don’t think I can do it standing up.”

  The tiny trace of humor in his tone did something profound and overwhelming to Maggie’s heart, and she clutched the back of his head and swallowed hard, so many feelings building in her that she couldn’t distinguish one from the other. Waiting for the spasm to pass, she exhaled unevenly and relaxed her hold. His body tense, Tony hugged her once, then let her go and grasped her tightly by the hand. He led her through the darkened apartment and down a hallway.

  By the time they reached the bedroom, Maggie was trembling again. Whispering her name, Tony caught her to him once more and weakly rested his head against hers, his breathing ragged. Her heart laboring painfully in her chest, she swallowed hard and placed her hand along his jaw, moved beyond reason when she felt how rigidly he had his teeth clenched. Tears burned her throat and she swallowed again, tightening her hold on his face. She could feel the awful struggle for control in him, and suddenly nothing mattered— not her own uncertainties about herself, not whether this was right or wrong. All she knew was that he was holding back because of her, and she didn’t want that.

  Managing to suck in a tight breath, she slid her hand into his hair and drew his head down, covering his mouth in a kiss that didn’t have a shred of caution in it. Tony shuddered and made a low sound; then he wrapped his arms around her and responded, working his mouth hungrily against hers.

  The desperation in that kiss set off shock waves of sensation in Maggie, and a weakening need coursed through her, making her whole body ache.

  Sliding her arms around his neck, she pulled herself flush against him, and Tony emitted a low groan. She felt him try to gentle his touch, to slow things down, but there was no way she could let him go. Grasping his head between her hands, she caught a painful breath, then repositioned her mouth against his, urging him on.

  It was as if she’d hit him in the solar plexus, and he shuddered and caved in around her. His face contorting at her touch, he grasped one of her legs and dragged it around his waist, then thrust against her. The feel of him, hard and heavy, set off a hot, throbbing need inside her, and Maggie sobbed against his mouth as she moved against him, sensation after sensation piling in on her.

  As if realizing the conclusion was inevitable, Tony grasped her hair and tore his mouth away, pulling her arms down. His breathing harsh in the darkened room, he yanked his T-shirt off over his head, then caught her in a crushing hold, covering her mouth in a hot, wet kiss.

  And Maggie lost all touch with reality. Somehow he managed to get their clothes off, his mouth moving with devastating urgency over her body, his touch driving her deeper and deeper into a fever of need. Clutching her against him, he carried her down onto the bed, breaking their fall with an outstretched arm. Holding her immobile, he wedged her legs apart with his knee; then he settled his weight between her thighs, making a low, guttural sound against her mouth as flesh came in contact with flesh.

  It was as if that contact jarred him, and he tried to roll away. Through the fever in her mind, Maggie realized what he was after and why, and she locked her legs around his hips, clutching him. “It’s okay,” she gasped out. “Please. It’s okay.”

  A violent tremor coursed through him, and he twisted his face against the curve of her neck, his heart hammering in unison with hers. Then he heaved in a deep breath and thrust one arm under her hips, covering her mouth in another scalding kiss. Making a ragged sound against her mouth, he lifted her hips and entered her in a long powerful thrust, and Maggie cried out and arched beneath him, an agony of need ripping through her.

  Jamming his head against hers, he began to move, his breathing harsh and labored against her ear, and Maggie arched again, the heat building and building to an unbearable pitch. Then the tension gathered into one pulsating center, and with one final thrust, he pushed her over the edge, sending her soaring as spasm after spasm coursed through her. He gave two more hard, driving thrusts, then clutched her and ground his body against hers, a low, tortured groan wrenching loose. Overcome with emotion, Maggie pressed his head tightly against her neck, holding him with every ounce of strength she possessed as tears slipped down her temples. Nothing could ever compare to this. Nothing.

  Locking her jaw against the unbearable ache in her throat, she turned her face to his and smoothed her hand up his naked back, the ache intensifying. More tears slipped down her temple and she swallowed hard, trying to will them away. She wished she could draw him inside her and keep him there forever.

  Tony released an uneven sigh and stirred, cupping her face with his hand as he kissed the curve of her neck. He caressed her temple with his thumb, then went very still. Pulling out of her hold, he braced his weight on one elbow, then reached over and turned on the small lamp on his bedside table. His expression grave, he gazed down at her, drying the track of tears with one knuckle. “What’s the matter?” he asked huskily.

  Her chest full and her throat tight, she gazed up at him, her feelings nearly overwhelming her. She stroked his face with the back of her hand, knowing that above all else, she had to give him the truth. Swallowing hard, she tried to smile. “You are truly a miracle, Tony Parnelli,” she whispered, her voice catching as a wad of emotion jammed her throat.

  He stared at her, his gaze somber and intense, then leaned down and softly—so very softly, so very carefully—kissed away the new flood of tears. The care and gentleness undid her, and Maggie hugged him hard, pressing her face against his neck, afraid she was going to start crying in earnest. She had never felt so emotionally raw in her whole life.

  Supporting her head with his hand, Tony rubbed his cheek against hers. He didn’t say anything for the longest time, then she felt him swallow hard. Drawing a deep, uneven breath, he gave her a little squeeze. “The miracle is that we made it to the bed at all.”

  Realizing he was trying to lighten the mood and loving him for it, Maggie slipped her arms around his neck and gave him a hard hug, the wryness in his tone dragging a smile out of her. “Do you want a medal?”

  “I wrecked the zipper in my new jeans,” he said, his tone accusing.

  Her arms still locked around his neck and her forehead pressed against the curve of his jaw, Maggie smiled again. “Too bad.”

  Grasping her head between his hands, he forced her back down onto the pillow, looking directly into her eyes, his gaze narrowing. “That’s not all I just about wrecked.” She was about to give him a flip retort, but he lowered his head and gave her a kiss that was long, sweet and unbearably gentle. Finally releasing a long, unsteady sigh, he hugged her to him. “I’m glad you’re finally here,” he whispered unevenly. The huskiness in his tone made her throat close up, and Maggie shut her eyes and tightened her arms around him, a funny catch in her heart. If she had one wish right then, it would be that she could take this night and make it last forever.

  Finally Tony eased his hold on her, bracing his forearms on either side of her shoulders. He abruptly withdrew from her, sucking his breath through clenched teeth; then he rolled to his back, gathering her into a secure embrace. He rubbed his hand up and down her arm, then released a sigh. “I’m sorry this happened so fast,” he said, his tone low and very gruff. “You deserved better than that, Maggie.”

  Smiling a little, she caressed the broad expanse of his chest. “If it got any better than that,” she said, her tone laced with wry amusement, “I would have disintegrated.”

  He smoothed back her hair, then brushed a kiss against h
er forehead. “You’re pretty damned forgiving,” he said softly.

  Tipping her head back, she looked at him. “I’ve nothing to forgive, Tony.” She smiled and touched his bottom lip, slightly discomfited by the frankness of the conversation. “Let me put it this way. You definitely exceeded my expectations.”

  He returned her smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He shifted his gaze and began fondling her hair. “I should have stopped and used something. I have it here.”

  The self-reproach in his tone made her heart skip a beat, and she shifted her head on his shoulder, running her hand down his arm. “I had a tubal ligation after Kelly was born,” she whispered unevenly. “It’s not a problem.”

  He outlined her ear with his thumb. “I’ve never been careless about sex, Maggie.”

  She ran her own thumb along his collarbone, a genuine smile surfacing. “Good. Now can we drop it?”

  He gave her a quick squeeze, then continued fondling her hair. After a brief silence, he spoke again. “It’s been awhile for you hasn’t it?”

  Maggie closed her eyes, suddenly feeling acutely unsure of herself. Tony withdrew his arm from around her, then braced his weight on one elbow. Grasping her jaw, he made her look at him. His eyes were dark and solemn, his gaze unwavering. “Hasn’t it?”

  Swallowing against the nervous flutter in her throat, she shifted her gaze and nodded.

  “How long?” He applied pressure to her jaw.