I skipped a necklace and chose instead a pair of Grand-mère’s pearl earrings and a pearl ring my mother gave me when I turned twenty-five. I braided my hair into two braids, tied them in a knot, and pinned the ends away. A nude lipstick kept me from looking like an extra from Mad Men.
I packed up my lipstick and blotting papers to stash in the downstairs office, along with a bottle of water and my cell phone.
Soon enough the waitstaff arrived and I went back over the menu with them, making sure they knew all of the ingredients in every dish, where we sourced our meats and fish, and which wines to pair. When we were done, I turned on the music and opened the door, letting in the summer breeze along with our first diners.
Sure enough, they were real live people, unrelated to any of the kitchen staff. I welcomed them inside and settled them with menus in the care of Mallory.
And so the evening proceeded as a stream of curious Portland foodies entered the restaurant until we were full, and then proceeded to congregate on the porch and sidewalk while they waited for tables.
I sent Braeden out with blackberry-flavored Italian sodas and candied nuts for those who waited.
My heart swelled to see so many strangers and familiar faces mixed together. Everyone from the test run had come, and then some—and from the smiles, I knew they liked what they found.
While I had my hands full running between the front and back, checking in with Nico about how the kitchen fared, I nearly tripped when I saw one of the men by the door. The height, the hair—it looked just like Neil.
But he turned, and I realized he clearly wasn’t. His eyes didn’t laugh, his chin had no opinions. I felt relieved and disappointed all at once, my heart so full of unexpected emotions, it threatened to overflow.
I asked Mallory to watch the front while I stepped into the office.
The reality of the night at the hospital and my argument with Neil washed over me again. The cancer wasn’t getting better. Neil and I were over. The initial numbness swept away, replaced by wracking sobs that tore my chest apart.
I barely heard the knock at the office door. “Juliette? Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine,” I gasped.
The door opened, Adrian’s face appeared. When he saw my tear-streaked face, he stepped inside quickly and closed the door behind. “What happened? What’s wrong?”
I swiped at my face. “I’m fine. It’s okay. You can go back. I’m—I’m sure the kitchen’s swamped.”
“No, you’re not fine. And I’ve got a minute. We’re right between the sittings. What happened? Is your mom okay? Do you need me to get Nico?”
I shook my head. “No,” I said, and hiccupped.
“You’re worrying me.” And before I realized what was happening, he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to his chest.
I tensed, and then relaxed despite myself. After the last twenty-four hours, being held by someone, anyone, felt so very good.
“My mom. They found nodes on her liver last night.”
“Nico said you guys were at the ER again.”
“It’s bad. And Neil and I broke up,” I told Adrian, feeling my nose tingle from a lack of oxygen. I forced myself to take deeper breaths. “He was just a short time away from getting on the plane to come here, tonight, but he said…he said I should prepare myself. That Mom might not get better, that she might…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. “I got so angry with him. I’m still angry.”
“Understandable.”
“And I told him not to get on the plane.” I shook my head and wiped away more tears. “I’m the worst.”
“You’re not the worst.”
I sniffed. “I can’t believe we ended things on the phone like that.”
“He’s a fool.”
“No, he’s not, that’s what makes it worse.” So, so much worse. Another deep breath, but with the increased oxygen came the avalanche of emotions, and I felt another sob build in my chest.
“Shh,” Adrian said, holding me even tighter. I leaned further into the embrace, holding on to his arms like a drowning woman.
His hand stroked my hair, and I sighed and leaned in closer. His lips touched the crown of my forehead, my cheeks, my lips.
Adrian’s kiss began gently, tentatively, and when I didn’t pull away, it became the kiss of a man finally receiving something long-awaited, fear and joy mixed together.
Without thinking, I found myself kissing him back, responding to the feel of his hands in my hair, his generous mouth, and the scent of a spicy soap that mingled with the aromatics of the kitchen.
His kiss quieted my tears, ended my weeping, calmed me until I realized what I was doing. I pulled away, unsteadily. “What are we—I’ve got to go. I’ve got a whole restaurant out there.”
Adrian just stared back at me, his eyes unfocused. “Yeah. You’re right.”
“What was I…I just…” I shook my head and looked away, unable to look into his eyes, his huge, startled eyes. “My makeup bag’s around here somewhere. I have to get back out there. This was a mistake.”
“No, it wasn’t,” Adrian said, his voice more resolute than I’d ever heard. “I know what mistakes are, and that wasn’t one of them.”
I finally looked up at him. “I have to go.”
He reached out and wiped the last tear from my face, then walked out of the office, closing the door behind him.
After he left, the office seemed small and stifling. I found my makeup bag and repaired my face, erasing the mascara smudges and tear trails; the only thing I couldn’t fix were my reddened eyes.
Once I looked pulled together enough not to arouse suspicion, I left the office and reentered the dining room. To my relief, everyone seemed relaxed and at ease—nothing had fallen apart, no one had stormed out.
“There you are!”
I whipped around to find Caterina right behind me. “Hi.”
“We’ve been here for ten minutes. Mallory said you stepped out. Everything all right?”
“Yeah.” I took another look around the dining room to confirm my assessment. “Everything’s fine. Everything’s running smoothly.” I took a deep breath and smiled. “I’m so glad you guys were able to make it.”
“The boys are all set with the sitter, and we’re delighted to be here. Mom and Dad are coming later. Mom’s not feeling well.” She squinted at me. “You look weird.”
“Thanks,” I said dryly. “We’ll talk about it later.”
“Where’s Neil? He made it, right?”
“Long story; he’s not here.” My gaze flitted away.
“That’s quite the talk we’ll have later,” she said, eyebrow raised.
I cleared my throat. “You have no idea. Do you think if I call Mom and Dad and tell them to stay home—do you think they’d listen?”
“Not a chance.”
The rest of the evening sped by. People ate, people left. I saw smiles all around, assurances that they’d enjoyed their meal. Marti winked and pointed finger guns at me. “Good job, kid,” she’d said. Linn gave me a huge hug and made me promise we’d hang out soon, even if it meant the two of us getting drinks together after hours.
“We’ll make it work,” she promised.
My siblings stayed for hours, eating a proper European meal course after course, with plenty of wine and conversation to hold them until the appearance of the next course. My parents arrived in time for a generous platter of Clementine’s desserts, presented by Clementine herself.
“I’m sorry we could not come sooner,” my mother said.
I shook my head violently. “I’m delighted you were able to make it out at all. If you need to go home, it’s fine.”
“For a little while, I can manage. Ah!” She brightened. “I had a call from Sandrine. She’s coming for a visit in a couple weeks.”
“Oh! That’s wonderful! Is Auguste joining her?”
“No, someone has to stay with the guests.”
For a split second I wondered about the ti
ming—not ideal for Sandrine, in the middle of tourist season. Of my mother’s cousins, Sandrine was the one she’d remained closest to, even after leaving France. With my mother very ill, I shouldn’t have been surprised that Sandrine would make a trip happen. “Well, I’m looking forward to seeing her,” I said.
My parents stayed another hour and then left for home. The rest of the family—Alex, Sophie and Nelson and young Chloé, Caterina and Damian—stayed until closing.
I helped the waitstaff clean the dining room and prepare the restaurant for the next day. This would be our lives—the adventure of the dining room, and doing it all over again, day after day.
Nico opened a bottle of champagne in the kitchen to commence the staff’s celebration, but I pleaded exhaustion and retreated for the upstairs apartment.
I took Gigi outside and then changed into sweats and let my hair down. The warmth of the day lingered, but I craved the comfort of a cup of hot tea.
The knock at the door sounded while I waited for the water to boil.
Finding Adrian on my doorstep sent my heart pounding.
“Hi,” I said, pushing my hair from my face.
“I won’t be long,” he said, “but we didn’t get to finish our conversation earlier. I just wanted to say that I know you and Neil just broke up, and that he was very important to you. But you also need to know, Juliette, that you’re important to me. And if you need time, I’ll wait. I’ll wait however long you want. I’m not going anywhere—I’ll just be downstairs when you’re ready.” He cleared his throat. “Well, I’ll be going home after this. But I’ll be back tomorrow morning. You know what I mean. It sounded better in my head.”
I looked at him, and in that moment I saw the man who had helped me move, who’d taken care of the dining room mouse, who’d waited at the restaurant for an ice cream maker just because I’d asked. He’d been there all along, I realized, waiting.
We might have stood there forever, in my entryway, but the sharp whistle of the teakettle broke the moment.
“Water’s done,” I said, trying to catch my breath.
“You should probably get that,” he said, his voice tense but hopeful. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive.
—JOANNE HARRIS
“Wow,” Caterina said over a late brunch Saturday morning. “I mean, I can’t say I’m surprised, but wow.” She nodded. “Good for Adrian.”
My elbows on the table, I rested my head in my hands. “Are you kidding? I’m panicking over Mom, Neil and I break up. He had no business kissing me.”
“Did you kiss him back?”
“I was vulnerable. And what do you mean you’re not surprised?”
Caterina shrugged. “I got a vibe when he was at dinner last, that he had a thing for you.”
“News to me. I mean…I thought he might have liked me, back when we met, but then I was dating Neil and I stopped paying attention.”
“Seems like you’re up to date now. Did you like kissing him?”
“That’s completely beside the point. I feel like…I feel like if I broke up with Neil and then kissed Adrian, does that mean that what Neil and I had didn’t matter to me?”
“I think…love and attraction are complicated.” She shrugged. “We can talk circles around this like schoolgirls, and if that’s what you want, we can do that. But the way I see it, you and Neil aren’t together, Adrian’s thrown his hat in the ring, and the rest is really up to you and what you want. If you enjoy kissing Adrian, date him.”
I slouched in my seat. “He hasn’t asked me on a date.”
“Whatever. He will.” She patted my hand. “This was a good talk. It’s been an eventful few days.”
“No joke.” I sighed and leaned my forehead in my hand. “I’m worried about Mom. More than worried—I’m terrified we’re going to lose her.”
“Me too,” Caterina said quietly. “But my worrying about it isn’t going to help anything. We hope, we pray, we do what we can do.”
“I know.” I reached into my bag for the legal envelope I’d brought with me. “I need to tell you something, Cat. These,” I said, pushing the envelope across the table, “are scans of Grand-mère’s letters from before her marriage to Grand-père.”
“I didn’t know about these.” She opened it up and peered inside. “Are they in any particular order?”
“They are.”
She pulled out the first letter with care. “Nineteen thirty-nine, wow. She was so young then, wasn’t she?” Caterina looked up, studied my face. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“I found this photo in her prep table, the one I inherited last spring.”
She took the photo from my hands. “That’s…Wait.” Caterina looked up at me. “This is old.”
“It is.”
“So…not Nico?”
“Not Nico,” I said. I think…I know actually…it’s our grandfather, Cat. Our biological grandfather.”
Caterina’s face turned serious. “I know you, Etta. I know you wouldn’t tell me that if you weren’t one hundred percent positive.”
“I am.”
“Should I ask you to explain it to me, or should I read the letters?”
I thought about it for a moment. “Read the letters. They’ll do a better job explaining than I could. Mom knows. I told her at the ER the other night.”
“How’s that for timing.”
“I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for sure. But with Mom so sick—”
“You had your reasons. Where did you find the letters?”
“The chateau, when I was back there last month.”
Caterina opened her mouth and closed it again. “Okay. I’ll read them. I trust you.” She reached out and clutched my hand. “I’ll read them, and then we’ll chat. Don’t worry.”
The service that night ran smoothly despite even larger numbers than the night before, as word of mouth began to spread. I knew that it wouldn’t always be easy, that we’d have to market and fight to keep crowds as the novelty wore off.
After our kiss the night before and the words that followed, I didn’t know what to expect from Adrian. When he showed up for work, he tossed a warm smile my way before throwing on his jacket and setting up at his station.
After the service that night, we closed up and the four of us—Clementine, Nico, Adrian, and I—all headed upstairs for coffee and the pizza Nico had ordered. We laughed and chatted and came down off the adrenaline high.
I found myself admiring Adrian’s generous smile and easy laugh, the way he tossed a ball for Gigi until she flopped on the floor with a contented sigh.
Mom went in for a full body scan on Monday, followed by an appointment on Tuesday to discuss the results with her oncologist. I sat in the waiting room with the rest of my siblings—we were deemed too many in number to join my parents for the actual appointment.
Not that we fit very well in the waiting room either. We filled one corner, Nico and Alex sharing a car magazine, Sophie reading a book, Caterina texting Damian about the boys, and me answering e-mails and press inquiries about the restaurant.
At long last my parents emerged from behind the office doors; my father looked drawn and pale, my mother fragile yet resolute.
They sat near us, and we circled around to hear the news.
“The cancer has indeed spread to the liver,” Maman began. “It’s also spread to two new lymph nodes.”
“Is there a new treatment plan?” Sophie asked.
“There will be new chemo,” Papa said, “and another surgery.”
“The surgery and chemo might work,” Maman said. “Or it might not. If it does not, we will have…less time together.”
“How much less?” Nico asked quietly.
“One month,” Maman answered. “Maybe six.”
My breath caught in my chest, and my vision blurred. For the first time in so many months, I allowed my brain to try to piece
together life without my mother at the table. The thought made my head feel as though the two halves were splitting apart—I couldn’t begin to conceive of the idea, not without feeling as though everything were breaking and splitting apart.
“We will pray,” Caterina said in a resolute voice, grasping Maman’s hand. I leaned against Caterina and reached for their joined hands. Alex murmured a soft prayer. I couldn’t hear the particulars, but I figured God could hear it fine, and that was good enough for me.
Nico and I drove back to the restaurant together. The radio played, but we said little.
“I broke up with Neil because he told me Mom might not make it,” I said at last, as we neared home. “He told me I should prepare myself.”
Nico swore softly under his breath. “You did the right thing.”
“He might not be wrong.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“I love you, bro.”
“You’re not half-bad, Juliette.” He tossed me a half smile. “That Neil guy is an idiot.”
“No, he’s not. It was…more than that,” I said. “It wasn’t just that argument.”
“It never is.”
The Tuesday-night dinner crowd was laid back and thinner than the weekend, for which I was grateful. My head wasn’t in it, though I smiled and charmed and managed the floor as if my heart weren’t breaking.
Afterward Clementine, Adrian, and Nico hung out in the apartment, where we finished off the last of the dessert selection and experimented with wine pairings. The notes from the pairings would later be framed and hung in my kitchen. What mattered most, though, is that after a late night of laughter, the world seemed slightly less bleak.
That night set the pattern for the next week. Some nights, we put on a movie and simply enjoyed the sensation of being off our feet. Other nights, Clementine or Nico would beg off earlier, or take Gigi out for a walk, leaving Adrian and me to our coffee and conversation. I learned about his parents (divorced), his siblings (one brother, one sister), and his travels (Spain, Thailand, Texas). He asked about growing up at D’Alisa, my years in culinary school, my time at the newspaper.
Reservations for Two Page 29
